SJC2008 Posted February 6, 2012 Posted February 6, 2012 First of all I'm not sypathy fishing,I'm a man and I'll get over it. Finally got to a second date and a possible third. Texted the woman I'm dating good night and I'll call you tomorrow after a few mins of small talk texting. She replies "Ok.Thanks for sweeping me off my feet". At first I laughed and then started to think about it. We have only been out twice and haven't even kissed so I took it as sarcasm. To try to get clafification I said "You seem like a nice young women so I'll give you the benefit of the doubt that you were joking" She replied: "I'm not Joking". I was confused and thought she was dropping hints that I wasn't getting the job done. In my defense who tells a man that after two dates and is serious, and remember the bad luck I had so I took it in a bad way I'll admit. I responded "All I said was good night. I want to get to know you but if you don't feel it just be honest about how you feel, I won't be mad". She replied:"where did that come from?". I said "I thought you were being sarcastic and when I asked if you were joking you said no, we're still learning eachothers style and I'm embarrased and didn't want to hurt your feelings. Please accept my apology from the bottom of my heart, I definately want to get to know you better" She replied "You say you are interested but don't act like it". I responded "I have told you you are pretty, held your hand and had my arm around you. Lets chalk it up as an awkward moment and we'll llaugh about it the next time we see eachother". No response...... All in all I hope I did not hurt her feelings. I did text her again and told her whatever she decides it was nice to meet her and good luck to her. I think she either 1) Baited me in to make it seem like I ended it. 2) Was just flirting and I'm a total duche and a moron. 3) Was willing to date but was trying to hint that it's time for me to make a move. What do yall think? This is 99% over but how could I have handled it better for future purposes.
poodle Posted February 6, 2012 Posted February 6, 2012 If she told you that you swept her off her feet, that's good! It doesn't mean she's in love, wants to get married and have your grandkids someday. It's just her way of showing you she likes you. I think you associate 'sweeping someone off their feet' with something completely different than she is. You could try to explain that to her. She didn't bait you in. You were rude to her when she was flirting with you so I guess option #2 suits your situation best. Try to learn from this. Don't jump to conclusions too fast in the future.
USMCHokie Posted February 6, 2012 Posted February 6, 2012 ...how could I have handled it better for future purposes. Think less. Text less. Don't try to explain every little detail going on in your head. Leave your thoughts to yourself. I responded "All I said was good night. I want to get to know you but if you don't feel it just be honest about how you feel, I won't be mad". She replied:"where did that come from?". I said "I thought you were being sarcastic and when I asked if you were joking you said no, we're still learning eachothers style and I'm embarrased and didn't want to hurt your feelings. Please accept my apology from the bottom of my heart, I definately want to get to know you better" She replied "You say you are interested but don't act like it". I responded "I have told you you are pretty, held your hand and had my arm around you. Good god, what the hell was all of that?!?! You should have left it at "good night." Are you joking or did you actually have this exchange with her...? Lets chalk it up as an awkward moment and we'll llaugh about it the next time we see eachother". You attempted to save it with humor. Unfortunately, you are not funny. I did text her again and told her whatever she decides it was nice to meet her and good luck to her. Good lord... I'm a total duche and a moron. This. You messed up on every count. Even I wasn't this bad back when I texted with Star...
TheFinalWord Posted February 6, 2012 Posted February 6, 2012 First of all I'm not sypathy fishing,I'm a man and I'll get over it. Finally got to a second date and a possible third. Texted the woman I'm dating good night and I'll call you tomorrow after a few mins of small talk texting. She replies "Ok.Thanks for sweeping me off my feet". At first I laughed and then started to think about it. We have only been out twice and haven't even kissed so I took it as sarcasm. To try to get clafification I said "You seem like a nice young women so I'll give you the benefit of the doubt that you were joking" She replied: "I'm not Joking". I was confused and thought she was dropping hints that I wasn't getting the job done. In my defense who tells a man that after two dates and is serious, and remember the bad luck I had so I took it in a bad way I'll admit. I responded "All I said was good night. I want to get to know you but if you don't feel it just be honest about how you feel, I won't be mad". She replied:"where did that come from?". I said "I thought you were being sarcastic and when I asked if you were joking you said no, we're still learning eachothers style and I'm embarrased and didn't want to hurt your feelings. Please accept my apology from the bottom of my heart, I definately want to get to know you better" She replied "You say you are interested but don't act like it". I responded "I have told you you are pretty, held your hand and had my arm around you. Lets chalk it up as an awkward moment and we'll llaugh about it the next time we see eachother". No response...... All in all I hope I did not hurt her feelings. I did text her again and told her whatever she decides it was nice to meet her and good luck to her. I think she either 1) Baited me in to make it seem like I ended it. 2) Was just flirting and I'm a total duche and a moron. 3) Was willing to date but was trying to hint that it's time for me to make a move. What do yall think? This is 99% over but how could I have handled it better for future purposes. Yeah she was feeling you out, giving you an opening to reinforce her feelings. I think you blew this one mate. I'd send her some flowers
Author SJC2008 Posted February 6, 2012 Author Posted February 6, 2012 Well what can I say. The last year I got blown off 4 times in a row and when one finally liked me I took it the wrong way. I'm not sticking up for my self it joes goes to show that I need to work on my self esteem which is hard because I screwed this one up myself. I did ask her to clarify but I guess I did not word it right which goes back to me which pisses me off even more. I apologized to her but don't expect her to come around. The bottom line is that the girl liked me and I couldn't believe it and that's a crying shame. If they don't screw me I do so my hands are in the air. I reallh don't know wtf to do.
TheFinalWord Posted February 6, 2012 Posted February 6, 2012 Well what can I say. The last year I got blown off 4 times in a row and when one finally liked me I took it the wrong way. I'm not sticking up for my self it joes goes to show that I need to work on my self esteem which is hard because I screwed this one up myself. I did ask her to clarify but I guess I did not word it right which goes back to me which pisses me off even more. I apologized to her but don't expect her to come around. The bottom line is that the girl liked me and I couldn't believe it and that's a crying shame. If they don't screw me I do so my hands are in the air. I reallh don't know wtf to do. I know it's frustrating. What I try to do is just remember that everyone is different and you can't impute one woman's disrespectful behaviors on another woman. I have really worked hard on taking each woman on a case by case basis. But I do think there are generalizations that apply that can help protect yourself emotionally. You can see my recent thread for a lot of good ideas! I don't think what you did will make her hate you though. She sounds like the kind of girl that likes some romance. You can send her some flowers (if you like her that is) and let her know you had a headache and didn't respond in a polite way. For the future don't ask any kind of questions that could be misinterpreted over text. That is one thing I try to never do.
DontWorryBHappy Posted February 6, 2012 Posted February 6, 2012 Oh man.... honestly she was probably confused by that exchange. It was very awkward, and to me, as a girl, it was obvious she was attempting to have a cute moment with you by texting that you "swept her off her feet". You should realize that a woman can feel swept off her feet if the "chemistry" is right and she is "feeling it" with you, and that has little to do with whether you kissed her or not. You sort of ruined the moment by overanalyzing an innocent comment, and likely confused her at the same time. To be frank, she's probably thinking you are too much work, if you're going to be analyzing little things she says like that instead of taking what she says at face value. Remember not to assume things..... that's where you went wrong. You assumed that she wasn't being straightforward with you...
Author SJC2008 Posted February 6, 2012 Author Posted February 6, 2012 I overanalyzed it yes. For starters I have had NO reciprocation in a YEAR 2nd date wise. If your house gets robbed ur gonna guard the fort. The second reason I OA'd was that I haven't even made a move and thought she was calling me out. I know I screwed up, that's why I'm mad. I'm mad at myself for not believing a woman would actually tell me that in a positive light. I'm mad because she probably thinks I'm crazy and is crying right now hurt when I didn't mean it. I'm not bitter and am not blaming those chicks for the way I am, I know there are just as many women who got ditched by men. I'm just mad because at the first decent chance of meeting a nice woman I'm the one who screwed it up and should have gone through dumb mistakes like this in my early 20's, not now.
smudge21 Posted February 6, 2012 Posted February 6, 2012 I find this thread funny but in a sad way as I can relate to over thinking things and blowing chances because I did or didn't react a certain way. Sadly, both sides of the dating game never really say what we mean as we are both unsure of how to proceed - we never want to seem too keen or too uninterested. After all this I would leave it for a while and see if she contacts you, then if so, just keep it simple with something like "sorry about the other night" don't get into too much detail. "I thought you were being sarcastic and when I asked if you were joking you said no, we're still learning eachothers style and I'm embarrased and didn't want to hurt your feelings. Please accept my apology from the bottom of my heart, I definately want to get to know you better" A simpler way of putting this would've been "sorry, I misunderstood what you'd said." Give it a few days, if you don't hear anything, just CALL her and say hi...
Author SJC2008 Posted February 6, 2012 Author Posted February 6, 2012 Don't ask me how but the fire is out. We exchanged a couple of texts and I'll see her again and we're going to talk. I guess I had a skill with the ladies I never new I had, apologizing LOL. Lesson learned, give the benefit of the doubt, which I new but it's hard when emotions are involved. Gotta work on that! I'll keep yall updated!
g450 Posted February 8, 2012 Posted February 8, 2012 This is exactly why I hate texting. Texting has its uses but relationship building on a small handheld device is just plain stupid. You cant tell what the other person is feeling because you cant hear the tone or see their expression. With that said though, I think you blew it. As others have said, dont jump to conclusions and think before you hit the send button.
Author SJC2008 Posted February 8, 2012 Author Posted February 8, 2012 Yeah I see what you are saying about texting and have pretty much felt that way but she's a fairly heavy texter. What happened was is when I asked her to clarify I wasn't clear that I wasn't taking it right which goes back to what you said about not being able to decipher tone through a text, and jumping to conclusions.I was wrong wrong by jumping to a conclusion and looping her in with the other woman who blew me off. She pretty much told me that, not in those exact words, while we were making up. I'm not glad this happened but I really respect her because she communicated her feelings and accepted my apology once we got on the same page. I talked to her last night and today and it was like it never happened
Untouchable_Fire Posted February 8, 2012 Posted February 8, 2012 Yeah I see what you are saying about texting and have pretty much felt that way but she's a fairly heavy texter. What happened was is when I asked her to clarify I wasn't clear that I wasn't taking it right which goes back to what you said about not being able to decipher tone through a text, and jumping to conclusions.I was wrong wrong by jumping to a conclusion and looping her in with the other woman who blew me off. She pretty much told me that, not in those exact words, while we were making up. I'm not glad this happened but I really respect her because she communicated her feelings and accepted my apology once we got on the same page. I talked to her last night and today and it was like it never happened Successful relationships are all about communication. The fact that you two were able to get back on the same page is a big positive.
FitChick Posted February 8, 2012 Posted February 8, 2012 When you have low self esteem you misinterpret even positive comments and actions and sabotage yourself. Get to this website ASAP and at least eliminate these three beliefs: I'm not good enough I'm not important Mistakes and failure are bad If you've done the process properly you will automatically make better choices and lessen your anxiety.
thatone Posted February 8, 2012 Posted February 8, 2012 man wow, i don't even...how can you go so wrong so fast with such a conversation. next time you talk to her you need to say nothing negative whatsoever. start with that goal in mind, you gotta get her back in the mood that you ruined.
make me believe Posted February 8, 2012 Posted February 8, 2012 Don't ask me how but the fire is out. We exchanged a couple of texts and I'll see her again and we're going to talk. I guess I had a skill with the ladies I never new I had, apologizing LOL. Lesson learned, give the benefit of the doubt, which I new but it's hard when emotions are involved. Gotta work on that! I'll keep yall updated! Oh god, when you see her again you do not need to talk about this!!! Seriously, you are making one mistake, one awkward moment, into WAY too big of a deal. Please don't drag it out anymore by bringing it up again. If she brings it up you should just say "Sorry about that, I misinterpreted what you'd said. Guess that happens sometimes with texting! :)" and change the subject! I'm glad she's not letting one awkward text exchange turn her off of you completely. That's good! Now I agree with thatone... don't say anything negative to her next time you talk to her. NONE of this "if you don't want to get to know me just be honest, I won't be mad" stuff. That is such a huge turnoff to hear as a woman. It makes you sound so weak and like you are desperate for her affection. Take her out on a fun date, be happy & positive, and don't let this awkwardness come back again!
thatone Posted February 8, 2012 Posted February 8, 2012 Oh god, when you see her again you do not need to talk about this!!! Seriously, you are making one mistake, one awkward moment, into WAY too big of a deal. Please don't drag it out anymore by bringing it up again. If she brings it up you should just say "Sorry about that, I misinterpreted what you'd said. Guess that happens sometimes with texting! :)" and change the subject! I'm glad she's not letting one awkward text exchange turn her off of you completely. That's good! Now I agree with thatone... don't say anything negative to her next time you talk to her. NONE of this "if you don't want to get to know me just be honest, I won't be mad" stuff. That is such a huge turnoff to hear as a woman. It makes you sound so weak and like you are desperate for her affection. Take her out on a fun date, be happy & positive, and don't let this awkwardness come back again! yeah, exactly, the above is all fact. she is going to respond to you based on how you make her feel with what you say. make her feel happy, and sexy, and comfortable with you, and you're going to get laid and have her full attention and everything will be right in the world. this isn't rocket science. and think of the upside, she didn't disappear when you completely blew it with that string of texts (as far as we know), so what does that mean? SHE IS STILL ATTRACTED TO YOU. take that as the ego boost it should be, and act accordingly.
Author SJC2008 Posted February 8, 2012 Author Posted February 8, 2012 @Fitchick: Yeah you're right, like I said a few comments ago I found one that finally likes me but still couldn't believe it. That tells me I have more work to do on myself than I thought.@ Make me believe: I can assure you I won't say one peep about it unless she brings it up. We're going out tonight and have talked twice since this incident and so far the flow is like it never happened. We'll see how tonight goes, I'll keep everyone posted.
Author SJC2008 Posted February 9, 2012 Author Posted February 9, 2012 So we met up for our date. She was tired as she works two jobs but still wanted to go. The place we went to closed a little earlier than advertised on their site so we weren't there but about 20 mins. On the way to grab a bite she asked me how hungry I was and I said not a lot but I could eat. She said she was very tired and said she wasn't up to it so I said that's fine. Her schedule recently changed at one of her jobs and in the car I told her things might be a little hectic but I'm willing to put an effort in and she said she is too. Anyway, she parks to let me out and I reach over to hug her and go in for a kiss and she denies me but we finish with a nice hug. She had an ear to ear grin when I was getting out of the car??? Anyway, about 15 mins later she drops this "you're awesome but I'm not ready for this, I'm so sorry, can we be friends" text on me. I called her and told her I respect her wishes and have no problem taking it slow and I can respect her wishes if that's what she wants and told her I'd call her tomorrow. Im done though, she was "online now" on OKC. Either way I'm not hurt as I have learned to have thick skin in the dating game and can take rejection with a grain of salt now. Last year I would of been gutted so that's a major improvement on my part. I was minimally attracted to her anyway and was trying not to be shallow if yall remember that thread.I really think she liked me and she called me today on her luch break and we spoke for about 45 minutes. I know I screwed up the other day but she did not end it then, mabye I struck a nerve when I went for the kiss?? Either way I don't know what to believe as she was active a few mins ago. On a side note, when she turned me down for the kiss it was not the least bit awkward for me, I mean zero and I'm not exaggerating and I find that kind of strange???
Oxy Moronovich Posted February 9, 2012 Posted February 9, 2012 Dude, you crashed and buuuuuuuuuurrrrrned! Your weird texting just sucked the life out of her attraction to you. You went on a date with her and you were bragging about getting to hold her hand. Now she denied you a kiss and dumped you with the "let's be friends talk." All in all, hope you learned your lesson: wussyness can kill romance. Advice: never brood on how the relationship is going. You should only worry about how a relationship is going if you're in a long-term one. If you haven't even gotten to second base, there's no reason to act creepy like you did.
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