Sometimes I feel as though I`m not equipped to be in a long term relationship..

[lemonlegs]

Does anyone else feel like this? I`m still young, but my ex whom I recently just broke up with, was hurt by something I did, and I had a hard time understanding why. And I thought if I was in his shoes, I would not be as upset as he is.

 

My first serious relationship I was in, I was cheated on. I got over it but it hurt a lot. I would never cheat on someone.

 

I just feel like any relationship you`re entering in to, some person`s bound to be emotionally damaged and incapable of being in a fulfilling, long lasting relationship.

 

Moreover, I`ve found that when I`m single, I tend to be a happier, more positive person.

 

For example, I`m talking to a guy I really like, but he told me that his ex screwed him over and possibly cheated on him, yet a mutual friend of ours, told me that she simply had to move away for school but was a nice girl. He told me how upset he was over their breakup, and it makes me think that I can end up doing the same thing. It makes me very nervous...I know theres probably more to it than what I know thus far, but still....

 

Is there something wrong with me?

[ditzchic]

I often feel the same way and I'm not that young. I had a very wise guy friend tell me once that things work and don't work for a reason. That with the one I'm meant to be with, the one that I'm compatible to be with for life, it will work. That when their are hard times both people will feel motivated to work it through just so you can still see each other's faces at the end of the day.

 

It makes sense. If people can't work through simple issues together how can they work through the tough things that come up in a longer term relationship. I hope that's true.

[thatone]

Does anyone else feel like this? I`m still young, but my ex whom I recently just broke up with, was hurt by something I did, and I had a hard time understanding why. And I thought if I was in his shoes, I would not be as upset as he is.

 

My first serious relationship I was in, I was cheated on. I got over it but it hurt a lot. I would never cheat on someone.

 

I just feel like any relationship you`re entering in to, some person`s bound to be emotionally damaged and incapable of being in a fulfilling, long lasting relationship.

 

Moreover, I`ve found that when I`m single, I tend to be a happier, more positive person.

 

For example, I`m talking to a guy I really like, but he told me that his ex screwed him over and possibly cheated on him, yet a mutual friend of ours, told me that she simply had to move away for school but was a nice girl. He told me how upset he was over their breakup, and it makes me think that I can end up doing the same thing. It makes me very nervous...I know theres probably more to it than what I know thus far, but still....

 

Is there something wrong with me?

 

i think you're looking at this the wrong way.

 

it's not really appropriate for him to unload such baggage on you. it's none of your business and not your fault.

 

i talk about exes with women i date as well, if they do, but i don't ever suggest that i'm somehow still suffering from them, because that's not fair.

 

that doesn't mean even older people follow this advice. older people often make the same mistake, but it is a mistake.

 

very common red flag, treat it like one.

[Emilia]

I don't think you can ignore that people get hurt and damaged in LTRs or even in STRs to be fair. It doesn't matter whether they talk about it or not, you know the pain exists.

 

The way I work around this is that I make amends with my exes. Splitting up with my ex husband broke my heart because we met in our 20s and it felt like the end of innocent times when we split up. We both recognise our contribution to the breakdown however and I keep in touch with him on a regular basis.

 

I sort of keep my exes in the fold and make sure they understand my viewpoint and put it in perspective. It also helps ME to understand their viewpoint and I don't have any bitterness towards them. I can deal with the baggage because I understand them as people rather than see them as the enemy - if the above makes sense.

[Ninjainpajamas]

I wouldn't worry too much about relationships and the details until you're a bit older. So much happens when you're young, so much maturing, I honestly don't know how or why people would want to get married when their young when they don't even know who they are...or even take long term relationships extremely seriously.

 

Chances are the relationship you are in when you're young doesn't stand a chance of lasting forever, you just don't know enough about relationships at this point and especially yourself in my opinion.

 

For example, lots of people have personal issues that contribute to issues in the relationship that they have no idea are playing a part, so they therefore expect this other person...a stranger who's barely getting to know them, to fix all their insecurities and issues and make their little world bright and wonderful when they don't even have life figured out for themselves.

 

So I wouldn't worry about it much, I'd consider yourself in training right now. I wouldn't hold on to men and worry about the details of breakups in relationships nor even question cheating, It happens..and it happens for a lot of different reasons but some men don't know how to end a relationship and many men don't want to lose a good thing yet aren't ready for the long term.

 

So learn as much as you can about yourself and how men work, then you might actually have a chance when you're older of making one work.