Author goldengirl11 Posted February 11, 2012 Author Posted February 11, 2012 Unless this op finds glory in changing bedpans 15-20 years from now inviting... That is the reality of what he's fishing for - you gonna take THAT bait? Lol. Hope not! The thought of that disgusts me to be honest!! Was thinking, while we're on the topic of smells ! I noticed that he doesn't wear aftershave/any scent (not essential to wear it but can be nice if you do), and wore the same 'flippin jumper on the last couple of dates. His Mum also remarked to him that I would appear to wear nice clothes and if I am fussy with designer labels. Although this was a compliment, it also felt like an insult! Got a valentine's card in the post from him today (cheap cartoony animal looking one prob bought in newsagents, with words inside suggesting we go off the rails hence the character is standing on them), and with a lovey dovey poem written by himself inside. Was flattered with the latter though! Admit sent him a card too, but a plainish one, and signed it with best wishes. Perhaps I shouldn't have sent one at all, but think he would've been upset not to get one. And was still working out what to say in reply to letter :-/
Author goldengirl11 Posted February 11, 2012 Author Posted February 11, 2012 Just to say that apologise for the in-depth of my last post - it was OTT I know!
FitChick Posted February 12, 2012 Posted February 12, 2012 Goldengirl, is this man's name Tom? He sounds a lot like someone I know in the UK. Last I heard, his mother was ailing.
mesmerized Posted February 12, 2012 Posted February 12, 2012 Well to be fair, if he's 55 his mom must be very old, and he's likely caring for her. I think that's quite respectable. On the other hand, having NEVER lived away from home, probably indicates an issue. OP, a 20+ age gap is huge. You're just entering the prime years of adulthood; he's about to retire. Why are you so desperate that his perceived "faithfullness" is enough to keep you around? That should be a given; you should aim for much more than that. Agreed, you sound like a girl with low self esteem...
Author goldengirl11 Posted February 12, 2012 Author Posted February 12, 2012 Goldengirl, is this man's name Tom? He sounds a lot like someone I know in the UK. Last I heard, his mother was ailing. No it isn't, but thanks anyway!
oldguy Posted February 12, 2012 Posted February 12, 2012 I know what you mean about 'the look.' I had an older boyfriend a few years back (perhaps partly why I want a young one now;-) and it was a little embarassing! I remember a friend of mine thought he was my Dad before someone spilled the beans. That was a 14 year age gap, which was plenty. Although he was comfortably off, which didn't really have anything to do with it. He was also seperated with 3 kids - not ideal situation! Again, there was a 16 year gap between my parents so I was aware of the the look from the time I was very young. Even though my father didn't look his age, by time I was a teen he was sometimes mistaken for my grandfather. Maybe that's another reason I was never comfortable dating women much younger. Even when I found myself single again in my early 40's. To the person who said is mother must be very old if he's 55; His mother may well be less than 75 which by today's standards is not exactly, "very" old.
SmileFace Posted February 12, 2012 Posted February 12, 2012 FYI,jumpers are the same as overalls. Well it is on my home country anyway.
Author goldengirl11 Posted February 12, 2012 Author Posted February 12, 2012 are you a homo? srly? No I'm not a homo! Am certainly not new to the on-line forum thing, if I gave that impression. Just think Americans tend to use the initials more, e.g OP, NC etc than the British do (not that that's a bad thing of course). Was a little offended I admit!
FitChick Posted February 12, 2012 Posted February 12, 2012 A jumper is a sweater. I don't think people should be so hard on goldengirl. Perhaps he is the best man she can attract. We all can't have the hot rich guy.
Author goldengirl11 Posted February 12, 2012 Author Posted February 12, 2012 (edited) Fitchick - Hey, what are you saying?! I do secretly feel that I deserve better but am just not getting the opportunity it would appear. As I may have said before am lacking I suppose in a good circle of friends to go out with who are single and not to mention I'm now unemployed which makes it harder to socialise. I feel I am attractive, if a bit overweight, blonde and busty! And well spoken. Also a decent personality I think. Where r the hot rich guys then? Edited February 12, 2012 by goldengirl11
Author goldengirl11 Posted February 12, 2012 Author Posted February 12, 2012 Thanks for reply Greg (not sure where it is now tho!
Author goldengirl11 Posted February 13, 2012 Author Posted February 13, 2012 I'm from the States so I have no idea what a "jumper" is. LOL. Look, you've already made it loud and clear that you're not physically attracted to this socially and emotionally stunted man, yet you keep leading him on. I don't think I've really read one positive thing you've written about him - he lied about his age to you by 4 years, he still lives with his mother, he has a habit of wearing dirty 'jumpers,' the thought of caring for him in his old age (bedpans and whatnot) 'disgusts' you, and on and on and on. Yet, you keep giving the guy just enough attention to keep him hovering around, hoping you'll take it to the next level. Wow, is your self esteem so depleted right now that you'll keep this guy around - at arm's length - just so he'll feed your ego and make you feel better about yourself? Good Lord, if a 55 year old emotionally stunted man whose NEVER lived away from his mother has the capacity to "flatter" you, then I actually feel worse for you than I do for him. I see your point, but as sad as this will probably sound, maybe my ego is a bit depleted by now!
Author goldengirl11 Posted February 13, 2012 Author Posted February 13, 2012 Just to say that have decided to reply to his letter which mentioned earlier in thread and explain that in view to being honest and if my heart is in it etc that I have doubts that it is destined to be long term, especially where having a family is concerned. Also that I feel it would probably be best for both of us to meet someone nearer our age (when I may drop in the sensitive issue of his real age) with similar outlooks. Perhaps then he may suggest that we should stay friends.
Author goldengirl11 Posted February 13, 2012 Author Posted February 13, 2012 (edited) Again, there was a 16 year gap between my parents so I was aware of the the look from the time I was very young. Even though my father didn't look his age, by time I was a teen he was sometimes mistaken for my grandfather. Maybe that's another reason I was never comfortable dating women much younger. Even when I found myself single again in my early 40's. To the person who said is mother must be very old if he's 55; His mother may well be less than 75 which by today's standards is not exactly, "very" old. His Mum is 78! Edited February 13, 2012 by goldengirl11
Author goldengirl11 Posted February 13, 2012 Author Posted February 13, 2012 Views to my second to last post perhaps? Am dreading 2moro but feel positive that will be in a healthier position this time next year with a boyfriend that's right!
kaylan Posted February 13, 2012 Posted February 13, 2012 Hes too old for you. Move on. You obviously said you dont find him attractive. Theres nothing to think about here. You will only continue to find guys your age attractive while this guy continues to get older and less attractive to you. You are still in your prime adult years. His moms age should have nothing to do with all of this. All it shows is hes a good dude taking care of an aging parent. Keep it moving. It shouldnt take all this thought.
Author goldengirl11 Posted February 15, 2012 Author Posted February 15, 2012 (edited) Hes too old for you. Move on. You obviously said you dont find him attractive. Theres nothing to think about here. You will only continue to find guys your age attractive while this guy continues to get older and less attractive to you. You are still in your prime adult years. His moms age should have nothing to do with all of this. All it shows is hes a good dude taking care of an aging parent. Keep it moving. It shouldnt take all this thought. Thanks Kaylan, I see your point/s. However, just one thing, in our last meeting a month ago I had (eventually) agreed not to see anyone else whilst we see how it goes, hence feeling that I can't just move on (he referred to me as his gf recently) and owe him an explanation! Edited February 15, 2012 by goldengirl11
FitChick Posted February 15, 2012 Posted February 15, 2012 However, just one thing, in our last meeting a month ago I had (eventually) agreed not to see anyone else whilst we see how it goes Well, you've seen how it's gone and it ain't goin' nowhere! Just tell him now so he can find someone more appropriate.
Author goldengirl11 Posted February 19, 2012 Author Posted February 19, 2012 Right, last thing on this matter - honest! We had planned to speak this weekend leaving today and I don't really feel that I can say what I want to say over the phone. We also haven't spoken lately as we were going to on Tues which was v day but I was genuinely unwell then. I have drafted an e-mail I am tempted to send but have feeling he won't see it 'til tomorrow, yet he still messages me on a social networking site and goes online on his phone until he gets to the library computer. If I don't speak to him later he may think I am avoiding him and then when he gets e-mail it will be obvious I was, even if I say I am busy 2day. He tells me has some exciting news which am guessing means that he plans to come down maybe. And now I am perhaps going to spoil it? I wondered if I could still easily meet someone else but fear it is quite difficult as don't have any single friends to go out with, other than one with a baby. I'm not desperate though, despite how this may sound! I've started going to a new dance class too. However, what shall I do about situation today?! Have a chat as planned, then he reads the e-mail and wonders why I didn't mention it in call, then we decide to possibly stay friends? He would like to go away with me in a couple of months!
PlumPrincess Posted February 19, 2012 Posted February 19, 2012 (edited) Just to say that have decided to reply to his letter which mentioned earlier in thread and explain that in view to being honest and if my heart is in it etc that I have doubts that it is destined to be long term, especially where having a family is concerned. Also that I feel it would probably be best for both of us to meet someone nearer our age (when I may drop in the sensitive issue of his real age) with similar outlooks. Perhaps then he may suggest that we should stay friends. I'm glad you did that! The guy seemed a little bit fishy to me. I think he could spot that you could be an easy prey (I say, "could", because you broke it off with him, so you're not) since you do sound a bit naive in your posts. -- Just saw your other posts and realized that this was just your plan and you haven't written him yet?! Edited February 19, 2012 by PlumPrincess
PlumPrincess Posted February 19, 2012 Posted February 19, 2012 Right, last thing on this matter - honest! We had planned to speak this weekend leaving today and I don't really feel that I can say what I want to say over the phone. We also haven't spoken lately as we were going to on Tues which was v day but I was genuinely unwell then. I have drafted an e-mail I am tempted to send but have feeling he won't see it 'til tomorrow, yet he still messages me on a social networking site and goes online on his phone until he gets to the library computer. If I don't speak to him later he may think I am avoiding him and then when he gets e-mail it will be obvious I was, even if I say I am busy 2day. He tells me has some exciting news which am guessing means that he plans to come down maybe. And now I am perhaps going to spoil it? I wondered if I could still easily meet someone else but fear it is quite difficult as don't have any single friends to go out with, other than one with a baby. I'm not desperate though, despite how this may sound! I've started going to a new dance class too. However, what shall I do about situation today?! Have a chat as planned, then he reads the e-mail and wonders why I didn't mention it in call, then we decide to possibly stay friends? He would like to go away with me in a couple of months! Break it off with him. And yes, you do sound desperate... From your posts, I get a creepy vibe from him and I would not even give him the chance of a date or a conversation. I can always be sure that when I get approached in the street, it's weird guys like him. Move on, you'll find something better.
Author goldengirl11 Posted February 19, 2012 Author Posted February 19, 2012 (edited) Break it off with him. And yes, you do sound desperate... From your posts, I get a creepy vibe from him and I would not even give him the chance of a date or a conversation. I can always be sure that when I get approached in the street, it's weird guys like him. Move on, you'll find something better. Thanks, PlumPrincess. I have met him a few times before, the last time about 6 weeks ago. He has just texted asking when we can speak today, e.g times which suit him. I feel that I may have to go through with that out of politeness hence saying I would earlier in week, but send him an e-mail to follow. Edited February 19, 2012 by goldengirl11
Author goldengirl11 Posted February 19, 2012 Author Posted February 19, 2012 Just thought would add a little follow up to the chat we had earlier (I was worried to avoid it at the time I guess, but he asked a lot more than I thought he would!). He mentioned at the end the letter he had sent me two weeks ago re his thoughts and feelings and said that he was hoping to receive a reply from it. I said that I was in the middle of writing it and he said that he was hoping that things could continue and that we would carry on caring for each other into the future. I also recall him saying that he has been showing some of his family (what's left of them) photos of our last meeting, to whom he will be giving some copies to (which to be honest creeped me out a bit). Lastly he said that although he doesn't fit into the young and handsome type that he has the biggest heart that someone could offer me, which somehow made me feel a bit guilty. I may post the letter I am going to send below for another opinion such as by PlumPrincess if that's ok.
Author goldengirl11 Posted February 19, 2012 Author Posted February 19, 2012 Just thought would add a little follow up to the chat we had earlier (I was worried to avoid it at the time I guess, but he asked a lot more than I thought he would!). He mentioned at the end the letter he had sent me two weeks ago re his thoughts and feelings and said that he was hoping to receive a reply from it. I said that I was in the middle of writing it and he said that he was hoping that things could continue and that we would carry on caring for each other into the future. I also recall him saying that he has been showing some of his family (what's left of them) photos of our last meeting, to whom he will be giving some copies to (which to be honest creeped me out a bit). Lastly he said that although he doesn't fit into the young and handsome type that he has the biggest heart that someone could offer me, which somehow made me feel a bit guilty. I may post the letter I am going to send below for another opinion such as by PlumPrincess if that's ok. Hi ***, Hope you're well. After reading through your letter again recently I have been giving "us" much thought, and what with yourself asking me for my honest feelings, I admit that I do wonder if we may be heading in the same direction in life. A main factor being, I am rather keen to start a family life (hence my biological clock ticking!) with someone who is also on the same wavelength, and know after our chat re that side of things over dinner last time, it would be fair to say that we differ on the subject, hence saying that it is something you would (quite understandably) need to "seriously consider" and what with being "quite an old Dad" as you modestly put it! I also admit, and don't want to put you on the spot here, but confess I am a bit puzzled re your age. I recall you saying at our last meeting that you probably appeared coy about it and said you were 51, yet at some point last year whilst we were getting to know each other via e-mailing, I had read on your KJ forum profile that you were 55! Please can you be honest? Nevetheless, I expect you may agree that we are rather at different stages in life anyway. I hope this will clear the air between us now, so we can perhaps try going back to how things were before as friends, which would appear to be for the best I think. Have a good week. ***
Author goldengirl11 Posted February 20, 2012 Author Posted February 20, 2012 Hi ***, Hope you're well. After reading through your letter again recently I have been giving "us" much thought, and what with yourself asking me for my honest feelings, I admit that I do wonder if we may be heading in the same direction in life. A main factor being, I am rather keen to start a family life (hence my biological clock ticking!) with someone who is also on the same wavelength, and know after our chat re that side of things over dinner last time, it would be fair to say that we differ on the subject, hence saying that it is something you would (quite understandably) need to "seriously consider" and what with being "quite an old Dad" as you modestly put it! I also admit, and don't want to put you on the spot here, but confess I am a bit puzzled re your age. I recall you saying at our last meeting that you probably appeared coy about it and said you were 51, yet at some point last year whilst we were getting to know each other via e-mailing, I had read on your KJ forum profile that you were 55! Please can you be honest? Nevetheless, I expect you may agree that we are rather at different stages in life anyway. I hope this will clear the air between us now, so we can perhaps try going back to how things were before as friends, which would appear to be for the best I think. Have a good week. *** Any thoughts perhaps on my letter please?
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