xpaperxcutx Posted February 9, 2012 Posted February 9, 2012 So I'm still doing OLD. Almost three months in, and I've only went on one date. The funny thing is, the last date I went on, I ended up asking the guy out. Most guys who email me are "nice" but they don't initiate meetings. They'll always bring it up casually but they don't ever bother confirming a specific time and date. This has happened with 5 other guys all of whom I stopped talking with. I hate writing emails back and forth and I hate texting them. I even stated in my profile I don't like email tag. But they still do it. What's a girl to do?
carhill Posted February 9, 2012 Posted February 9, 2012 What's a girl to do? Instead of sharing what you don't like, share what you do like, for example pressing flesh (socializing), going to the cinema or theater, taking in a museum, walking in the park, etc, etc. A man who is interested and single will see an opening in such positive statements and walk right through it. 'Hey, you like live theater? Me too' bla, bla.... If they're keyboard romeo's, erase them. It's easy and cheap.
USMCHokie Posted February 9, 2012 Posted February 9, 2012 Speaking from my limited experience with online dating, one of two things is happening here. (1) The guys are really that lame and are either scared or just plain socially awkward... or (2) The more likely scenario (and one I found myself in more often than not), the guy just isn't that into you, but if you do ask him to meet, he's thinking to himself, 'eh, why the hell not,' but forcing you to do all the legwork since their interest level is relatively low...
kaylan Posted February 9, 2012 Posted February 9, 2012 Sucks 4 U ? Kidding. Um, why not simply say "You down for a coffee sometime?" Doesnt hurt for a gal to do that. But yeah, I usually have intentions of asking a girl out if I message her. But only after talking to her through mail or text for like a week, so I can get a feel if Id really wanna meet her.
RonChalant Posted February 9, 2012 Posted February 9, 2012 I can't imagine why you'd have issues your a pretty individual and most females have nonstop hits online...maybe you come off a certain way. Also, when I talk to another woman online I always wait for them to offer their number because you as the female are the decision maker as far as if you like me or not in the online world. Ask to soon and your liable to scare most off...that's been my take on things anyway
Fondue Posted February 9, 2012 Posted February 9, 2012 I'll use myself as an honest answer to your question. Out of simple curiosity, I tried OLD for about a month, maybe less. I was wondering if it actually works. After making a good profile and what not, I started to message women (or women messaging me), and we got to talking. I garnered a good bit of contacts/replies/numbers, but I found myself simply not interested. A lot of these women would drop hints in their messages about meeting up and doing activities together, but after I saw that they were interested, I really lost any of my own. I think this could be a similar situation to the guys you're talking to? The reason being, despite not meeting up at all, the tough initial part of the "chase" is done. Out of the x amount of dudes that messaged you, I was the one you were down to meet. It's more like,"oh, I guess she at least likes me enough to trust to see in in real life." At this point, we lose interest. It's ****ty thing to do, but it happens. That's exactly how things went down for me. I never ended up meeting a woman from there the internet. I got quite a bit of numbers and a bunch of emails back and forth, but I was never interested enough to meet. And at the point where the women did everything BUT ask to meet up, I just avoided it. I soon after closed my account and never logged in again. I still have ONE girl who we text back and forth, friendly and non-sexual, and she still drops hints of meeting up-- she spent all of yesterday discussing Valentines day and hoping "for plans." I don't intend to string anyone along. I don't give them any idea that I am interested, but I think it sometimes just happens. So maybe teh same is with you? Maybe these dudes are getting an ego boost? Let me know if you think this may apply to you.
kaylan Posted February 9, 2012 Posted February 9, 2012 ^Chase doesnt matter if dudes are actually into the girl. At least from what I have seen, and my own experience, dudes enjoy it when a girl they really like makes things a breeze. The only time I see "chase" work on men or women is when someone is not into the other initially. Then once they get the person they wanted, they get bored and it becomes apparent that they never truly liked them to begin with.
TheFinalWord Posted February 9, 2012 Posted February 9, 2012 Speaking from my limited experience with online dating, one of two things is happening here. (1) The guys are really that lame and are either scared or just plain socially awkward... or (2) The more likely scenario (and one I found myself in more often than not), the guy just isn't that into you, but if you do ask him to meet, he's thinking to himself, 'eh, why the hell not,' but forcing you to do all the legwork since their interest level is relatively low... I agree with 2. I've gone on several dates with OLD. I also don't like e-mailing and phoning for weeks b/c I've found you can have insane phone chemistry and zilch in person. Limiting communication before a date is a good policy IMHO. Which site are you using and what are your distance restrictions like?
USMCHokie Posted February 9, 2012 Posted February 9, 2012 What is OLD? old/ōld/ Adjective: Having lived for a long time; no longer young.Made or built long ago: "the old quarter of the town".
johan Posted February 9, 2012 Posted February 9, 2012 When papercut says she's "doing OLD" that just means she's getting a lot of action with older guys. I think that's why there are several OLD guys responding on the thread, because hope springs eternal.
carhill Posted February 9, 2012 Posted February 9, 2012 52 is old old = on line dating OP, if you find this dynamic to be pervasive, and it sounds like you do, the commonality is... drum roll.... you. I had similar results years ago when phone and online dating were in their infancy and found I had to change myself to progress such interactions to meaningful meetings and from there to healthy (or at least what appeared to be healthy) relationships. Same potentials; different me.
Mrlonelyone Posted February 9, 2012 Posted February 9, 2012 For reasons I'm sure some of you remember my experience may not be generalizeable. Take it worth a grain of salt. Better than half of the people on online dating websites are not actually looking for a relationship or an in person meeting. Many people who are in relationships still want to flirt and chat up other people, just for fun. There are even websites and pone lines which for a price, sell just that. Online dating is a way that people can get that feeling of being desired by others without any of the cost. That is not just my opinion. http://mentalhealth.about.com/cs/sexaddict/a/marriedflirt.htm http://singles.com.ua/relationship/advice253/ The truth could be simple. 1/2 of the men and women online are not really truly available for dating.
zengirl Posted February 9, 2012 Posted February 9, 2012 Ask them out or make it very clear you want to meet. I will never understand why girls persist in waiting around, frustrated, because of a gender stereotype. Personally, I always *liked* writing someone for a few weeks first (hubby and I met online, and we wrote each other every day for about 2 weeks before meeting) because it provided me with a foundation for attraction. I'm not typically attracted to strangers. But I can see where others would find it frustrating -- there was one guy who wrote back and forth with me for over a month and then never wanted to meet when I brought it up (I actually know him now; he was a friend of a friend's roommate and I've met him out and about since then, not till after I was dating now-hubby and he tried to ask me out and was kicking himself for being afraid of meeting; oh well). I stopped writing him as such. It is not that hard to ask someone out, no, but since it's not that hard. . . why don't you just do it, OP? Why wait for the other person if they're not moving at your speed?
g450 Posted February 10, 2012 Posted February 10, 2012 I agree with mrlonleyone. Been my experience as well that more than half of the women on OLD sites are there for an ego boost or because they get off on playing games with men. I hate to say that but I think it's true. I had much better luck just going out to clubs and actually talking to women face to face. And mind you I am not exactly the GQ type and Im almost 50 LOL.
soserious1 Posted February 10, 2012 Posted February 10, 2012 So I'm still doing OLD. Almost three months in, and I've only went on one date. The funny thing is, the last date I went on, I ended up asking the guy out. Most guys who email me are "nice" but they don't initiate meetings. They'll always bring it up casually but they don't ever bother confirming a specific time and date. This has happened with 5 other guys all of whom I stopped talking with. I hate writing emails back and forth and I hate texting them. I even stated in my profile I don't like email tag. But they still do it. What's a girl to do? Once you've gotten the 1st real email exchange out of the way, move onto phone contact, let him know politely that you respect your time and his & that you prefer to meet people quickly to see if there is a connection & suggest a date for coffee.
PhillyDude Posted February 10, 2012 Posted February 10, 2012 I agree with mrlonleyone. Been my experience as well that more than half of the women on OLD sites are there for an ego boost or because they get off on playing games with men. I hate to say that but I think it's true. I had much better luck just going out to clubs and actually talking to women face to face. And mind you I am not exactly the GQ type and Im almost 50 LOL. Is that why a women will send emails back and forth to me and when I leave my number she never calls?lol
PhillyDude Posted February 10, 2012 Posted February 10, 2012 Once you've gotten the 1st real email exchange out of the way, move onto phone contact, let him know politely that you respect your time and his & that you prefer to meet people quickly to see if there is a connection & suggest a date for coffee. That's what I need to start doing because girls have been making a FOOL out of me lately, 2 hour IM conversations lead to NOTHING-lol
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