PinkInTheLimo Posted February 20, 2012 Posted February 20, 2012 Goldengirl, the only thought I have is why on earth you are writing this kind of letter to a man you are not even attracted to. Why are you calling this a relationship anyway? This guy is not the one for you so stop the contact and focus on yourself to start with. Grow yourself a spine, only then you will be in a position to start a relationship.
Author goldengirl11 Posted February 20, 2012 Author Posted February 20, 2012 Goldengirl, the only thought I have is why on earth you are writing this kind of letter to a man you are not even attracted to. Why are you calling this a relationship anyway? This guy is not the one for you so stop the contact and focus on yourself to start with. Grow yourself a spine, only then you will be in a position to start a relationship. I think we are in one and he's certainly acting that way. The last time we met up he managed to get me to agree not to see anyone else whilst we see how it goes. He is awaiting a reply from his (deep and meaningful!) letter this week. Many thanks for your advice.
Author goldengirl11 Posted February 20, 2012 Author Posted February 20, 2012 By the way, I would love to just let it drop and just not contact him, but I know that if I do he will just badger me about it and ask to discuss, hence going quiet for a few days last week. And judging by the phonecall yest know that he is waiting with baited breath. I'm finding it v difficult though. No doubt that if I did disappear he would write to me eventually and tell me that it was a wrong do or something, like he did with someone else who stood him up on a date once.
Author goldengirl11 Posted February 20, 2012 Author Posted February 20, 2012 By the way, I would love to just let it drop and just not contact him, but I know that if I do he will just badger me about it and ask to discuss, hence going quiet for a few days last week. And judging by the phonecall yest know that he is waiting with baited breath. I'm finding it v difficult though. No doubt that if I did disappear he would write to me eventually and tell me that it was a wrong do or something, like he did with someone else who stood him up on a date once.Didn't mean to sound arrogant then.
PlumPrincess Posted February 20, 2012 Posted February 20, 2012 ust thought would add a little follow up to the chat we had earlier (I was worried to avoid it at the time I guess, but he asked a lot more than I thought he would!). He mentioned at the end the letter he had sent me two weeks ago re his thoughts and feelings and said that he was hoping to receive a reply from it. I said that I was in the middle of writing it and he said that he was hoping that things could continue and that we would carry on caring for each other into the future. I also recall him saying that he has been showing some of his family (what's left of them) photos of our last meeting, to whom he will be giving some copies to (which to be honest creeped me out a bit). Lastly he said that although he doesn't fit into the young and handsome type that he has the biggest heart that someone could offer me, which somehow made me feel a bit guilty. I may post the letter I am going to send below for another opinion such as by PlumPrincess if that's ok. Uhoh. I know this feeling from experience and it makes me really reluctant to answer. Maybe he's a true romantic and offering you genuine love, maybe it's desperation, maybe it's just a trick to manipulate you. I'll be honest, I want to feel some attraction and a guy who is 20 years older than me, is just too old for me. He should go for someone his age.
FitChick Posted February 20, 2012 Posted February 20, 2012 Didn't mean to sound arrogant then. That is the crux of your problem right there. There was nothing the least bit arrogant about your post so no need to apologize. You need more self-respect and to get focused on what you want from a relationship, not what THEY want. Write a list if you have to.
PlumPrincess Posted February 20, 2012 Posted February 20, 2012 Hi ***, Hope you're well. After reading through your letter again recently I have been giving "us" much thought, and what with yourself asking me for my honest feelings, I admit that I do wonder if we may be heading in the same direction in life. A main factor being, I am rather keen to start a family life (hence my biological clock ticking!) with someone who is also on the same wavelength, and know after our chat re that side of things over dinner last time, it would be fair to say that we differ on the subject, hence saying that it is something you would (quite understandably) need to "seriously consider" and what with being "quite an old Dad" as you modestly put it! I also admit, and don't want to put you on the spot here, but confess I am a bit puzzled re your age. I recall you saying at our last meeting that you probably appeared coy about it and said you were 51, yet at some point last year whilst we were getting to know each other via e-mailing, I had read on your KJ forum profile that you were 55! Please can you be honest? Nevetheless, I expect you may agree that we are rather at different stages in life anyway. I hope this will clear the air between us now, so we can perhaps try going back to how things were before as friends, which would appear to be for the best I think. Have a good week. *** Is this how you want to tell him that you want to break it off? Because he will definitely not get it with this email. I think I'd write something like that: Hi xx, After reading through your letter again recently I have been giving "us" much thought, and what with yourself asking me for my honest feelings, I'm very sorry that I have to tell you that I don't feel the sparks between us. I understand that you will be very disappointed, because I don't feel the same way about you as you for me, but nevertheless I wish you all the best. Best wishes, xx Something like that I guess. 1
Author goldengirl11 Posted February 20, 2012 Author Posted February 20, 2012 Is this how you want to tell him that you want to break it off? Because he will definitely not get it with this email. I think I'd write something like that: Hi xx, After reading through your letter again recently I have been giving "us" much thought, and what with yourself asking me for my honest feelings, I'm very sorry that I have to tell you that I don't feel the sparks between us. I understand that you will be very disappointed, because I don't feel the same way about you as you for me, but nevertheless I wish you all the best. Best wishes, xx Something like that I guess. Thanks PP. That was certainly more to the point, which perhaps suggests that I don't need to go into reasons as much!!
Author goldengirl11 Posted February 20, 2012 Author Posted February 20, 2012 That is the crux of your problem right there. There was nothing the least bit arrogant about your post so no need to apologize. You need more self-respect and to get focused on what you want from a relationship, not what THEY want. Write a list if you have to. Thanks FitChick.
Old Flame Posted February 21, 2012 Posted February 21, 2012 When I was 33 , me and my ex had sex 3 times a day. I'm 55 now, and I am lucky to get it once every 3 days. I could never ever handle A 33 year old woman nowadays. I recently had sex with a girl that works at the local supermarket. She was 30. I made her orgasm during foreplay, and jumped on during the squeal when she got that red flush. After she O'd, she let me get lazy on her for about 30 minutes , then i had to finish. She wanted it again a few hours later, but it was out of the question. At 55, I'm a one shot wonder. The moral of the story is, you young girls might like a older man for a one night stand, but don't expect sex everyday from a 55+
Author goldengirl11 Posted February 22, 2012 Author Posted February 22, 2012 When I was 33 , me and my ex had sex 3 times a day. I'm 55 now, and I am lucky to get it once every 3 days. I could never ever handle A 33 year old woman nowadays. I recently had sex with a girl that works at the local supermarket. She was 30. I made her orgasm during foreplay, and jumped on during the squeal when she got that red flush. After she O'd, she let me get lazy on her for about 30 minutes , then i had to finish. She wanted it again a few hours later, but it was out of the question. At 55, I'm a one shot wonder. The moral of the story is, you young girls might like a older man for a one night stand, but don't expect sex everyday from a 55+ Sounds like you've had a fair share of luck then!! Thanks for the advice ;-)
Author goldengirl11 Posted February 23, 2012 Author Posted February 23, 2012 Is it rude to just say to someone that you think we would be more suited to someone closer our age, or should you out of politeness go into why?
Author goldengirl11 Posted February 23, 2012 Author Posted February 23, 2012 Well think I'm going to say it anyway to get it done!!
PlumPrincess Posted February 23, 2012 Posted February 23, 2012 Is it rude to just say to someone that you think we would be more suited to someone closer our age, or should you out of politeness go into why? I've turned guys down who approached me on this online dating site with this explanation and I did it, because it annoyed me that they excluded women their own age and hit on women much younger. I didn't do it that often, but at least once. I wouldn't say anything about the reasons. If he wants to know, he can still ask you and then you can tell him.
FitChick Posted February 23, 2012 Posted February 23, 2012 I've turned guys down who approached me on this online dating site with this explanation and I did it, because it annoyed me that they excluded women their own age and hit on women much younger. . I did that once when a man my age would only date women one year to twenty years younger. He contacted me anyway and I told him I seemed to be too old for him. He adjusted his age range to one year older. He wasn't my type anyway.
Author goldengirl11 Posted February 24, 2012 Author Posted February 24, 2012 (edited) I thought would say that I (finally) plucked up the courage to e-mail him this morning to call it off, but said that it would probably be best if we went back to being friends. Decided to say that main factor is because I would like a relationship with someone who is keen to have a family also. He texted me twice last night, once about 7pm asking how I was etc which I replied to, and the other about 11pm when had already gone to bed (unusual for me though). I woke up in the middle of the night to see his text but thought I would reply in the morning incase of waking him up. I wake up about 9.30 today to find he has texted again saying that he had no reply to his long text at 11pm, yet I had been on Twitter etc. He then texted again saying that he didn't mean to be harsh but is just a worried man and cares about me. This is not the first time he has done this when tbh have found it a bit creepy that he appeared to be checking up on me. He also said in this mornings text that I had been quiet the last 2-3 weeks and haven't inititated contact either lately and feels that I may be about to call it quits and if I could reply please. He also wondered if the card he had sent on Valentines (hence the poem) had put me off, but said at the end of the e-mail I have just sent that it wasn't that it was the letter! I ended up sending the reply to his 11pm text this morning I ended up drafting late last night, but didn't comment on the calling it quits bit. Am guessing he will probably see the e-mail tomorrrow now as think he is working today. I guess that I was starting to feel pressured to come up with my true feelings, which wasn't very nice and would've preferred it to just drift along if I am honest. You could say that am nervous (if shaky) but a bit relieved at the same time. I trust that I won't regret it hopefully! Edited February 24, 2012 by goldengirl11
Author goldengirl11 Posted February 24, 2012 Author Posted February 24, 2012 (edited) Ps Admit fibbed in this morning's text (before I sent e-mail) that I did reply to him last night, but that it was v late tho. Not sure why I said that as don't think there was anything wrong in waiting 'til the morning when I did. Edited February 24, 2012 by goldengirl11
Author goldengirl11 Posted February 24, 2012 Author Posted February 24, 2012 (edited) Perhaps silly of me to do so but also sent a PS following the e-mail which said that not that it was a bad move in writing to me previously, as was flattered (oops) and it was a good way of expressing his thoughts which felt right for him at the time. Thing is though, I am now stupidly thinking that it will welcome him to write again. In my opinion it was too early on to write such a "Now then **, how do you feel about me" type of letter and if we are "journeying together" etc, which I found quite offputting and which made me feel like I was being pushed into a decision. Although he said that he thought it would "help us." He also finds it very easy to talk about his feelings, whereas it's fair to say that I'm more... careful, initially anyway. I am a bit worried though nevertheless and am expecting him to text this evening (after I told him that had e-mailed him). I *have* been keeping busy today though applying for jobs etc, so am not obsessed about it (honest). Edited February 24, 2012 by goldengirl11
FitChick Posted February 24, 2012 Posted February 24, 2012 Your email said you only wanted to be friends because you want a family. He still thinks you are interested. Clearly, you haven't made yourself clear. Why pussyfoot around the matter and drag it out for both of you? Tell him you're interested in dating someone else who coincidentally happens to be your own age.
Author goldengirl11 Posted February 24, 2012 Author Posted February 24, 2012 (edited) Your email said you only wanted to be friends because you want a family. He still thinks you are interested. Clearly, you haven't made yourself clear. Why pussyfoot around the matter and drag it out for both of you? Tell him you're interested in dating someone else who coincidentally happens to be your own age. Sorry hadn't been more clear in the post, but yes I did say similar to that. Firstly that I was a bit puzzled re his age because I saw on his profile last year that he was a few years older than he said he was, then also said that I think we would probably be more suited to someone nearer our age to build a relationship with! Do you think that sounded ok? Edited February 24, 2012 by goldengirl11
Author goldengirl11 Posted February 24, 2012 Author Posted February 24, 2012 FitChick you about? Admit am feeling rather messed up with this situation tonight and know to expect a v in-depth e-mail from him tomorrow. Felt stupid this morning when he said that I hadn't responded to his text at 11pm last night, yet I still had been on Twitter etc. The reason I hadn't was because when I'd read it thought he would've gone to bed so was going to reply in morning, but for some reason pretended I had. He also detected that I was going to finish with him, but I skipped that bit and replied on the other stuff. He hasn't replied to my text at lunchtime re wishing his mum the best with medical appt and also said had sent e-mail. Just nervous about forthcoming e-mail I suppose (I doubt he will text tonight now).
PlumPrincess Posted February 24, 2012 Posted February 24, 2012 To be honest, I used to beat around the bush a lot or simply ran away when I was in my twenties, but I would have assumed that someone in her thirties would know to be more clear and decisive. I would not have much patience with a guy who sends me a text message at 11 pm and then another one at 9.30 am the next day, asking why I didn't reply to his first message. Someone is either very desperate or very controlling. And he is in his fifties! My guess is, he is controlling and manipulative. Guys in their fifties aren't that much desperate anymore, they are bitter, because they were so unsuccessful, but then they don't pursue women like that anymore. They would still not know how to get a woman, but because of previous experiences they would recognize signs of indifference quite quickly.
Author goldengirl11 Posted February 24, 2012 Author Posted February 24, 2012 To be honest, I used to beat around the bush a lot or simply ran away when I was in my twenties, but I would have assumed that someone in her thirties would know to be more clear and decisive. I guess that I haven't been in this awkward, slightly odd situation before in view of my previous relationships. I know that I could improve on my assertive skills, but feel I am getting better anyway.
Author goldengirl11 Posted February 25, 2012 Author Posted February 25, 2012 Just to add an update that am feeling quite down at the moment after receiving an in-depth e-mail from him today which I expected tbh and am feeling left quite shaken. Firstly what got me is that he said that he'd read some posts of mine on another relationship type site via Facebook which he said was publicly viewable, yet thought I had quite recently tightened my privacy settings. I nevertheless had tried to delete any personal posts of mine tho just incase anyone read them (like him) who would've felt embarassed about seeing. He also said that I was probably still hankering after my ex which isn't true. Since after trying to take myself off public search earlier without success it appeared, I have now unfortunately deactivated my account! He also said that I probably didn't end it because of the reasons given, which had found quite insulting. Also that he would forward the photos from our last meeting which tbh don't want to receive now as it would feel like he was rubbing it in. He ended his e-mail by saying that we should have no regular contact anymore but would be happy for me to e-mail (fine with me). He also said that he wasn't feeling very strong today, in fact it was a very sad day for him (hence the title of his e-mail) and that I won't find anyone with as big a heart as he has. He also added that he didn't lie about his age! I am feeling rather upset at the moment from his comments, particularly as he read some posts of mine on Facebook which thought were protected to my 'friends.' He isn't on there himself. He said he will unfollow me on Twitter as it won't help him. I unfollowed him this afternoon, which may puzzle him I don't know. Sorry, could do with some friendly support!
FitChick Posted February 25, 2012 Posted February 25, 2012 All of this could have been avoided if you had been open with him at the beginning. Lesson learned.
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