dobroj Posted February 9, 2012 Posted February 9, 2012 I met someone a few months ago and I have been trying to see her as often as possible. We watch movies and just hang out is about all we do as of now. she doesn't want to do anything more and im ok with that. She now works at the same restaurant as i do and is as of a month ago now my bosses daughter. kinda awkward when i first thought about it but her dad likes me and expects me to live by his expectations with treating his daughter appropriately. After i told him exactly how i feel about his daughter he respects me for my honesty. The last time we talked she said she had recently broke up with her boyfriend and we kinda laughed about it. She talked about it for a while and said she wanted to hang out more often than we had before. We have been spending a little more time seeing one another since then and we always have lots of fun together. However there are times i question if im just there as a rebound for her or a shoulder to cry on. I recently opened up to her again and said how i miss her when we don't see each other for weeks(*which seem like months*)and she knows i want to be closer. i went as far to just straight up ask her if she feels we are or could be more than friends. she replied that there may be a possibility It made me feel good but also i felt uncertain if it could have been just to make me stop talking about it. I found im really bad about sending some weird flirty message and then i don't hear from her for a while because i think make her feel uncomfortable but i usually apologize and say i shouldn't have said that and im sorry that i did. she usually laughs and says its okay and i don't need to be sorry or worry. There will be a dance in a couple of months and if i have the courage to im going to ask her out. I am scared to and i am afraid she will reject me or it could put her in a really awkward situation. she knows exactly how i feel and always have felt. i miss her and a part of me feels she just doesn't feel that way about me or ever will. i want to forget her at times because i just cant get her out of my head. ive sent stupid cutesy messages to her and have kinda tried flirting. i just usually get a giggle but it seems to be pretty neutral feelings. As of now she is always on my mind and it messes me up bad sometimes. Depression,sadness, missing her, and wondering if she misses me. It overall just eats on me emotionally like never ending heartbreak. and it takes me a while to get back in the (me) sync that makes me function normally. I don't know if i should hang on to that slim hope for something more or avoid these feelings move on and just accept that i may never be more than just a friend.
betterdeal Posted February 9, 2012 Posted February 9, 2012 You, my dear friend, just need to pep up your self-confidence. Every morning, say this to yourself five times: I am a handsome devil! Then ROAR!!! Like a tiger. Soon enough, you'll believe it, then you'll be it. Wake up the tiger inside you and go woo her, flirt, wink, ogle, sweep her off her feet, dance first, think later, you Casanova
fishtaco Posted February 9, 2012 Posted February 9, 2012 You should just assume you have no chance with this girl. But plenty of chances with other women. You sir, have made the newbie mistake. You started a romantic relationship with her all in your own head. Hence you got attached. But it's okay, I know because I've done the same thing in my past. So this may feel like crap now, but if you learn from this, this will actually be a very valuable learning experience in the grand scheme of things. Really you need to hit on other women. In your eyes, you only see her. And unless you're already in a loving romantic relationship, that's really bad. You'll make stupid mistakes, you'll be blind to other potentially better opportunities. Anytime you feel like this, and you are not already in a committed relationship, it means you need to get dates with other women to get back to that equilibrium. Even now, many many years after I've learned my lesson, I still made the same mistake last year. It took me a month to pull my head out of my butt, but the fact that I was stuck there was embarrassing, for me, because I knew this, and I didn't follow my own advice. About a couple of weeks into it I started mechanically trying to date other women out of my trained reaction, but I didn't put enough effort into it. Then after another two weeks, I realized I played it all wrong, and I had to walk away. It wouldn't have worked out anyway, but it's embarrassing that I made all the wrong moves. So I'm telling you now, you HAVE to get dates with other women, even ones you're just mildly interested in, or even less than mildly interested in. Ideally someone you find attractive of course, but the important thing here is to regroup and refocus. Like a brain bleach to clean out your head and start fresh. I should have done this... By the way, her answer that there may be a possibility means you're the back burner guy at best. At worst she was just saying it to soften the rejection. If you shrug, walk away with no drama, and start hitting on other women, you will at the very least, earn her respect, even if she disapproves what you are doing. And she probably will, she's losing your focus and attention. Remember, respect isn't bending to other people's wills, it's to pick you own path and walk it with your head up. Once you have her respect, ironically you are actually in a better position to get her to become interested, although it's still a very low percentage win and you should just assume it won't happen, and by then you should be dating five other hot chicks that you'll wonder what this was all this about in the first place.
betterdeal Posted February 9, 2012 Posted February 9, 2012 By the way, her answer that there may be a possibility means you're the back burner guy at best. Dude! It means, yes, just make a Goddam move!
fishtaco Posted February 9, 2012 Posted February 9, 2012 Dude! It means, yes, just make a Goddam move! He did, and that was the answer he got. Although the move was kind of too soft and timid, for my personal taste. I tend to be more aggressive in how I do things. Which is not always the best way, different women prefer different approaches.
betterdeal Posted February 9, 2012 Posted February 9, 2012 He did, and that was the answer he got. *sigh* The answer he got was, make a move!, push a little harder, woo me! And if he pushes a little more, not a lot, just a bit, he'll soon find out if she likes that or not.
fishtaco Posted February 9, 2012 Posted February 9, 2012 *sigh* The answer he got was, make a move!, push a little harder, woo me! And if he pushes a little more, not a lot, just a bit, he'll soon find out if she likes that or not. Oh I see your point now. Maybe because I don't do "pre-moves", I didn't understand that. I don't ask permissions first if I could hit on someone, I just do. But it could also be a carrot to keep him around. She did just break up. He could be the castrated substitute boyfriend.
Dust Posted February 9, 2012 Posted February 9, 2012 The friend zone doesn't exist. Please don't talk about such insane concepts. If you like a girl romanticly then you approach her romanticly. You can't friend your way into being a girls lover. You're just afraid to risk rejection. If a girl rejects you then either try again or don't. You're not stuck in a friend zone... She can't force you to do something you don't want. She can reject you... but you havn't even tried! Also how old are you? I'm just going to have to assume you're still in HS. As a teenager you are your own worst enemy. Just realize that as you grow up you'll get better at this stuff. Try to not take it all so seriously and just enjoy her. I met someone a few months ago and I have been trying to see her as often as possible. We watch movies and just hang out is about all we do as of now. she doesn't want to do anything more and im ok with that. That sounds great. I mean do you really need to do anything else... So why havn't you made a move. You know like kissing her with all this a lone time you spend? Don't be scared. You don't have to get a girl out on an official dinner date where you call it a date before you're alloud to kiss her. You should have tried and continued kissing her all these times you've spent togather. Making out with a girl you like makes time go by really fast. You wouldn't have to think up anything to talk about anymore! She now works at the same restaurant as i do and is as of a month ago now my bosses daughter. kinda awkward when i first thought about it but her dad likes me and expects me to live by his expectations with treating his daughter appropriately. After i told him exactly how i feel about his daughter he respects me for my honesty. Dude don't even sweat it. He can't fire you because you like his daughter. Plus you should have never told him. I mean kind of sweet but mostly lame. It's best to keep that stuff to yourself until after you're dating her! This isn't a career job don't even worry about your boss having the hot daughter. Don't ever bring him up to her when you're trying to get kissy kissy. The last time we talked she said she had recently broke up with her boyfriend and we kinda laughed about it. She talked about it for a while and said she wanted to hang out more often than we had before. We have been spending a little more time seeing one another since then and we always have lots of fun together. However there are times i question if im just there as a rebound for her or a shoulder to cry on. I recently opened up to her again and said how i miss her when we don't see each other for weeks(*which seem like months*)and she knows i want to be closer. i went as far to just straight up ask her if she feels we are or could be more than friends. she replied that there may be a possibility It made me feel good but also i felt uncertain if it could have been just to make me stop talking about it. You can't talk a girl into a relationship. I mean you can but its lame and it works much better to kiss her make out with her and after you've been doing that stuff for a while... then you have the talk. You don't just have the are we a couple talk before making moves! Also girls like guys who are cool, not guys who openly worry about rejection and want to have their ego stroked by the girl. She's the girl... you're the guy. Its her job to look pretty and your job to chase in the begining. You need to man up and just kiss her if thats what you want to do. After you guys have been making out then have the talk about being bf/gf. All good signs by the way that she wants to hang out with you etc... etc... stop being so NEEDY! I found im really bad about sending some weird flirty message and then i don't hear from her for a while because i think make her feel uncomfortable but i usually apologize and say i shouldn't have said that and im sorry that i did. she usually laughs and says its okay and i don't need to be sorry or worry. Here you go again needing her to stroke your insecure ego. Just have fun with her. Stop saying "sorry sorry" and looking for her to say "its ok!" You're being really lame. Just kiss her you wuss! That is if you even want too. There will be a dance in a couple of months and if i have the courage to im going to ask her out. I am scared to and i am afraid she will reject me or it could put her in a really awkward situation. she knows exactly how i feel and always have felt. If you have the courage??? Of course you do! God man just kiss her already, then ask her out to the dance and kiss her there too infront of people. Stop being so scared of rejection an saying stuff like she knows how you feel. Stop wishing she would just make the moves on you and ask you to be her bf and ask you to the dance. Be a man make the moves, ask her to the dance and face rejection for the girl you like. Stop having such a huge ego that couldn't posibly handle a girl OMG saying "no" to you. You won't burst into flames and you'll get over it as quickly as you let yourself. You could literaly laugh off her "no" if thats what you felt like doing. i miss her and a part of me feels she just doesn't feel that way about me or ever will. i want to forget her at times because i just cant get her out of my head. ive sent stupid cutesy messages to her and have kinda tried flirting. i just usually get a giggle but it seems to be pretty neutral feelings. As of now she is always on my mind and it messes me up bad sometimes. Depression' date='sadness, missing her, and wondering if she misses me. It overall just eats on me emotionally like never ending heartbreak. and it takes me a while to get back in the (me) sync that makes me function normally. I don't know if i should hang on to that slim hope for something more or avoid these feelings move on and just accept that i may never be more than just a friend. [/quote'] Dude you sound completely insane. I'm not saying you are, but you need to get a grip. Stop expecting her to stroke your ego and placate to your far to fragile emotions. Have fun with this and stop acting so serious. Kiss her already. You have all alone when you guys hang out. just make some moves. Get handsy and hold her hand... but most important of all kiss her! Don't be crazy wanting to forget her and mad at her because she hasn't done the work for you and made you her bf just because you made feelings known... KISS her. You can tell her and her dad you like her and then just expect her to kiss you and make the moves on you and ask you to the dance... YOU GOTTAA DO IT. So first step kiss her! I can tell you've never had a gf! good luck. You may screw this up but thats normal. I never had a gf in hs let alone a girl I hung out with and watched movies with. So be glad you have that much. When I grew up I got more comfortable and learned to enjoy women instead of looking for an ego stroke and worrying about rejection. Stop saying sorry and kiss the girl!
betterdeal Posted February 9, 2012 Posted February 9, 2012 Oh I see your point now. Maybe because I don't do "pre-moves", I didn't understand that. I don't ask permissions first if I could hit on someone, I just do. But it could also be a carrot to keep him around. She did just break up. He could be the castrated substitute boyfriend. There are no guarantees. The outcome is dependent on how the people participate. Sure, at some point you may have to accept it isn't going to happen, but a maybe is not a no. Seize the opportunity because opportunities multiply as they are seized...
Author dobroj Posted February 9, 2012 Author Posted February 9, 2012 i have tried to bring myself to do more or to make a move and i dont know when i will but im going to try soon. im going to see if the dance goes well and take things from there. the one problem with this that i know is going o cause a lot of u to freak out is im 18 a sr in high skool and shes 15 a freshman. I know that sounds immensely wrong and i know the consequences if i would do something stupid. she once said the age difference to her doesn't matter and she understands what could happen to me if i would try anything or if she would even accuse me of touching her. were gonna hang out tonight and while im not going to kiss her the support from your responses did help. I do have a little more self confidence. im deathly shy and just talking to her is an achievement to me. i feel like i never have anything to say. at times we can talk fine but other times i have nothing and its hard to start an actual conversation. in the end i will likely walk away and move on but if i don't at least try and see where it goes I'm gonna be wandering "what if i would have".... and i don't want that i have had enough regrets in my life Im not letting this one by me without at least saying i tried and failed. I recently saw a quote what a friend-zoned guy wont admit that said "he will do anything for her not to get her in bed but because seeing her smile matters more to him than seeing her naked". i thought about that for a while and related it to my current thoughts. Seeing her happy and making her laugh makes me enjoy life and feels like im doing something right. Sex with her is the last thing on my mind its not something Im ever going to rush i feel abstinence is best and if i am blessed enough to one day be with her then great. if not i can move on say i at least tried and hopefully have taken some valuable experience with me that will help me in a future relationship
betterdeal Posted February 10, 2012 Posted February 10, 2012 Just take it easy. You have a relationship with her - a friendly one that you both enjoy. So sometimes you don't have anything to say? That's fine. Don't feel you have to fill silences with words. Sometimes silence is just what's needed. Enjoy what you do have together, that spark, that connection, that friendliness and don't worry too much about it all. She likes you and you like her, that's what matters.
Author dobroj Posted February 11, 2012 Author Posted February 11, 2012 (edited) It went ok. I never tried anything or made a move. i did get a lil touchy started with just putting my foot on hers just kinda played footsie and then she put em on my lap threw lotion at me and said in a soft yet alluring voice "you can rub em now". haha so i gave her a foot rub. i dont know if that meant anything more but to me that's something just a friend doesn't do. everything was going fine.and being she understands me like no one else does i brought up the idea of what does she feel now. I said how she is always on my mind and always looking forward to seeing her. I said i sometimes feel like im just living in a fantasy that will never be. she told me to not talk like that. the way she said it came off as dont say never just have faith. i don't know what she feels but before i said anything more she said its not a no to a relationship but being i will be gone for the most of the summer at a job she doesnt know how it will work out. i told her in my current mentality as of now i was hoping to see her as much as i could before prom in hopes we would be closer. Then after prom i would hope we would have a pretty stable relationship built up that with a little hope and love from both of us may be strong enough to hold us together so my job and the distance between us doesn't pull us apart. I told her how bad i wish i was not doing this camp job now and that I'm scared it will likely pull us apart. I said i would do all i could to see her when i could. i don't know what to feel once again. it was fun seeing her and she had a good time too but now I'm back to square one trying to advance in a relationship and now I'm at another barrier with this job I'm regretting signing the contract to now. I always hear these songs about how someone special is their drug. i know what they mean now. its what keeps you alive while at the same time you know its bad for you. and at this moment being near her is all i want. but i know when i get close it usually breaks me down, only to make me want it more all over again the next time i see her. Edited February 11, 2012 by dobroj
Recommended Posts