Is Monogamy and Marriage On The Way Out?

[verhrzn]

Just be you. That's enough.

 

It might not happen this year, or even in 5 years. It will happen when the time is right.

 

Why do you think you should have met the right person by now, at your age? How have you gotten so hopeless?

 

Because I'm 26 and want a family. Fertility takes a sharp nose dive at 30-35... so if I want biological children, I had better get to the family-making. Most of my friends and coworkers are partnered up, except for three categories: 1) single women who moan about there being no good men 2) single women who feel fabulous about being single 3) single men who love the freedom of the Player.

 

So if almost everyone around me has managed something, and I CAN'T manage it, then I am a failure, especially when it is something so fundamental to the human existence as mating.

 

After all, if a woman is single beyond a certain age, we assume she either wants to be, or she's pathetic, right?

 

And that's why "just be yourself" is NOT enough, IF you're single-not-by-choice. You're doing something wrong. You're too much of something, too little of something else. If you want a partner, you better change now or you better be satisfied with not having a relationship.

 

Well I am not satisfied with not having a relationship, and I have never figured out how to be so. If someone has tips on how to rid myself of wanting a boyfriend and a family, I am all ears, because I am as sick of wanting a relationship as everyone is sick of hearing me whine about it.

[Woggle]

I know this is completely hypocritical coming from me but the problem is not because you are unattractive because you are certainly not but if the bitterness that comes across on here is on display offline it is a turn off. Men tend not to like women who are bitter about men because chances are they will carry it to the relationship. The good news is that it is easily fixable. Try and have a more positive attitude towards the opposite sex and things should improve.

 

For the record I know I am much better at giving advice than following it myself so let's not makes this thread about it. I am working on that and the OP should work on it as well.

[veggirl]

OMG. 26 and already worried about fertility.

 

I think your anxiety and stress is going to affect your fertility a lot more than your age at this point, geez.

 

Would you date a chubby guy? Or a short guy?

 

You say you are hideous and overweight. So date a hideous and overweight guy.

 

Seriously can't you join like a geek gamer board and meet a guy?

 

I really want to know why you and Somedude don't get together as well. You can start Long distance and then take a vaca to visit him....etc. I bet he'd rather be you, just like you said you'd rather be him.

 

I think most people start your threads feeling badly for you. Sure doesn't last long. Your attitude is offensive. I was single up until 7 mos ago, I AM OLDER THAN YOU. I didn't fret and flip out about it like you do. I don't get it. Yeah you want babies and marriage but YOU ARE FREAKING 26. You have years for that. God. Freaking RELAX.

 

Do you approach guys? At a bar when you're trashed even? Just anything? Wait wait...let me guess...you approach them and then they say "ew" and spit on you or something.

 

I wish I knew what you look like. I know you had your pic as an av but it was an odd angle and I couldn't tell if you are actually ugly or you just say that.

 

You are the one that came here complaining about the coworker who is pretty and gets dressed up, so the dudes liked her, yeah? Have you started dressing up better and doing make up etc? Or yeah but they all laugh in your face when you try?

 

ARGH!

[verhrzn]

Would you date a chubby guy? Or a short guy?

 

You say you are hideous and overweight. So date a hideous and overweight guy.

 

Seriously can't you join like a geek gamer board and meet a guy?

 

I really want to know why you and Somedude don't get together as well. You can start Long distance and then take a vaca to visit him....etc. I bet he'd rather be you, just like you said you'd rather be him.

 

I think most people start your threads feeling badly for you. Sure doesn't last long. Your attitude is offensive. I was single up until 7 mos ago, I AM OLDER THAN YOU. I didn't fret and flip out about it like you do. I don't get it. Yeah you want babies and marriage but YOU ARE FREAKING 26. You have years for that. God. Freaking RELAX.

 

Do you approach guys? At a bar when you're trashed even? Just anything? Wait wait...let me guess...you approach them and then they say "ew" and spit on you or something.

 

You are the one that came here complaining about the coworker who is pretty and gets dressed up, so the dudes liked her, yeah? Have you started dressing up better and doing make up etc? Or yeah but they all laugh in your face when you try?

 

Yes, actually, I would date chubby or short guys. I have very little requirements when it comes to physical attractiveness. I've been to sci-fi cons, I've been on gamer boards, I've approached guys at bars... no, they don't spit on me. They just laugh at me, or mock their friend that I approached so mercilessly he finally says something snappy at me and I flee in humiliation. Or I approach them, and then spend the evening listening to them complain about how the hotter girls are shallow and ignore them. Everybody loves to make the joke that I should hook up with Somedude... too bad I don't fit his physical requirements.

 

I've always done make-up. I dress up to the best of my ability. It doesn't change how people perceive me. It isn't suddenly a scene from "She's All That."

 

Fun story: one of my male friends told me that the reason I don't get any male attention is because I look like a "5" on most days. So when he threw a party, I decided I was going to show him. I spent hours on my makeup, put on an outfit that made me feel confident and sexy (jeans, high heel boots, and a nice Goth-y corset), and walked into the party feeling hot. His response was," Now you look like you're trying too hard," to which all the gathered males nodded. Yet somehow the girl in the tube shirt and belt-turned-skirt wasn't trying too hard. Oh, because she was just naturally hot, and I looked delusional.

 

Hurrah for you that you never worried about that stuff, and sorry that my attitude is offensive, but I'm sure there's a whole list of things in your life that I could glance at and go," Eh what's the big deal?" These threads always end up dissolving into me having to defend and repeat myself, because no one will just discuss the topic I was originally trying to address... that maybe there IS a lack of single men who want commitment out there.

 

Attitudes like yours are WHY I feel hopeless and negative... because I MUST be doing something wrong, but aside from "positive attitude" (which NO ONE will freaking explain how to get it, or even if there's proof that it even freaking helps or if they just got their significant other through sheer dumb luck and credited it to their sunny disposition) I don't get an answer as to what, just a lot of attitude about my attitude.

[turt]

Attitudes like yours are WHY I feel hopeless and negative... because I MUST be doing something wrong, but aside from "positive attitude" (which NO ONE will freaking explain how to get it, or even if there's proof that it even freaking helps or if they just got their significant other through sheer dumb luck and credited it to their sunny disposition) I don't get an answer as to what, just a lot of attitude about my attitude.

 

Don't go around expecting to fail. Don't try to make yourself look more attractive.

[veggirl]

Attitudes like yours are WHY I feel hopeless and negative... because I MUST be doing something wrong, but aside from "positive attitude" (which NO ONE will freaking explain how to get it, or even if there's proof that it even freaking helps or if they just got their significant other through sheer dumb luck and credited it to their sunny disposition) I don't get an answer as to what, just a lot of attitude about my attitude.

 

Fine, fair enough. But you are frustrating. You have excuses for everything and I'm sorry but I don't believe you have legit tried all the things you claim you have tried over and over.

 

When's the last BF you had? How long were you together?

 

You have had BFs before, yeah?

 

I never said there are loads of single guys your age wanting marriage etc. I actually agreed with you earlier and said that I had the same thoughts as you a year ago! I said that I was shocked at all the 28+ yr old guys I know who want to party and be single and hook up.

 

But that doesn't mean NONE exist or they are THAT RARE. They are out there. You don't think there are any. Come on.

 

I am curious what you are doing today (in general) to look for a partner. Like, specifics.

 

I feel for you but you are frustrating.

 

I'm not joking about Somedude. Wait, what are his physical requirements? I really, really, REALLY doubt you are all fugly and stuff. It has to be your 'tude, sorry but it HAS TO BE.

 

It's hard to change up a whole look and do a 180 in that dept towards people you already know, people who are used to seeing you a certain way, I can get that.

 

I don't know. It seems pointless to try to offer advice.

 

I do want to reitterate that I genuinely am asking what you are doing NOW to meet someone. OLD? What sites? Just waiting for approaches IRL? Or approaching IRL?

 

Don't any of your friends have friends they can set you up with? Double date or something? Sounds like you have lots of friends..or they just don't know any single guys. What age range will you date?

[veggirl]

and as far as positive attitude...girl, I am about as cynical as they come. I am sarcastic and all that stuff. LOTS of guys DO want light / flirty / fun -- esp at the beginning. Sarcasm, cynicism, etc can come across as very masculine. No negativity at the beginning. I'm not saying fake your personality (unless you TRULY are never happy / positive....then yeah I guess you'd have to fake it!) but EMPHASIZE the positive, the fun, the excited, the flirty, the feminine at the beginning.

[TheBigQuestion]

 

Fun story: one of my male friends told me that the reason I don't get any male attention is because I look like a "5" on most days. So when he threw a party, I decided I was going to show him. I spent hours on my makeup, put on an outfit that made me feel confident and sexy (jeans, high heel boots, and a nice Goth-y corset), and walked into the party feeling hot. His response was," Now you look like you're trying too hard," to which all the gathered males nodded. Yet somehow the girl in the tube shirt and belt-turned-skirt wasn't trying too hard. Oh, because she was just naturally hot, and I looked delusional.

 

I could be wrong, but I think the fact that you wore a CORSET to a non-goth-themed party could be the reason why people said you were trying too hard. Say what you will about short skirts and tube tops, but that's considered more conventional party attire.

 

Also, why even try proving your hotness to a male friend anyway? What people do you associate with that would actually tell you that you look "like a 5" to your face anyway, without you essentially badgering them to get that answer, of course?

[verhrzn]

When's the last BF you had? How long were you together? You have had BFs before, yeah?

 

My last boyfriend was about two years ago. We dated for six months. I had a "casual dating" situation in there for about 4 months before he dumped me for being physically unattractive (his words.)

 

But that doesn't mean NONE exist or they are THAT RARE. They are out there. You don't think there are any. Come on.

 

I amended that a few pages back to say, hey, maybe there are guys, and they're hiding or something from the armies of bitter single women who post things like "Where have all the good men gone"? Or maybe they exist, but will only date the "right" girl... a group for which none of us single girls qualify.

 

I am curious what you are doing today (in general) to look for a partner. Like, specifics.

 

I feel for you but you are frustrating.

 

I'm not joking about Somedude. Wait, what are his physical requirements? I really, really, REALLY doubt you are all fugly and stuff. It has to be your 'tude, sorry but it HAS TO BE.

 

Skinny, young, big boobs, long hair. Strike 3.5 for 4.

 

I do want to reitterate that I genuinely am asking what you are doing NOW to meet someone. OLD? What sites? Just waiting for approaches IRL? Or approaching IRL?

 

Don't any of your friends have friends they can set you up with? Double date or something? Sounds like you have lots of friends..or they just don't know any single guys. What age range will you date?

 

I'm on OKCupid and Match, though my 6 month subscription is about to run out on Match. In the first 3 months, I contacted about 8 guys a month on average, but they never responded. I got maybe 1 message a week. Lately, I haven't bothered sending any out since I've started running out of guys to match with, and my own inbox is empty. I have a slightly better response on OKCupid... but it usually ends up in just a long, never ending series of emails. If I ask them, they have some excuse as to why they can't meet up (1 guy had a cold for 3 weeks straight...) and they never ask me. My date range is set to 25-32. So 1-2 years younger, 5-6 years older.

 

I admit, I've stopped approaching IRL, though that's mostly because I'm not in places where I could approach. I don't frequent bars or clubs. I actually never see men my age at my local bookstores, which is bizarre, but there it is. I save most of my IRL approaches for cons (sci-fi and gaming cons), which happen maybe twice a year. Last summer I approached 4 guys. Bombed out in speculator fashion with each.

 

Since most of my friends are coupled, their friends are also couples. I do have one female friend with lots of single male friends, but.... well, without going into too much personal politics, they all tend to be guys who currently/previously had a crush on her, and she tends to be rather protective of their attention and admiration.

 

Example: she introduced me to one of her single male friends, and I was very attracted to him. I asked her if she didn't mind if I went for him (they dated for a month 2 years previously) and she said, Oh yeah, go for it, etc. Then she pulled him aside and told him I "had issues" and he should steer clear of me. And then flirted with him in front of me for the rest of the weekend.

 

I'm sorry again that I'm offensive. If people don't like me, I'm not quite sure why they don't just avoid my threads. I'm really not trying to be obnoxious... this stuff is all just so frustrating.

 

 

I could be wrong, but I think the fact that you wore a CORSET to a non-goth-themed party could be the reason why people said you were trying too hard. Say what you will about short skirts and tube tops, but that's considered more conventional party attire.

 

And if you look good in a corset and not in a tube top? This is why the whole 'be yourself!' thing is confusing. I was told to wear something that makes me look good and that I feel confident in. I did that, and I was roundly critiqued for it. So color me confused.

 

Also, why even try proving your hotness to a male friend anyway? What people do you associate with that would actually tell you that you look "like a 5" to your face anyway, without you essentially badgering them to get that answer, of course?

 

I think I asked him why guys didn't hit on me, and that was his response. I was trying to prove my hotness to him for the same reason most people try to prove something... because they have a wounded ego and want to prove the other person's perception is wrong. Plus, I thought maybe he might be right, since he seemed to have "typical guy tastes" (Scarlet Johansen is a 10, for example.) So if I dress in a way that signals "hot" to him, then maybe other guys would find me hot, too.

Edited February 8, 2012 by verhrzn

[Mme. Chaucer]

"The personal is the political." I'm not trying to say that if someone is single, it's not at all their fault, but none of us live in a social vacuum. Dating trends and social issues like the lack of marriage DO effect people. It's fine to call for personal responsibility, but putting everything on the shoulders of an individual when there IS data suggesting a lack of available partners or a disinclination towards monogamy/marriage/children, is just as naive and blind as someone who puts all the blame on society.

 

Yes. But it does not matter. Guys where I live used to be able to count on working in a mill and making a living. Those days are gone.

 

Maybe you WON'T end up getting married. It's possible. Some people don't. It's still up to you to create a fulfilling life for yourself. If you ever approach doing that (without the ugly attitude of "okay, I've done this, that, and this, where's my payback? See, I told you so. The world sucks") you will … make the most out of your life.

 

 

 

And I get so, so, so sick of being told to "have a positive attitude." It's like "The Secret," this philosophy that if you're positive, somehow the universe will reward you with what you want. But a good attitude is worthless if you don't have the goods to back it up (money, personality, physical attractiveness) and I see people starting to turn brittle under this self-imposed pressure to "always be happy!" and yet simultaneously being blamed for still being single.

 

The bolded - a complete self serving LIE. A "positive attitude" is what makes it possible to have more good days than wretched ones. It's not something that entitles you to a reward.

 

Or maybe they exist, but will only date the "right" girl... a group for which none of us single girls qualify.

 

And the above … do you recognize the absurdity of what you posted there? The "right" girl IS one of you single girls. Probably one who brings out the best in that particular guy.

 

This thread is just like your fat and ugly threads. The only response you will accept on those is "yes, you are fat and ugly." The only response you will accept here is "yes, society has taken a turn that will render it impossible for a person such as you to EVER get married."

 

Nobody is going to post those things, because they are false. So instead, around and around we go. Whee.

[mesmerized]

I totally agree with OP. I find that:

 

- The more good looking (or attractive in general) a man is, the less likely he is to settle down soon in life or to settle down with an average woman. Most good looking men want to date around because they get sex easily, whereas the more average or ugly looking men are more open to relationships since that might be the only way for them to get sex regularly. At the end, when it comes to most men, it's really all about sex.

 

-The older a man gets, the more likely he is to want monogomy or love. Just looking through dating profiles, it's easy to see that most 35+ men want a relationship whereas the younger ones want to "date but nothing serious". But then again, these older men (if attractive) realize that they are valuable to the older women (or sometimes even the younger women) market so they still have their pick and will only settle down with the hottest women.

 

I find that often, a young good looking woman who wants a relationship has to lower her standards because the young good looking successful men are out having easy sex but the same is definitely not true for men who want a relationship. So yeah, it sure looks like the dating scene favors men over women.

[veggirl]

My last boyfriend was about two years ago. We dated for six months. I had a "casual dating" situation in there for about 4 months before he dumped me for being physically unattractive (his words.)

 

Well, you can get a boyfriend then! hey, I was officially single for 4 yrs before my current BF. Had "casual dating" situations in there as well, but officially was single the whole time. And please, don't take what an ex says as he is dumping you to heart. He was being an a.ss Forget his words.

 

 

I'm on OKCupid and Match, though my 6 month subscription is about to run out on Match. In the first 3 months, I contacted about 8 guys a month on average, but they never responded. I got maybe 1 message a week. Lately, I haven't bothered sending any out since I've started running out of guys to match with, and my own inbox is empty. I have a slightly better response on OKCupid... but it usually ends up in just a long, never ending series of emails. If I ask them, they have some excuse as to why they can't meet up (1 guy had a cold for 3 weeks straight...) and they never ask me. My date range is set to 25-32. So 1-2 years younger, 5-6 years older.

 

Are you gonna renew on Match? I wouldn't, if you haven't had luck on it. Honestly I think you are too young for that site, anyway. But if you are willing to pay for a subscription, I would try EH - for something new. I mean it can't hurt.

 

It's really hard to "critique" (sorry, for lack of a better word) OLD situations, we don't know what your profile looks like/says and what guys you were messaging.

 

Have you considered a Meetup group? Perhaps hiking, or something? Sorry I don't know what area you live in, I know Meetups are probably hit and miss depending on area.

 

I admit, I've stopped approaching IRL, though that's mostly because I'm not in places where I could approach. I don't frequent bars or clubs. I actually never see men my age at my local bookstores, which is bizarre, but there it is. I save most of my IRL approaches for cons (sci-fi and gaming cons), which happen maybe twice a year. Last summer I approached 4 guys. Bombed out in speculator fashion with each.

 

Eh, I wouldn't approach a guy at a bookstore myself, def am not gonna fault you there. What happened with the 4 guys at the convention? Or at least just tell me about 1.

 

Example: she introduced me to one of her single male friends, and I was very attracted to him. I asked her if she didn't mind if I went for him (they dated for a month 2 years previously) and she said, Oh yeah, go for it, etc. Then she pulled him aside and told him I "had issues" and he should steer clear of me. And then flirted with him in front of me for the rest of the weekend.

 

Crappy friend I would have confronted her after the fact about that one.

 

Hey, as far as dressing "hot"--I do agree a corset is for a particular subset...I wouldn't choose it but if you look and FEEL good in it, keep it up when you want to look hot. You don't need to make decisions based on what that ONE guy said, so don't. Forget what he said.

 

A typical outfit I'd suggest would be dark denim washed boot cut jeans, heels or boots, and a top that accentuates whatever asset you have up there...cleavage, or snug around the tummy.

 

Perhaps you could focus on making new girl friends. Your single girl friend sounds like a jerk, expanding your social circle PERIOD will help, I think. My sis actually made a close girl friend off craigslist of all places--literally another girl advertised wanting friends, my sis responded, they became pretty close friends! Anything that will bring new people into your life. Maybe a gaming community (local) or something? There has to be SOMETHING?

[Mme. Chaucer]

"The personal is the political." I'm not trying to say that if someone is single, it's not at all their fault, but none of us live in a social vacuum. Dating trends and social issues like the lack of marriage DO effect people. It's fine to call for personal responsibility, but putting everything on the shoulders of an individual when there IS data suggesting a lack of available partners or a disinclination towards monogamy/marriage/children, is just as naive and blind as someone who puts all the blame on society.

 

Yes. But it does not matter. Guys where I live used to be able to count on working in a mill and making a living. Those days are gone.

 

Maybe you WON'T end up getting married. It's possible. Some people don't. It's still up to you to create a fulfilling life for yourself. If you ever approach doing that (without the ugly attitude of "okay, I've done this, that, and this, where's my payback? See, I told you so. The world sucks") you will … make the most out of your life.

 

 

 

And I get so, so, so sick of being told to "have a positive attitude." It's like "The Secret," this philosophy that if you're positive, somehow the universe will reward you with what you want. But a good attitude is worthless if you don't have the goods to back it up (money, personality, physical attractiveness) and I see people starting to turn brittle under this self-imposed pressure to "always be happy!" and yet simultaneously being blamed for still being single.

 

The bolded - a complete self serving LIE. A "positive attitude" is what makes it possible to have more good days than wretched ones. It's not something that entitles you to a reward. And the idea that anyone is "blaming" you for being single … huh? You are so consumed with the concept of "blaming" that you seem to have lost track of something.

 

Or maybe they exist, but will only date the "right" girl... a group for which none of us single girls qualify.

 

And the above … do you recognize the absurdity of what you posted there? The "right" girl IS one of you single girls. Probably one who brings out the best in that particular guy.

 

This thread is just like your fat and ugly threads. The only response you will accept on those is "yes, you are fat and ugly." The only response you will accept here is "yes, society has taken a turn that will render it impossible for a person such as you to EVER get married."

 

Nobody is going to post those things, because they are false. So instead, around and around we go. Whee.

[xxoo]

but aside from "positive attitude" (which NO ONE will freaking explain how to get it, or even if there's proof that it even freaking helps or if they just got their significant other through sheer dumb luck and credited it to their sunny disposition)

 

A sunny attitude won't get you a partner. But a dark attitude will chase them away in droves!

 

How to get a positive attitude? Practice gratitude. Focus on what you do have, instead of what you do not have (I'm talking about your life here, not your physical attributes).

 

Your panic about finding a husband and starting a family at 26 is irrational, and actively creating what you fear most. If you spend the next 10 years freaking out about this, you will be more likely to end up alone.

[veggirl]

A sunny attitude won't get you a partner. But a dark attitude will chase them away in droves!

 

...

 

 

Your panic about finding a husband and starting a family at 26 is irrational, and actively creating what you fear most. If you spend the next 10 years freaking out about this, you will be more likely to end up alone.

 

 

OP--these statements are soo true. Please keep reading them.

[verhrzn]

A sunny attitude won't get you a partner. But a dark attitude will chase them away in droves!

 

How to get a positive attitude? Practice gratitude. Focus on what you do have, instead of what you do not have (I'm talking about your life here, not your physical attributes).

 

Your panic about finding a husband and starting a family at 26 is irrational, and actively creating what you fear most. If you spend the next 10 years freaking out about this, you will be more likely to end up alone.

 

First of all, why do people think it's irrational?? When reproduction drops at such a sharp decline after 30, why SHOULDN'T I be concerned? And for every article out there claiming there aren't any good men, there are about 3 times as many saying that if you're not in a relationship after about mid-30's and end up married, congrats, you're an anomaly and an out liner, because it's extremely rare.

 

Having a positive attitude and being grateful doesn't answer how you give up on wanting the things you don't have, which seems to be my problem. I focus on not having a relationship because I want a relationship. In what mixed-up world does ignoring a problem somehow fix the problem?? If I decided tomorrow to stop focusing on dating, I can practically guarantee I WOULD end up alone... because I'd stop trying! I'd be happy spending most of my free time in my apartment or with friends, and wouldn't do any of the things that you're supposed to do to meet potential boyfriends (OLD, going out to bars and clubs, approaching guys, etc.)

 

Now, if I could just accept that I'm going to be alone forever and never have a family, then it'd be a lot easier to focus on the positives of my life because hey, this is as good as it gets. (Good job, good hobbies, fun social environment.) So does anyone have any suggestions on how to do that.... accept eternal singledom?

[make me believe]

aside from "positive attitude" (which NO ONE will freaking explain how to get it, or even if there's proof that it even freaking helps or if they just got their significant other through sheer dumb luck and credited it to their sunny disposition) I don't get an answer as to what, just a lot of attitude about my attitude.

 

Actually, my husband tells me quite frequently that he loves my positive, happy attitude and that it's one of the things that initially attracted him to me. Additionally, a new friend of his who I met for the first time a couple weeks ago told my husband afterwards that he enjoyed how upbeat and positive I was, and that he could see why my husband loves being with me.

[xxoo]

First of all, why do people think it's irrational?? When reproduction drops at such a sharp decline after 30, why SHOULDN'T I be concerned? And for every article out there claiming there aren't any good men, there are about 3 times as many saying that if you're not in a relationship after about mid-30's and end up married, congrats, you're an anomaly and an out liner, because it's extremely rare.

 

Stop reading that crap. WHy do you read that crap?

 

Many women have first babies in their 30s these days. It is very common. You have at least 5 years before anyone will seriously entertain your worries about fertility.

 

Ask other women your age on LS if they are concerned with fertility. They're not. It IS irrational.

 

Having a positive attitude and being grateful doesn't answer how you give up on wanting the things you don't have, which seems to be my problem. I focus on not having a relationship because I want a relationship. In what mixed-up world does ignoring a problem somehow fix the problem?? If I decided tomorrow to stop focusing on dating, I can practically guarantee I WOULD end up alone... because I'd stop trying! I'd be happy spending most of my free time in my apartment or with friends, and wouldn't do any of the things that you're supposed to do to meet potential boyfriends (OLD, going out to bars and clubs, approaching guys, etc.)

 

As long as you are involved in your community, you will meet men. OLD, bars, clubs are not necessary--and arguably a poor choice for meeting men, anyway.

 

Stay involved in martial arts, but do it locally. Meeting men 2 hours away is little help. Stay involved in your "geeky" stuff. Stay involved without ulterior motive of landing a man, because men can smell desperation. Just be cool and fun and let your personality shine!

 

Now, if I could just accept that I'm going to be alone forever and never have a family, then it'd be a lot easier to focus on the positives of my life because hey, this is as good as it gets. (Good job, good hobbies, fun social environment.) So does anyone have any suggestions on how to do that.... accept eternal singledom?

 

SUCH a pity party! 26 and forced to accept Eternal Singledom!

 

It would help if you could just accept being alone right now without all the bitterness and drama. You are alone now. It's ok. You have a great life nonetheless.

 

Can you accept that right now, not getting wrapped up in "forever", and focus on the great life you have?

[carhill]

OP, take a good look at that little tyke in my avatar. His mother got married for her first and only time in her early thirties and was 37 when he came into the world. Take a close look at the picture and note the age of the cars. It was the 1950's. Have faith.

 

Can you accept that right now, not getting wrapped up in "forever", and focus on the great life you have?

 

That's a great mirror, OP. I think it's a healthy question to ask, at any age. Good luck.

[verhrzn]

Stop reading that crap. WHy do you read that crap?

 

Many women have first babies in their 30s these days. It is very common. You have at least 5 years before anyone will seriously entertain your worries about fertility.

 

Ask other women your age on LS if they are concerned with fertility. They're not. It IS irrational.

 

Being aware of your health and reading scientific studies is crap?? Is it I'm irrational, or other women are misinformed?

 

NBC reports that the level of fertility ignorance exhibited by women of childbearing age is stunning. Despite the fact that literally dozens of movies starring Diane Keaton have made jokes about the decline in fertility after age 35, women who participated in a survey thought that a 30-year-old woman had a 70% chance of conceiving after a month of unprotected sex. In in reality, it's more like 20%. Respondents also thought that a 40-year-old woman having a month's worth of procreative sex would successfully conceive 60% of the time; in reality, it's 5%. It's like all those jokes about grandmothers from the Old Country telling 18 year olds that they better get married and start having babies soon have fallen on completely deaf ears.-http://jezebel.com/5859741/the-fertility-denial-complex

-http://jezebel.com/5883016/young-people-totally-think-theyre-infertile

 

As long as you are involved in your community, you will meet men. OLD, bars, clubs are not necessary--and arguably a poor choice for meeting men, anyway.

 

Stay involved in martial arts, but do it locally. Meeting men 2 hours away is little help. Stay involved in your "geeky" stuff. Stay involved without ulterior motive of landing a man, because men can smell desperation. Just be cool and fun and let your personality shine!

 

Except I've been involved in my "community" for years and it's yielded nothing. What's the definition of insanity... doing the same things over and over again. If staying in my groups (whose members either couples, married men or single women) hasn't helped me meet eligible men in the past or currently, why would the future change that?

 

SUCH a pity party! 26 and forced to accept Eternal Singledom!

 

It would help if you could just accept being alone right now without all the bitterness and drama. You are alone now. It's ok. You have a great life nonetheless.

 

Can you accept that right now, not getting wrapped up in "forever", and focus on the great life you have?

 

And how do I accept being alone now? How do I give up something I desperately want? And why is not acceptable to get wrapped up in thinking the current is the future? If I don't change anything, then why would things change? Again... how is sticking my head in the sand and ignoring the problem (I can't find a relationship) going to somehow solve the problem?

[Mme. Chaucer]

Now, if I could just accept that I'm going to be alone forever and never have a family, then it'd be a lot easier to focus on the positives of my life because hey, this is as good as it gets. (Good job, good hobbies, fun social environment.) So does anyone have any suggestions on how to do that.... accept eternal singledom?

 

There you have it right there - a brilliant example of why you don't have a boyfriend.

 

That attitude = the opposite of attractive. If you looked like Megan Fox (or whoever is the ideal sexy woman icon these days; I have no clue really) you could still succeed in driving people away when you are coming from such a miserable place.

 

You're creating your own reality. No, I am not saying that if you change your attitude you will magically get whatever you want out of life. It's not a "give to get" situation. Your life is happening right now. This is it. TODAY. Nothing wrong with wanting different things than you have right now and striving to get them, but just being nasty is not gong to help you get them. And it's REALLY not going to help you appreciate, be grateful, and enjoy what you actually do have going on for yourself in your day to day life RIGHT NOW.

[Mme. Chaucer]

For the record: Of course I am a lot older than you; old enough to be your mom. My socio-economic peers were very prone to finishing school and getting careers and/ or adventures well under way before even getting married, much less having kids. Most of my close friends married in their late 20's or into their mid 30's and had kids in their 30's.

 

There was NOT this overwhelming concern about fertility, though it is true that this generation of late starters also probably launched a big boom in fertility treatments.

 

I still don't think that my peers are sitting around wishing and wallowing in regret that they didn't start breeding sooner.

 

But I am also very familiar with your generation, since I have a daughter in it, and I have ZERO familiarity with even one single person who sits around wallowing in worry about her reproductive condition. Maybe it's a midwest thing.

[veggirl]

Well, if you've exhausted the options in your community then apply for a job in another state and move. If you're serious about no options in your area.

[Mme. Chaucer]

Well, if you've exhausted the options in your community then apply for a job in another state and move. If you're serious about no options in your area.

 

That's impossible. Like every single other suggestion.

 

Too bad, though, because here on the left coast it would be very unusual for a 26 year old woman to be obsessed with her fertility.

[ditzchic]

 

Now, if I could just accept that I'm going to be alone forever and never have a family, then it'd be a lot easier to focus on the positives of my life because hey, this is as good as it gets. (Good job, good hobbies, fun social environment.) So does anyone have any suggestions on how to do that.... accept eternal singledom?

 

You don't need to accept eternal singledom. You need to accept today's singledom. Who knows what tomorrow or next week or next month or next year brings. You only need to focus on today and knowing that you have the skills and the good adjustment to take whatever comes at you in the future. It could be more singledom, it could be a ton of fun or it could be the love of your life. Who knows? Who cares? As long as you are happy in today and secure of your abilities for the future it doesn't matter.

 

If you have to fake it until you make it, do it. You'll eventually make it when it becomes a habit.