Viking Posted February 6, 2012 Posted February 6, 2012 So, this may be kinda long... Back in December I broke up with my longterm girlfriend of over two years. She moved abroad and couldn't handle the long distance (16hr time difference) and 10 months between her departure and return at the least. Anyway, I met a girl recently through Plenty of Fish (online dating...already not looking so great I know. I'd never tried it, so I figured "what the hay...") We messaged back and forth for a bit until I didn't receive any message back from her because I figured I had just bombarded her with too many questions. I take rejection personally, so I figured it was just that. She thought I was "too pushy" or whatever. I know I shouldn't take online rejection so personally. Anyway, I ended up leaving her a message to the tune of, "Hey, sorry if I asked too many questions and left you overwhelmed...if you feel like texting me, here's my number. I'll be at work all day." Sure enough, I got a text from her and we went from there. It was about a week or so that went on of us texting and talking back and forth before we met up in real life. When we ended up meeting, we went on a date and started around 8 and I dropped her off at almost 2AM. I felt we connected well and I asked if I could see her again. We ended up going out three more times in the next four days! So, I felt something was lining up right and that she was in to me. Well, her grandpa ended up going to the hospital for some surgery and she shifted the dinner plans that I had made for us to have to a different night the following week. She asked me to leave her for a bit as she needed to attend to family stuff and be there for her dad and grandma as her grandpa wasn't doing well. Then his surgeries kept getting pushed back further and then to the next week, so our plans did also. I tried not to be pushy, but would ask her if she was going to have time to come over as I wanted to make dinner for her. We finally made plans for Thursday (a week after her grandpa went into the hospital), but then the day of she texts me saying her grandma wants her to come to the hospital and spend time with her to "keep her mind off things". Anyway, she had come into my work the day before to see me and whatnot, so it just threw me for a big loop. Made me think "does this girl like me or is she just playing games seeing what I'll do?". So, today, she texts me "hope you have fun watching the superbowl today!" AND THEN A MINUTE LATER, "I think with me being busy with my grandpa we should just be friends...I've been way busy and its not fair for you to keep waiting...". I'm like WTF MATE?!?! Anyway, I wait a while to reply because I'm kinda pissed/disappointed at this point because I've been trying to get together with this girl because of how well we initially connected. I replied, "That's fine. I want to get to know you better because you seem like a good girl to date. Let me know when you have more time and we'll take it from there." She later replied, "Okay! Sounds great :)". Needless to say...I feel as though I have landed in that pile of dudes that every girl has sitting around...the "just friends" pile. I kissed her on the third time we hung out. Went to her place for movie night and snuggling on the couch and ended up staying the night, too. I asked if I rushed anything and she told me that I had not. I had also asked her if I had pushed any boundaries and whether or not that is affecting why she is not seeing me much, but she said that she would not have come into my work had that been the case. I'm left baffled. Any ideas on what I can do to make sure that I am not permanently relegated to the friendzone? Is it too late? I don't really have any plans on contacting her in the next few days, as I would like to let this cool off so I don't do anything out of emotion, but also so that way I can let her think about the situation. I appreciate the advice. 8)
smudge21 Posted February 6, 2012 Posted February 6, 2012 The best thing you can do now is to walk away and let her make the next move. She's taken control of this one by saying she'd rather just be friends, your reply was okay and that's that. Now it has to be up to her. If you make contact first now, it will seem like desperation. However, like many on here (myself included) you will probably wait a few days then send her a "hello" text or similar. This will mean you are definitely in that friend zone location... or even that 'some guy who won't leave me alone even though I politely told him I wasn't interested' location. Walk away now before you start thinking about her too much and she ends up becoming an addiction which you can't live without. Nothing worse as you have the same emotional bond just without the relationship beforehand. I still maintain that relationships are never ever 50/50 and the one who cares less, controls said relationship. By you doing the chasing (if indeed you decide to) then she will be the one who cares less and thus controls it. You'll be thinking about her whilst she's living her life knowing you're still around. Swap this around though and you go quiet on her and see if she starts showing more interest. Either way, just consider this door closed for now and keep your options open. Try not to focus on it.
Author Viking Posted February 6, 2012 Author Posted February 6, 2012 I still maintain that relationships are never ever 50/50 and the one who cares less, controls said relationship. By you doing the chasing (if indeed you decide to) then she will be the one who cares less and thus controls it. You'll be thinking about her whilst she's living her life knowing you're still around. Swap this around though and you go quiet on her and see if she starts showing more interest. Either way, just consider this door closed for now and keep your options open. Try not to focus on it. Whenever I went a while without contacting her, she would text me asking me how I am or if I worked that day...peculiar! Anyway, she does have one of my favorite sweatshirts as I let her borrow it when we went to lunch on one of the days we met up...I'd like it back at the least. Anyway, I probably have "oneitis", where she's the first girl I really spent much time with after my LTR, so I am just needing to shake this one and move on. She showed me attention and my ego liked it, and now my ego is not liking the lack of attention!:laugh:
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