Titania22 Posted February 9, 2012 Posted February 9, 2012 Hey Guys, I have been struggling with my desire to have a boyfriend and my inability to find one. And the choices seem to be, continuing hoping to find someone I find somewhat attractive (in some way) who is likewise interested in me (a direction that has yet to yield any results), picking a guy am not in any way attracted to or interested in and just hoping it fills the gap, or perhaps engaging a male escort (something I don't really think I have the money for). And so i did a quick google search and found this article. http://www.smh.com.au/lifestyle/diet-and-fitness/no-money-no-honey-20100420-srs5.html Which seem to describe exactly what I would hope to get out of an encounter. The only problem is the money thing. What do you guys think? Do you think I should save my pennies and pursue this at least once for the experience? In no way could I afford something regular. After reading threads like the "gfs gone crazy" one, I can't help but feel I might "go crazy" the minute I find anyone of interest (assuming he exists). Maybe the escort thing is better, pay someone to pretend he cares, and get good sex all in one go.
RonChalant Posted February 9, 2012 Posted February 9, 2012 Escorts aren't going to give you anything other than sex...if your just looking for sex I'm sure you can find a good looking dude that'll give you a good piping if that's all your looking for and won't charge you a damn thing. If you want a bf...don't be so picky. Obviously there needs to be some attraction, but don't hold ou for the perfect 9 or 10. Sometimes a 7 or and 8 is just as good. I don't think that's settling. He'll if you really think a escort is going to do you any good your mistaken. Though I do want to pay for sex from a drop dead gorgeous female once in my life. I think it's something that's acceptable once or twice in life lol
Author Titania22 Posted February 9, 2012 Author Posted February 9, 2012 Escorts aren't going to give you anything other than sex...if your just looking for sex I'm sure you can find a good looking dude that'll give you a good piping if that's all your looking for and won't charge you a damn thing. If you want a bf...don't be so picky. Obviously there needs to be some attraction, but don't hold ou for the perfect 9 or 10. Sometimes a 7 or and 8 is just as good. I don't think that's settling. He'll if you really think a escort is going to do you any good your mistaken. Though I do want to pay for sex from a drop dead gorgeous female once in my life. I think it's something that's acceptable once or twice in life lol Did you look at the link?
Author Titania22 Posted February 9, 2012 Author Posted February 9, 2012 Escorts aren't going to give you anything other than sex...if your just looking for sex I'm sure you can find a good looking dude that'll give you a good piping if that's all your looking for and won't charge you a damn thing. If you want a bf...don't be so picky. Obviously there needs to be some attraction, but don't hold ou for the perfect 9 or 10. Sometimes a 7 or and 8 is just as good. I don't think that's settling. He'll if you really think a escort is going to do you any good your mistaken. Though I do want to pay for sex from a drop dead gorgeous female once in my life. I think it's something that's acceptable once or twice in life lol Don't assume I am looking for a 9 or 10? You say yourself there needs to be some sort of attraction. Plus the guy has to be interested. In the article, it said about 40% of the time sex isn't even involved, so the idea that women would go to an escort for the same reasons a man would are just wrong.
carhill Posted February 9, 2012 Posted February 9, 2012 I can't recall who said it, but many years ago I heard someone famous, a man who could easily get women, opine that he doesn't pay a hooker to have sex; he pays her to leave. Reading the article, it sounds like the ladies are setting up the same thing for the male escorts for the professional women who desire a companion. One would think the shoes would be much more difficult to fill, as apparently the requirements are far more comprehensive than for a female escort. In the foolishness of youth I once opined it would be cheaper and less stressful to hire a maid and a hooker and it wouldn't be until many years later and one marriage that I would come to understand the wisdom contained in such foolishness. So, with that, if you've got the money and want some adventure, go for it IMO. If I was better looking I'd probably make a great escort, especially for the ladies who aren't interested in sex (I don't do casual sex) but rather in an interesting, attentive and well-traveled companion. It wouldn't be pretending. Some of us actually are that way. Whatever decision you make, hey, you only live once. Make it count.
gaius Posted February 9, 2012 Posted February 9, 2012 I don't know Titania, do you think you could handle having an experience like that only once? Where the other person's total focus is on you, and meeting your needs while you're not required to give anything back (except money). It sounds very intoxicating, a thing that might raise your expectations even further and make regular relationships even less appealing. I'd be more supportive if it was something you could afford on a regular basis, but is one night of bliss worth the annoyance of never being able to replicate it afterward?
Oxy Moronovich Posted February 9, 2012 Posted February 9, 2012 Did you look at the link? Can you blame him if he didn't? I started to read it but when I realized how long the article was I said, "Screw this. I'm just gonna skim thru." As far as the escort thing goes, go for it. carhill is right. Men don't pay for sex, but for a hooker to leave (I think Martin Sheen said this). However, there are cases of guys catching feelings for hookers. Titania, gaius asks a good question: would you be able to do it only once if the sex was good? Would you be able to keep your emotions separate from this sexual encounter? The answer to both questions is if you like it, you'll go twice and end up emotionally involved.
Author Titania22 Posted February 9, 2012 Author Posted February 9, 2012 I know you guys are right. That is why it has been something I have been tossing up on and off for a while now, but haven't done anything about it. It would be more appealing if I knew I could do it regularly if it fulfilled the need. And yes if it were that good it would probably make regular relationships even less appealing. Especially knowing how much both my relationships costs me. The high price of an escort is still probably cheaper, but only as a once in a while thing. I am not any closer to even starting a relationship, and relationships take time even once you meet the person. And there are so many way I can mess up along the way. (Being that I am so emotional and impulsive and desperate to feel loved these days.) And it is still 5yrs until my youngest turns 18, so it doesn't matter how many of you lovely american men would be interested if I was over there, since none of you seem interested in me while I live here. I looked up other dating services today, and did you know a night of speed dating where you only get to meet 12 members of the opposite sex costs $89. How slim are your chances? I think if I had a career this would be a no brainer. Sorry for whining, I actually think I am getting worse and more desperate over time. And I am so worried that even if the right guy turns up I will drive him away from neediness. (not being overly needy in general, but specifically since it's been about a year since i was even kissed)
ascendotum Posted February 9, 2012 Posted February 9, 2012 (edited) For what you want out of an encounter with an escort I doubt if once will be enough. The problem of affording it regularly though.... What about you become a part time escort yourself. Ok if you dont want to have sex with random dudes (though a male escort is somewhat random unless you become a regular), then become a dominatrix. I've read were the women in this niche market are doing quite well, and a number never have sex with the clients. You can take out your frustration on them with the whip or have them listen to all your problems and if they dont say the right things back to you make you feel desired & special, then you can prompt them to try harder with a good kick. I remember seeing your pic once + I thought your bf from a year or so ago was a young handsome guy. I can't believe you would have any trouble finding decent (looks or character) guys who would happily be in a fwb relationship with a milf. Are you flirting with guys that take your fancy or hoping they'll take the lead and hit on you? (you might have to start taking the initiative more as you get older). Edited February 9, 2012 by ascendotum
Author Titania22 Posted February 9, 2012 Author Posted February 9, 2012 I remember seeing your pic once + I thought your bf from a year or so ago was a young handsome guy. I can't believe you would have any trouble finding decent (looks or character) guys who would happily be in a fwb relationship with a milf. Are you flirting with guys that take your fancy or hoping they'll take the lead and hit on you? (you might have to start taking the initiative more as you get older). You might be confusing me for someone else on here like ocean girl aka eternal sunshine. I met a guy just last saturday at a meetup (not the one with the grammar problem, i met many guys that night). And showed interest, but didn't throw myself on him (i told a guy friend over skype exactly what i did and he said it was perfect, not too strong and yet the guy would have had to be stupid not to know i was interested), and then left a message on his meetup profile the next day, but he obviously wasn't interested, because he hasn't responded. That being said I am out of practise at flirting (hence making myself accountable by running it past other), and it is rare around here to find a man of interested who isn't already attached. I think I perhaps come on too strong and that is why I was being so mindful on saturday to pull it back, and yet I still worry that I came on too strong. He actually pecked the edge of my lips when I left, which made me think he was interested.
FitChick Posted February 9, 2012 Posted February 9, 2012 I thought I read that the Netherlands had male prostitutes for women. It sounds like a fun thing to try on vacation as long as the men were prescreened not only for health and criminal background but for their skill. That's the problem with just picking up some guy in a bar. He could be disease ridden, a rapist and a lousy lay.
Els Posted February 9, 2012 Posted February 9, 2012 That being said I am out of practise at flirting (hence making myself accountable by running it past other), and it is rare around here to find a man of interested who isn't already attached. I think I perhaps come on too strong and that is why I was being so mindful on saturday to pull it back, and yet I still worry that I came on too strong. He actually pecked the edge of my lips when I left, which made me think he was interested. Why not spend your effort working on getting somewhere with this guy instead? I dunno, I don't think there's anything -wrong- with paying for male company. But if I were you, the entire time I'm with the escort I'd be thinking, 'Yeah, he's only paying me romantic attention for money'. Which... I'm not sure about you, but it kills the entire appeal of the encounter for me. The entire point of romantic company is the euphoria of knowing that they feel the same way about you, IMO, and in this case, you can be certain they won't. Why not spend the cash prettying yourself up for a night at the bar? Better 'investment' IMO, though not really my cup of tea either. Paying for sex is a different thing, I think.. if I did not have someone to meet my needs and could afford it, I would absolutely pay for, in my case, a professional dominant. But that is because attraction is not part of the package - I would not be paying him to pretend to be attracted to me and lavish me with attention.. I would be paying him for his kinky skills. A whole different thing. TL;DR - I don't see the point of paying for 'male company'.
Author Titania22 Posted February 9, 2012 Author Posted February 9, 2012 Why not spend your effort working on getting somewhere with this guy instead? Because he never responded. I made my moves on the night, I posted on his wall the next day. My girlfriend even emailed him to arrange a get together with me and another guy. There is nothing more that could be done. If he was interested we would have heard something.
Author Titania22 Posted February 9, 2012 Author Posted February 9, 2012 I dunno, I don't think there's anything -wrong- with paying for male company. But if I were you, the entire time I'm with the escort I'd be thinking, 'Yeah, he's only paying me romantic attention for money'. Which... I'm not sure about you, but it kills the entire appeal of the encounter for me. The entire point of romantic company is the euphoria of knowing that they feel the same way about you, IMO, and in this case, you can be certain they won't. Why not spend the cash prettying yourself up for a night at the bar? Better 'investment' IMO, though not really my cup of tea either. Because when I am with a guy I just picked up, I am completely aware that the guy doesn't care about me and it kills it for me. They don't even try to pretend that they care. At least with the escort he is being paid to put on a good show (i.e. act like he cares and loves you). I think I would have an easier time suspending my disbelief with him, then some guy who doesn't want to let me forget for 2 seconds, that this isn't going anywhere, and i could have been anyone. (On a side note Ouran Highschool Host Club is one of my favourite animes )
neowulf Posted February 9, 2012 Posted February 9, 2012 Yeah, I'm going to go with the crowd that votes "what's the point really.." I think it really boils down to how well you know yourself and really understanding what void you're trying to fill... Never paid for sex before, but I have have been to full touch strip clubs. There can be a tremendous comfort in just simply having contact with another person.. even though you know it's completely fake. Yet without fail.. when I come away from those nights several hundred dollars lighter with a hollow feeling that reminds me I'm not looking for something casual. I want a relationship. So I suppose that's the question. Is this all really just stemming from a frustration you have with not being able to find a real relationship.. the one you're actually chasing deep down? If it's simply a physical itch you're trying to scratch, then have at it. Just something about your original post (e.g "Needing to feel loved") suggested that wasn't the case..
kaylan Posted February 9, 2012 Posted February 9, 2012 Paying for fake emotional attention will only have you come out feeling worse than you already do. Dont risk it.
Untouchable_Fire Posted February 9, 2012 Posted February 9, 2012 I don't know many women that would be Ok dating a guy that regularly used prostitutes. Why would that be different for women? Personally, from what I've seen this article is full of crap. I had a friend in college who worked as a male stripper and tried this stuff on the side. He said 99% of the offers for paid sex came from gay guys. The women that hit him up were either fat, beastly ugly, emotional cripples, old hags... or an unholy combination of those options. Women who want this kind of thing are the same kind of idiots that think the ladies in strip clubs are in love with them. If you have to pay for sex and attention... you suck as a human. Titania... I know your better than that!
Els Posted February 10, 2012 Posted February 10, 2012 Because when I am with a guy I just picked up, I am completely aware that the guy doesn't care about me and it kills it for me. They don't even try to pretend that they care. At least with the escort he is being paid to put on a good show (i.e. act like he cares and loves you). I think I would have an easier time suspending my disbelief with him, then some guy who doesn't want to let me forget for 2 seconds, that this isn't going anywhere, and i could have been anyone. (On a side note Ouran Highschool Host Club is one of my favourite animes ) I love the anime too If you really feel it would help you, then go for it. I'm with kaylan in betting that it'll only make you feel worse after it's over though.
Author Titania22 Posted February 10, 2012 Author Posted February 10, 2012 Ok Guys, I don't think I will pursue it at this time. As for the guy i met, I wrote him asking what it was that turned him off, and he wrote back today and basically said he is only interested in younger women (know the feeling). So at least I don't think I did anything wrong. His response was really nice and reassuring. I can't get ls to work at home, I have tried everything, and am at an internet cafe just to respond. So if it takes me a while to respond, that's why. I appreciate everyones responses. "I don't know many women that would be Ok dating a guy that regularly used prostitutes. Why would that be different for women?" And this UF assumes that there is a man out there, who I would be interested in, who doesn't think I am too old or live too far away. If such a man exists, I wish he would hurry the hell up and make his presence known. Basically I think if the day comes when I do try an escort, it will be because I have 100% lost all hope, in which case it wouldn't matter if some guy approved or not.
Oxy Moronovich Posted February 10, 2012 Posted February 10, 2012 (On a side note Ouran Highschool Host Club is one of my favourite animes ) I love the anime too My ex-gf made me watch that crap with her because she said I forced her to watch Blood+ (although she won't admit it, she likes Blood+ somewhat). After a few episodes, I started to like Ouran. But then I stopped watching it because I began to question whether or not it's right for a heterosexual male to like such malarky. By the way, Titania, have you thought of moving to a different city to find l'amour?
kaylan Posted February 10, 2012 Posted February 10, 2012 Ok Guys, I don't think I will pursue it at this time. As for the guy i met, I wrote him asking what it was that turned him off, and he wrote back today and basically said he is only interested in younger women (know the feeling). So at least I don't think I did anything wrong. His response was really nice and reassuring. I can't get ls to work at home, I have tried everything, and am at an internet cafe just to respond. So if it takes me a while to respond, that's why. I appreciate everyones responses. "I don't know many women that would be Ok dating a guy that regularly used prostitutes. Why would that be different for women?" And this UF assumes that there is a man out there, who I would be interested in, who doesn't think I am too old or live too far away. If such a man exists, I wish he would hurry the hell up and make his presence known. Basically I think if the day comes when I do try an escort, it will be because I have 100% lost all hope, in which case it wouldn't matter if some guy approved or not. How old are you and him? And would your age have affected the relationship...ie... him wanting kids or you two being at different stages in life? Or was it just a dumb shallow reason? Because I noticed some people will want to date you, and everything will match up with you two for a relationship, but then theyll decline because someones a few years older or younger.
Author Titania22 Posted February 10, 2012 Author Posted February 10, 2012 By the way, Titania, have you thought of moving to a different city to find l'amour? I can't move until my kids are grown, and yes I would fly straight to america, because you guys make it sounds like a cornucopia of available relationship oriented men. Oh and Oxy if you want to try an anime that is less silly girl stuff try Death Note, I watched it only a month or 2 ago and it really grabbed me for storyline. I think it is one of the few animes that can probably be enjoyed equally by men and women. How old are you and him? And would your age have affected the relationship...ie... him wanting kids or you two being at different stages in life? Or was it just a dumb shallow reason? Because I noticed some people will want to date you, and everything will match up with you two for a relationship, but then theyll decline because someones a few years older or younger. I have no idea how old he was, I hadn't even had a conversation with him yet. It was noisy, so I had to rely on body language to convey my interest. I guess he judged my age from my appearance. My perception of him was that he had the innocent country boy look and i thought he was in his 20's. My girlfriend impression of him was that he was my age, and she thought she heard him say he was an electrical engineer at one point. Which really means I have absolutely no idea. I do know i have bad eyesight and therefore am less able to see wrinkles and blemishes unless i am really up close. Pity his eye sight wasn't worse. This was the body of his email:- Thanks for the email. You're great and wouldn't say there was anything that turned me off, I just tend to go for younger women. I think you're doing everything right, just going out to enjoy yourself and meeting people. Keep expressing interest in guys you like in a fun and flirty way and you'll naturally meet someone great who clicks with you. Don't stress, it'll happen, just keep enjoying yourself! I really admired how much fun you were having
gaius Posted February 10, 2012 Posted February 10, 2012 I can't move until my kids are grown, and yes I would fly straight to america, because you guys make it sounds like a cornucopia of available relationship oriented men. One of my friends was complaining he can't find a woman who's into anime the other day, you should move when you can! He would be after you like there's no tomorrow if you did.
Oxy Moronovich Posted February 10, 2012 Posted February 10, 2012 Oh and Oxy if you want to try an anime that is less silly girl stuff try Death Note, I watched it only a month or 2 ago and it really grabbed me for storyline. I think it is one of the few animes that can probably be enjoyed equally by men and women. Way ahead of you. I finished the manga 2 months ago and the anime last month.
Untouchable_Fire Posted February 10, 2012 Posted February 10, 2012 Ok Guys, I don't think I will pursue it at this time. As for the guy i met, I wrote him asking what it was that turned him off, and he wrote back today and basically said he is only interested in younger women (know the feeling). So at least I don't think I did anything wrong. His response was really nice and reassuring. I can't get ls to work at home, I have tried everything, and am at an internet cafe just to respond. So if it takes me a while to respond, that's why. I appreciate everyones responses. "I don't know many women that would be Ok dating a guy that regularly used prostitutes. Why would that be different for women?" And this UF assumes that there is a man out there, who I would be interested in, who doesn't think I am too old or live too far away. If such a man exists, I wish he would hurry the hell up and make his presence known. Basically I think if the day comes when I do try an escort, it will be because I have 100% lost all hope, in which case it wouldn't matter if some guy approved or not. I can't believe there isn't a guy out there who would want you. It's only a handful of guys that want to date way outside of their age range. You don't want them anyway because they are insecure toolboxes. Paying a guy to give you what you need isn't going to make you feel better... it's going to make you feel worse. 1 hour won't be enough, and it's going to leave you feeling emptier when he is gone... and your going to be forced to look at women who get love for free every day. Ouch. Just get out of the house as much as possible. Meet as many people as possible... and at some point you will just get struck by lightening.
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