rebeccajones Posted February 9, 2012 Posted February 9, 2012 I am 40. I haven't had sex in a while since my ex. Which is fine. I am very cautious about getting involved again. There are some men I like but I am hesitant in having sexual relations because I know if I like someone and have good relations with them I will want to get married and I also know If I am having sexual relations with someone I truly care about I will want a baby. If I have the urge to have sex with someone just for fun I could possibly do it, but not with someone I would like a future with. Does that make sense and how can a man understand this? Maybe I have no chance? Thoughts?
oldguy Posted February 9, 2012 Posted February 9, 2012 It made perfect sense right up to here; "If I have the urge to have sex with someone just for fun I could possibly do it, but not with someone I would like a future with". I'm not sure what your saying?
Philosoraptor Posted February 9, 2012 Posted February 9, 2012 So you're looking for a relationship and commitment before sleeping with someone? Nothing wrong with that. You just need to find someone who feels the same way.
Author rebeccajones Posted February 9, 2012 Author Posted February 9, 2012 @oldguy, lol well the reason I said that is because I am not perfect or pure I mean I have fantasies and temptations although I do not always act on them. I'm just saying it because at times I'll get offers from young men or maybe I have other fantasies I think of without too much thought of marriage or commitment, but they are fantasies not really what I want. Does that make sense?
oldguy Posted February 9, 2012 Posted February 9, 2012 @oldguy, lol well the reason I said that is because I am not perfect or pure I mean I have fantasies and temptations although I do not always act on them. I'm just saying it because at times I'll get offers from young men or maybe I have other fantasies I think of without too much thought of marriage or commitment, but they are fantasies not really what I want. Does that make sense? :laugh:Well, your getting there but I'm still not clear why you can't have that in a committed relationship.
ditzchic Posted February 9, 2012 Posted February 9, 2012 It made perfect sense right up to here; "If I have the urge to have sex with someone just for fun I could possibly do it, but not with someone I would like a future with". I'm not sure what your saying? It makes sense. ONS are completely risk free (emotionally). When it comes to someone you like or have feelings for sex puts all your emotions on the line.
Author rebeccajones Posted February 9, 2012 Author Posted February 9, 2012 I don't think the guy I am interested feels the same way I do. We like each other and get along. Is it cool to tell a guy how you feel if you are getting to know them. We are more friends than anything it hasn't escalated to sex yet.
oldguy Posted February 9, 2012 Posted February 9, 2012 It makes sense. ONS are completely risk free (emotionally). When it comes to someone you like or have feelings for sex puts all your emotions on the line. Okay, I understand, I'm just a bit slow. "I don't think the guy I am interested feels the same way I do. We like each other and get along. Is it cool to tell a guy how you feel if you are getting to know them. We are more friends than anything it hasn't escalated to sex yet?" If you don't think he feels the same way maybe you should give it more time.
Author rebeccajones Posted February 9, 2012 Author Posted February 9, 2012 I guess I'm asking should I tell him how I really feel and what I want?
surferchic Posted February 9, 2012 Posted February 9, 2012 I definitely suggest holding off on telling him exactly how you feel. Do you feel comfortable letting things flow naturally for a little while then seeing how you both get along emotionally and physically?
Author rebeccajones Posted February 9, 2012 Author Posted February 9, 2012 We have been talking for months its semi long distance and he seems to like me and I like him but I don't want to waste our time if we see things very different. He thinks of now and I think of the future and I'm concerned about my heart.
oldguy Posted February 9, 2012 Posted February 9, 2012 I guess I'm asking should I tell him how I really feel and what I want? And what I think is; If you don't think he feels the same way maybe you should give it more time before telling him.
Author rebeccajones Posted February 9, 2012 Author Posted February 9, 2012 Why not be honest about what I feel and deeply would like?
oldguy Posted February 9, 2012 Posted February 9, 2012 If your not sure how he feels time may make it a little clearer. If your comfortable telling him I'm a huge believer in communication, by all means.
surferchic Posted February 9, 2012 Posted February 9, 2012 I too am a believer in clear communication. However, as females we tend to get uncomfortable when things aren't going at the sped we'd like them to go. I've been there and when that emotion manifests itself,it can push people away. If its been over 3 or 4 months perhaps its a good conversation to have... If you communicate your true feelings just be prepared for a desirable or undesirable outcome. I agree with oldguy. Time will tell. Once he sees that you're not trying to MAKE him feel a certain way he may even feel stronger about you...within a reasonable amount of time of course? Otherwise if you wanna avoid all the fluff then cut to the chase and be prepared for whatever he may say.
Author rebeccajones Posted February 9, 2012 Author Posted February 9, 2012 OK I'm going to not think so much and go for what I want. I wont have to tell him immediately like you said but if I keep what I want in mind ill find it!! My plan hope it works. :•) Thanks!
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