luvkitties Posted February 7, 2012 Posted February 7, 2012 Started talking with a guy on Match; I discovered that his screen name is his last name. I looked him up on my state's court records; there were a few minor traffic violations (no seat belt, no insurance, etc), but there were also 2 that stuck out to me--one for possession of THC (marijuana) in which he pleaded guilty, and one for a hit and run which was dismissed. These were about 15 years ago, which would have made him about 18 at the time (we're both 33). Would this be a deal-breaker? I have never done drugs, nor do I intend to start. I just wonder, since I know this info, should I chalk it up to something that maybe was an experiment, or do I have reason to be alarmed? Also, how would you go about asking someone in a not too obvious way if they ever did or still do drugs? I would like to ask him; if he lies to me, then I know to not continue communication. Any opinions would be appreciated...thanks!
thatone Posted February 7, 2012 Posted February 7, 2012 i own a business and make most of my living these days in the stock market. if you look me up, you'll find a stolen property charge in the town i went to high school in (friends stole stuff and left it in my apartment) from 17 years ago. i would wager about half of the adult population has smoked pot at some point when they were in high school/college. possibly more. considering the time that has passed since these things, i wouldn't worry about it. lots of people do stupid sh*t when they're kids and grow up later.
chryssy83 Posted February 7, 2012 Posted February 7, 2012 Most guys I know have at least tried pot. I never have done drugs and I would never be with a pot smoker. But something that happened 10 plus years ago doesn't make him a druggie. As for how you ask....I ask a ton of questions when I meet a new guy so I'd probably just throw it out there. Or wait until drug use or criminal convictions come up and ask him his feelings/past. If he's like "ok this is embarrassing but I actually have convictions for possession and leaving the scene...I was so stupid...I'd beat my kid if he was like I was---my parents are saints." Then no biggie, I think. If he lies about it or says that he thought you'd never ask about drugs and pulls out a baggie of weed, or says he is a recreational user every once in a while, or that neither conviction is legit because everyone is out to get him...that's different. I am in law enforcement, I look up every guy I date and they know it.
ditzchic Posted February 7, 2012 Posted February 7, 2012 Lots of kids do really dumb stuff when they are 18. Fortunately, most people learn a lesson from the mistakes they made when they were younger and dumber. I wouldn't be really concerned about something that he did when he was a teenager unless he seems like the type that hasn't learned his lesson about it. Still meet him. And bring up past drug use nonchalantly. See how he reacts. If he's honest and seems like he's moved on and took something away from it, that's great. If he lies about it or acts like it was no big deal or, worse yet, is one of those guys that shifts the blame and acts bitter about it, you know not to go out with him again.
Art_Critic Posted February 7, 2012 Posted February 7, 2012 First thing.. good for you for checking up on him.. I would of and did when I was doing online dating. Something to remember is that many states have a first offenders plea/law that allows people to make the first mistake.. Those pleas are not part of public record as their record is expunged. so.... If you live in a state that has a first offenders plea then the drug charge is his second plea and not the first. all that being said... It was a long time ago and people make mistakes and don't repeat them. I personally would be more worried about the driving while not being insured than anything else.. In a worst case scenario that could lead down the path of you risking your personal property somewhere down the road if he wasn't properly issued and say you guys live together and he gets into a major accident If it is an old charge then the same thinking applies about making mistakes..
Author luvkitties Posted February 7, 2012 Author Posted February 7, 2012 The pot/hit and run was from 15 years ago; the no insurance thing was in January 2011.
Feelin Frisky Posted February 7, 2012 Posted February 7, 2012 That pot thing so long ago is nothing. It does not imply that he is going to take you down some horrible drug drama or be an irresponsible man forever after.
Negative Nancy Posted February 7, 2012 Posted February 7, 2012 Lol, going strictly by THAT definition I'd have a "drug history" too even though I haven't touched any drugs in the past 15 years at all. I mean seriously, he was 18 and it was just pot. Like someone else said, the majority of kids have tried it at one point or another, I just see it as something you do when you're young. In my opinion, anything you did before 18 doesn't really count anymore now anyway, except for violence, theft and murder. Give the man a break, it was just typically experimenting as a teenager. If he's still a pothead, that's a different story
Art_Critic Posted February 7, 2012 Posted February 7, 2012 In my opinion, anything you did before 18 doesn't really count anymore now anyway, except for violence, theft and murder. Give the man a break, it was just typically experimenting as a teenager. If he's still a pothead, that's a different story Well.. that is a little minimizing... I experimented with pot like a typical teenager but I also do not have a criminal record because of it either so he wasn't experimenting like a typical teenager. It is the fact that it happened so long ago is what should get him a chance, not that he was doing something illegal and got caught and everybody else does it. I would be curious to know if this is his second conviction, the first being not on his record as being expunged. and... I feel the driving without insurance to be a bigger deal..
ditzchic Posted February 7, 2012 Posted February 7, 2012 I would be curious to know if this is his second conviction, the first being not on his record as being expunged. This is always my question to. Because honestly, most of us would have some kind of criminal record if we weren't so lucky as to not get caught doing something, anything, illegal. But if it happens over and over then that is just a case of stupidity.
veggirl Posted February 7, 2012 Posted February 7, 2012 oh gosh, that was sooo long ago. I wouldn't mention it! Who cares? He was freakin 18 and got caught with weed. How would you even bring this up? "Hey I saw you got caught with weed when you were a teenager, whats that about?" ???? Or, "so....ever been caught with drugs?" ???? Come on! Forget you even saw it.
ShannonMI Posted February 7, 2012 Posted February 7, 2012 Started talking with a guy on Match; I discovered that his screen name is his last name. I looked him up on my state's court records; there were a few minor traffic violations (no seat belt, no insurance, etc), but there were also 2 that stuck out to me--one for possession of THC (marijuana) in which he pleaded guilty, and one for a hit and run which was dismissed. These were about 15 years ago, which would have made him about 18 at the time (we're both 33). Would this be a deal-breaker? I have never done drugs, nor do I intend to start. I just wonder, since I know this info, should I chalk it up to something that maybe was an experiment, or do I have reason to be alarmed? Also, how would you go about asking someone in a not too obvious way if they ever did or still do drugs? I would like to ask him; if he lies to me, then I know to not continue communication. Any opinions would be appreciated...thanks! He was 18. A kid. Maybe he smoked some pot and made bad decisions like so many teenagers do. I wouldn't dismiss this guy just yet. Find out if he still smokes weed. If he does and you aren't cool with it, then end it with him. Simple as that.
Recommended Posts