drewdude Posted February 6, 2012 Posted February 6, 2012 Hello LS I know there is probably many reasons for this but id like an opinion on why something like this happened. I have a friend who ive had sexual history with in the past(slept with eachother a couple times but that was almost 2 years ago). We have always been just good friends and never took it beyond. It was either me or her who wanted something serious but the other wouldnt(she is a sister of a good friend of mine, so thats partially why and just other reasons) Anywho, the past couple months she has been having me come over to hang out/drink with her and not her brother, usually when he is out of town. And 2 times last month we drank and got quite physical, pretty much doing other things but intercourse itself. So last night, she invites me over to drink, we start drinking and getting a little buzzed. She mentions how she plans to stay up late drinking/hanging with me. While we are finishing our last beer. She starts to sit next to me and cuddle with me on the couch. Even getting my hand and putting it on her breast and looked like she was enjoying it. So after a couple minutes of that, out of nowhere she says she has to go to bed.. We make out a bit before she goes but she gets up and just went straight to her room and closed the door, leaving me with the tv on and kinda feeling awkward about what happened. What do you think LS? Anyone ever been in a situation like this?
ditzchic Posted February 6, 2012 Posted February 6, 2012 She wanted you to follow her.... Seems pretty obvious. Please tell me you followed her...
Author drewdude Posted February 6, 2012 Author Posted February 6, 2012 (edited) no I didn't, shes usually one to tell me things up front. I thought her leaving was kinda cold, there was no explanation it was a quick "hey im going to bed". So I just got my things, turned off the tv and left. I didn't want to come off as a creeper or anything :/ Edited February 6, 2012 by drewdude
fishtaco Posted February 6, 2012 Posted February 6, 2012 She wanted you to follow her.... Seems pretty obvious. Please tell me you followed her... She may have wanted OP to make the move earlier, he didn't so she was like, forget this, and went to bed. If she wanted him to follow, she should at least leave the door open. And if she's good at this thing, she could have turn around and give him "that look" before going into the bedroom. Bottom line is, if you didn't get what you want out of a consenting partner, you messed up, men or women. Given they have previous sexual history together, I believe the caress the boob thing is a "time to get it on". But with women, you never know, many are crazy and unpredictable beyond imagination. So generally speaking, for men, if you have to err, err on the side of "going for it". Even if you are turned down, you can always play the "boys will be boys" card. OP should have pushed for it even without the boob caressing. Spending the night like that is not something people just kind of do, especially when you have previous sexual history together.
Dust Posted February 6, 2012 Posted February 6, 2012 You probably made her feel like a whore by making ZERO moves. Like Ditzchic said she probably wanted you to follow. Oh well don't expect the answer to come from this forum. You need to figure this out. If you like her make some moves buddy!
Author drewdude Posted February 6, 2012 Author Posted February 6, 2012 She may have wanted OP to make the move earlier, he didn't so she was like, forget this, and went to bed. If she wanted him to follow, she should at least leave the door open. And if she's good at this thing, she could have turn around and give him "that look" before going into the bedroom. Bottom line is, if you didn't get what you want out of a consenting partner, you messed up, men or women. Given they have previous sexual history together, I believe the caress the boob thing is a "time to get it on". But with women, you never know, many are crazy and unpredictable beyond imagination. So generally speaking, for men, if you have to err, err on the side of "going for it". Even if you are turned down, you can always play the "boys will be boys" card. OP should have pushed for it even without the boob caressing. Spending the night like that is not something people just kind of do, especially when you have previous sexual history together. Yeah fishtaco, shes one to give the eye and all that, shes pretty forward when it comes to things like that, but there was no eye when she was going to her room or door open. I kinda took that as a hint. Do you think she could be getting attached? When we fooled around in the past a lot it led to feelings. And since December, shes been hitting me up quite often to hang out, or will txt me sometimes when im hanging out with her brother while shes in bed. We got physical about 3 times since last nights incident. Well any other answers would help..thank you:)
Author drewdude Posted February 6, 2012 Author Posted February 6, 2012 You probably made her feel like a whore by making ZERO moves. Like Ditzchic said she probably wanted you to follow. Oh well don't expect the answer to come from this forum. You need to figure this out. If you like her make some moves buddy! I did make some moves, when she sat next to me i put my arm around her and she moved in closer, I started to run my hands along her body. Even when she said she was going to bed, I looked at her and went in for a kiss which we had, but then she didn't stay she just got up and went to bed.
Dust Posted February 6, 2012 Posted February 6, 2012 I did make some moves, when she sat next to me i put my arm around her and she moved in closer, I started to run my hands along her body. Even when she said she was going to bed, I looked at her and went in for a kiss which we had, but then she didn't stay she just got up and went to bed. A lot of girls are too shy to say "come in my bedroom and do stuff to me" or "lets have sex" or even "come in my bedroom." Thats why you should have just been like I'm going in there with her... that is if thats what you wanted to do.
fishtaco Posted February 6, 2012 Posted February 6, 2012 Yeah fishtaco, shes one to give the eye and all that, shes pretty forward when it comes to things like that, but there was no eye when she was going to her room or door open. I kinda took that as a hint. Do you think she could be getting attached? When we fooled around in the past a lot it led to feelings. And since December, shes been hitting me up quite often to hang out, or will txt me sometimes when im hanging out with her brother while shes in bed. We got physical about 3 times since last nights incident. Well any other answers would help..thank you:) Well, again, with women you NEVER know. But her behavior is bad, at least in my books. If she's unhappy, unsure, disappointed, whatever it is, there's no reason to close the door on a guest. That was rude, so I say this is a red flag. I would push for sex next time we hang out alone, and make it even more obvious than usual, and if it doesn't happen still, she's done. No drama, but I would go after someone else, which is something you should be doing regardless if you are sleeping with her or not anyway. More options is a good thing. But I'm not in your situation, I missed a lot of the intangible communication that passed between you two, I don't know how close you are to her, so your situation could be totally different from what I imagined. So that's what I would do, given what I know, but it may not be the best approach for you. The fact that she keeps wanting to hang out means she wants something from you. To me it doesn't make sense if she's becoming attached, her behavior doesn't line up. Maybe she wants to feel in control, maybe she wants an emotional tampon, maybe she's just whoring for attention, maybe you're the just-in-case guy, maybe she wants you to be more aggressive. Who knows? One predictable thing about women is that they cannot be predicted. Do your thing, get what you want, if you're not getting it, get it somewhere else. That's my mantra for when I'm single. It works for me, I don't know if it works for other people. That's right, I would give the same advice to the ladies, if you're not getting what you want, get it somewhere else.
Author drewdude Posted February 6, 2012 Author Posted February 6, 2012 I guess. I just found it odd/awkward since we "know" each other in that sense and gone beyond what happened last night in the past few weeks. Hence why i questioned why she just went to bed. Oh well..in time I guess ill find out.
Author drewdude Posted February 6, 2012 Author Posted February 6, 2012 The fact that she keeps wanting to hang out means she wants something from you. To me it doesn't make sense if she's becoming attached, her behavior doesn't line up. Maybe she wants to feel in control, maybe she wants an emotional tampon, maybe she's just whoring for attention, maybe you're the just-in-case guy, maybe she wants you to be more aggressive. Who knows? One predictable thing about women is that they cannot be predicted. Wow fishtaco I think the last sentence in this paragraph is the best advice ive heard in many many years, lol. Id assume shes an attention whore since she does have way too many guy friends for my taste, and shes a very attractive gal. I'm not putting all my eggs into the basket with this one. In the past, i'm talking about a year and a half ago, its been either her getting feelings for me and me rejecting(bad timing) and vice versa. Plus her brother is my good friend, hes cool with us hanging out but thats another story. She has always "liked" me so to speak, shes told not too long ago...But as you said fishtaco I had been thinking the same thing too about what she "wants" from me as of late. Though im not questioning too much just looking for advice and going with the flow for now
spiderowl Posted February 7, 2012 Posted February 7, 2012 I don't get the impression she wanted you to follow or she would have left the door open and said something a little more welcoming. She sounds pretty weird to me. Maybe she enjoys the company and sees you as a possible FWB but then decided maybe it wasn't right for her. I think you'd be justified in avoiding this girl after her behaviour. If she asks for an explanation, tell her you didn't feel comfortable with her walking out on you.
thatone Posted February 7, 2012 Posted February 7, 2012 (edited) She wanted you to follow her.... Seems pretty obvious. Please tell me you followed her... i agree. look, you have had sex with this girl before. what the hell are you so scared of? you're probably not getting any further because you're too hesitant. all of your nice guy rules fly out the window once you're having sex with her. talk dirty to her, grab her ass, pinch her nipples, interrupt her conversation by running your hand down her pants. and she'll like it! ffs this doesn't need an instruction manual... in the simplest of terms...your penis has already been in her vagina. short of anally raping her, there's nothing 'creepy' you can do to her at this point. wake up man, jesus. Edited February 7, 2012 by thatone
Author drewdude Posted February 7, 2012 Author Posted February 7, 2012 i agree. look, you have had sex with this girl before. what the hell are you so scared of? you're probably not getting any further because you're too hesitant. all of your nice guy rules fly out the window once you're having sex with her. talk dirty to her, grab her ass, pinch her nipples, interrupt her conversation by running your hand down her pants. and she'll like it! ffs this doesn't need an instruction manual... in the simplest of terms...your penis has already been in her vagina. short of anally raping her, there's nothing 'creepy' you can do to her at this point. wake up man, jesus. I see what you and others are getting at with the sex thing, and thats cool. Thing is we have only done it twice out of the 3 years ive known her. First time she got attached(I was seeing someone else, not exclusively when I did it with this girl but it progressed not too long after) and I stopped coming around. Second time I got attached(she basically did the same thing I did previously but was seeing a guy). After all that happened, we apologized to eachother, etc. Now that time has passed and were able to hang out a little more and not so secretive(her older bro which is now my good friend wasn't cool with it back then) But hes matured and lets us hang. I'm always ready to get the deed done, even with no feelings involved(I kinda dont want a gf right now). I just think shes diff when it comes down to sex because when its happened, she starts to talk to me a lot more than usual. This past month its just been making out and third base adventures. It also doesnt help that I go down to her house almost every other day to hang out with her brother. So its not like i can completely avoid her
maybealone Posted February 7, 2012 Posted February 7, 2012 Did she have more than what she normally drinks? Or, if not, could it have hit her harder than usual (such as by not having much to eat before drinking)? Her behavior seems kind of like how I can be when alcohol creeps up on me and I feel like I should go to bed before I get sick. Another possibility is that she doesn't want to have sex again unless you start actually dating.
thatone Posted February 7, 2012 Posted February 7, 2012 I see what you and others are getting at with the sex thing, and thats cool. Thing is we have only done it twice out of the 3 years ive known her. First time she got attached(I was seeing someone else, not exclusively when I did it with this girl but it progressed not too long after) and I stopped coming around. Second time I got attached(she basically did the same thing I did previously but was seeing a guy). After all that happened, we apologized to eachother, etc. Now that time has passed and were able to hang out a little more and not so secretive(her older bro which is now my good friend wasn't cool with it back then) But hes matured and lets us hang. I'm always ready to get the deed done, even with no feelings involved(I kinda dont want a gf right now). I just think shes diff when it comes down to sex because when its happened, she starts to talk to me a lot more than usual. This past month its just been making out and third base adventures. It also doesnt help that I go down to her house almost every other day to hang out with her brother. So its not like i can completely avoid her because sex causes a feeling of attachment in women. it's purely a chemical reaction. if that's what you want i don't know why you're hesitant. if you don't want that, ok, i get what you're saying.
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