ilovedhim Posted February 8, 2012 Posted February 8, 2012 He wouldn't be doing this if he still cared about me right? This is a recap: -We started dated summer 2010 for about a year -Break up on and off spring/summer 2011 -I stop responding to his attempts October -Around New Year's he's engaged and getting married in a few months Does this make sense to anyone on here? It doesn't to me. UNLESS everything he ever told me was a lie OR he was cheating on me this entire time. In either case I should be able to just walk with no regrets. For some reason the past few days all I've been thinking about was our relationship. Today I found their wedding registry and the date is in a few months. Everything in my life is suffering, relationships, work, even my exercise schedule. I want this to be the final nail in the coffin so I can move on.
Mme. Chaucer Posted February 8, 2012 Posted February 8, 2012 I think it's normal and understandable that the engagement shakes you. But it doesn't "mean" anything about the relationship you had with him. Your relationship was what it was. You posted that he WAS cheating on you, so evidently you had evidence of this a long time ago. This doesn't signify that "everything he ever told you was a lie." Your posting history tells me that your relationship was sick and miserable. It was not a very long relationship. I still understand how bad his pending marriage makes you feel (believe me, I have been there) but you need to just accept that you feel bad without wallowing in it and carry on.
Philosoraptor Posted February 8, 2012 Posted February 8, 2012 Maybe he has dealt with his own issues, found someone he felt really compatible with, and decided to make a large commitment. Maybe he isn't in an emotionally good place and is making decisions from a lost place. You can move on when you decide to move on. Nothing else can make that decision for you. How did you find the wedding registry?
Dark Phoenix Posted February 9, 2012 Posted February 9, 2012 Some points of comfort: Your ex is in GIGS, posted this in your last 10 page post He will not get married, most likely the new relationship will crash extremely hard within 3 months maybe longer but I would almost put money on the marriage not happening. Does it hurt? Absolutely! But it has nothing to do with you and you as a person, going through what your ex is going through is a nightmare. I almost jumped into a relationship when I had gigs and the girl I was going to jump to was married in 5 months. THANK ****ING GOD I didnt jump and self destructed it internally.
Mme. Chaucer Posted February 9, 2012 Posted February 9, 2012 Some points of comfort: Your ex is in GIGS, posted this in your last 10 page post This might be comforting, but it's not necessary the way it really is. OP posted that her bf was cheating back in 2011. He may have a relationship with the woman he is marrying that has as much history as his relationship with the OP. Bottom line is that it really doesn't matter. OP needs to move on, because the relationship is over - regardless of what the guy is up to now. And moving on is going to entail some pain and sadness. But STILL, it has nothing to do with what the guy is up to now. They have been broken up for many months.
immitable Posted February 9, 2012 Posted February 9, 2012 He wouldn't be doing this if he still cared about me right? This is a recap: -We started dated summer 2010 for about a year -Break up on and off spring/summer 2011 -I stop responding to his attempts October -Around New Year's he's engaged and getting married in a few months Does this make sense to anyone on here? It doesn't to me. UNLESS everything he ever told me was a lie OR he was cheating on me this entire time. In either case I should be able to just walk with no regrets. For some reason the past few days all I've been thinking about was our relationship. Today I found their wedding registry and the date is in a few months. Everything in my life is suffering, relationships, work, even my exercise schedule. I want this to be the final nail in the coffin so I can move on. One thing you didn't mention in this post is that you broke up with him, thinking it will teach him a lesson.
immitable Posted February 9, 2012 Posted February 9, 2012 Some points of comfort: Your ex is in GIGS, posted this in your last 10 page post He will not get married, most likely the new relationship will crash extremely hard within 3 months maybe longer but I would almost put money on the marriage not happening. Does it hurt? Absolutely! But it has nothing to do with you and you as a person, going through what your ex is going through is a nightmare. I almost jumped into a relationship when I had gigs and the girl I was going to jump to was married in 5 months. THANK ****ING GOD I didnt jump and self destructed it internally. No Wilson, she kicked him to the curb.
lalalandman Posted February 9, 2012 Posted February 9, 2012 ilovedhim, your ex is moving on with his life. Marriage, whether in vain or not, cements that fact. It's time for you to move on as well. I agree with wilson that this marriage will likely fail, but that really doesn't concern you now. Learn your lesson and be patient with yourself. Life has its ups and downs for everyone. Just be strong. And remember, good things come to those who wait.
immitable Posted February 9, 2012 Posted February 9, 2012 ilovedhim, if you still love him and think you could work things out with him, try. It is obvious that your conscience won't leave you alone, hence your constant searching for answers. As you can see, on these forums, people tend to think about giving a second chance ONLY if the dumper (in this case you, I'm sorry to say) literally walks on broken glas to prove the dumpee that still wants him. I am not telling you what to do, you will know better, but at least reconsider what you need to do, as the ball is or was pretty much in your court this whole time, so that you can have clear conscience and maybe say sometime in the future, that you tried everything to save your love.
norajane Posted February 9, 2012 Posted February 9, 2012 I want this to be the final nail in the coffin so I can move on. What more do you need? He's getting married. End of story. Coffin closed. Move on.
Jono85 Posted February 9, 2012 Posted February 9, 2012 1. you created this exact thread before. 2. you seemed to have made a thread about him cheating on you last year. yet now it seems you'd be surprised if he'd been cheating on you?? hmm..
Author ilovedhim Posted February 10, 2012 Author Posted February 10, 2012 I think it's normal and understandable that the engagement shakes you. But it doesn't "mean" anything about the relationship you had with him. Your relationship was what it was. You posted that he WAS cheating on you, so evidently you had evidence of this a long time ago. This doesn't signify that "everything he ever told you was a lie." Your posting history tells me that your relationship was sick and miserable. It was not a very long relationship. I still understand how bad his pending marriage makes you feel (believe me, I have been there) but you need to just accept that you feel bad without wallowing in it and carry on. Back in april, the first time we broke up, we both started seeing other people. We got back together in may and he admitted to seeing MANY people. There's no way for me to know if this is one of the women he was involved with. I'm still with the same person. Although we did get back together again. Also, we dated in high school for over 4 years. Maybe i'm considered the dumper but it's because i was treated so poorly in this R. Every time i brought this to his attention he would tell me well i'm no angel. The reason i keep posting here looking for answers is because he never respected me enough to give me any. Again the reason i kept going NC. No other relationships in my life, platonic or otheriwse have been like this. And none of my friedns have liked him. NONE. Even the ones that knew him from back then. It's time to put this behind me, the guilt and pain. You all are right it's his life, the women he's marrying is a decade older than him and knows what she's doing. I don't need to babysit them.
Author ilovedhim Posted February 10, 2012 Author Posted February 10, 2012 One thing you didn't mention in this post is that you broke up with him, thinking it will teach him a lesson. In my life i don't take action with the expectation of hurting people. Each time i broke up with him was because i thought it was the best thing to do.
stillafool Posted February 10, 2012 Posted February 10, 2012 Then why don't you call him and talk to him about the way you are feeling. You are in another relationship now and it is not fair to your new boyfriend that you are still pinning for your ex.
2sunny Posted February 10, 2012 Posted February 10, 2012 Some points of comfort: Your ex is in GIGS, posted this in your last 10 page post He will not get married, most likely the new relationship will crash extremely hard within 3 months maybe longer but I would almost put money on the marriage not happening. Does it hurt? Absolutely! But it has nothing to do with you and you as a person, going through what your ex is going through is a nightmare. I almost jumped into a relationship when I had gigs and the girl I was going to jump to was married in 5 months. THANK ****ING GOD I didnt jump and self destructed it internally. So - you state these things like they are facts. How would you know? What makes you think you absolutely know what this guys future will bring? You don't! Yet, you post like you do! This isn't relevant advice - since you don't know what the future brings. So please stop advising like you're a mind reader! Maybe the guy simply found that he loves someone else. It happens! Since he's moving forward - so should the OP. but not at the expense of the new guy she's dating.
betterdeal Posted February 10, 2012 Posted February 10, 2012 It's quite a natural reaction to be upset to hear something like this, but it can also be quite cathartic and comforting in a way to know just how far apart you are now. It doesn't change what was in your relationship with him in the past, although that did sound like a difficult relationship. Take some time to absorb how you feel, then carry on with life. You may soon find it quite liberating.
Author ilovedhim Posted February 10, 2012 Author Posted February 10, 2012 Well, i was having lunch with friends and one of them said my ex was getting married for residency issues. At this point i'm thinking this is just a rumor. He wasn't born here however he 's been here since childhood. And i don't know about her but he's too selfish to do anything like this for someone else out of the kindness of his heart or even for love. She said he may be getting paid to do it. And that he may be doing it under another identity. Very strange. So glad i'm no longer in his life. Thanks for all your responses, supporting me and otherwise. And sorry for posting another thread. Typing this and maneuvering around the website on my cell is daunting.
Sugarkane Posted February 11, 2012 Posted February 11, 2012 I really think this guys marriage will be a trainwreck.
EspressoTorte Posted February 11, 2012 Posted February 11, 2012 I really think this guys marriage will be a trainwreck. And if it is, that's his deal. If so, she shouldn't expect some fairytale reunion as a result.
Zahara Posted February 11, 2012 Posted February 11, 2012 He's getting married and moving on. OP needs to try and do the same rather than analyze his every move. No answers to be found except that he's getting married and it's a done deal. And just because OP had a bad experience with the ex, that does not mean it relates to the outcome of his marriage. It could very well be a totally different journey and experience for him.
shayla Posted February 11, 2012 Posted February 11, 2012 And just because OP had a bad experience with the ex, that does not mean it relates to the outcome of his marriage. It could very well be a totally different journey and experience for him. To me this is what sounds like the fairy tale. This man isn't going to morph into a different person. The new woman isn't any better than the OP, she didn't magically cause him to become Prince Charming. He is going to be him, and she is going to live with it, maybe she will endure it, but their marriage isn't going to be paradise by any means. The only way it will be any better is if this man realizes from the prior relationship that he did things badly and wants to change. But more than likely he doesn't feel he did anything wrong.
Author ilovedhim Posted February 11, 2012 Author Posted February 11, 2012 Not analyzing his every move, if i wanted to be with him i could've been. But i'm no doormat. And expect way more than he can provide. Furthermore, my current relationship is better than any previous one and i wohudln't jeopardize it. Also, not many people IRL know how much he hurt me and i no longer discuss him with anyone. She called me and left me a voicemail basically saying they're getting married blah blah blah. This classy couple has been dating since 2009, according to her. Meaning he's been cheating on her, me and lord knows who else for over a year. Why he/she/they are trying to instigate a problem with me when he's been on ignore for weeks now, and why all of a sudden i don't have the slightest inclination to react, i don't know. How she got my phone number i don't know. All i know is it's time to change it. And maybe even time to move out of my apartment. Screw him.
Author ilovedhim Posted February 11, 2012 Author Posted February 11, 2012 Shayla, i agree with your assessment. Unfortunately this is who he is. In my last response to him i did wish him the best and asked him not to contact me or have any of his friends contact me. He did just the opposite. There's a storm brewing and i don't want to get caught in it. Btw, i'm trying to respond to pm's but doesn't look like my responses are being sent. I'll email LS
Zahara Posted February 11, 2012 Posted February 11, 2012 (edited) To me this is what sounds like the fairy tale. This man isn't going to morph into a different person. The new woman isn't any better than the OP, she didn't magically cause him to become Prince Charming. He is going to be him, and she is going to live with it, maybe she will endure it, but their marriage isn't going to be paradise by any means. The only way it will be any better is if this man realizes from the prior relationship that he did things badly and wants to change. But more than likely he doesn't feel he did anything wrong. No one said he is going to morph into Prince Charming. No one said this new woman is better than the OP. Everyone's gauging the ex based on a one sided definition from the OP. The ex may very well be a better match for this new woman and vice versa and while they may have their own hurdles to overcome, you cannot gauge his success based on his failed relationship with the OP. And who are we to say that he will not find his awareness or this may just be what he needs to turn things around for him. There's always three sides to the story. His, hers and the truth. These predictions would have substance if you were working with all sides of the story. Predicting his failed future just because the OP and the ex had a tumultuous 5 month relationship is at best mere speculation rather than the truth. Edited February 11, 2012 by Zahara
Mme. Chaucer Posted February 11, 2012 Posted February 11, 2012 ^^^^^ That's what I'm saying. It was a FIVE MONTH RELATIONSHIP. That doesn't even quite qualify as "long term." More like they gave it a try and it didn't work out. Who knows if his fiancee is "Ms. Right" for him or not. There is as good a chance as any. Bottom line is that the feelings of "WTF" are normal and we can all understand them, but don't bother trying to analyze the guy, the latest relationship, or use any of it to reflect on what went on between the two of you.
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