Ninjainpajamas Posted February 9, 2012 Posted February 9, 2012 That seems bass-ackwards to me. I'd have to know and trust someone and be comfortable in their home before I have sex with them... Just because you sleep with someone doesn't mean you are completely comfortable with being apart of your everyday normal life. That is another personal level that is developed more out of a relationship than out of physical or chemistry. I know you'd like to believe you that this is required, but just because you take it that serious doesn't mean anyone else would feel the same way...might as well expect people to get married before having sex If that's your stance.
ShannonMI Posted February 9, 2012 Posted February 9, 2012 Well yeah. Hey, give me points for honesty. I'm a pretty guarded person when it comes to the emotional stuff. I feel really vulnerable letting someone sleep in my bed all night with me. There has to be a certain level of comfortability for me to be OK with that. I'm completely comfortable having sex. I require less comfortability for that. Like I said, I try to hold off on sex with someone I actually like until I get to the comfort level where I'm ok with letting them spend the night. But that seems to take about a month or more for me. Most guys make their moves long before a month. I'm human. I've made mistakes. Especially if alcohol has been involved. And what makes it worse is I usually tell the guys I date that I'd like to hold off on the sex until I'm really comfortable with them. That doesn't stop them from pushing. The fact that they pushed and won makes me feel even more uncomfortable which compounds the problem... I was actually considering the next time I make a mistake and sleep with someone too early that I just scrap the whole thing and call it quits with him. But that seems a little extreme. I try to wait too. I've made mistakes while drinking as well, but ONS or not, if the guy was like "hey girl, I'm calling you a taxi" after we did it, I'd never see him again. Period. I actually had a ONS recently and we spent the night together. It was a 1st date that turned into sex. I didn't want it to happen, but I was drunk and one thing lead to another. I decided not to see him again because I was 3 sheets to the wind and he was dead sober. I felt like he took advantage. I think the guy is an @sshole and if he had screwed me and then told me to leave, I'd REALLY think he was an @sshole. I guess if you explain your reservations to these men about not feeling comfortable having them spend the night right away, they should be understanding. Just tell them it's nothing personal.
ShannonMI Posted February 9, 2012 Posted February 9, 2012 I dislike sleeping in the same room with anyone. I have a horrible snoring problem. I guess I'm self-conscious about it. Where did you hear couples sharing the same bed is a recent phenomenon in the U.S.? I used to get that impression from those old movies and TV shoes showing married couples sleeping next to each other in two separate twin beds. However, I'm not sure if that's true. Prior to the baby boom era, the average person in the U.S. wasn't affluent. Many married couples couldn't afford separate beds, let alone rooms big enough to have separate beds. I've talked to many elderly people in their 60s and older. They told me stories about how they lived when they were kids, and sometimes how their parents lived. Rooms were smaller and far less numerous in the average house of today. A home with 3 or more bedrooms was considered high living. Plus, add the fact that families were much larger back then. All in all, I find it difficult to believe the average couple could afford to sleep in separate beds. Isn't there some sort of surgical procedure to stop snoring? My grandfather had a horrible snoring problem. He was like a chainsaw. My grandmother slept in a separate bed in another room for years. He never got it fixed. It's really something you should take care of, don't you think? Don't you want to sleep in the same bed as your girlfriend or wife?
Saxis Posted February 9, 2012 Posted February 9, 2012 Just because you sleep with someone doesn't mean you are completely comfortable with being apart of your everyday normal life. That is another personal level that is developed more out of a relationship than out of physical or chemistry. I know you'd like to believe you that this is required, but just because you take it that serious doesn't mean anyone else would feel the same way...might as well expect people to get married before having sex If that's your stance. It's the comfort and trust I have the issue with. No, it would not be required to have sex with them, but if I don't even trust or know them enough to be in their home, why would I trust they are a suitable partner for sex, regarding health issues alone?
Imajerk17 Posted February 9, 2012 Posted February 9, 2012 (edited) As long as you don't say "I take Visa or Mastercard" right after we're good. see, I only carry Discover... Seriously, I'm fine waiting a month to have sex w/ someone if I was really into. But I'd rather stay the night after that. (The first paragraph was a joke, but yeah, I wouldn't like getting rushed out the door after. What kind of guy do you take me for?) The guys who asked you why you weren't facing them or who insisted on staying all day until you kicked them out sound uber-needy. Do guys really do that? Edited February 9, 2012 by Imajerk17
USMCHokie Posted February 9, 2012 Posted February 9, 2012 I'd find it pretty weird to be honest. I cannot think of a single occasion - ONS, early dating, or whatever else - where I've ever had sex with a girl that night and not stayed over (or her stayed over if at mine) This. There has never been a time where it wasn't presumed that I'd be staying the night...
Andy_K Posted February 9, 2012 Posted February 9, 2012 Also, I'd prefer to spend the night because then there might be a second or third round too...
ShannonMI Posted February 9, 2012 Posted February 9, 2012 Also, I'd prefer to spend the night because then there might be a second or third round too... Giggity giggity:love:
soserious1 Posted February 10, 2012 Posted February 10, 2012 My intimate encounters primarily happen in hotel/ motel rooms which I pay for. Once the sexual intimacy is over I'll clean up, cheerfully say goodnight to the guy & take my leave. He's free to spend the night there ..or not as he prefers.
somedude81 Posted February 10, 2012 Posted February 10, 2012 So you're going to wake me up and kick me out of bed? Pft, I'm getting a refund on my plane ticket. BTW, you still owe me a PM ditzchic
Dust Posted February 10, 2012 Posted February 10, 2012 So you're going to wake me up and kick me out of bed? Pft, I'm getting a refund on my plane ticket. BTW, you still owe me a PM ditzchic I'm not going to lie I was a little heart broken for you. I was shocked and awed when she stepped up to the plate of letting you use her body until you become a real boy. But when she started posting all this I was worried. I think you have to go up to women in real life and give them the line, the "one month I just need to use you one month and then I'll be unstopable!" You should fly her out to see you. Get her a hotel room at a nice place so she can get sleep inbetween the love making. Tell her you want the gf experience but are willing to forgo sleep overs.
Star Gazer Posted February 10, 2012 Posted February 10, 2012 Years ago, a guy I was dating who got up and left within 30 minutes of "finishing." He claimed he just had to be up and at work really early (he was a teacher), and he did live an hour away, but it was unacceptable to me. He tried and tried and tried to get another date, but I didn't want anything to do with him after that. He didn't quite understand the implications of my repeated questions, "You are seriously leaving? Right now? After we just had sex for the first time?" Last summer, I was dating someone and left promptly after we "finished" our first time, because it was horrible and I was repulsed. He thought it was the coolest thing ever that I was leaving, he was actually happy and called me a great girlfriend for going home so that we could each relax for the night. He didn't get the implications of me leaving and not staying the night, anymore than the guy mentioned above understood the implications of him leaving and not staying the night. Long story short, it would offend me if a guy didn't stay the night, and if I didn't stay the night, he should take it as a hint.
bridget Posted February 10, 2012 Posted February 10, 2012 Long story short, it would offend me if a guy didn't stay the night, and if I didn't stay the night, he should take it as a hint. This. Ok I'm not a guy. I've ducked out on the "sleepover" before but only because I haven't wanted any of the repeat action mentioned by others. If I wanted to sleep I may well consider going home, but if round 1 was good then there's still a whole night stretching out in front of us....
Imajerk17 Posted February 10, 2012 Posted February 10, 2012 If you don't want to spend the night, then really, that is a sign that something else is off IMO. Either there wasn't enough anticipation built up or the guy was truly horrible. I mean, I myself am having a hard time imagining a woman fantasizing about what it would be like to have sex with a guy, and then kicking him out of her bed when they are done.
Star Gazer Posted February 10, 2012 Posted February 10, 2012 There could be occasions where the sex is great and one or both don't want to stay the night, such as when it's just sex (FWB) or when real intimacy is uncomfortable.
musemaj11 Posted February 10, 2012 Posted February 10, 2012 I think its rude to bang someone and shoo that person away after you are done with him/her. Long story short, it would offend me if a guy didn't stay the night, and if I didn't stay the night, he should take it as a hint. Yea of course, everyone has to understand you but never the other way around.
lilyblue Posted February 10, 2012 Posted February 10, 2012 I slept with someone for over a year and he never ever spent the night (and I never did at his place). He was a little emotionally "off" though... At the very end he finally once spent the night and made a comment about how we hadn't done that very often (uh, EVER) and how he was sorry he was so messed up. I find it a little odd that I wouldn't even think anything of it now with someone else, and it's surprising to read that most people in this thread (both men and women) assume a sleepover is always a part of sex.
monkey00 Posted February 10, 2012 Posted February 10, 2012 I'm kind of in a FWB situation with a girl I've been hanging out with for the past several weeks and we never spend the night at either person's place or have offered each other. I think I prefer it like that. Maybe these days I've just turned into an emotionally cold person. I might be a little concerned if it was with someone who has LTR potential if they didn't stay even if I offered.
Andy_K Posted February 10, 2012 Posted February 10, 2012 Giggity giggity:love: I had to look up that word! It makes sense now
Author ditzchic Posted February 10, 2012 Author Posted February 10, 2012 The guys who asked you why you weren't facing them or who insisted on staying all day until you kicked them out sound uber-needy. Do guys really do that? That was the same guy. Just one. And yes he was uber-needy. But that's what I attract!!
Author ditzchic Posted February 10, 2012 Author Posted February 10, 2012 This thread just made me realize that I am probably more emotionally effed up than I realized. That's something I definitely need to work on. New rule: Absolutely no sex until I feel comfortable enough with the person to let them stay the night. If I don't feel comfortable with the idea of letting them stay, I shouldn't be having sex with them. And probably not seeing them at all. Thanks guys! You continue to change my life on a daily basis!
Oxy Moronovich Posted February 10, 2012 Posted February 10, 2012 Isn't there some sort of surgical procedure to stop snoring? My grandfather had a horrible snoring problem. He was like a chainsaw. My grandmother slept in a separate bed in another room for years. He never got it fixed. It's really something you should take care of, don't you think? Don't you want to sleep in the same bed as your girlfriend or wife? There's not definite procedure. Me and many other snorers would have done it if there was a definite cure. This thread just made me realize that I am probably more emotionally effed up than I realized. That's something I definitely need to work on. New rule: Absolutely no sex until I feel comfortable enough with the person to let them stay the night. If I don't feel comfortable with the idea of letting them stay, I shouldn't be having sex with them. And probably not seeing them at all. Thanks guys! You continue to change my life on a daily basis! Bad rule. A better rule is to just tell a guy you don't want him to sleep at your home after sex. Make sure you tell him this prior to sex. But when we have sex, ditzy, you can kick me out in the middle of the night if you feel like it.
Author ditzchic Posted February 10, 2012 Author Posted February 10, 2012 There's not definite procedure. Me and many other snorers would have done it if there was a definite cure. Bad rule. A better rule is to just tell a guy you don't want him to sleep at your home after sex. Make sure you tell him this prior to sex. But when we have sex, ditzy, you can kick me out in the middle of the night if you feel like it. But according to the posters here, telling him that will offend him and make him think I lost interest. The last thing I want to do is start pissing good guys off and have them write me off!! But I'll keep it in mind that it's all good to go with you
Oxy Moronovich Posted February 10, 2012 Posted February 10, 2012 But according to the posters here, telling him that will offend him and make him think I lost interest. The last thing I want to do is start pissing good guys off and have them write me off!! But I'll keep it in mind that it's all good to go with you Why don't you use my reason for sleeping alone? Say you have a snoring problem. Tell the guy, "I don't mind having sex with you. But I'm self-conscious about my terrible snoring problem. I don't feel comfortable with a guy sleeping over until I'm sure he won't make fun of me for it." When you feel comfortable with it, let him sleep over. If he ever comments he doesn't notice you snore bad, just say, "Well, it comes and goes. I didn't want you to sleep over just in case it came back." There. Problem solved. Personally, I think your reasons for not wanting a guy to sleep over are valid. I don't judge you at all. Nor do I think you should wait til your comfortable with him sleeping over to have sex.
musemaj11 Posted February 10, 2012 Posted February 10, 2012 But according to the posters here, telling him that will offend him and make him think I lost interest. The last thing I want to do is start pissing good guys off and have them write me off!! But I'll keep it in mind that it's all good to go with you Its okay to tell a guy prior to sex that he has to leave after.
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