SabreDC Posted February 9, 2012 Posted February 9, 2012 Last year, I posted in here about my pending divorce. Since that time, I've been doing the casual dating thing (not FWB but actually going out, grabbing coffee, talking, etc.). I've had some successes and some failures and I'm fine with all that. But I recently had a coffee date with this woman who has very similar interests as me. We went out to dinner, walked around the city, talked, etc. Everything is going great. However, she recently started flaking out when we have plans to meet up. Even plans that she suggested. Normally, I'd take this as a sign of disinterest and move on. No big deal. But the confusion sets in when she continually tells me (we're on a once/twice-a-week phone call frequency) that she really feels a connection, she wants to go out and get to know me more, etc. The cynic in my would immediately jump to "she's in a relationship". But I seriously do not think that's the case because we've had relationship talks about my divorce and her past relationships and she seems to be very open with that. And she has no problems with a surprise phone call and nothing ever strange happened (e.g. "Can I call you back?" with voices in the background, etc.). My plan so far has been to just try and play it cool when she cancels ("that's fine, we'll figure it out") so I don't seem desperate or clingy in the event that she's just playing hard to get. She called me the other night because she wanted to talk about where we are and she laid it out that she has felt like our past meetings have gone well, that we have a lot in common, and that she wants to keep letting it pan out to see where it goes. And then she flakes out (in the past two weeks, she's canceled 4 times and there have been no non-cancellations in that time). Thoughts? Suggestions? Advice?
Oxy Moronovich Posted February 9, 2012 Posted February 9, 2012 My advice: start looking for other chicks.
TheSingleGuy Posted February 9, 2012 Posted February 9, 2012 When she flakes out on plans to see you, how is she doing it? Does she just not respond to calls and texts? Is she texting to cancel? Or is she sincere enough about it to actually pick up the phone and call you? If she is communicating when she flakes out, as opposed to just not responding, does she suggest other times for you two to get together? I am quick these days to label them attention whores and delete the number and move on. Probably too quick. But I'll be damned if some little bitch is gonna use me for an ego boost ever again.
Author SabreDC Posted February 9, 2012 Author Posted February 9, 2012 Usually, it goes like this: We'll have plans to go out and she'll usually call the night before or several hours before (actually pick up the phone and call, which I really appreciate) and reschedule. She seems genuinely interested in rescheduling. And apologizes profusely. We'll usually come to an agreement about a new day/time and then it will happen again. It's not like we're in any type of exclusive relationship so I don't consider myself to be pinned down to this one person and I keep my options open but if I had to choose based on goals, interests, etc., she is ideal.
TheSingleGuy Posted February 9, 2012 Posted February 9, 2012 I would definitely continue to pursue her. She is not giving any of the signs that this is a never ending ego boost. The fact that she calls you on the phone to cancel is huge. Most chicks just fail to respond to texts and calls the day of. And she is saying she wants to see you another time... That is cool too. Just be careful to not be a doormat for her. I'd be less aggressive about calling and I'd probably make her sweat a good 10 day period of no contact.
Author SabreDC Posted February 9, 2012 Author Posted February 9, 2012 Just be careful to not be a doormat for her. I'd be less aggressive about calling and I'd probably make her sweat a good 10 day period of no contact. That sounds like a good idea. Thanks!
Eddie Edirol Posted February 9, 2012 Posted February 9, 2012 She is seeing someone else, and is blowing you off for him. She probably cant tell if he wants her for anything serious, so she tries to keep you on the hook. What you need to do is kill your initiation of any contact, and let her contact you always. When she flakes, "aight, whatever". She could also be getting turned off by you for some reason, but then when her other friends flake on her, she makes plans with you, and then decides she doesnt want to see you at the last minute, but she might need the ego boost of knowing SOMEone wants to go out with her, so sher keeps you on the hook. Just dont call or text her, let her chase you, and dont care if she wants you or not. In the meantime, its time to start looking for new women. Either way, if she flakes out on you that much, it might be a cowardly hint that she wants you to give up on her. She doesnt want to do the dirty work. Dont let her win at that game. If you dont call her, let her keep making plans and then let her fade away. Dont chase her for nothing. No explanations, no plans, let her do all the work.
FitChick Posted February 9, 2012 Posted February 9, 2012 She is seeing someone else, and is blowing you off for him. She probably cant tell if he wants her for anything serious, so she tries to keep you on the hook. Just dont call or text her, let her chase you, and dont care if she wants you or not. In the meantime, its time to start looking for new women. That's my intuition on this situation as well.
Author SabreDC Posted February 9, 2012 Author Posted February 9, 2012 Thanks for the advice, everyone!
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