EyeAlone Posted February 9, 2012 Posted February 9, 2012 Soooo, I met a guy at work. I work in a hospital and for this month I'm working in a different unit than before. Needless to say that I'm meeting lots of new people but there's this one guy in particular who was a little bit different. We introduced ourselves and right away he started asking questions about myself. He did this throughout my shift whenever we passed by each other. Now I can be kind of oblivious initially when a guy shows interest and I was in a bad mood that day. I answered his questions but didn't ask him anything. I was just irritated and wanted to get my work done. One of his questions was what am I planning to do on Valentine's Day. It finally clicked in my head what was going on, I panicked, made a remark that I'm probably working, and fled. Yesterday, we both had the same shifts so he was there again. I tried to avoid him at all costs, but it didn't work. He was still really nice to me. I had a day off today so I had some time to process what had happened the past couple of days. I think I panicked because 1) I wasn't planning on dating anyone any time soon and 2) initially I wasn't too attracted to him. But I did some Facebook stalking and apparently we have a lot in common. He's also becoming more attractive. After mulling about it, I've decided that I'll give him a chance. But I have a couple of questions: Is it unusual for someone to be unattractive to you when you first meet them but later you find them to be attractive? Also, have I effed things up? What should I say or how should I apologize and let him know that I am interested? Thanks!
The Poster Posted February 9, 2012 Posted February 9, 2012 Summer of '09 I met a girl who I didn't find very attractive at all. 3 months later I was madly in love with her and we were dating. So yes, it's definitely possible to become attracted to someone over time that you weren't attracted to at first. Actually, I'd say it pretty common. In fact, the girl I'm chasing now I've known since last year and have recently become very attracted to her. I don't think you messed anything up or need to apologize at all. Just start being more friendly with him. He'll get the hint.
CarrieT Posted February 9, 2012 Posted February 9, 2012 If you search back to my posts from last October, I questioned a guy I started dating whom I was not remotely attracted to. I'm now completely smitten, going to Paris in two weeks with him, and am looking for a new job so that I can move closer to him as I start to integrate into his family (he has three kids 50% of the time) so that I can move in by the end of the year. He is perfect for me like no one has ever been with so many mutual interests, respect, and similar kinky endeavors. By the way, I still think he has a bit of a Opie Taylor/pudding face/nice-guy-next-door look, but I have finding that rather endearing now...
TheFinalWord Posted February 9, 2012 Posted February 9, 2012 If you search back to my posts from last October, I questioned a guy I started dating whom I was not remotely attracted to. I'm now completely smitten, going to Paris in two weeks with him, and am looking for a new job so that I can move closer to him as I start to integrate into his family (he has three kids 50% of the time) so that I can move in by the end of the year. He is perfect for me like no one has ever been with so many mutual interests, respect, and similar kinky endeavors. By the way, I still think he has a bit of a Opie Taylor/pudding face/nice-guy-next-door look, but I have finding that rather endearing now... I agree it can definitely happen. This went with my thread the other day that I do believe chemistry (which is mainly physical IMHO) can develop progressively if you can find something about them attractive. I think if you have extreme compatibility with someone you should give it a couple dates just to make sure. I say this because a girl with whom I was extremely compatible said she felt no chemistry. Even myself I was not insanely attracted to her, but the compatibility was so high that I felt it could develop if we spent some time together. But I didn't try to debate her I would caution about dating at work...rarely ends well Then you have to look at them every day. I try hard not to mix business with pleasure!
runner Posted February 9, 2012 Posted February 9, 2012 Is it unusual for someone to be unattractive to you when you first meet them but later you find them to be attractive? i don't think so. at least IME, this happens to me quite frequently. and the opposite is also true; i'll find someone attractive at first, interact with them a bit, and then discover something that turns me off. Also, have I effed things up? hardly. What should I say or how should I apologize and let him know that I am interested? no need to apologise about anything. just be a bit more sociable around him next time you see him. flirt a little bit. smile. and hope he picks up on the idea that you'd like for him to ask you out.
Oxy Moronovich Posted February 9, 2012 Posted February 9, 2012 Is it unusual for someone to be unattractive to you when you first meet them but later you find them to be attractive? Also, have I effed things up? What should I say or how should I apologize and let him know that I am interested? Thanks! A lot of women will say they can tell if they can like a guy within a few minutes. That's crap. Your attraction to a person can always change as time goes by. When you first met him you were working, tired, and not looking. After thinking about it and learning more about him, your attraction increased. This is normal. Tell him you'd like to see him more. Honestly tell him you were tired and at work you don't normally look for guys to date. That'll clear things up.
Jane2011 Posted February 9, 2012 Posted February 9, 2012 I've never found someone unattractive at first and then later found myself attracted to him. I have, however, had several occasions in my history in which I found a guy "okay" / (been on the fence about him) and then liked him a lot later. Happens to me all the time, really. I'm usually willing to see a person for a second date when I feel like there might be a little something there that might grow. It's usually a situation where he's fun to talk to and pretty cute, but I'm just not hot for him yet. The last guy I was with...I was even still sort of lukewarm about him on date 2. But by date 3, I was way into him. I do believe, though, that there are some men who unattractive enough from the get-go that you can safely know that attraction won't grow. I've cut several men off by the middle or end of date 1 just because there wasn't even a vestige of hope for the situation. (I didn't even enjoy talking to him and/or he's just not physically attractive). So I don't like it when friends tell me to give things more time "because it [the chemistry/attraction] can grow." I understand the concept, of course, but I choose which men to give more time or not. My last date was on December 30th, and I thought he was fun to talk to but not cute enough. I stopped seeing him after date 1.
make me believe Posted February 9, 2012 Posted February 9, 2012 I think you're overthinking this.... He hasn't even asked you out. Sure he showed interest in getting to know you, which indicates he was probably physically attracted to you, but all of your panic seems to be about nothing so far. I'm with Jane, I've never found someone unattractive in the beginning and then developed an attraction to him later. I've been kinda neutral about a couple guys and then liked them more as I got to know them, but any noteworthy relationships in my life have been with guys I'd been attracted to from the beginning. You don't need to apologize the next time you see him... just be more friendly, ask him questions about himself, and show some interest.
Shaun-Dro Posted February 9, 2012 Posted February 9, 2012 I think you're overthinking this.... He hasn't even asked you out. Sure he showed interest in getting to know you, which indicates he was probably physically attracted to you, but all of your panic seems to be about nothing so far. I'm with Jane, I've never found someone unattractive in the beginning and then developed an attraction to him later. I've been kinda neutral about a couple guys and then liked them more as I got to know them, but any noteworthy relationships in my life have been with guys I'd been attracted to from the beginning. You don't need to apologize the next time you see him... just be more friendly, ask him questions about himself, and show some interest. Follow this advice, OP. Your reaction to this guy was spur of the moment, based on fear that he was moving in for the kill pretty quickly. You weren't ready for that. Now that you've processed things over, stood back so you could check him out, your mind has changed. Interesting how that works, huh? Next time you see him, like other posters have said, lay your eyes on him, and be open to some light flirting so he knows you're okay with him making a move on you now. Don't get scared again and run. Too many of this has been going on and it's hurting chances at real connections. Come back on here and keep us informed.
Author EyeAlone Posted February 9, 2012 Author Posted February 9, 2012 Thanks! I really appreciate the responses and hearing anecdotes. Now that I think hard about it, this happened with my most recent ex. Initially I wasn't too interested because he wasn't my physical "type." TheFinalWord brings up a very good point regarding dating at work. I have never dated someone who was in my class and/or worked with me. After skimming threads here at LS and witnessing sh*tstorms at school/work, I decided that I would avoid that. Having said that, I'm only going to be working in this certain part of the hospital for February. I have 9 more shifts left for this month. After Feb, I'm working in a different unit. It's a very large hospital so chances that I would run into him are slim unless I make an effort to do so. I'll give it a go and initiate a conversation with him the next time I see him. I don't know his schedule so this will take some investigating. I will report back!
TheFinalWord Posted February 9, 2012 Posted February 9, 2012 Thanks! I really appreciate the responses and hearing anecdotes. Now that I think hard about it, this happened with my most recent ex. Initially I wasn't too interested because he wasn't my physical "type." TheFinalWord brings up a very good point regarding dating at work. I have never dated someone who was in my class and/or worked with me. After skimming threads here at LS and witnessing sh*tstorms at school/work, I decided that I would avoid that. Having said that, I'm only going to be working in this certain part of the hospital for February. I have 9 more shifts left for this month. After Feb, I'm working in a different unit. It's a very large hospital so chances that I would run into him are slim unless I make an effort to do so. I'll give it a go and initiate a conversation with him the next time I see him. I don't know his schedule so this will take some investigating. I will report back! I only bring it up because I've experienced it myself. I don't want to kill your desire for him It's easy to meet people at work. Lots to talk about and they "get" a big portion of your life. But it can be a mess if it doesn't work out. Not like a guy you meet randomly. If it doesn't work out, no big deal. At work you have to see them every day. The caveat is if you are both mature. You can go on a few dates, see it isn't working and remain friends. Kind of rare though. The other thing is when you start dating at work everyone knows your business. I don't know; for me it's kind of nice to have work life separate from my personal life. But everyone is different.
Onlyjonley Posted February 9, 2012 Posted February 9, 2012 When I first met my boyfriend, I thought he was decent/kinda cute. Once I got to know him, I was so much more attracted to him, and thought he was the cutest. And he has actually lost 40 pounds since we started dating, so he is even more attractive to me now. There's so much I like about his looks now -- his cute smile, his eyes, his pouty lips. I just look at him sometimes and smile. But enoughhhhh of the sappy stuff ...... Give the guy a chance!
FitChick Posted February 9, 2012 Posted February 9, 2012 I am never instantly attracted to anyone. Fell madly in love with a man who could even be called facially ugly because he was very intelligent, talented, charming, and had a very sexy voice with an Oxbridge accent. He also was my type in terms of tall and slim build. But not exactly photogenic, to put it kindly.
Author EyeAlone Posted February 13, 2012 Author Posted February 13, 2012 SCORE! To make a long story short, I worked with him today, initiated conversation and was friendly, and he straight up asked for my number! He didn't seem at all put off from last week's interaction. Of course he still has to call me and there's a possibility that he won't. But in the big scheme of things, I'm proud of myself that I didn't get scared and bolt this time
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