musemaj11 Posted February 8, 2012 Posted February 8, 2012 I love how all guys who have an issue buying a girl dinner are considered lonely and not dating. If I were not dating, this would not be an issue as I would not be spending money. The fact is that I date constantly and have been in several relationships. I have been in my current relationship for almost a year. Thus, I spend a lot of money of women...thousands of dollars...that I could otherwise be saving. My gf had the opposite view (same as me) that you do. She makes her own money and thinks that we should split all dating expenses. She does not understand the 'guy should pay' mentality all and she actually dislikes it. After all, she enjoys my company as much as I enjoy hers. When I want to make her feel special, I buy her gifts. Even now, we split most dating expenses. I don't really care much at this point since we are serious about each other, but she likes to make sure she is pulling her weight. Yea thats funny because currently Im juggling three girls at the same time in search of that mythical 'considerate and generous independent woman' who doesnt expect money to be thrown at her face. But seriously I still cannot find that woman. All the women I have found are just frigging cheap SOBs. So obviously Im far from lonely. But I am unhappy because everywhere I go, Im only provided with two options: the fugly or the leech. I cannot find the middle ground. So obviously Im far
Oxy Moronovich Posted February 8, 2012 Posted February 8, 2012 I love how all guys who have an issue buying a girl dinner are considered lonely and not dating. If I were not dating, this would not be an issue as I would not be spending money. The fact is that I date constantly and have been in several relationships. I have been in my current relationship for almost a year. Thus, I spend a lot of money of women...thousands of dollars...that I could otherwise be saving. My gf had the opposite view (same as me) that you do. She makes her own money and thinks that we should split all dating expenses. She does not understand the 'guy should pay' mentality all and she actually dislikes it. After all, she enjoys my company as much as I enjoy hers. When I want to make her feel special, I buy her gifts. Even now, we split most dating expenses. I don't really care much at this point since we are serious about each other, but she likes to make sure she is pulling her weight. A financially secure woman will pay for herself. Only broke women make a big deal about men having to pay for dates by using shaming tactics by calling them cheap, stingy, and lonely.
Disenchantedly Yours Posted February 8, 2012 Posted February 8, 2012 Wavering_radiant, You totally deserved a "thank you". It was wrong of her not to acknowledge that you paid. I don't just say "thank you" to be polite but because I enjoy showing my appreciation for men that do something nice for me. This experience might help you to better spot the right kind of girl in this regard.
Sanman Posted February 8, 2012 Posted February 8, 2012 @musemaj I dunno. The women Im attracted to and the women I tend to attract are usually pretty low maintenance. They are cool just getting coffee or hitting up drive in, or going out partying with my friends and I at the bars. I think everything depends on the girl and how much she likes you. This chick liked me enough where us hanging out was all that she needed. She was generous as hell too. Shed buy 35 dollar bottles of Ciroc and throw shots at me. Shed also always offer to cook me something when I came over. Guys dont have to do the stuff her ex did, because like I said, if a chick is feeling you...money matters not. Just treat each other well. Btw, this was last year. I was 24 at the time. She was 23. Absolutely, it is all about attraction with women.Whether they want to see you has little to do with the money you spent. Even less reason to spend much money on a woman you are getting to know. However, some women will not like coffee shops and have expensive taste. They like nice restaurants, wine bars, etc. The problem is that they will want to go to these without considering how much it is going to cost the guy. I have had women say that certain places (diners, pizza places, Starbucks, etc are not good enough for a date). These are mostly girls with rich parents who are used to the finer things in life. It depends on how the girl was brought up.
musemaj11 Posted February 8, 2012 Posted February 8, 2012 A financially secure woman will pay for herself. Only broke women make a big deal about men having to pay for dates by using shaming tactics by calling them cheap, stingy, and lonely. Very not true. Women's selfish romantic obsession is inherent. It runs in their blood. It has no bearing to how much money they themselves possess. Even a woman who has $1 million who is dating a man who has $10,000 would still expect him to be the one courting and romancing her at his own expense. A woman doesnt care if someone else suffers as long as she can have her romantic fantasy satisfied. Its akin to how many guys dont care about how others feel as long as their sexual needs are met.
TheFinalWord Posted February 8, 2012 Posted February 8, 2012 The main thing I have learned from all these posts is that a guy who asks me out for coffee twice (especially after learning that I don't like coffee) is cheap and bitter like a lot of the guys on loveshack. Not my type. That said, a chick who doesn't say thank you at all is probably never going to express appreciation for anything you do for her, and I think that's a bad sign with regard to her character. I can see why you think that. I am not bitter, just gaining experience. As a guy you find that girls go a lot by initial chemistry. If they're not feeling it right away you have chance for a second date; however the girl will usually be cordial and allow the date to continue. As a man we have no way of gauging this 9.9 times out of 10. The way we find out is by the girl rejecting a second date. After this happens, oh I don't know, say 12 times? It doesn't make you bitter just not wanting to invest so much $$$ up front. Meals are expensive! The last girl that said she felt no chemistry also did not eat her meal. So it was wasted. I almost felt like boxing it up so I could take it home! lol I would only ask a girl for coffee the second time if she accepted a second date but did not seem to interested the first time around.
Dust Posted February 8, 2012 Posted February 8, 2012 Well, it was more of a realization after the fact. It didn't hit me hard during the date for some reason, but looking back I wonder why it didn't bother me more. I guess I was just physically attracted to her at the time and that was clouding my judgment during the moment. What do you mean in the moment? It was days later and you were asking her out again. Even now you say you had a good time. You're just mad you paid for her and now she won't go out with you end of story. If you hadn't asked her out again I'd believe otherwise... so hopefuly this doesn't happen to you again but seriously you'd be an idiot not to go out with a girl you had good time with just because she didn't specificaly thank you for buying her food. Girls are often nervous about everything from saying yes to saying no. And I didn't wait "so many days" to get back in touch with her' date=' it had just been two days, which seems pretty reasonable to me. [/quote'] Seems pretty rude to me. You like a girl and have a good time on a date and let it end with a goodbye see ya and then she doesn't hear from you for days haha. Why not suggest another date at the end of the date you are enjoying? Why not call her the next day if you were some how to silly to ask her out before the other date was over. Seriously a girl who will say yes to a "Lets go out again Friday night" will say "no" to a txt days later... You shouldn't need me to explain this to you. Its basic logic but even if you don't understand me for the love of all that is good just trust me. And when I originally got her number' date=' she specifically told me to text her, so it doesn't sound to me like texting is something that would put her off. [/quote'] Its very easy to reject a txt. You really should have asked her out in person at the end of your date you yourself say you enjoyed.
FitChick Posted February 8, 2012 Posted February 8, 2012 All the women I have found are just frigging cheap SOBs. Just like you, so why are you complaining? Sounds like a perfect match!
musemaj11 Posted February 8, 2012 Posted February 8, 2012 Just like you, so why are you complaining? Sounds like a perfect match! Yea coming from the woman who had never dated a man who didnt make a lot more money than herself. So just beat it you stingy gold digger.
Mme. Chaucer Posted February 9, 2012 Posted February 9, 2012 musemaj11, why do you persist in being so belligerently opinionated about a thing you've obviously had no experience? I mean, dating.
musemaj11 Posted February 9, 2012 Posted February 9, 2012 musemaj11, why do you persist in being so belligerently opinionated about a thing you've obviously had no experience? I mean, dating. You are very funny. I won't be so persistent and angry if I were not living the experience constantly.
FitChick Posted February 9, 2012 Posted February 9, 2012 musemaj11, why do you persist in being so belligerently opinionated about a thing you've obviously had no experience? I mean, dating. :p:lmao::laugh::D
chryssy83 Posted February 9, 2012 Posted February 9, 2012 I can see why you think that. I am not bitter, just gaining experience. As a guy you find that girls go a lot by initial chemistry. If they're not feeling it right away you have chance for a second date; however the girl will usually be cordial and allow the date to continue. As a man we have no way of gauging this 9.9 times out of 10. The way we find out is by the girl rejecting a second date. After this happens, oh I don't know, say 12 times? It doesn't make you bitter just not wanting to invest so much $$$ up front. Meals are expensive! The last girl that said she felt no chemistry also did not eat her meal. So it was wasted. I almost felt like boxing it up so I could take it home! lol I would only ask a girl for coffee the second time if she accepted a second date but did not seem to interested the first time around. I appreciate this response.....it definitely doesn't make you seem bitter. I just think that if a guy on this forum posts 98% of the time about how women are selfish and money-hungry bitches it makes it seem like they aren't having any luck with relationships and have become bitter. I am sensitive to the money thing...that's why if I know we aren't going to see each other again, I will fight hard to pay for my share of dinner. Or the whole thing. To avoid having a guy be all like "I can't believe I just paid 40 bucks for dinner and she said she didn't feel a connection." That way they can spend their money on the next girl who might like them. And people can be lonely in a crowded room....being lonely has nothing to do with how many girls one is "juggling." Although I'm surprised that a girl who is being "juggled" amongst many rather than pursued might ever seem less than sincere herself. (Note: Sarcasm) Incidentally, I would prefer an ice cream date to a coffee date. Ice cream is cute, coffee is overdone. And I'm not 17 or fat and ugly. And I've been on some crazy spectacular dates. Sitting in the car talking for hours is a great date with the right guy.
musemaj11 Posted February 9, 2012 Posted February 9, 2012 And people can be lonely in a crowded room....being lonely has nothing to do with how many girls one is "juggling." Although I'm surprised that a girl who is being "juggled" amongst many rather than pursued might ever seem less than sincere herself. (Note: Sarcasm) Whats wrong with multidating? Women do it, too. Besides, If Im paying for the time and attention that they spend on me, then Im justified to juggle as many women as I want. Its just like as long as I pay for it, I have the right to use the service of three different fitness trainers if I want. Im fair, you see. Im not like women. When women multidate, they take financial advantage of all the men she is dating for free dates.
Mme. Chaucer Posted February 9, 2012 Posted February 9, 2012 Paying for escorts or prostitutes is not really "multi-dating," but if it helps you to tell yourself that, carry on by all means.
musemaj11 Posted February 9, 2012 Posted February 9, 2012 (edited) Paying for escorts or prostitutes is not really "multi-dating," but if it helps you to tell yourself that, carry on by all means. Are you saying when a man pays for a woman on a date, he is paying for an escort? Hmm, thats a very interesting thought that I strongly agree with. ;) Edited February 9, 2012 by musemaj11
Mme. Chaucer Posted February 9, 2012 Posted February 9, 2012 Are you saying when a man pays for a woman on a date, he is paying for an escort? Hmm, thats a very interesting thought that I strongly agree with. ;) Certainly, when part of the deal includes sexual contact. Otherwise, I don't think that most of Western civilization shares your view of the social activity known as "dating."
musemaj11 Posted February 9, 2012 Posted February 9, 2012 (edited) Certainly, when part of the deal includes sexual contact. Otherwise, I don't think that most of Western civilization shares your view of the social activity known as "dating." There is a difference between an escort and a prostitute. One is paid for her time and companionship while the other is paid for sex. So if the date ends in sex you are by definition a prostitute and if it doesnt then you are by definition an escort. The majority of women in this world except 1% of them fall into these two categories. Edited February 9, 2012 by musemaj11
Mme. Chaucer Posted February 9, 2012 Posted February 9, 2012 There is a difference between an escort and a prostitute. One is paid for her time and companionship while the other is paid for sex. So if the date ends in sex you are by definition a prostitute and if it doesnt then you are by definition an escort. The majority of women in this world except 1% of them fall into these two categories. You are a very silly person. More than 1% of women never date.
musemaj11 Posted February 9, 2012 Posted February 9, 2012 You are a very silly person. More than 1% of women never date. Even if she never got a client, that hooker around the corner is still a hooker. I bet those women who never dated would still expect to be paid for if they did get dates.
veggirl Posted February 9, 2012 Posted February 9, 2012 You know, I'm totally down with going dutch or person A paying for date 1, and person B paying for date 2. Not a problem at all! My question though is, how many freakin dates do you dudes need to go on before you meet a girl you like and likes you back?! S.hit!! Going on a zillion first dates...why?????? Maybe you need to work on your "people picker" as they say around here, and suss out the gals a bit more before you go on the dang 80 first dates in 4 months or whatever math you've worked out in your head. Good lord. and OP I think it'd be totally fine to write off a girl who didn't offer to pay her share.
Imajerk17 Posted February 9, 2012 Posted February 9, 2012 Well, it was more of a realization after the fact. It didn't hit me hard during the date for some reason, but looking back I wonder why it didn't bother me more. I guess I was just physically attracted to her at the time and that was clouding my judgment during the moment. That was the whole point of this post is that, in retrospect, those kinds of behaviors on her part are something I should have been more offended by at the time, but it took me until I got turned down by her to realize that, and now it's something I'll be paying more attention to in the future. I would imagine that happens to most people, actually. And I didn't wait "so many days" to get back in touch with her, it had just been two days, which seems pretty reasonable to me. And when I originally got her number, she specifically told me to text her, so it doesn't sound to me like texting is something that would put her off. Sure. You want the date to go well and so you don't want the awkwardness of a bill to get in the way, so you paid. Next time, do some or all of the following: (1) Plan a date that is thoughtful and romantic but that is *inexpensive*. Ice cream in the summertime is perfect. Coffee might come across as cynical. (2) Make a move early on in the date. If she isn't feeling it, you will know it before the check arrives. You can then ask her to pay her share. (3) Ask to do something else (Date #2, take a walk somewhere) before the check arrives. If she isn't feeling it, then you'll know it before the check arrives. As far as manners--I'm looking for some gratitude on the woman's part. If she tells me "I had a great time" or even "Thanks for coming out, this was fun" then that certainly suffices. I don't need to be thanked outright for getting the bill.
Imajerk17 Posted February 9, 2012 Posted February 9, 2012 As someone who has had women (occasionally) paid for the first date, I am also going to play Devil's Advocate here. One of the worst first dates I was on was when the woman bought me dinner. The woman herself was cool enough, but it was clear that she recently had a breakup and wasn't ready to date. It was nice that she picked up the tab, but was I really feeling gratitude towards my date? I mean, truly I would have rather been doing something else with that evening, and that I was given a dinner that was appraised at $25 didn't change things that much. The evening was still a disappointment.
kaylan Posted February 9, 2012 Posted February 9, 2012 You know, I'm totally down with going dutch or person A paying for date 1, and person B paying for date 2. Not a problem at all! My question though is, how many freakin dates do you dudes need to go on before you meet a girl you like and likes you back?! S.hit!! Going on a zillion first dates...why?????? Maybe you need to work on your "people picker" as they say around here, and suss out the gals a bit more before you go on the dang 80 first dates in 4 months or whatever math you've worked out in your head. Good lord. and OP I think it'd be totally fine to write off a girl who didn't offer to pay her share. You should know it takes time finding someone you are compatible enough with to start a committed relationship. It not that people pickers are always off...its that many of us just havent found the right person yet. I dont go on 80 first dates in 4 months. Thats a hell of a lot. I usually meet a couple of girls I like and tend to focus on one a little more than the other. While I am feeling them out, I still freely socialize with other single women. So Im not doing any sort of constant multi-dating. If I get to a point where I make up my mind that I have to have one particular girl, then I focus soley on her, and I stop acting single. Then I just see where things go with her. In my life thats only happened with a few girls though. Its rare that I get the "I gotta have you now, and just you" feeling.
mtber75 Posted February 9, 2012 Posted February 9, 2012 There are only two types of women. Women who think its your job as a man to pay and feel entitled to it therefore dont find it necessary to offer to pay nor show gratitude. And women who also think its your job as a man to pay and feel entitled to it but for perceptional reason find it necessary to pretend to offer to pay and show gratitude. Personally I would rather have a woman be honest instead of pretending to care when she doesnt. Nothing upsets me more than a woman who is offering to pay because I know chances are she is just putting on a show and it offends me deeply. I mean if a woman really wants to pay, she doesn't need to ask first as if hoping her offer will be refused. Your logic is weird...So you think she's being insecure if she offers to pay? How would you know this if you haven't been seeing her for that long? Its just courtesy to ask before doing. OP, the girl was just using you for free meals and outings. She probably wasn't that interested in the first place. But she figure she had nothing to lose by going out with you. Yeah its common courtesy to Thank.
Recommended Posts