Author TheFinalWord Posted February 9, 2012 Author Posted February 9, 2012 FinalWord-- I just read your post on another thread about your parents--your dad being "walmart" style and your mom being high fashion--but they love each other to death. That's exactly the kind of thing I'm talking about when I downplay compatibility. A lot of that stuff really doesn't matter, and having the same taste in clothes (or anything else) won't make up for a lack of chemistry. Sure I can see what you're saying. But their compatibility is actually super high. Their values are exactly in-line; from religion to how they raised their kids. Their upbringings were a lot different Mom grew up in a ritzy side of town, my dad grew up in the country. I would actually consider clothing style more chemistry oriented. What do you think? The first thing I think of is Pdiddy lol He isn't that great looking, but his style of dress makes him "hot" and gives him that edge. But I see that as more of the initial attraction chemistry.
Author TheFinalWord Posted February 9, 2012 Author Posted February 9, 2012 (edited) Oh, I agree. And I have had the experience of chemistry revealing itself after a while. But in that case, we started dating AFTER we became attracted/chemistry grew. I guess it could happen in a few dates, but I wonder if it sometimes takes really getting to know each other? Good question. I'm not really sure I'm still in the process of exploring that myself. I think its different for everyone. I just feel the older I'm getting I should not settle per say, but figure out what really matters in the grand scheme of life. Does she have to have a flawless body, or can she have a nice body but the compatibility is so high her body becomes a 10. I think so much of attraction is mental, not just biological. That's where I see the cross over being possible. The immediate chemistry is primarily biological. But I think chemistry can develop once you start to associate a person to certain values that line up with your own. You start to see: a partner, best friend, safety, security, etc, the potential for deep love. And those things ignite mental chemistry. Once you develop mental associations that create mental chemistry (which I think can take time to develop) it can become more powerful than the immediate biological chemistry. And it can make their physical attributes, even if not originally what you would classify as perfect 10, much more attractive. Another way to describe the difference between chemistry and compatibility-- Compatibility is: I can live with you. Chemistry is: I can't live without you! The caveat of no compatibility being--can I live with you? The caveat of no chemistry being--will I one day meet someone else that I can't live without? It is an intoxicating feeling when it happens. Can make smart married people do stupid things.... Bottom line: I wouldn't marry without BOTH. Although the compatibility doesn't need to be on all levels--only the dealbreaker stuff. Good points! Edited February 9, 2012 by TheFinalWord
counterman Posted February 10, 2012 Posted February 10, 2012 Most girls I have met have put chemistry above compatibilty. Many of whom have decided to date and continue to date guys solely based on chemistry. I've heard it so many times how girls keep dating players, jerks and douchebags and in a bid to keep this 'chemistry' feeling alive, they compromised their own core values and essentially their personality. I went through this too with my ex-girlfriend. I knew we weren't compatible after the first two weeks yet I stayed with her because we had crazy chemistry. I was suffering. The thing is, how can we make a decision solely based on something we can feel for many people? I guarantee that I can meet hundreds of girls that I'll have chemistry with in a week. What separates them is how compatible we are. I personally wouldn't bend on compability just because I have chemistry with a girl. Meeting someone I'm really compatible with is much more rare and harder than meeting someone I have heaps of chemistry with. In fact, I don't need that crazy chemistry if I'm really compatible with her. To be honest, the two have really become one for me. They're both important.
garycoleman Posted February 10, 2012 Posted February 10, 2012 With the last girl I dated, we had similar personalities (shy/introvert), hobbies, and interests. I was physically attracted to her but I did not have a strong emotional connection with her. I think this was why it didn't work out between us even although I wanted to try but she didn't. So basically we were compatible people due to similar personalities and interests but we did not connect emotionally because there was no chemistry. Initially I thought we would make a good couple since we were almost the same but it was a big surprise to me that it didn't work out. I dated girls before her that were less attractive and less compatible but we got along better and the relationship lasted much longer.
Eternal Sunshine Posted February 10, 2012 Posted February 10, 2012 I need to be attracted to a guy enough to see myself sleeping with him. Other than that, compatibility all the way. I wasn't like that few years ago.
xxoo Posted February 10, 2012 Posted February 10, 2012 Sure I can see what you're saying. But their compatibility is actually super high. Their values are exactly in-line; from religion to how they raised their kids. Their upbringings were a lot different Mom grew up in a ritzy side of town, my dad grew up in the country. I would actually consider clothing style more chemistry oriented. What do you think? The first thing I think of is Pdiddy lol He isn't that great looking, but his style of dress makes him "hot" and gives him that edge. But I see that as more of the initial attraction chemistry. I don't think of chemistry having anything to do with appearance. It's deeper. I agree that Pdiddy's style is hot, when I might not even notice him in less stylish clothes. But we'd have to meet, interact, and "sniff" (I believe chemistry is partly smell/pheromones) to determine chemistry. Does she have to have a flawless body, or can she have a nice body but the compatibility is so high her body becomes a 10. When deeply smitten, the other person becomes a 10. No doubt. Whether that is primarily compatibility or chemistry is another matter
Badsingularity Posted February 11, 2012 Posted February 11, 2012 Chemistry. Without it a relationship is doomed to fail. Also. Good chemistry can help create compatibility.
ScienceGal Posted February 11, 2012 Posted February 11, 2012 Chemistry. Without it a relationship is doomed to fail. Also. Good chemistry can help create compatibility. I tend to agree, although my last relationship had great chemistry but failed because we weren't compatible enough in non-sexual ways.
Author TheFinalWord Posted February 11, 2012 Author Posted February 11, 2012 I don't think of chemistry having anything to do with appearance. It's deeper. I agree that Pdiddy's style is hot, when I might not even notice him in less stylish clothes. But we'd have to meet, interact, and "sniff" (I believe chemistry is partly smell/pheromones) to determine chemistry. When deeply smitten, the other person becomes a 10. No doubt. Whether that is primarily compatibility or chemistry is another matter Good food for thought xoxo! I think this gentleman sums it up nicely in this vid...much more eloquently than I have put it: Is having that instant attraction when you meet someone a reliable indicator of how much you will like them later? I actually like all of his relationship vids. He has a lot of great advice!
Surfer Girl Posted February 11, 2012 Posted February 11, 2012 I had someone with both chemistry and compatibility....once the chemistry was gone the compatibility disengrated....but I think it takes someone to recognize the honeymoon stage does not last forever and a mature love of compatibility can make a difference....
stillafool Posted February 11, 2012 Posted February 11, 2012 Chemistry. Without it a relationship is doomed to fail. Also. Good chemistry can help create compatibility. I happen to agree with you. Without chemistry we are just friends. I can have compatibility with my friends but it doesn't mean I'm going to fall in love with them.
alphamale Posted February 11, 2012 Posted February 11, 2012 since chemistry/love fades it would have to be compatibility
A O Posted February 11, 2012 Posted February 11, 2012 What's more important? Chemistry or Compatibility? Or do you have to have both? How do you define chemistry and how do you define compatibility? Chemistry I would define as having similar interests, life experiences, goals and general outlook towards life. Compatibility may include the last two aspects but not necessarily the first two. Both are desirable but compatibility I would wager, is the more preferable of the two as far as building a long-term relationship is concerned. Over all, physical attraction trumps both chemistry and compatibility because most of us tend to share the latter two aspects with our friends but few of us are ever attracted to them. .
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