ditzchic Posted February 9, 2012 Posted February 9, 2012 Hypothetical question: Guys, how would you feel if after the first time you had sex with a new girl you are dating she didn't ask you to spend the night? Or straight up told you you can't spend the night if you asked? To further set up the hypothetical, say it was a 3rd date (so pretty early on), there was good chemistry and you got along well. The sex was decent but not phenomenal.
Oxy Moronovich Posted February 9, 2012 Posted February 9, 2012 I have a huge snoring problem. I've had people two rooms away complain about my snoring. I've never spent the night with any woman. I've had two women complain that I'm just giving an excuse for why I don't wanna stay with her. So I slept at their place to prove it to them. One made it to around half an hour, the other almost made it the full sixty minutes. They both eventually kicked me out saying, "Okay. I believe you. Your snoring is really bad. Yer gonna have to leave now." One of these days I'll get cured. Til then, I sleep alone. In any case, if she asked me to leave without knowing my snoring problem, I wouldn't have a problem with it. There could be a plethora of reasons why: there might be too much farting; she might have to get up early; she might have people come over; she might snore badly herself, etc.
Philosoraptor Posted February 9, 2012 Posted February 9, 2012 Well from what stereotypes say most guys would be relieved for not having to come up with an excuse to leave. If I were in that position I would just accept it and stay hopeful for the future. You may want to add your reason for asking them to leave to not break the ego of the person you are with, if they are the fragile type.
Andy_K Posted February 9, 2012 Posted February 9, 2012 I'd find it pretty weird to be honest. I cannot think of a single occasion - ONS, early dating, or whatever else - where I've ever had sex with a girl that night and not stayed over (or her stayed over if at mine)
Author ditzchic Posted February 9, 2012 Author Posted February 9, 2012 Well from what stereotypes say most guys would be relieved for not having to come up with an excuse to leave. If I were in that position I would just accept it and stay hopeful for the future. You may want to add your reason for asking them to leave to not break the ego of the person you are with, if they are the fragile type. That's the problem. I always tend to attract the super sensitive borderline needy types. And I'm more of the independent detached type. I'm ok with having sex with someone I'm attracted to rather early but I'm not really comfortable with the idea of a practical stranger spending the night in my bed. I'm like a crock pot. I take a bit of time to warm up. But once I'm warm, you get great results. The last time it happened he was so excited to spend the night when really I just wanted him to leave so I could get some good shut eye. I let him stay and after we woke up the next morning and he made a comment about me not facing him while I slept (?) he tried to stay the entire next day too. I finally ended up getting annoyed around 3pm and telling him he had to go home that I had stuff to do. I know it hurt his feelings. I always thought guys looked for any excuse to go home. Guess I meet the wrong guys. lol.
EnigmaticClarity Posted February 9, 2012 Posted February 9, 2012 Hypothetical question: Guys, how would you feel if after the first time you had sex with a new girl you are dating she didn't ask you to spend the night? Or straight up told you you can't spend the night if you asked? To further set up the hypothetical, say it was a 3rd date (so pretty early on), there was good chemistry and you got along well. The sex was decent but not phenomenal. I'd ask you if you had already left my money on the kitchen table. If you felt the need to point out your dissatisfaction with my product, I'd tell you to take it up with my pimp.
make me believe Posted February 9, 2012 Posted February 9, 2012 I'm ok with having sex with someone I'm attracted to rather early but I'm not really comfortable with the idea of a practical stranger spending the night in my bed. You should tell the guy that upfront. Most people expect to spend the night after sex, in my experience. It would be pretty unexpected and jarring to be told to leave after sex, so you should tell them in the beginning that you're not down for sleepovers yet.
Emilia Posted February 9, 2012 Posted February 9, 2012 I'd ask you if you had already left my money on the kitchen table. If you felt the need to point out your dissatisfaction with my product, I'd tell you to take it up with my pimp. Exactly. Even when it's only a ONS I expect a cup of tea in the morning and I do the same when someone stays at mine. It's common curtesy. None of that jumping- in- the- cab- after- sex business thank you very much. If you can't handle the intimacy of a warm body in bed, you have no business having sex with them in the first place.
gaius Posted February 9, 2012 Posted February 9, 2012 I'd find it pretty weird to be honest. I cannot think of a single occasion - ONS, early dating, or whatever else - where I've ever had sex with a girl that night and not stayed over (or her stayed over if at mine) Agreed. It would be wiser if you just went to their place and excused yourself after the fun was over. I think getting kicked out is going to be a little jarring to even the not so sensitive men.
Oxy Moronovich Posted February 9, 2012 Posted February 9, 2012 I must be the only dude who could care less if a chick kicks me out after sex. Even if she was rude about it and said something like, "Ok. We're done with f***ing. There's the door. Leave," I wouldn't have a problem with it. Wouldn't hurt my ego at all. Perhaps it's easier for me because I feel most comfortable sleeping alone. If I ever got married, my wife would have to sleep in a separate bedroom.
EnigmaticClarity Posted February 9, 2012 Posted February 9, 2012 I must be the only dude who could care less if a chick kicks me out after sex. Even if she was rude about it and said something like, "Ok. We're done with f***ing. There's the door. Leave," I wouldn't have a problem with it. Wouldn't hurt my ego at all. Perhaps it's easier for me because I feel most comfortable sleeping alone. If I ever got married, my wife would have to sleep in a separate bedroom. Why do you dislike sleeping with women? I enjoy waking up next to people or waking up together in the middle of the night and sharing intimacy. I've heard that history is with you, though--I've heard that couples sharing a single bed is a relatively recent societal phenomenon, at least in America, and that prior to about the mid-twentieth century, most couples slept in separate beds. I haven't researched it yet to determine how true that is or what the cultural norms are in other countries.
Saxis Posted February 9, 2012 Posted February 9, 2012 If she told me I had to leave/couldn't spend the night, I would assume that she was no longer interested, since I would not be having sex with her if I wasn't considering a relationship with her. If she was at my place said that she had to go, well, that would depend on the reason she needs to go...
veggirl Posted February 9, 2012 Posted February 9, 2012 Okay, well there is a difference between "I prefer to sleep alone" and "GTFO!", people. The first time I slept with my BF was after our 3rd date, at my place...he didn't sleep over. Neither of us were OFFENDED. It was a Sunday, he had work in the morning, and early on I *do* prefer to sleep alone. So what? I asked him if he'd like to stay over, and would have been okay if he did stay. I don't remember who brought it up, I think we both were kinda feeling from the other that we didn't necessarily feel a sleep over THAT NIGHT. I told him it was okay if he prefered to sleep in his own bed as he had to get up early for work and it can be an adjustment the first time you sleep in someone else's bed. I guess that was terrible of me and him? I've never "kicked someone out", but I certainly have left a guys house after sex without sleeping over. Who cares? I like my own bed, I like uninterrupted sleep, esp if I have work the next day.
FitChick Posted February 9, 2012 Posted February 9, 2012 I agree with the other poster who said to have sex at his place so you can leave or stay as you prefer.
Ninjainpajamas Posted February 9, 2012 Posted February 9, 2012 Hmm that's interesting, I've never really paid attention to that kind of etiquette. I usually get asked to spend the night or you because you have sex multiple times you end up just falling asleep. However I think it's good form to leave in the morning as a man, and usually you have something to do anyway. I would probably leave on my own more likely than having to be asked, because I'm the kind of guy that doesn't typically feel comfortable in someone else home If I don't know or trust them well enough.
Dust Posted February 9, 2012 Posted February 9, 2012 As a man this isn't an issue for me. "will you drive me home" "No I have a taxi comming for you!" Ditzchic you gotta do what you gotta do.
Saxis Posted February 9, 2012 Posted February 9, 2012 I'm the kind of guy that doesn't typically feel comfortable in someone else home If I don't know or trust them well enough. That seems bass-ackwards to me. I'd have to know and trust someone and be comfortable in their home before I have sex with them...
ShannonMI Posted February 9, 2012 Posted February 9, 2012 Hypothetical question: Guys, how would you feel if after the first time you had sex with a new girl you are dating she didn't ask you to spend the night? Or straight up told you you can't spend the night if you asked? To further set up the hypothetical, say it was a 3rd date (so pretty early on), there was good chemistry and you got along well. The sex was decent but not phenomenal. If a guy screwed me and then told me I couldn't spend the night with him after the fact, I'd think he was a dick.
Author ditzchic Posted February 9, 2012 Author Posted February 9, 2012 If a guy screwed me and then told me I couldn't spend the night with him after the fact, I'd think he was a dick. Well I usually try to hold off on the sex until I'm comfortable enough to let him spend the night. But some guys are pushy and I have needs.
kaylan Posted February 9, 2012 Posted February 9, 2012 Hypothetical question: Guys, how would you feel if after the first time you had sex with a new girl you are dating she didn't ask you to spend the night? Or straight up told you you can't spend the night if you asked? To further set up the hypothetical, say it was a 3rd date (so pretty early on), there was good chemistry and you got along well. The sex was decent but not phenomenal. If its a girl Im dating and like, then I feel kind of offended that she didnt ask me to stay over the first night. Ive had this happen before, and felt kinda used afterwords. I was thinking she wasnt that into me. I wouldnt care if it was a girl I was just planning to have as a FWB, but with a girl I actually like, its off putting.
ShannonMI Posted February 9, 2012 Posted February 9, 2012 Well I usually try to hold off on the sex until I'm comfortable enough to let him spend the night. But some guys are pushy and I have needs. So you can be comfortable enough to bang him but, not comfortable enough to let him sleep in your bed all night with you? Hmmmm interesting.
Dust Posted February 9, 2012 Posted February 9, 2012 If a guy screwed me and then told me I couldn't spend the night with him after the fact, I'd think he was a dick. I'd let you sleep on top of me if that was your thing. I'd say you just use my chest as a pillow and let the music of my heart put you to sleep.
ShannonMI Posted February 9, 2012 Posted February 9, 2012 I'd let you sleep on top of me if that was your thing. I'd say you just use my chest as a pillow and let the music of my heart put you to sleep. Hahahahaha awwww you are so sweet:)
Author ditzchic Posted February 9, 2012 Author Posted February 9, 2012 So you can be comfortable enough to bang him but, not comfortable enough to let him sleep in your bed all night with you? Hmmmm interesting. Well yeah. Hey, give me points for honesty. I'm a pretty guarded person when it comes to the emotional stuff. I feel really vulnerable letting someone sleep in my bed all night with me. There has to be a certain level of comfortability for me to be OK with that. I'm completely comfortable having sex. I require less comfortability for that. Like I said, I try to hold off on sex with someone I actually like until I get to the comfort level where I'm ok with letting them spend the night. But that seems to take about a month or more for me. Most guys make their moves long before a month. I'm human. I've made mistakes. Especially if alcohol has been involved. And what makes it worse is I usually tell the guys I date that I'd like to hold off on the sex until I'm really comfortable with them. That doesn't stop them from pushing. The fact that they pushed and won makes me feel even more uncomfortable which compounds the problem... I was actually considering the next time I make a mistake and sleep with someone too early that I just scrap the whole thing and call it quits with him. But that seems a little extreme.
Oxy Moronovich Posted February 9, 2012 Posted February 9, 2012 Why do you dislike sleeping with women? I enjoy waking up next to people or waking up together in the middle of the night and sharing intimacy. I've heard that history is with you, though--I've heard that couples sharing a single bed is a relatively recent societal phenomenon, at least in America, and that prior to about the mid-twentieth century, most couples slept in separate beds. I haven't researched it yet to determine how true that is or what the cultural norms are in other countries. I dislike sleeping in the same room with anyone. I have a horrible snoring problem. I guess I'm self-conscious about it. Where did you hear couples sharing the same bed is a recent phenomenon in the U.S.? I used to get that impression from those old movies and TV shoes showing married couples sleeping next to each other in two separate twin beds. However, I'm not sure if that's true. Prior to the baby boom era, the average person in the U.S. wasn't affluent. Many married couples couldn't afford separate beds, let alone rooms big enough to have separate beds. I've talked to many elderly people in their 60s and older. They told me stories about how they lived when they were kids, and sometimes how their parents lived. Rooms were smaller and far less numerous in the average house of today. A home with 3 or more bedrooms was considered high living. Plus, add the fact that families were much larger back then. All in all, I find it difficult to believe the average couple could afford to sleep in separate beds.
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