stillhurt Posted February 8, 2012 Posted February 8, 2012 It's sad to realize that my ex still has the capability to mess with my head after so much time. The last week has been a little depressing for me after he called out of the blue. It was a reminder of everything bad, of failure. How do you get past that? I feel like I got pushed back in my recovery because of his phone call, because I have to remind myself over and over why he is a bad choice. Of what I did wrong, of how he hurt me. It's like a scab and his phone call just ripped it off. When does that stop? I shouldn't have to remind myself at all. I know what he is. He is what many of you say he is. He did not reach out out of care, only selfishness. I am also bored of the whole thing, but my head still gets messed up from him. It's like I know he is this person, but you still get confused. I want to be one of those people where no matter how the ex pops up in your life, you are unfazed. In many ways, that is how I will know I am truly over it/him. How many of you want that? How do I achieve that?
Philosoraptor Posted February 8, 2012 Posted February 8, 2012 If it communication with him hurts, then you need to stop answering the phone. Once you are healed within yourself you can resume communication if you choose to and if he is accepting of such down the line. You will know you are healed when you feel peace and indifference. No outside sources will show you that you are healed. But the only way to heal is to let go of the past and embrace your future.
geegirl Posted February 8, 2012 Posted February 8, 2012 When does that stop? I shouldn't have to remind myself at all. I know what he is. He is what many of you say he is. He did not reach out out of care, only selfishness. I am also bored of the whole thing, but my head still gets messed up from him. It's like I know he is this person, but you still get confused. I want to be one of those people where no matter how the ex pops up in your life, you are unfazed. In many ways, that is how I will know I am truly over it/him. How many of you want that? How do I achieve that? Ah Still, we all romanticize douchebags when we love them. And that happens when you still have an emotional tie to them. You've never really given yourself a chance. You kept engaging him and going on NC and recently he decided to come back again and yes, he gouged into your wound again. We know them for who they are. I knew my ex was a raging cheat after I broke up with him. Even when I caught him with the other woman, I was still romanticizing him. It's normal to go through these phases. Don't look at this as a setback or question your capability to move forward. There was a time when I found it so hard to take him off his pedestal but a year later, seeing him face to face left me with a smile, as I walked away feeling nothing. You will get there. You have to be committed to NO CONTACT, even if it is an Unknown Number calling at 3AM, you keep away. If you give yourself enough time and invest that time in you, you will find immunity. You just never really gave yourself a fighting chance.
Author stillhurt Posted February 8, 2012 Author Posted February 8, 2012 I feel like I have been fighting. I really feel like I try and cheer myself on. Whenever I feel myself getting low, I have to do this whole speech to myself about how it's over. Time to let go...etc etc. But, there are days when you just feel horrible. Like I've said before, I have trouble even imagining life with this person now. He seems so far away and foreign. I don't really miss him. It's just a lot of regret and confusion when I think about our past. It really has gotten to the point, where all the good memories are gone and I only remember the bad. But, my problem is that I don't want him to reach out and mess with me. I have already removed him from all contacts, but obviously he still got in touch with me. The reason I picked up ...honestly, was I seriously did not know who it was. For all I know, it could've been an emergency with a family member. No one ever calls at that time, so I assumed it was something bad. I will still pick up if a anonymous 3AM call occurred again, because you never know what may have happened. This freaking guy should just show some respect and leave it alone!
Author stillhurt Posted February 8, 2012 Author Posted February 8, 2012 I recently started seeing someone, and he is interested in developing the relationship. But, I am afraid because of the way I am right now, that I am not ready for it. I am afraid that my "baggage" will result in another failed relationship.
Philosoraptor Posted February 8, 2012 Posted February 8, 2012 Well if you answer again and it is him then respectfully let him know you have nothing to say to him, wish him the best, and hang up. If you're not ready for something then be honest and maybe when you are ready you can start something up with this new person. Just don't allow yourself to hop in until you are ready, or keep this new guy hanging on.
geegirl Posted February 8, 2012 Posted February 8, 2012 No one ever calls at that time, so I assumed it was something bad. I will still pick up if a anonymous 3AM call occurred again, because you never know what may have happened. This freaking guy should just show some respect and leave it alone! If it is an emergency, they will leave a message. And you can call back right away. Why would he show you respect? He's never had to do it before because you allowed him to break your boundaries. He's just doing what he's always been doing. "If Still doesn't respect herself, why should I. After all I did to her, she still picks up the phone and entertains me. Who knows, maybe next time, I can take it a little further." You have to respect yourself and keep in no contact and if there is a call at 3AM and you still want to pick up, then you respect yourself by hanging up. I strongly believe that when you are still emotional about someone else, the healthy thing to do would be to find some time to heal and find your emotional strength and mental clarity again. I don't think it's fair to this guy as well when your heart is not fully invested, when me may be coming to the table, all in.
Author stillhurt Posted February 8, 2012 Author Posted February 8, 2012 I thought I was ready. I thought that since I finally saw my ex clearly for who he is, and knew that we were impossible, and that I had faced most of my own issues, that I was ready. But, the ex came along and tweaked my head. Now, I am unsure of if I am 100 % ready.
geegirl Posted February 8, 2012 Posted February 8, 2012 I thought I was ready. I thought that since I finally saw my ex clearly for who he is, and knew that we were impossible, and that I had faced most of my own issues, that I was ready. But, the ex came along and tweaked my head. Now, I am unsure of if I am 100 % ready. If you are not 100%, then you need to get there. You need to be alone for a bit and get yourself emotionally healed. Invest in yourself and keep relationships on the back burner for awhile.
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