Imajerk17 Posted February 7, 2012 Posted February 7, 2012 (edited) So i went out with this guy this weekend and in person he mentioned his kid....I figured I must have missed this in his profile for some reason (which is odd since I never would go out with a person with a child). I just looked at his profile right now. And it says HE DOESN"T HAVE ANY KIDS. Lying this badly from the get go is a huge red flag for me. What do you guys think? It's a huge red flag. I don't think you should see him again, even if you actually were OK with someone having kids. If you want to call him out on that lie, I say knock yourself out. Edited February 7, 2012 by Imajerk17
Imajerk17 Posted February 7, 2012 Posted February 7, 2012 (edited) I understand why she is upset too, it's just I think she is wrong to be focused exclusively on herself here. She should forgive him and understand that people do things like this because they are afraid, not because they want to hurt you. Being let down like this is a minor pain compared to the massive rejection she now has to slap this guy with. Hopefully she tells him in a kind way that she was upset to find he had a child when his profile said otherwise. I'm really tired of dating stories from people that only care about themselves and what they can get from the other person. I often agree with you UF, but I definitely don't this time. The number one rule in all human interactions really (dating, sales, and so on) is to represent yourself honestly. (It's actually a basis of our economic system. People who don't do this are often fired, fined, even put into prison. You know, "false advertising" is illegal. You could end up in serious legal trouble if you lie about your credentials on your resume to get a position and you're found out, even if you end up doing a great job in the meanwhile.) It's what it means to act with integrity really. This guy broke the rule. He "false advertised". This guy did not represent himself honestly, and he ended up wasting her time. Edited February 7, 2012 by Imajerk17
ShannonMI Posted February 7, 2012 Posted February 7, 2012 I can kind of understand where he's coming from. I've got a daughter from a previous relationship, and initially I was terrified nobody would go near me with a barge pole. But I put it on my profile anyway and I had plenty of dates and a relationship since then. Perhaps I'd have been swamped with offers if I didn't. I'll never know! The trouble is, by meeting people like you he's reinforcing that fear instead of bypassing it by only meeting people who are okay with it. If he was THAT slimy and manipulative. he'd not mention it until after sex, so at least give him some credit for being reasonably honest in person. It's because you're fine as hell, Andy. Duh!!
Dust Posted February 7, 2012 Posted February 7, 2012 Yeah exactly and I'm in my late 20's, not ready yet for kids...but do want some someday. This guys kid is a toddler! You're in your late 20's so you better not wait too many more years to start trying to have a kid. It's fair that you don't want to date a guy with a kid but this is what OLD is. I think if the guy is cool he should just not online date. Then he wouldn't be in a situation to simplify his life down to a profile when lookng for women to meet him. I think men should refuse to online date. I think that when a woman ends up online dating she gets what she deserves. Because when your a man who online dates you get to deal with this crap. Granted I myself don't want to date a woman with kids. I just take offense at how you women look at a profile the pictures, the height, the job... Do you guys think I should email him and let him know he should probably change that for future reference. Yes I'm that pissed. Just remember those in glass houses shouldn't throw rocks. I hope you look just as good as you do in those pictures you put up or you may have some insults being hurled back your way. I can really see nothing good comming from you telling him off. Sounds like drama.
RecordProducer Posted February 7, 2012 Posted February 7, 2012 Lying about anything on a dating website just seems so manipulative to me. It gets people to meet you under false pretenses, and sets the relationship off on a bad foot from the start. The lying is what would be a dealbreaker for me if I were in that situation.I agree with this. Not only did he lie, but you don't want aguy with a kid, so don't date him again. I married a man with a toddler and it was a mistake. And now that my kids are teens I have no intention to date a person who has toddlers. I'm done with that phase of my life and won't deal with anybody's small kids again, unless they're of school age and absolutely amazing and non-demanding. The number one rule in all human interactions really (dating, sales, and so on) is to represent yourself honestly. (It's actually a basis of our economic system. You're so funny! You know, "false advertising" is illegal. Actually, it's not. Well, you can't blatantly lie because the consumer organizations will nail you and you can get suedif you cause damages with your lies. But, nobody is going to put those diet pills sellers to jail for ripping people off of their money, faith and health. You could end up in serious legal trouble if you lie about your credentials on your resume to get a position and you're found out, even if you end up doing a great job in the meanwhile. Not always, it depends. If you lie you have a medical diploma and you don't, then yes. This is not a legal issue. People lie in the dating world and it's a social problem.I think that when a woman ends up online dating she gets what she deserves. Because when your a man who online dates you get to deal with this crap. Dust! I've never seen you this mean! What kind of crap do man deal with? Get called on when they lie about having kids? So, a woman putting a picture from 10 years and 30 lbs ago is a deadly sin, but a man lying to a 28-year old that he is childless - when in fact he has a toddler somehow makes women bitches because they won't date a man with kids? Granted I myself don't want to date a woman with kids. I just take offense at how you women look at a profile the pictures, the height, the job... And you guys only look at pictures and age and weight! Just remember those in glass houses shouldn't throw rocks. I hope you look just as good as you do in those pictures you put up or you may have some insults being hurled back your way. Meanie! Meanie! :bunny: The reason he lied about having kids is because he doesn't want women like you (who don't want to date a man with kids) to write him off right away just because of that.Right. And that's the wrong reason. Trust me on this one. As tolerant as I am, if you don't want a man with kids, it will never work. Agreed. It's hard enough when you're open to someone with a kid, like I was, let alone when you know in advance what you don't want. Yeah exactly and I'm in my late 20's, not ready yet for kids...You're an old spinster!
g450 Posted February 8, 2012 Posted February 8, 2012 Unfortunately lots of people lie on dating sites. Just be glad he didnt lie to you about being married or separated etc. Been lied too by two women myself. One about her age and another about her appearance. Really Sad. Like most others, that would have been a dealbreaker. The whole idea of these sites is to sort through the ones that you know will not be relationship material for you. And one would have to be a total idiot to not understand a simple question like "do you have kids?" Seriously? Be thankful you dodged a bullet.
Untouchable_Fire Posted February 8, 2012 Posted February 8, 2012 Now you're the one making assumptions that the OP's course of actions are jerky... I really would question someone who feels a need to lie about having children. If it was an occupation that required secrecy I would understand, but the fact this guy decided to omit the fact about having a baby is completely duplicitous. I have seen many men online who are proud fathers and have no problem stating they have kids or their love for children. The fact someone would go so far to lie about it or lie by omission tells me it goes beyond something simple as forgetting to state it. Sounds like he's really ashamed of the fact he's got baggage. OP, you also need to look at the fact that he started things off by lying whether it is about a child, his job, etc, he started things off with a rocky foundation. Her attitude in this thread is jerkish... I'm suggesting she restrain herself IRL. No assumptions in that statement. Again... so far OP has not provided any information to show whether this guy intentionally lied or just clicked the wrong button. Some people just are not computer savvy. No point in burning some guy on a cross for a clerical error. I often agree with you UF, but I definitely don't this time. The number one rule in all human interactions really (dating, sales, and so on) is to represent yourself honestly. (It's actually a basis of our economic system. People who don't do this are often fired, fined, even put into prison. You know, "false advertising" is illegal. You could end up in serious legal trouble if you lie about your credentials on your resume to get a position and you're found out, even if you end up doing a great job in the meanwhile.) It's what it means to act with integrity really. This guy broke the rule. He "false advertised". This guy did not represent himself honestly, and he ended up wasting her time. ... Of course we should all strive to be honest. If this guy is intentionally dishonest, just politely reject him for it and move on.
FitChick Posted February 8, 2012 Posted February 8, 2012 Been lied too by two women myself. One about her age and another about her appearance. Didn't they have photos? It never turns out well when they don't.
Author starla33 Posted February 8, 2012 Author Posted February 8, 2012 Her attitude in this thread is jerkish... I'm suggesting she restrain herself IRL. No assumptions in that statement. Again... so far OP has not provided any information to show whether this guy intentionally lied or just clicked the wrong button. Some people just are not computer savvy. No point in burning some guy on a cross for a clerical error. ... Of course we should all strive to be honest. If this guy is intentionally dishonest, just politely reject him for it and move on. I'm not being jerkish I'm pissed. I'm not going to bother to speak to him again. And like I said the site has an option to put absolutely nothing in the kids section (you can skip it!) he chose to put (might want kids). It also has the option to say i have a child and might want more. So you tell me. Pretty sure not a clerical error because if it was he would have just skipped the question!
zengirl Posted February 8, 2012 Posted February 8, 2012 It honestly could be an error. You CAN hit the wrong dropbox. If I didn't care about the kid, and he told me on the first date, and I wanted to date the guy anyway, I'd call him on the OLD profile and see if he changed it when he logged in (assuming he did). If he gave me any indication he had placed it that way ON PURPOSE, I probably wouldn't be okay with it---lying to strangers isn't any more fine than lying on a date, IMO, but those are my ethics, not everyone's. But OP, it sounds like you don't want to date someone with kids, which is also totally fine. Just don't date him! You don't have to come up with some huge thing in order to not date him.
g450 Posted February 9, 2012 Posted February 9, 2012 Didn't they have photos? It never turns out well when they don't. One photo was from her HS prom or something similar. I am not making this up. The other regarding age looked like she used a photo that was 10-20 years older. When she got out of her car on our first date she needed a walker to walk. Also not making this up. I pretty much stopped using Oline sites after that.
FitChick Posted February 9, 2012 Posted February 9, 2012 One photo was from her HS prom or something similar. I am not making this up. The other regarding age looked like she used a photo that was 10-20 years older. So the problem isn't lying about age, it's about using old photos. I lie about my age but my photos are current and I look like them. If a man likes the way I look in my photos, he will like the way I look in person.
Emilia Posted February 9, 2012 Posted February 9, 2012 So the problem isn't lying about age, it's about using old photos. I lie about my age but my photos are current and I look like them. If a man likes the way I look in my photos, he will like the way I look in person. You shouldn't. You assume he will like you after liking your photos but in real life you show more wrinkles than your pics ever would. I think any form of lie indicates lack of confidence in who you really are.
g450 Posted February 10, 2012 Posted February 10, 2012 So the problem isn't lying about age, it's about using old photos. I lie about my age but my photos are current and I look like them. If a man likes the way I look in my photos, he will like the way I look in person. Well the photos were poor quality. Not really much to see her face. But the main issue was that she was basically dissabled from the waist down. I do have a heart but dont you think you would warn somebody about that since it would be a dealbreaker for most people? And for the record, I know that some people use poor quality pictures for that very reason...to be deceptive. She owned a $50,000 sports car. You would think that she could afford a digital camera that did better than 320x240 resolution.
soserious1 Posted February 10, 2012 Posted February 10, 2012 Her attitude in this thread is jerkish... I'm suggesting she restrain herself IRL. No assumptions in that statement. Again... so far OP has not provided any information to show whether this guy intentionally lied or just clicked the wrong button. Some people just are not computer savvy. No point in burning some guy on a cross for a clerical error. ... Of course we should all strive to be honest. If this guy is intentionally dishonest, just politely reject him for it and move on. I do believe the OP mentioned that she'd exchanged emails over a 2 week period with this guy, plenty of time for him to mention his child.
FitChick Posted February 10, 2012 Posted February 10, 2012 You assume he will like you after liking your photos but in real life you show more wrinkles than your pics ever would. Except I don't have wrinkles. Stay out of the sun and you won't either!
veggirl Posted February 10, 2012 Posted February 10, 2012 I do believe the OP mentioned that she'd exchanged emails over a 2 week period with this guy, plenty of time for him to mention his child. Plus, how long was the profile up? He had NEVER noticed it? Or NEVER went on a date with someone else, who would've pointed out the "clerical error" ? Please! He's a lying scum.
Author starla33 Posted February 10, 2012 Author Posted February 10, 2012 Plus, how long was the profile up? He had NEVER noticed it? Or NEVER went on a date with someone else, who would've pointed out the "clerical error" ? Please! He's a lying scum. Actually he told me I was the first one. I can't wait till he goes out with another. From what he told me about his exes (also something not to talk about on a first date!!!) they were all crazy alcoholics. I'm definitely not that guys type, thank the gods.
Author starla33 Posted February 11, 2012 Author Posted February 11, 2012 Ummm, did you completely miss the part where she said they were emailing each other for TWO WEEKS before they met face to face, and not once in that ENTIRE time did he even MENTION his kid? ROFL! "Clicked the wrong button," indeed. OP, I'd definitely tell him his little game of dirty pool was not appreciated and that you won't be seeing him again. He knew EXACTLY what he was doing. Is there a point in me contact him now? He didn't bother to follow up after our date even though he was saying he would like to do it again and to let him know (i do not ask guys on 2nd dates, if you want me you can ask me, and if you are confused and can't tell if I liked you that is too bad!)
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