Author verhrzn Posted February 6, 2012 Author Posted February 6, 2012 P.S. Perhaps the reason you're having trouble meeting the kind of guy you want is because you're hanging out these types of guys. The reason this is happening is because women allow it to. Don't have sex with a man if you are not in a committed relationship! If a woman doesn't sleep with a man within a certain amount of time, he then labels her as a prude/cold fish, or that she has too low of a sex drive, and dumps her anyway. Women can't win... either we're sluts, or we're prudes. The guys I have met who don't put a lot of emphasis on sexuality, and want marriage/monogamy are the extremely religious types, the "born again" Christian guys who want a good little housewife. If those are the only two options...
TheFinalWord Posted February 6, 2012 Posted February 6, 2012 If a woman doesn't sleep with a man within a certain amount of time, he then labels her as a prude/cold fish, or that she has too low of a sex drive, and dumps her anyway. Women can't win... either we're sluts, or we're prudes. The guys I have met who don't put a lot of emphasis on sexuality, and want marriage/monogamy are the extremely religious types, the "born again" Christian guys who want a good little housewife. If those are the only two options... Yes, I do agree that overall religious men are going to have the mindset you are looking for. Why is that though? Because religion comes with a code of morals and ethics; and if the man takes it seriously he will live by it. Most religions do teach to wait for marriage before having sex. The morals of Western society as a whole have degraded. If you don't believe me just look at our entertainment. So the chances of finding an single man, with no religious convictions but that has a self-imposed code of ethics that regulate his sexual activity is going to be rare. If it does happen most likely it is going to come from experience rather than taking the advice of a deity. By the way, I think you have a unfair opinion of "religious" men. I go to church and believe in God, but am not a nut about it. There are a lot of trendy, open minded churches. And also a lot of fun open minded men who go to church as well. Heck at my church you can go in jeans and there is a huge coffee lounge outside the sanctuary. Maybe you should go and check one out. For example, I do not want just a house wife to raise my brood of children; I want a partner not a trophy wife. I also regulate my sexual behaviors primarily because of my beliefs. I do not feel it is okay for me to lie to woman or just try to use them for sex. I also do not believe it is okay for me to have 5 women I am sleeping with. But this is not a natural instinct for men; it is something we have to be taught and learn that there are benefits to adhering to. We also have to learn that we are accountable for how we treat women. It is not okay to deceive a woman or use her. For most men, to have the mindset you are looking for means they feel they are accountable to a higher power. Check it out: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Va7nKm9Kj2k
zengirl Posted February 6, 2012 Posted February 6, 2012 I know that marriage still happens. But that was kind of my point... that guys who want to be married, already are. Except that doesn't make sense. I mean . . . I *just* got married and hubby is 30, so certainly he was not already married when I met him. (We're a whirlwind, so I only met him in 2011 too!) I also stated in my post that I know a variety of people in a variety of stages. Most people cycle through stages. Guys who want to be monogamous, already are, by a certain age. True in a way. If a guy has never been monogamous and never had a desire to be monogamous by his mid20s, I'd write him off as not BF material. I always did when dating. But that doesn't mean they're monogamous and taken at any given moment; plenty of people who have had relationships or even wanted relationships are not IN relationships! I do think that men who aren't/have never been interested in monogamy are men to stay away from if that's what you want. I do not think single men who are interested in monogamy and have had relationships are rare or in short supply. This is going into stereotypes and the whole "no good men left," but it usually is easier for a single guy to get a relationship. So if he doesn't have some crippling social skills (doesn't know how to talk to women) and is still single past a certain age, then it's probably a good bet he doesn't want that, right? It's easier for a man to turn interest into a relationship (instead of just sex), but that doesn't mean it's easier for men to find the RIGHT relationship. I think that's hard for everyone! I don't think there's anything wrong with being single, for men or women, or that it denotes anything other than that the person hasn't found the right mate or had time yet or been so inclined yet. Though, as I said, if he or she has been a total playboy or girl for a decade or so, with no monogamous interludes, then yes, a zebra doesn't change it's stripes in most instances. I think those extremes are rare, though. Most people who have casual sex have also had relationships. What I've observed IRL and OLD is that guys who are single between 25-35 just want to party and date around with the excuse that "none of the girls is the right one for me." Then suddenly in their mid-30's, they snap onto a certain girl, and are married within 6 months. I have not seen that pattern, but I don't think they are giving excuses. Maybe that girl WASN'T the right girl for them! That really does happen. The reason this topic came up is I was reading a relationship article that said if you were a woman in my age group (25-30) and not in a long-term relationship already, and you want to get married, you have 2 years to find a guy, tops. Past 30, the article said, guys will only marry women younger than them, and that no guys younger than about mid-30's want a long-term relationship. That's insane. I know plenty of women who've gotten into relationships that led to marriage in their 30s. And even 40s and 50s! (Granted, it's re-married, but my grandmother just got re-married in her 80s!) This, combined with my poly experiences, is making me wonder if it's really true that all the marriageable men are already taken, and if it's better to just give up the idea of marriage/kids past a certain age, and just be happy with FWBs or being a third. It's not true that they're all taken, but it is true that you're better off giving up if that's your attitude! If you do a search of Single men in my area, the first 10 pages of profiles all say they're "looking for some fun"... which is code for long-term commitment. I'm a little more convinced that men don't want a relationship until "the right woman" comes along, but what are the odds the average woman will BE that woman? And isn't that steering a little too much into the area of women needing to "change" their boyfriend? Like, trick/manipulate/nag him into submission? Obviously a man wouldn't mind being married to a woman who was perfect in every way.... but if the guy doesn't really want a committed relationship to begin with, what are the chances he'll settle for an average woman? I met my hubby on a OLD website (OKC) where I also met other boyfriends before. I would say the vast majority of 20somethings on that site are looking for something relatively casual and/or don't know what they want. Some are open to deeper relationships, and others are not. I was able to find marriage-minded men on there, but they weren't the majority. I do not think that most people think of OLD as a way to find a serious mate when they're doing it; even though I found my hubby there, I didn't really expect anything but to have some fun from dating. I don't think you can expect that until you meet someone worthwhile. At any rate, most people go to OLD right after a breakup or when they're just testing the waters or have exhausted all other options, so it's not a great barometer of what people truly want. I do not think looks are what translate a girl from being dating to marriage material (though I imagine the sex life counts!). I think it's all the deeper stuff that makes a man want to commit forever.
somedude81 Posted February 6, 2012 Posted February 6, 2012 If a woman doesn't sleep with a man within a certain amount of time, he then labels her as a prude/cold fish, or that she has too low of a sex drive, and dumps her anyway. Women can't win... either we're sluts, or we're prudes. Why do you care if you are quickly dumped by a guy because you didn't put out? Doesn't that tell you he just wanted you for sex?!
Author verhrzn Posted February 6, 2012 Author Posted February 6, 2012 Yes, I do agree that overall religious men are going to have the mindset you are looking for. Why is that though? Because religion comes with a code of morals and ethics; and if the man takes it seriously he will live by it. Most religions do teach to wait for marriage before having sex. The morals of Western society as a whole have degraded. If you don't believe me just look at our entertainment. So the chances of finding an single man, with no religious convictions but that has a self-imposed code of ethics that regulate his sexual activity is going to be rare. If it does happen most likely it is going to come from experience rather than taking the advice of a deity. By the way, I think you have a unfair opinion of "religious" men. I go to church and believe in God, but am not a nut about it. There are a lot of trendy, open minded churches. And also a lot of fun open minded men who go to church as well. Heck at my church you can go in jeans and there is a huge coffee lounge outside the sanctuary. Maybe you should go and check one out. For example, I do not want just a house wife to raise my brood of children; I want a partner not a trophy wife. I also regulate my sexual behaviors primarily because of my beliefs. I do not feel it is okay for me to lie to woman or just try to use them for sex. I also do not believe it is okay for me to have 5 women I am sleeping with. But this is not a natural instinct for men; it is something we have to be taught and learn that there are benefits to adhering to. We also have to learn that we are accountable for how we treat women. It is not okay to deceive a woman or use her. For most men, to have the mindset you are looking for means they feel they are accountable to a higher power. Your post is full of some pretty awful assumptions. Are you trying to say that if someone doesn't have religion, they have no moral compass? That religion (and fear/reverse of a higher power) is the ONLY reason men fall in line? Western society isn't falling in degradation any more than it has for the last 2000 years. By last-millennium 'Christian' ideals, the Romans were way worse than we were. Plenty of Popes had illegitimate children and mistresses! Men cheated openly on their wives in Elizabethian times, to great scandal. Pastors claimed from the pulpit that people who went to the theater were damned to hell. There has never been a perfect age of innocence, and there has always been, to a greater or lesser amount, the same type and frequency of sin that we see today. And yes, I do go to one of those churches with the 'coffee bars' and jeans. Unless someone is Roman Catholic, most churches are that way, so it's my only choice, but I find those kinds of churches pandering, new age-y, and more importantly, filled with couples. I've gone to a few singles nights, and it's 90% women, every time. Some guys DO show up.... but they have such a smorgsboard of choices, that it seems they just bounce from one girl to the next with the excuse that she 'wasn't the one.'
Author verhrzn Posted February 6, 2012 Author Posted February 6, 2012 Why do you care if you are quickly dumped by a guy because you didn't put out? Doesn't that tell you he just wanted you for sex?! When it's EVERY guy who does it, and you earn a reputation of being a prude, that isn't very helpful is it? I guess women like me can be single and alone in the proud knowledge that no guy used us for sex, but it's kind of a hollow victory.
turt Posted February 6, 2012 Posted February 6, 2012 (edited) If a woman doesn't sleep with a man within a certain amount of time, he then labels her as a prude/cold fish, or that she has too low of a sex drive, and dumps her anyway. Women can't win... either we're sluts, or we're prudes. The guys I have met who don't put a lot of emphasis on sexuality, and want marriage/monogamy are the extremely religious types, the "born again" Christian guys who want a good little housewife. If those are the only two options... Yes, you can - if that happens, it wasn't going to work anyway! So why does it matter? There are actually a lot out there that aren't religious. They just don't tell everyone. About the marriage thing, it doesn't matter how old you are currently. Yes, you'll have less people to choose from but it doesn't mean it's near impossible to find. I want to get married but I would never do it at this point in my life. I don't think that's necessary until I'm near 30 when I'll be ready to start a family. But then again, I don't really see the need for marriage. If you are in love for someone else, you shouldn't have to make it legal to show the commitment. You should know! Edited February 6, 2012 by turt
turt Posted February 6, 2012 Posted February 6, 2012 When it's EVERY guy who does it, and you earn a reputation of being a prude, that isn't very helpful is it? I guess women like me can be single and alone in the proud knowledge that no guy used us for sex, but it's kind of a hollow victory. That's who you're going to get approached by most often. If you do earn this reputation, you have a better chance of finding the guy you want.
Casablanca Posted February 6, 2012 Posted February 6, 2012 If a woman doesn't sleep with a man within a certain amount of time, he then labels her as a prude/cold fish, or that she has too low of a sex drive, and dumps her anyway. Women can't win... either we're sluts, or we're prudes. The guys I have met who don't put a lot of emphasis on sexuality, and want marriage/monogamy are the extremely religious types, the "born again" Christian guys who want a good little housewife. If those are the only two options... Keep looking, there are guys out there who are willing to wait for a bit for sex and are not some religious extremist. I should know as I am one. I am a very physical person, like most guys. I like sex, but I can wait. I dated a girl for a couple months over the summer who was a virgin, and was not sure when she'd be ready for sex. It wasn't a religious, till marriage thing, she just didn't know when she would be ready. Her only sexual experience involved being pressured into giving an ex a blowjob, so it wasn't very good for her and he obviously didn't return the favor. So she has be turned off of anything sexual because of it. I told her I was fine with this, which I was and we talked about it some. I would have waited as long as it took because I really liked her, right before she broke up with me, there were thoughts in my head that I was beginning to fall in love with her Just keep looking, if I guy wont commit to exclusivity, then no sex for him and move on to the next one.
Author verhrzn Posted February 6, 2012 Author Posted February 6, 2012 That's who you're going to get approached by most often. If you do earn this reputation, you have a better chance of finding the guy you want. I don't get approached, and honestly, I don't want a guy who chooses me because he thinks I'm a prude... if nothing else, because I want a guy with a sex drive that matches mine. A guy who dates me because he thinks I'm a "good girl" is no better than a guy who would date me because he thinks I'm a slut.
Author verhrzn Posted February 6, 2012 Author Posted February 6, 2012 Keep looking, there are guys out there who are willing to wait for a bit for sex and are not some religious extremist. I should know as I am one. I am a very physical person, like most guys. I like sex, but I can wait. I dated a girl for a couple months over the summer who was a virgin, and was not sure when she'd be ready for sex. It wasn't a religious, till marriage thing, she just didn't know when she would be ready. Her only sexual experience involved being pressured into giving an ex a blowjob, so it wasn't very good for her and he obviously didn't return the favor. So she has be turned off of anything sexual because of it. I told her I was fine with this, which I was and we talked about it some. I would have waited as long as it took because I really liked her, right before she broke up with me, there were thoughts in my head that I was beginning to fall in love with her Just keep looking, if I guy wont commit to exclusivity, then no sex for him and move on to the next one. But there ISN'T a next one, that's the point. That single men who want monogamy are so rare they get snatched up immediately, or they turn into FWB/'casual dating' type guys, until the magical 'right one' comes along.
carhill Posted February 6, 2012 Posted February 6, 2012 OP, what's old is new again. You should have seen all the coke-induced :bunny: - humping back when I was young, back before AIDS. At your age I was saying the same thing, that all the marriageable women were married and the rest were, well, the rest. Nothing new. My bet is you have the same or similar demographic issues I had. Good luck in your search.
Casablanca Posted February 6, 2012 Posted February 6, 2012 But there ISN'T a next one, that's the point. That single men who want monogamy are so rare they get snatched up immediately, or they turn into FWB/'casual dating' type guys, until the magical 'right one' comes along. Dont allow them to turn into a FWB with you. Gotta stay positive, there will be a next one. Even guys who want a relationship, will be dumped or will dump someone. Also how old are you? What age range are you open to dating?
ThaWholigan Posted February 6, 2012 Posted February 6, 2012 But there ISN'T a next one, that's the point. That single men who want monogamy are so rare they get snatched up immediately, or they turn into FWB/'casual dating' type guys, until the magical 'right one' comes along. Why do you tell yourself there isn't a next one? That's a very hopeless way of looking at things . Like Carhill said, must be a demographic issue, only conclusion I can come to without resorting to making predictive and tentative comments about you that I haven't the foresight or the right to make.
Author verhrzn Posted February 6, 2012 Author Posted February 6, 2012 Why do you tell yourself there isn't a next one? That's a very hopeless way of looking at things . Like Carhill said, must be a demographic issue, only conclusion I can come to without resorting to making predictive and tentative comments about you that I haven't the foresight or the right to make. Question: what's the difference between 'hopeless' and looking at the writing on the wall? The relationship section of the bookstore is FILLED with books about how the good men are gone (for all types of women: For the Christian woman, so it isn't just the Yuppies and the Sluts who are being effected), Men's Rights Groups are constantly crowing about how they don't even bother with the "feminist-run institutions" of marriage and long-term commitment, and articles on girl-driven sites are nothing but constant blame as to why you're single, and how it's your fault there are no men left (you waited too long, you have a bad attitude and they married someone else, you intimidated them with your career, etc.) At what point do you look at this mountain, don't you feel a little like "Well, guess I better get used to the way society is going"? I mean, you don't want to be the only person walking around looking for marriage when everyone else in your demographic (single between the age of 25-32) has moved on to poly and casual relationships, because that's just a recipe for misery. (Looking for something that doesn't exist.)
TheFinalWord Posted February 6, 2012 Posted February 6, 2012 Your post is full of some pretty awful assumptions. Are you trying to say that if someone doesn't have religion, they have no moral compass? That religion (and fear/reverse of a higher power) is the ONLY reason men fall in line? Western society isn't falling in degradation any more than it has for the last 2000 years. By last-millennium 'Christian' ideals, the Romans were way worse than we were. Plenty of Popes had illegitimate children and mistresses! Men cheated openly on their wives in Elizabethian times, to great scandal. Pastors claimed from the pulpit that people who went to the theater were damned to hell. There has never been a perfect age of innocence, and there has always been, to a greater or lesser amount, the same type and frequency of sin that we see today. And yes, I do go to one of those churches with the 'coffee bars' and jeans. Unless someone is Roman Catholic, most churches are that way, so it's my only choice, but I find those kinds of churches pandering, new age-y, and more importantly, filled with couples. I've gone to a few singles nights, and it's 90% women, every time. Some guys DO show up.... but they have such a smorgsboard of choices, that it seems they just bounce from one girl to the next with the excuse that she 'wasn't the one.' No, I did not argue that without religion people have no moral compass. The bible basically teaches that we have a conscience and we know right from wrong. However, our conscience (as Paul states) can become seered over time. If you please re-read my post you will see that it is rare for a man to have a code of ethics that regulates his sexual behaviors UNLESS he has learned from experience. It is rare that a man will just go through his 20s and 30s and decide on his own to just regulate his sexual behaviors. If this was the case STDs would not be so prevalent. This seems to line up with what you said earlier, that they are sexually active until they meet "the one". Until such time they will be on their marry way getting as much as they can In regards to the past, yes, the Romans were worse in many ways. That empire also fell. Yes I agree there have been always been religious tyrants. During those times the church lost its focus on being an authority people desired to follow, to bully tactics. But my point wasn't comparing Western society to ancient Rome. It was that Western society has changed dramatically the past 100 years. Marriage and monogamy were much more the norm a few generations ago; with the advent of the Internet the entire game has changed, as you know from OLD. I agree with you that Christian men are rarer and rarer to find, which goes with what I was saying that society has changed primarily because religion and parenting has taken a back seat. I am glad you are going to church. I am also not really into those types of churches, but everyone is different. I thought perhaps you liked that style since it is not as religious. Correct me if I'm wrong but didn't you say you don't want one of those "extreme religious, born again types". I don't think its the case that men can just have any woman they want at church. I certainly haven't found that to be the case! Read my last thread; I went out with a girl who said she was a Christian who ditched me like yesterday's garbage. She treated me worse than non-Christians I have dated! lol But Christian dating is a whole other topic b/c in that paradigm there is a belief that God is involved in the match making. We can discuss if you would like.
Casablanca Posted February 6, 2012 Posted February 6, 2012 Question: what's the difference between 'hopeless' and looking at the writing on the wall? Play the numbers game...odds are you will find someone perfect for you
Mme. Chaucer Posted February 6, 2012 Posted February 6, 2012 Monogamy and marriage have been energetically challenged since the 60's. My daughter is 24 and yes, she knows "poly" people and sexual adventurers, but she also has a lot of friends who are married or in committed relationships. None of them are any type of religious fundamentalists. The guys I have met who don't put a lot of emphasis on sexuality, and want marriage/monogamy are the extremely religious types, the "born again" Christian guys who want a good little housewife. If those are the only two options... Your options are whatever you make them.
TheFinalWord Posted February 6, 2012 Posted February 6, 2012 Your post is full of some pretty awful assumptions. Are you trying to say that if someone doesn't have religion, they have no moral compass? That religion (and fear/reverse of a higher power) is the ONLY reason men fall in line? Western society isn't falling in degradation any more than it has for the last 2000 years. By last-millennium 'Christian' ideals, the Romans were way worse than we were. Plenty of Popes had illegitimate children and mistresses! Men cheated openly on their wives in Elizabethian times, to great scandal. Pastors claimed from the pulpit that people who went to the theater were damned to hell. There has never been a perfect age of innocence, and there has always been, to a greater or lesser amount, the same type and frequency of sin that we see today. And yes, I do go to one of those churches with the 'coffee bars' and jeans. Unless someone is Roman Catholic, most churches are that way, so it's my only choice, but I find those kinds of churches pandering, new age-y, and more importantly, filled with couples. I've gone to a few singles nights, and it's 90% women, every time. Some guys DO show up.... but they have such a smorgsboard of choices, that it seems they just bounce from one girl to the next with the excuse that she 'wasn't the one.' No, I did not argue that without religion people have no moral compass. The bible basically teaches that we have a conscience and we know right from wrong. However, our conscience (as Paul states) can become seered over time. If you please re-read my post you will see that it is rare for a man to have a code of ethics that regulates his sexual behaviors UNLESS he has learned from experience. It is rare that a man will just go through his 20s and 30s and decide on his own to just regulate his sexual behaviors. If this was the case STDs would not be so prevalent. This seems to line up with what you said earlier, that they are sexually active until they meet "the one". Until such time they will be on their marry way getting as much as they can In regards to the past, yes, the Romans were worse in many ways. That empire also fell. Yes I agree there have been always been religious tyrants. During those times the church lost its focus on being an authority people desired to follow, to bully tactics. But my point wasn't comparing Western society to ancient Rome. It was that Western society has changed dramatically the past 100 years. Marriage and monogamy were much more the norm a few generations ago; with the advent of the Internet the entire game has changed, as you know from OLD. I agree with you that Christian men are rarer and rarer to find, which goes with what I was saying that society has changed primarily because religion and parenting has taken a back seat. I am glad you are going to church. I am also not really into those types of churches, but everyone is different. I thought perhaps you liked that style since it is not as religious. Correct me if I'm wrong but didn't you say you don't want one of those "extreme religious, born again types". I don't think its the case that men can just have any woman they want at church. I certainly haven't found that to be the case! Read my last thread; I went out with a girl who said she was a Christian who ditched me like yesterday's garbage. She treated me worse than non-Christians I have dated! lol In many ways Christian women are harder to please b/c they pretty much want Jesus Christ in the flesh while simultaneously the man to look like Tim Tebow. LOL But Christian dating is a whole other topic b/c in that paradigm there is a belief that God is involved in the match making. We can discuss if you would like.
Author verhrzn Posted February 6, 2012 Author Posted February 6, 2012 Monogamy and marriage have been energetically challenged since the 60's. My daughter is 24 and yes, she knows "poly" people and sexual adventurers, but she also has a lot of friends who are married or in committed relationships. None of them are any type of religious fundamentalists. Your options are whatever you make them. I agree, I also have lots of friends who are married and in committed relationships. That wasn't my point. My point was that past a certain age (what your daughter is approaching, but not quite to yet) the only men who want monogamy/marriage are either the religious types, or those who are already married/in relationships. So, how can you make your options when there are no options, as all of these articles and books are saying?
Casablanca Posted February 6, 2012 Posted February 6, 2012 I agree, I also have lots of friends who are married and in committed relationships. That wasn't my point. My point was that past a certain age (what your daughter is approaching, but not quite to yet) the only men who want monogamy/marriage are either the religious types, or those who are already married/in relationships. So, how can you make your options when there are no options, as all of these articles and books are saying? Date younger? I'm 24 and I'm dating someone who is 26, so she is dating young (I'm dating older). Just keep looking...even the good guys get dumped or divorced and some guys do change as they hit their older 20's and then are ready to finally settle down.
veggirl Posted February 6, 2012 Posted February 6, 2012 I'm 28 and until I met my BF (this past yr), I pretty much thought the same thing, OP. It weirded me out that guys my age and a couple yrs older were still living in this extended college party lifestyle and perfectly happy with bar hopping every weekend and scoring random hook ups. I thought any guy who wanted a GF already had one, too. Well obviously I was wrong, as I met my BF, but that was kinda random and I'm not sure where to tell you to look for that. It kinda just happened for me. Of the single guys I've come across in the last year or so, late 20s, I do have to say that most were single cause they just don't want a GF, they want to party and hook up. But there are def some out there who still want a relationship, I found one, and hey it only takes ONE so just keep pluggin along...
veggirl Posted February 6, 2012 Posted February 6, 2012 Date younger? I'm 24 and I'm dating someone who is 26, so she is dating young (I'm dating older). Just keep looking...even the good guys get dumped or divorced and some guys do change as they hit their older 20's and then are ready to finally settle down. This too. My BF is 26, 2 yrs younger than me!
Mme. Chaucer Posted February 6, 2012 Posted February 6, 2012 Originally Posted by verhrzn My point was that past a certain age (what your daughter is approaching, but not quite to yet) the only men who want monogamy/marriage are either the religious types, or those who are already married/in relationships. So, how can you make your options when there are no options, as all of these articles and books are saying? I have good news for you. You're wrong. I'm sure you could find some articles and books that support a different perspective, if you were interested. Anyway, no. The "ONLY" men who want marriage / monogamy in that age group are NOT "religious types" or already married. In fact, my daughter's ex boyfriend is one, and so is my husband's son. That's two in one little tiny family. There must be millions more. So you're in luck. I hope you can adjust your POV away from such a defeatist and fatalistic one.
turt Posted February 6, 2012 Posted February 6, 2012 I don't get approached, and honestly, I don't want a guy who chooses me because he thinks I'm a prude... if nothing else, because I want a guy with a sex drive that matches mine. A guy who dates me because he thinks I'm a "good girl" is no better than a guy who would date me because he thinks I'm a slut. You have to remember that these are labels and don't indicate who you are (they're an insult). If I understand correctly, you want to be labeled a slut rather than a prude because you like to have sex? Now that people label you as a slut they assume your easy. So when you date them, they expect sex. If they don't get sex they are wasting their time on you. The date gets angry and guess what... A guy that waits to get to know you will obviously find whether or not you're a "good girl". Other guys know why women get labeled as they do. They aren't going to think you don't want to have sex at all at one point. Also, what does having a strong sex drive have to do with your morals?
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