wavering_radiant Posted February 7, 2012 Posted February 7, 2012 So I was on a date a couple of days ago, and we went out to dinner, and I payed for it all, and I don't even get a "Thank you" for paying. She didn't offer to pay, and didn't bother to thank me when I did. I don't feel like anything went wrong at dinner, I thought we got along well. But this really irks me. I texted her today and asked if she wanted to meet up again sometime, and she said she wasn't interested in seeing me again. But honestly, I kind of glad, because if she's not going to appreciate anything I do, then why should I bother seeing her again. I'm fine with paying for the first date, but if I'm not even going to get a thank you, then I'm not even going to bother calling the person back from now on. Am I the only one here?
veggirl Posted February 7, 2012 Posted February 7, 2012 Yeah, if a girl is so rude she doesn't even say THANK YOU, I think you'd be right not to ask her out again. It is common decency to say thank you when someone pays for you for something! Geez. Additionally, if she wasn't planning on seeing you again she should've covered her share for sure. No loss with this one, OP.
misssmartypants Posted February 7, 2012 Posted February 7, 2012 The more I read the more I think the cost of dates should be split. Unfortunately it's hard to offer to pay without seeming to immaculate the guy or being taken advantage of.
Untouchable_Fire Posted February 7, 2012 Posted February 7, 2012 So I was on a date a couple of days ago, and we went out to dinner, and I payed for it all, and I don't even get a "Thank you" for paying. She didn't offer to pay, and didn't bother to thank me when I did. I don't feel like anything went wrong at dinner, I thought we got along well. But this really irks me. I texted her today and asked if she wanted to meet up again sometime, and she said she wasn't interested in seeing me again. But honestly, I kind of glad, because if she's not going to appreciate anything I do, then why should I bother seeing her again. I'm fine with paying for the first date, but if I'm not even going to get a thank you, then I'm not even going to bother calling the person back from now on. Am I the only one here? If your going to date... get used to it. Some women just expect that you pay. I don't think that makes them bad, just more traditional. When you do something that they believe you are supposed to do... many won't thank you. Their attitude is like your supposed to do it... what do you want a cookie? I'd say in my experience 80% are thankful and kind with an offer to pay.
veggirl Posted February 7, 2012 Posted February 7, 2012 If your going to date... get used to it. Some women just expect that you pay. I don't think that makes them bad, just more traditional. When you do something that they believe you are supposed to do... many won't thank you. Their attitude is like your supposed to do it... what do you want a cookie? I'd say in my experience 80% are thankful and kind with an offer to pay. Traditional? Manners are extremely traditional.
Mme. Chaucer Posted February 7, 2012 Posted February 7, 2012 She was rude, and I'm pretty sure you are much better off not seeing her again. Better luck next time!
make me believe Posted February 7, 2012 Posted February 7, 2012 Ugh that's SO rude! You shouldn't have even asked her if she wanted to meet up again. That's basically rewarding her bad behavior.
carhill Posted February 7, 2012 Posted February 7, 2012 Am I the only one here? I may be succumbing to old age but my recollections have generally been 'I had a great time. Thanks!'. I don't recall anyone specifically thanking me for paying for a date, and I've paid for likely, eh, too many, over the decades. TBH, I never gave it a thought. I don't pay to get thanked or to get laid. It seems I've been successful
musemaj11 Posted February 7, 2012 Posted February 7, 2012 There are only two types of women. Women who think its your job as a man to pay and feel entitled to it therefore dont find it necessary to offer to pay nor show gratitude. And women who also think its your job as a man to pay and feel entitled to it but for perceptional reason find it necessary to pretend to offer to pay and show gratitude. Personally I would rather have a woman be honest instead of pretending to care when she doesnt. Nothing upsets me more than a woman who is offering to pay because I know chances are she is just putting on a show and it offends me deeply. I mean if a woman really wants to pay, she doesn't need to ask first as if hoping her offer will be refused.
FitChick Posted February 7, 2012 Posted February 7, 2012 People today have worse manners than in decades past. It's a generational thing. If the man pays, it's a nice gesture if the woman at least leaves the tip. I don't like having dinner with a stranger for the first date. Conversation is key so worrying about choking on my food or spinach on my teeth kills the spontaneity.
Els Posted February 7, 2012 Posted February 7, 2012 But honestly, I kind of glad, because if she's not going to appreciate anything I do, then why should I bother seeing her again. Yup, you hit the nail right on the head here. Hey, at least you found this out on Date 1, saves a lot of time!
TheFinalWord Posted February 7, 2012 Posted February 7, 2012 (edited) I agree paying for a full meal is aggravating b/c after the girl shuts you down it dawns on you she never had the intention of giving a second date. That's why I have a new first date policy: 1) Meet for coffee 2) Set the date for 1 hour max If you like her: 3) Call a day or so later and offer to take her to a light lunch. OR if you think the girl is not that into you or you are having a tough time gauging whether she likes you don't offer to take her some place nice. Coffee again. This will prevent you from paying $50 for a meal when you have no chance for a second date. Also, if a girl offers to pay for her meal on a date, let her. 9 times out of 10 this is a sign she's not into you. Even if you think she is still let her because if she likes you, allowing her to pay her own meal won't be a deal breaker. One thing I did notice: " I texted her today and asked if she wanted to meet up again sometime, and she said she wasn't interested in seeing me again." I don't recommend texting when asking for a date. Yeah, I do think the girl was rude, but still its better to call. Edited February 7, 2012 by TheFinalWord
zengirl Posted February 7, 2012 Posted February 7, 2012 I may be succumbing to old age but my recollections have generally been 'I had a great time. Thanks!'. I don't recall anyone specifically thanking me for paying for a date, and I've paid for likely, eh, too many, over the decades. TBH, I never gave it a thought. I don't pay to get thanked or to get laid. It seems I've been successful That sounds like a kind of thanks, I guess. . .You know, this got me thinking, I don't believe I've ever said, "Thank you for paying." Maybe sometimes, "Thanks for dinner," or said, "Thanks for getting that" (that one usually with a BF or with my hubby, as it'd feel awkward to actually cite the check in an early dating situation to me) or, "Thanks, that's sweet," immediately after a guy insisted on paying or whatever. I would find it rather gross to say, "Thanks for paying" directly, but someone who shows no gratitude whatsoever is also rude. It sounds like the OP's date was just plain rude, though this did get me thinking of how to express gratitude.
kaylan Posted February 7, 2012 Posted February 7, 2012 This is why I always go for coffee in the beginning. You can get a feel for her early and see what kind of girl she is.
chryssy83 Posted February 7, 2012 Posted February 7, 2012 The main thing I have learned from all these posts is that a guy who asks me out for coffee twice (especially after learning that I don't like coffee) is cheap and bitter like a lot of the guys on loveshack. Not my type. That said, a chick who doesn't say thank you at all is probably never going to express appreciation for anything you do for her, and I think that's a bad sign with regard to her character.
kaylan Posted February 7, 2012 Posted February 7, 2012 ^ Lets not turn this into a who pays debate. When first getting to know someone, adults should be able to pay their own way and have no problem with it. Its cheap when someone expects someone else to pay their way, and on top of that, its rude to not even thank someone for it. That says a lot about character as well. A dude who would rather do something low key and inexpensive while feeling a girl out, is not cheap. Hes not bitter either. Rather hes pretty smart.
carhill Posted February 7, 2012 Posted February 7, 2012 I recall one first date where I threw a couple bikes on top of my car, picked the lady up, drove down to the river and went for a bike ride. That was a 'thanks I had a great time' date where I never saw the lady again. Did I 'pay'? Well, I did drive about thirty miles to pick her up and another five to the river and brought along some homemade snacks. I would opine that any form of thanks, whether specific or not, is appreciated and likely in good social form. Apparently, that was missing in the OP's dynamic. Ah, well, onward.
joystickd Posted February 7, 2012 Posted February 7, 2012 The main thing I have learned from all these posts is that a guy who asks me out for coffee twice (especially after learning that I don't like coffee) is cheap and bitter like a lot of the guys on loveshack. Not my type. That said, a chick who doesn't say thank you at all is probably never going to express appreciation for anything you do for her, and I think that's a bad sign with regard to her character. Cheap well check this out : I have met men who are reluctant to even pay $15, $20, or $25 on behalf of a woman's lunch or dinner meal. Obviously, many women will quickly get annoyed and say, "Those men are cheap!!! Shame on them!!!" Well ... not so fast ladies. Let me describe a scenario for you. Let's say we have this nice, polite, well-mannered gentleman named "Leonard." Leonard was brought up by his parents, and particular his mother, to always be chivalrous toward women, and to be as pleasantly accommodating toward women as possible. Leonard connects with women every week for breakfast, lunch, or dinner. Okay, let's say we have Leonard down for 75 dates over the course of a year with about 20-25 different women. Each date cost him an average of $30-$40 worth of food, beverages and/or movie tickets. After twelve months, Leonard's minimum expenditure would be $2,250.00; at a maximum, his expense tally for both himself and his female companions would amount to $3,000.00. Now obviously, if Leonard is earning a salary of say, $90,000 or more per year, $3,000.00 for lunch, dinner, and movie dates is not much. A drop in the bucket. On the other hand, if Leonard is only earning a modest salary of approximately $25,000 - $40,000 per year, $3,000.00 over the course of a year suddenly becomes a significant chunk of change. Here is the deal: In the same way that many women want to do everything possible to avoid being perceived as a 'ho,' a 'slut,' or an 'easy lay' as a result of agreeing to have sex with too many men too quickly, similarly, most men do not like being perceived as a 'chump' (i.e., an easy-to-manipulate 'nice guy' who frequently gets taken advantage of by women) or a 'trick' (this is a pimp's term for a man who is more than willing to exchange financial favors for sexual companionship). For those women who might say, "I am not expecting a man to spend $50-$100 on me per date ... but surely, he can spend $10, $15, or $20 on me ... is that asking too much?" Let me ask you a question. What if men were to say, "I am not expecting a woman to give me a blowjob, a handjob and engage in intercourse on each and every date ... but surely, she can give up at least a handjob OR a blowjob ... is that asking too much?"
Onlyjonley Posted February 7, 2012 Posted February 7, 2012 My boy and I still say thank you each time the other buys a meal. Showing appreciation in a relationship is definitely important. But it could have just been first date jitters. If it happens again in the future, I wouldn't completely write the girl off.
musemaj11 Posted February 7, 2012 Posted February 7, 2012 The main thing I have learned from all these posts is that a guy who asks me out for coffee twice (especially after learning that I don't like coffee) is cheap and bitter like a lot of the guys on loveshack. Not my type. You are the equivalent of a guy who thinks that a woman who won't put out in the first four dates is a prude and not his type. Its a simple shaming tactic to get someone to do what you would like that person to do in your favor. Doesnt work for me, but Im sure it does to many brainless guys.
Mme. Chaucer Posted February 7, 2012 Posted February 7, 2012 come to think of it, I always said "thanks" if the guy planned anything, whether he paid for it or not. Like, "thanks for the good time." I'm grateful that in all of my many years, I have NEVER dated even ONE guy who acted put out about paying for a date, or about not "getting something out of it" if he did. (I understand that some of you guys feel that only some kind of sexual exchange counts as "getting something" from a date, even though from my perspective a social event and the chance to get to know someone you were interested in actually counts as "getting something.") NOTE: That is NOT to say that guys always paid for all my dates. I paid; we went dutch, and during OLD I ALWAYS paid for myself on the first date except for the one with my husband. My point is that if the guy paid for it, he never seemed to be angry, feeling used, or bitter. I think that guys paid for dates because that is what they chose to do.
kaylan Posted February 7, 2012 Posted February 7, 2012 (edited) @M_C We dont mind paying for a lady such as yourself, because we know you dont expect it. Women who hardly ever pay for themselves and have expectations of a mans wallet is what turns dudes off. Thats when a guy pays reluctantly and one could sense his displeasure. I can tell from your post that youre a really chill gal Edited February 7, 2012 by kaylan
chryssy83 Posted February 7, 2012 Posted February 7, 2012 You are the equivalent of a guy who thinks that a woman who won't put out in the first four dates is a prude and not his type. Its a simple shaming tactic to get someone to do what you would like that person to do in your favor. Doesnt work for me, but Im sure it does to many brainless guys. This is funny. I don't date guys who are brainless! And I am far from a gold digger. I pay probably a little less of the time than my bf, but more than most girls. And I have a good job, a fat savings account and significant equity in a lovely home. And I always say thank you and mean it, and I only date guys who say thank you and mean it. My point is that any guy who views all women as gold diggers and feels the need to test them at the start of a relationship isn't ready to be in the relationship of mutual trust and respect I want (and have found--yay!). I don't view guys as just out for sex and I've never had a guy who wasn't interested in a second date with me--ever--or who wasn't willing to wait until I was comfortable for sex! This is all kind of off-topic. The girl the OP went out with is rude. That's a solid deal-breaker in my mind. Sorry some people suck, but I wanted to discourage the OP from developing this big test for first and second dates to protect himself from all the gold diggers. You might miss out on a great relationship if you come across too damaged/paranoid.
musemaj11 Posted February 7, 2012 Posted February 7, 2012 Most men in general gladly pay on dates and bear financial burden of relationship in general because they have been programmed to take pride in in that by society just like in eastern countries instead of finding it demeaning, women actually take pride in waiting on their men hand and foot because that is what they have been programmed to think by society. I myself, too used to be one of the sheep who found happiness in getting taken advantage of financially by women until two years ago when I came across something that woke me up from the spell. I started to question things such as, "Why should I pay for someone who makes just as much or even more than I do?", "Why should I take pleasure in being subjected to financial obligation based on my gender?", "Why should I also pay for her time and attention on top of my own time and attention?". Im thankful that I found enlightenment quite early in my life. However, its unfortunate that the majority of men in this world have not had the same privilege and have to continue living in mind bondage.
Oxy Moronovich Posted February 7, 2012 Posted February 7, 2012 The main thing I have learned from all these posts is that a guy who asks me out for coffee twice (especially after learning that I don't like coffee) is cheap and bitter like a lot of the guys on loveshack. Not my type. That said, a chick who doesn't say thank you at all is probably never going to express appreciation for anything you do for her, and I think that's a bad sign with regard to her character. So you don't wanna pay for your own dinner but somehow the guy is cheap? Wow. Yer a catch. If you don't like coffee there are always smoothies, shakes, ice cream, lemonade, etc. Coffeeshops don't only sell coffee, ya know.
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