CopingGal Posted February 8, 2012 Posted February 8, 2012 (edited) Hello People, As many of you know, I've been fighting the urge to go to facebook. One reason I wanted to go was to see if he was still coming to my town regularly. The woman he cheated on me with lives in my town. I was always nervous I would run into them again. Another reason is that it was really hard to think of those two together, even though they had a dysfunctional relationship. Yesterday I sat at my computer weeping, weeping, weeping. I asked my roommate to please go to his facebook page, but not to tell me anything that would hurt me. My roommate did. I found out that he is no longer with the woman he cheated on me with....the one in which he said the relationship was "soooo easy." The woman he ripped my heart out for and made me sick for and told me that doing those things to me was worth it. Also, he is back at his old job, the job that had a horrible schedule. I can only imagine that he got fired from his cushy job, the same job that had such a wonderful schedule that instead of spending his time on me, he chose to spend his time to look for other women to be with. So I laughed and laughed and felt much, much better. But this was basically a one time thing. First of all, my roommated blocked him after he went to his page because my roommate can't stand him. I still have him blocked as well. Even if he got back with this woman, the idea of him being broken up with her a second time, and the wedding being called off is a memory I can deal with and now I feel I can go on and not be in so much pain. The first time she left him, he got physically sick and cried and cried. This time the break up resulted in the engagement being broken. I know it sounds mean, but he deserves every horrible thing that happens to him. For those of you that don't know my story, let's just say he psychologically and emotionally abused me and then harassed me with unwanted contact after he confessed to cheating on me. After he and I broke up, he made fun of me because I was alone and he had her. But I had decided to have a relationship with myself and concentrate on me, get to know me and start to appreciate me. Now, here I am, back in school, doing humanitarian work on the internet, and life is getting better. I broke up with him because I chose me over him. I am proud of my decision. Edited February 8, 2012 by CopingGal
geegirl Posted February 8, 2012 Posted February 8, 2012 (edited) But I had decided to have a relationship with myself and concentrate on me, get to know me and start to appreciate me. Now, here I am, back in school, doing humanitarian work on the internet, and life is getting better. I broke up with him because I chose me over him. I am proud of my decision. If you're moving towards appreciating yourself, then continue to do that, but you just contradicted what you said by going on his FB wanting to seek information to help alleviate your feelings of being devalued. One moment you are crying afraid of what you might find and the next you're laughing because his failure is what you needed to reinforce your need to feel good about yourself. Again, your success depends on what he is doing with his life. If you found something else on his page, would you still have laughed and laughed or would you have fallen into an even bigger pit? If you are going to have a relationship with yourself, then do it, regardless of whether he is suceeding or failing in his endevors. Edited February 8, 2012 by geegirl
Author CopingGal Posted February 8, 2012 Author Posted February 8, 2012 (edited) If you're moving towards appreciating yourself, then continue to do that, but you just contradicted what you said by going on his FB wanting to seek information to help alleviate your feelings of being devalued. One moment you are crying afraid of what you might find and the next you're laughing because his failure is what you needed to reinforce your need to feel good about yourself. Again, your success depends on what he is doing with his life. If you found something else on his page, would you still have laughed and laughed or would you have fallen into an even bigger pit? If you are going to have a relationship with yourself, then do it, regardless of whether he is suceeding or failing in his endevors. You are right on most accounts. All I can say is that I go back and forth because I am still very, very deeply hurt. I have progressed a ton because I am involved in school and these projects. I don't spend all day moping about him and even though I had a crying fit yesterday. So yep, I'm still finding my way. I will probably go back and forth for a long time, but overall I have moved forward. I have a lot more moving forward to do. But I don't need his failure to feel good about myself. Yes sometimes I feel very bad about myself after what he put me through. But I also have days in which I feel very, very good about myself. The latter occurs much more than the former. I didn't ask my roommate to go to his page so I could feel good about myself. I ask my roommate to go to his page because when he cheated on me he torn my heart in two and I needed to know if he was still with her....not so I could feel better about myself...just so I could feel better. What can I say? I'm human. Edited February 8, 2012 by CopingGal
geegirl Posted February 8, 2012 Posted February 8, 2012 You are right on most accounts. All I can say is that I go back and forth because I am still very, very deeply hurt. I have progressed a ton because I am involved in school and these projects. I don't spend all day moping about him and even though I had a crying fit yesterday. So yep, I'm still finding my way. I will probably go back and forth for a long time, but overall I have moved forward. I have a lot more moving forward to do. But I don't need his failure to feel good about myself. Yes sometimes I feel very bad about myself after what he put me through. But I also have days in which I feel very, very good about myself. The latter occurs much more than the former. I didn't ask my roommate to go to his page so I could feel good about myself. I ask my roommate to go to his page because when he cheated on me he torn my heart in two and I needed to know if he was still with her....not so I could feel better about myself...just so I could feel better. What can I say? I'm human. I'm not discrediting your progress but in stating that when you realized he was in a bad position, you felt elated. Would your progress have meant as much if you went on his Facebook and discovered that he was with a supermodel and had a cushy position? Your progress should not be gauged as to where he is in life but where you are in your life. We all are human, I get that. And sometimes the urge is there to FB stalk. If you truly want to move forward, stay away from FB and really focus on what you need to do because I guarantee that if you had seen something else last night, you would have set yourself back leaps and bounds. What you do not know will not hurt you. I'm not here to tear you down. I'm in praise of you for wanting to find your way again but while you do that, realize that you are still allowing him to control your journey and I say this because your reactions to where he is in life played a role in determining how you felt about yourself. Keep moving forward. You're doing great in all your efforts to find yourself again. Kudos to you!
Author CopingGal Posted February 8, 2012 Author Posted February 8, 2012 Thanks for your postings. Yes, I have moved forward a lot. However, if I want to keep moving forward, I have to stay away from facebook. But my gosh, at least I know now, that at least for now, I don't have to worry about running into them in my town, as he does not live here. And yes, I should not go back...at all. I stuck it out for a long time, but the pain got too much. So yes, if I want to keep moving forward, I must stay away from facebook. He continues to be blocked and I'm glad my roommate blocked him too. His life has to be irrelevant to me as I continue the healing process...thanks. I suppose that one day I will be so healed that I will only want the best for him. Today is not that day, but I can see it in the far future. I am progressing toward that, as I pray for him from time to time.
geegirl Posted February 8, 2012 Posted February 8, 2012 I suppose that one day I will be so healed that I will only want the best for him. Today is not that day, but I can see it in the far future. I am progressing toward that, as I pray for him from time to time. This will surely come, Coping. I was in your shoes and now can only wish him good things and look at him as a person that was a part of my life rather than someone that hurt me very deeply. You will get there. Proud of you for your humanitarian efforts! Keep it up!
g450 Posted February 9, 2012 Posted February 9, 2012 The healthiest place for you to be at is at a point where you could care less who he is with or not with or anything having to do with HIS life. Its YOUR life you need to concentrate on. You are not at this place yet. Keep working on getting there. Hit the ignore button for him on facebook and be done with it and dont look back. You dont need the drama.
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