veggirl Posted February 10, 2012 Posted February 10, 2012 You should know it takes time finding someone you are compatible enough with to start a committed relationship. It not that people pickers are always off...its that many of us just havent found the right person yet. I dont go on 80 first dates in 4 months. Thats a hell of a lot. I usually meet a couple of girls I like and tend to focus on one a little more than the other. While I am feeling them out, I still freely socialize with other single women. So Im not doing any sort of constant multi-dating. If I get to a point where I make up my mind that I have to have one particular girl, then I focus soley on her, and I stop acting single. Then I just see where things go with her. In my life thats only happened with a few girls though. Its rare that I get the "I gotta have you now, and just you" feeling. I know. I was directing my comment to Muse etc who threw out their ridiculous calculations. You're normal. You'll go to coffee. You socialize and narrow the field so to speak via some casual interactions. These guys apparently do dinners for every first date. That's just stupid.
musemaj11 Posted February 10, 2012 Posted February 10, 2012 You know, I'm totally down with going dutch or person A paying for date 1, and person B paying for date 2. Not a problem at all! My question though is, how many freakin dates do you dudes need to go on before you meet a girl you like and likes you back?! S.hit!! Going on a zillion first dates...why?????? Maybe you need to work on your "people picker" as they say around here, and suss out the gals a bit more before you go on the dang 80 first dates in 4 months or whatever math you've worked out in your head. Good lord. and OP I think it'd be totally fine to write off a girl who didn't offer to pay her share. Easy for you to talk when you arent walking the walk. Money isn't easy to earn and it sucks to get charged for love. Women are lucky. The worst thing that could happen to a woman in dating is that the guy has sex with her and disappears. Big deal. Unlike paying money, sex is free. Yes it hurts emotionally. But its like rejection. Its only in the mind with no tangible bearing. It costs her as much emotional pain as when a man asks a woman out and gets brushed off. Your logic is weird...So you think she's being insecure if she offers to pay? How would you know this if you haven't been seeing her for that long? Its just courtesy to ask before doing. I didnt say a woman is insecure if she offers to pay.
Author wavering_radiant Posted February 10, 2012 Author Posted February 10, 2012 What do you mean in the moment? It was days later and you were asking her out again. Even now you say you had a good time. You're just mad you paid for her and now she won't go out with you end of story. If you hadn't asked her out again I'd believe otherwise... so hopefuly this doesn't happen to you again but seriously you'd be an idiot not to go out with a girl you had good time with just because she didn't specificaly thank you for buying her food. Girls are often nervous about everything from saying yes to saying no. Well, the exchange we had was amiable. We weren't fighting with each other or anything. She appeared entertained by my jokes and such. It's just that, given the end result, it's most likely she was just acting that way to be "nice". Our interactions were agreeable, but she wasn't very quick to ask me questions or restart the conversation when it died. Seems pretty rude to me. You like a girl and have a good time on a date and let it end with a goodbye see ya and then she doesn't hear from you for days haha. Why not suggest another date at the end of the date you are enjoying? Why not call her the next day if you were some how to silly to ask her out before the other date was over. Seriously a girl who will say yes to a "Lets go out again Friday night" will say "no" to a txt days later... You shouldn't need me to explain this to you. Its basic logic but even if you don't understand me for the love of all that is good just trust me. Its very easy to reject a txt. You really should have asked her out in person at the end of your date you yourself say you enjoyed. I really don't see how it's rude to wait two days to contact someone again after a first date. I think that's a reasonable window of time. And the reason that I don't ask a girl out for another date during the first date is that she is likely to say yes anyway just to be nice, because it's way easier to reject someone over the phone/text or just not respond to my calls/text at all than it is to reject me in person. And not all people are put off by texting to arrange a date. Again, I highly doubt that she would be put off by texting since she had specifically told me to text her when she first gave me her number.
Dust Posted February 10, 2012 Posted February 10, 2012 I really don't see how it's rude to wait two days to contact someone again after a first date. I think that's a reasonable window of time. And the reason that I don't ask a girl out for another date during the first date is that she is likely to say yes anyway just to be nice, because it's way easier to reject someone over the phone/text or just not respond to my calls/text at all than it is to reject me in person. And not all people are put off by texting to arrange a date. Again, I highly doubt that she would be put off by texting since she had specifically told me to text her when she first gave me her number. Ask any girls she'll tell you it was rude... Just ask. As for your logic it is that of an insane man. You say yourself you know it to be ture a woman is more likely to say "yes" if you ask her out durring the date... yet you want to make it easy for her to say "no!" This is blasphemy! The entire point is to get her saying "yes, yes, yes!" Not ignoring her for two days and then asking her out in a way thats easy for her to ignore you or say "no!" .... You got what you deserve and reassing your feelings and labeling a girl ungreatful only after she says no to another date is sore loser crap. Please for the love of all that is good ask girls out during the date and by your own logic make it more likely they will say yes...
Author wavering_radiant Posted February 10, 2012 Author Posted February 10, 2012 Sure. You want the date to go well and so you don't want the awkwardness of a bill to get in the way, so you paid. Next time, do some or all of the following: (1) Plan a date that is thoughtful and romantic but that is *inexpensive*. Ice cream in the summertime is perfect. Coffee might come across as cynical. (2) Make a move early on in the date. If she isn't feeling it, you will know it before the check arrives. You can then ask her to pay her share. (3) Ask to do something else (Date #2, take a walk somewhere) before the check arrives. If she isn't feeling it, then you'll know it before the check arrives. As far as manners--I'm looking for some gratitude on the woman's part. If she tells me "I had a great time" or even "Thanks for coming out, this was fun" then that certainly suffices. I don't need to be thanked outright for getting the bill. Yeah, most of my first dates have been either coffee dates or something else relatively inexpensive. I really didn't feel like doing the same thing again, and the restaurant we went to was one I've been wanting to try for a while, so I chose that (that was one perk of the date - this Mediterranean restaurant's food was fantastic). What do you mean by "make a move" during the date - try and kiss her in the middle of the meal? If we were out for a couple drinks, I'd probably try to get a little touchy-feely first and see how she responds. The thing is I didn't get any thanks at all, not just for the food, but for the date at all.
kiss_andmakeup Posted February 10, 2012 Posted February 10, 2012 I really don't see how it's rude to wait two days to contact someone again after a first date. I think that's a reasonable window of time. And the reason that I don't ask a girl out for another date during the first date is that she is likely to say yes anyway just to be nice, because it's way easier to reject someone over the phone/text or just not respond to my calls/text at all than it is to reject me in person. And not all people are put off by texting to arrange a date. Again, I highly doubt that she would be put off by texting since she had specifically told me to text her when she first gave me her number. While I agree the girl was a rude biotch for acting so entitled and not thanking you, I do think, if for some reason you did want to go out with her again, that two days is a little long to wait. I have never gone on a first date with a guy and then not heard from him for two days. Usually they've texted me right after, and checked in the next day. They may have waited a day or so to ask me out again, but they contacted me sooner than that. After my first date with my boyfriend he texted me to assure I'd gotten home safely...then the next day he called me, to chat a bit and ask me out again. I couldn't remember the last time a guy called instead of texted. It was a huge turn-on.
Imajerk17 Posted February 10, 2012 Posted February 10, 2012 (edited) While I agree the girl was a rude biotch for acting so entitled and not thanking you, I do think, if for some reason you did want to go out with her again, that two days is a little long to wait. I have never gone on a first date with a guy and then not heard from him for two days. Usually they've texted me right after, and checked in the next day. They may have waited a day or so to ask me out again, but they contacted me sooner than that. After my first date with my boyfriend he texted me to assure I'd gotten home safely...then the next day he called me, to chat a bit and ask me out again. I couldn't remember the last time a guy called instead of texted. It was a huge turn-on. The rules of communication have changed. I am old enough to remember a time (a decade ago before texting took off) where calling 2 days after the date, to ask her out again, was fine. But a key word is calling. Texting to ask for a date is rather lame. Anyway, really good stuff. You probably have no idea how much guys sweat the post-date communication thing. Especially in the cases where we do want to see the girl again but the date went only OK. In these situations a lot of us are concerned about coming on too strong and scaring her off. What if we already mentioned that we wanted to see her again during the date? And how should we be reaching out to her right after the date anyway? We were the ones who took her out, so us thanking her doesn't feel right. So we default to the "two day rule". Thanks for posting! Edited February 10, 2012 by Imajerk17
Author wavering_radiant Posted February 10, 2012 Author Posted February 10, 2012 The rules of communication have changed. I am old enough to remember a time (a decade ago before texting took off) where calling 2 days after the date, to ask her out again, was fine. But a key word is calling. Texting to ask for a date is rather lame. Anyway, really good stuff. You probably have no idea how much guys sweat this stuff. Especially in the cases where we do want to see the girl again but the date went only OK. In these situations a lot of us are concerned about coming on too strong and scaring her off. And how should we be reaching out to her anyway? We were the ones who took her out, so us thanking her doesn't feel right. So we default to the "two day rule". Thanks for posting! I think this is the whole problem is that there are so many different rules about what's considered rude vs. desperate vs. appropriate, and there's so much variability in what an individual person would consider rude, that it's hard to tell. In retrospect, I probably won't text again to ask for another date, but I've known girls who don't have a problem with that, so it's not a universal rule.
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