Stage 5 clinger?

[blackmagik]

Okay. I have dated a lot and I always look for the signs of a crazy. The girl I am currently dating I met at the very end of December. Things went well. We talk and text a lot and usually get together once or twice a week, depending on our busy schedules. Mind you we are both in our late 20's.

 

At first at first she would say things cutesy like oh it would be nice to get married there one day, just stuff like that. Of course for me that is way way too early to be talking about stuff like that.

 

Now to the stage 4-5 crazy.

 

I talked to her on Monday but not as much as usual as I had a lot of stuff going on that day, but still some good texting back and forth. The slow down in talking really made her insecure. I told her that I had done nothing to even remotely cause this at all, and she agreed. Granted this type of behavior, especially early in a relationship. I think she is totally why more into me than I am into her. She is great and all, but all this is too soon to fast. Here is the clincher though. We are still talking about why she woudl even have these insecurities and she drops the L bomb on me. Call me old fashion, but I don't use that language until a lot longer in the relationship and this to me is a red flag, run for the hills kind of moment.

 

Am I crazy for trying to run for the hills? Should I see what is going on? Or chalk it up to her craziness?

[Disenchantedly Yours]

I'm not a fan of how easily guys call girls "crazy".

 

With that said, I think she is putting too much on you too soon and your concerns are not unreasonable. If you like her and are interested in seeing where this goes, you need to be hoenst with her that she is moving too fast and that she needs to let things move at a more natural pace. If you are not very intereted in her and only kind of enjoy her time, then you need to end it.

 

No one is perfect. What it comes down to is what you are able to deal with, with another person. Some people are equiped to deal with different issues more easy. She clearly has insecurities and is a bit needy.

 

What did you say to her when she said that to you?

[kaylan]

Shes known you less than 2 months and already used the L word? That would scare me too.

[blackmagik]

I told her I didn't know how to respond to that. You are right, I did use the term "crazy" to loosely. There is other behavior too that is turning me off of her too. I don't have that, "You are always on my mind" feeling. The feeling that you get when you just want to spend time with that person with her. I mean she is nice, we get along, and have a good time.

 

The problem is this is the second girl in the last six months that has tried to lock me down that fast. It really makes me run. I guess that is why I posted this. I wanted to make sure it wasn't just me. Don't get me wrong, I am totally not afraid of commitment, but is there anything wrong with waiting until 6 months or a year before you start dropping these things? Whats wrong with a little space and not talking every single day?

[ShannonMI]

I'm not a fan of how easily guys call girls "crazy".

 

With that said, I think she is putting too much on you too soon and your concerns are not unreasonable. If you like her and are interested in seeing where this goes, you need to be hoenst with her that she is moving too fast and that she needs to let things move at a more natural pace. If you are not very intereted in her and only kind of enjoy her time, then you need to end it.

 

No one is perfect. What it comes down to is what you are able to deal with, with another person. Some people are equiped to deal with different issues more easy. She clearly has insecurities and is a bit needy.

 

What did you say to her when she said that to you?

I'm not a fan of it either. In fact it's f*cking annoying. Try dating a legit crazy person and then we'll talk:rolleyes:

 

So the girl is a little insecure it sounds like. Big deal. If you can't handle it, end it with her. The fact that she said she loved you so soon is a bit worrisome, but not in a "crazy" sort of way. It's more of a "I'm confusing infatuation for love" sort of thing. Again, if you can't handle it, end it with her.

[ditzchic]

Wait so did she say she loves you? Or something like I love *insert whatever here* about you?

 

And is this her first outburst of crazy or were there other signs that you overlooked at the time?

[ditzchic]

I'm not a fan of it either. In fact it's f*cking annoying. Try dating a legit crazy person and then we'll talk:rolleyes:

 

Exactly! I overheard an ex tell his best friend I was crazy once because earlier in the day I was upset with him because he took my car keys and moved my car a block away as a practical joke. We were seeing each other less 2 months at that point and my car was only about 4 months old. I didn't even raise my voice with him. I just told him he shouldn't drive someone's car without their permission and he shouldn't mess with something that costs upwards of 20k as a practical joke.

 

I'd love to see him pull that on an ACTUAL crazy girl and see what her reaction is.

[blackmagik]

Girls. I also use the term crazy because this action is coming after only 4 dates. I mean, yes we cant see each other a lot because of our work and life schedules. But after 4 times seeing me she already loves me?

 

ditzchic, to answer your question she referenced an occasion where I asked her what was going on in her head, because she was looking at me all funny. She said she wanted to tell me then, but couldn't. However her exact words were, "I wanted to tell you that I am in love with you." After two weeks she was ready to marry me. I mean if things are like this after a month, what is going to happen after three months?

[Dust]

I don't scare as easily as you. I've had girls tell me they love me and I just find it sweet. If she gets to annoying by putting you down for not saying it or something then just dump her! Problem solved.

[thatone]

it's because you've found one of these women who can't deal with the fact that all of their friends and sisters and cousins and what not are married with children and they aren't. so they go into full bore CRAZY "must find white dress and baby" mode on every man they meet.

 

and yeah, it is crazy. don't get caught up in it.

[blackmagik]

I don't scare as easily as you. I've had girls tell me they love me and I just find it sweet. If she gets to annoying by putting you down for not saying it or something then just dump her! Problem solved.

 

Oh. Girls have told me that have loved me before, but it was a lot longer than after 4 dates.

[ditzchic]

ditzchic, to answer your question she referenced an occasion where I asked her what was going on in her head, because she was looking at me all funny. She said she wanted to tell me then, but couldn't. However her exact words were, "I wanted to tell you that I am in love with you." After two weeks she was ready to marry me. I mean if things are like this after a month, what is going to happen after three months?

 

Oooooh. Yeah, I'd be concerned to. I've been there before. After 3 months he suggests moving in together, you call it a stupid idea and he dumps you because he feels alone.

 

lol. Guys can be whack jobs too.

 

If this isn't going the way you want, you should dump her. It gets tiring trying to hold these types at bay. There's a lot of room for resentment to grow. They rarely end pretty when two people are on such different pages.

[xpaperxcutx]

You're only crazy for allowing texting to happen more than meeting up face to face.

 

Girls fall faster for wordy messages than for physical compatibility. In fact, she probably clings onto every word you write her.

[Titania22]

"I wanted to tell you that I am in love with you."

 

 

I love you and I am in love with you are completely different.

 

Falling in love can happen in an instant. Ever heard of love at first sight? It's caused by a series of chemical reactions in the brain, and pheromones and things like that.

 

The big I love you thing, yes that takes time, because it takes time to get to know what someone is really like. It's a stronger connection and yes, would take at least months to develop.

 

But you said she said she was "in love" with you. So are you the type of guy who would be upset 4 months in and the girl isn't "in love" with you by then, because seriously it is unlikely that if she didn't fall "in love" with you early, that she will ever fall "in love" with you.

[RonChalant]

I myself am dealing with a stage 5 clinger and need help. While she hasn't dropped the L bomb yet which is good as it's only been a week or so, she's WAY more into me than I her. She constantly text me and if I don't respond which is most of the time, she will still send them.

 

I had a "talk"...well text convo with her late last night telling her I am in no way looking for a rela right now and she said that's fine, but that she wants to show me that she would treat me right and blah blah. This came up after talk of possibly having sex, yes after a week. I dont think I should have sex with her honestly as she CLEARLY has emotional issues, but at the same time I'm horny lol. I have another female on my back burner that I'm actually purposely taking time before I try to have sex with her...but this first one I feel is going to get hurt even though I've clearly told her that nothing will come of this besides sex.

 

She works at the movies and called me to ask if I wanted to go to a free movies...was gonna go but don't want to take advantage of her. At the same time, like I said I clearly told her the deal so isn't everything from this point on going to be her own fault if she gets hurt?

[blackmagik]

I love you and I am in love with you are completely different.

 

So are you the type of guy who would be upset 4 months in and the girl isn't "in love" with you by then, because seriously it is unlikely that if she didn't fall "in love" with you early, that she will ever fall "in love" with you.

 

I don't think the two are as far off as you believe.

 

I think that we just aren't on the same page. I don't feel that strong of a connection with her.

 

I do understand that "falling in love" feeling as I have had it before. I guess I look for that now and when it doesn't happen and these girls start having feelings for me I just don't want to deal with it because I am not there with them. That feeling is the feeling you want in your partner and with both have it together it is amazing. When one has it and the other doesn't. Not so much.

[Titania22]

I don't think the two are as far off as you believe.

 

I think that we just aren't on the same page. I don't feel that strong of a connection with her.

 

I do understand that "falling in love" feeling as I have had it before. I guess I look for that now and when it doesn't happen and these girls start having feelings for me I just don't want to deal with it because I am not there with them. That feeling is the feeling you want in your partner and with both have it together it is amazing. When one has it and the other doesn't. Not so much.

 

Yeah I get you.And since it is rare that 2 people will reach that place at the same time, if at all, it is important for those of us who are impetuous try to keep our feelings on the down low until such time as the other person shows signs of feeling it too.

 

But I still think those 2 things are far apart. For me it can be easy to fall in love especially the less i actually know about the guy. And far harder for me to know a person and love them, as I find that it is hard to actually even like most people once you get to really know them, let alone love them.

 

Sounds like she is just caught up in the emotion, and there is no guarantee she would still feel that way after she knows you. (No offence to you at all, it's just that like you say how can she know you enough to love you after only 4 dates.)

 

Best to let her go, but it might be kinder on her, if you show her some of your less lovable sides first, help her get over you faster. At the moment she probably has an idealised view of you, and that can be harder to get over then a good dose of reality.

[ditzchic]

But I still think those 2 things are far apart. For me it can be easy to fall in love especially the less i actually know about the guy. And far harder for me to know a person and love them, as I find that it is hard to actually even like most people once you get to really know them, let alone love them.

 

It's like the opposite for me. I equate love as being mostly platonic. Being in love I see as romantic. I think it's really easy to love a person but extremely hard to be in love with them. All it takes for me to love a person is to really respect who they are. We don't have to have tons in common or be similar in anyway. Just knowing that they are a genuine, pure person who makes the world just a little better by being in it makes me love them.

 

Being in love takes so much more. I wish I knew what I took but sadly I've never made it to that point with someone

[Titania22]

It's like the opposite for me. I equate love as being mostly platonic. Being in love I see as romantic. I think it's really easy to love a person but extremely hard to be in love with them. All it takes for me to love a person is to really respect who they are. We don't have to have tons in common or be similar in anyway. Just knowing that they are a genuine, pure person who makes the world just a little better by being in it makes me love them.

 

Being in love takes so much more. I wish I knew what I took but sadly I've never made it to that point with someone

 

Do you really find alot of people you respect in this world?

 

But I get what you mean about the platonic thing. Like I could say I love my friends, but I wouldn't want to be in a relationship with them. A relationship gets a whole lot more intimate, you see more sides of that person, then you do the average friend.

 

But if you think about it, isn't the whole "in love" thing generally considered to fade in most LTRs.

 

I guess we just see things differently, I personally wouldn't read too much into someone saying they are "in love" with me, but I would put a whole lot more stock in them telling me that they "love" me. To me "in love" is a fleeting can change at any moment thing, and "love" if it is real is more enduring. You see I love my children, and they could do literally anything and I would continue to love them regardless. To me it seems so rare that a person could say the same about their partner. To me really loving someone is unconditional.

[ditzchic]

Do you really find alot of people you respect in this world?

 

But I get what you mean about the platonic thing. Like I could say I love my friends, but I wouldn't want to be in a relationship with them. A relationship gets a whole lot more intimate, you see more sides of that person, then you do the average friend.

 

But if you think about it, isn't the whole "in love" thing generally considered to fade in most LTRs.

 

I guess we just see things differently, I personally wouldn't read too much into someone saying they are "in love" with me, but I would put a whole lot more stock in them telling me that they "love" me. To me "in love" is a fleeting can change at any moment thing, and "love" if it is real is more enduring. You see I love my children, and they could do literally anything and I would continue to love them regardless. To me it seems so rare that a person could say the same about their partner. To me really loving someone is unconditional.

 

Not a lot. But enough to let me know that there are good people out there.

 

And yeah I think we just view the phrases different. I would freak out if someone told me they were in love with me in the first couple of months. If they told me they loved me and it wasn't all that serious yet I could just assume that they mean they love lots of things about me. Not that they were overly emotionally invested in me. And I absolutely agree love is unconditional. It's my biggest wish that I can find someone I can feel that unconditional romantic love for.

[Oxy Moronovich]

Only a crazy chick will confess love after 4 dates. Listen to the red flags. Ditch her.

[garycoleman]

I wish I had a clingy girl after me so I don't have do a lot of work to keep her interested in me:(

[Star Gazer]

I think that we just aren't on the same page. I don't feel that strong of a connection with her.

 

Her feelings are unreasonably way ahead of yours, and it's unlikely that you'll ever catch up. That doesn't make her "crazy," it makes her needy, clingy, and insecure.

[kaylan]

Her feelings are unreasonably way ahead of yours, and it's unlikely that you'll ever catch up. That doesn't make her "crazy," it makes her needy, clingy, and insecure.

Agree.

 

Crazy is more harsh of a term. She seems like a sweet girl whos a little too much codependent.

[Disenchantedly Yours]

I told her I didn't know how to respond to that. You are right, I did use the term "crazy" to loosely. There is other behavior too that is turning me off of her too. I don't have that, "You are always on my mind" feeling. The feeling that you get when you just want to spend time with that person with her. I mean she is nice, we get along, and have a good time.

 

The problem is this is the second girl in the last six months that has tried to lock me down that fast. It really makes me run. I guess that is why I posted this. I wanted to make sure it wasn't just me. Don't get me wrong, I am totally not afraid of commitment, but is there anything wrong with waiting until 6 months or a year before you start dropping these things? Whats wrong with a little space and not talking every single day?

 

 

That's a reasonable response, telling her you don't know how to respond to it.

 

4 dates and 2 months of knowing each other is way too fast to say "I am in love with you" or "I love you".

 

What intially attracted you to her?

 

When was the last time you had a serious relationship and how long did it last?

 

Is it possible that you could be attracted to slightly needy girls even if it turns you off too? I only ask this since you said it happened with the last two girls.