riggs Posted February 6, 2012 Posted February 6, 2012 What are you opinions about dating a man that is 10-15 years older?
poodle Posted February 6, 2012 Posted February 6, 2012 I have no experience with it. I prefer guys my own age, but I don't think I would mind dating someone that much older if they were young at heart.
Disenchantedly Yours Posted February 6, 2012 Posted February 6, 2012 I am not interested in dating men that old. I perfer men my own age.
cerridwen Posted February 6, 2012 Posted February 6, 2012 (edited) Sexxy. I wouldn't normally give a 40-year-old man a second look but I'm finding those approaching that age quite attractive. It's the combination of life experience, groundedness, and having burned off some energy and learned some lessons chasing the wrong hares down rabbit holes. They're often mellower about some things but can still be playful and passionate about others. I like that combination. Yes. Yes, I do. Edited February 6, 2012 by cerridwen
veggirl Posted February 6, 2012 Posted February 6, 2012 Too old for me. I might think he's attractive, but I wouldn't be interested in dating a late 30s/early 40s man. I prefer someone around my age, in the same stage of life as me.
misssmartypants Posted February 7, 2012 Posted February 7, 2012 Any man that much older than I am who's come on to me has just oozed creep vibes. I am not attracted to older men.
ScienceGal Posted February 7, 2012 Posted February 7, 2012 I prefer a man my own age as well. But, that's because I want someone that I can relate to in terms of growing together and past experiences. I don't want to say, "when you were in high school, I wasn't even born!". But mainly, I want to get married and have kids. If I didn't want that, or if I were older and looking for less serious things, age might not matter as much. I think the older you get, the less age tends to matter.
ThaWholigan Posted February 7, 2012 Posted February 7, 2012 Should ask the guys aswell if they like women 10-15 years older than them. Yeah, I'd date a 40-year-old woman. Would piss my mother off probably but I don't care
FrustratedStandards Posted February 7, 2012 Posted February 7, 2012 (edited) I've done it before. At the time he was 20 years older than I was. There is nothing wrong with that, but the problems I encountered was that he was VERY insecure about his age. I was young, fun and always out with my friends, socializing etc. He didn't want to do these things, and we started having problems. At the same time, I was VERY embarrassed about our relationship and never wanted to be seen with him in public. Over time (we dated for a year) I became resentful that I had to "grow up" and ease on the partying and socializing when this was the prime of my life. It wasn't fair that I had to hold back or compromise on so much. I honestly felt like I was compromising my youth for a relationship, when you should have to share your youth with someone, not sacrifice it. I also began noticing his age more, and was becoming less and less attracted to him. I wanted a young boy with whom I could do stupid things and not have this pressure of being mature or judged. I wanted to go camping and on vacations without a busy mid-life schedule holding my boyfriend back. As mean as it may sound, life is easier when you date someone your age. Edited February 7, 2012 by FrustratedStandards
TheFinalWord Posted February 7, 2012 Posted February 7, 2012 (edited) I've dated a few women in their early to mid-20s (I'm early 30s) and even that is tough. Mainly because I've had a lot more life experience and they lack maturity. Nothing wrong with that, but you just notice it more when you hit your 30s. For example, I've held a professional job for years and they're not even out of undergrad and mom and dad pay all their bills. Those little things add lots of life experience. It could work, but when you have 10 years of life experience on someone it comes out in conversion and similar interests. Simply put a grown man in his 30s will not be looking for the same things as a woman in her early 20s; it would be primarily physical. Now if you're both older say the woman is 40s and the man is 50s, that's totally different. But at the early stages of life, you accumulate so much life experience between 20 and 30 that a decade is vast amounts of time. But there are exceptions! If you like a man that is grounded and has accumulated some life experience over a guy that is more about partying then it could work for you. He will have to be patient though because it will be challenging to deal with someone with much less life experience. It may be harder for you to meet his needs simply because you may not know how. You may get frustrated. But if you are patient and a good listener it could work for you. And yes I would date a cougar LOL If she's rich and wants to spoil me that would be even better. Edited February 7, 2012 by TheFinalWord
Author riggs Posted February 7, 2012 Author Posted February 7, 2012 Thanks for the responses. I'm 43 and I've briefly encountered a woman several times recently in the course of my job who is probably around 30. The last time she seemed glad to me, said hello first and gave a shy laugh at an innocuous comment I made. I was smitten and will approach if the opportunity presents itself
KathyM Posted February 7, 2012 Posted February 7, 2012 I had always been attracted to men that were older than me. All my boyfriends and husband were 5 to 8 years older than me. But when you're getting into double digits, that age gap becomes too much of a factor. You are in a different life stage than the other person, and the disparity will often become an issue in a relationship eventually. Of the women I know who married much older men, ten years or more older, the marriages did not hold up in the long term specifically because of the age factor. The older men wanted to "parent" the women, and the age factor created an unequal relationship. Rather than thinking of the woman as his peer, he considered himself as more experienced, knowledgeable, etc., and would tend to be controlling of the much younger woman. I think it works out best if people are closer in age. They have more in common, they are more apt to think along the same lines, they have a similar maturity level, similar energy level, etc.
Negative Nancy Posted February 7, 2012 Posted February 7, 2012 I had always been attracted to men that were older than me. All my boyfriends and husband were 5 to 8 years older than me. But when you're getting into double digits, that age gap becomes too much of a factor. You are in a different life stage than the other person, and the disparity will often become an issue in a relationship eventually. Of the women I know who married much older men, ten years or more older, the marriages did not hold up in the long term specifically because of the age factor. The older men wanted to "parent" the women, and the age factor created an unequal relationship. Rather than thinking of the woman as his peer, he considered himself as more experienced, knowledgeable, etc., and would tend to be controlling of the much younger woman. I think it works out best if people are closer in age. They have more in common, they are more apt to think along the same lines, they have a similar maturity level, similar energy level, etc. That's not always the case. The oldest I dated was a man 10 years older, I was 19/20 and he was 29/30 but he didn't seem like it at all, we partied together, got trashed together and were arrested together. Man, I was so in love I wouldn't date a man who's 10 years older now, though. I like people from my own generation.
denise_xo Posted February 7, 2012 Posted February 7, 2012 My ex was 12 years older than me and age was hardly ever an issue for us. In general, I draw the line when someone could be my father.
KathyM Posted February 7, 2012 Posted February 7, 2012 That's not always the case. The oldest I dated was a man 10 years older, I was 19/20 and he was 29/30 but he didn't seem like it at all, we partied together, got trashed together and were arrested together. Man, I was so in love I wouldn't date a man who's 10 years older now, though. I like people from my own generation. I guess there's always the exception to the rule, and guys that are immature and not emotionally past their younger days, but in general, from what I've seen IRL, the power in a relationship is not balanced when the man (or woman) is too much older than the other.
KathyM Posted February 7, 2012 Posted February 7, 2012 I prefer men 10-15 years younger. Well, I could pass for 10 to 15 years younger in appearance than what I am, but I would want to have someone who can relate to the generation and the things that I am a part of. And I hate it when people give me dirty looks when I go out to eat with one of my sons. They don't assume I'm the mother, and they assume I'm dating this younger guy. This happens every time. Even the waiters and waitresses give me the evil eye when I'm out with one of my kids (who are in their 20s), until they realize I'm the mother based on our topics of conversation. I wouldn't want to be in that position of being perceived as a cougar.
ThaWholigan Posted February 7, 2012 Posted February 7, 2012 Well, I could pass for 10 to 15 years younger in appearance than what I am, but I would want to have someone who can relate to the generation and the things that I am a part of. And I hate it when people give me dirty looks when I go out to eat with one of my sons. They don't assume I'm the mother, and they assume I'm dating this younger guy. This happens every time. Even the waiters and waitresses give me the evil eye when I'm out with one of my kids (who are in their 20s), until they realize I'm the mother based on our topics of conversation. I wouldn't want to be in that position of being perceived as a cougar. My mother has complained about this a lot when I am accompanying her somewhere. She actually started to cuss them out sometimes , like "HE'S MY SON!!!"
EnigmaticClarity Posted February 7, 2012 Posted February 7, 2012 I've dated ten years younger--my ex was 30 and I was 39 when we met. It was generally an issue because I feel like her immaturity is part of what split us up, but meh, even older women can be immature. Still, to improve my odds, I'd prefer to date closer to my own age. Age difference with my current girlfriend is about 5.5 years--she's 35, I'm 40.
azsinglegal Posted February 7, 2012 Posted February 7, 2012 I think it depends on the person and where you are in your life. I'm 38, I wouldn't be opposed to dating a man who's 48 - but 50+? No thanks. And at 48 he better be all working...if you know what I mean. When I was 23, my husband was 10 yrs older then me and ended up being a real loser. He dated younger because he was immature. I try not to look at age these days. However, the problem with dating men my age and 40+ is the baggage. Kid, ex-wife (or more then one), debt from marriages, etc. That's why I normally date younger men. Current man is 33. But the problem with that is the lack of wanting to commit, possibly wanting kids, settling down with a family - things I can't give him. Overall...I'm in a bad spot so I do the best I can and grab the young ass while I'm still able to.
KathyM Posted February 7, 2012 Posted February 7, 2012 (edited) My mother has complained about this a lot when I am accompanying her somewhere. She actually started to cuss them out sometimes , like "HE'S MY SON!!!" Yeah, I think being an older woman with a much younger man generally is frowned upon by society. It's like people think she's some shameless, pathetic woman who is corrupting some young man. It's a lot more socially acceptable for a much older man to be dating a younger woman. Edited February 7, 2012 by KathyM
EnigmaticClarity Posted February 7, 2012 Posted February 7, 2012 Yeah, I think being an older woman with a much younger man generally is frowned up by society. It's like people think she's some shameless, pathetic woman who is corrupting some young man. It's a lot more socially acceptable for a much older man to be dating a younger woman. That sounds like some real bull**** right there that needs to change. Why should being a dirty old man be more acceptable than being a cougar?
azsinglegal Posted February 7, 2012 Posted February 7, 2012 Yeah, I think being an older woman with a much younger man generally is frowned upon by society. It's like people think she's some shameless, pathetic woman who is corrupting some young man. It's a lot more socially acceptable for a much older man to be dating a younger woman. I would never date anyone where they looked like my son. Youngest I dated was 26 when I was 36. I cut the age off at 30 for me. I've actually only ever dated one guy my own age and he was a bigger tool then the younger men.
ShannonMI Posted February 7, 2012 Posted February 7, 2012 What are you opinions about dating a man that is 10-15 years older? I'm cool with as long as I'm attracted to the person. Age doesn't matter too much unless it's a drastic age gap.
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