USMCHokie Posted February 6, 2012 Posted February 6, 2012 You've just started dating someone, and just after a little while, the two of you are so comfortable with each other that it feels like you've known each other forever... Has anyone ever had this happen to them...? Is this even a good thing...? It seems like it might leave one more vulnerable to getting hurt or taken advantage of... Any thoughts?
surferchic Posted February 6, 2012 Posted February 6, 2012 I definitely know where you're coming from. I feel that way with the guy I've just started seeing. How long have you two been going out? Yes, I think it does make one a bit vulnerable but sincere interest does not use that vulnerability against you. Being a little vulnerable takes guts and can be quite attractive especially if you do not allow the SO's responses to you, to determine your happiness. Be happy regardless to how they respond to you. And monitor your.feelings to make sure you're not being hypersensitive just because YOU know your feelings...perhaps they feel the same but have no idea how you're feeling...
SmileFace Posted February 6, 2012 Posted February 6, 2012 Flames that burn high usually burn out fast. Then again, what do I know? My relationships fail either way.
zengirl Posted February 6, 2012 Posted February 6, 2012 That's how I felt about my hubby when we met. So far, so good!
Star Gazer Posted February 6, 2012 Posted February 6, 2012 That's how I felt about my hubby when we met. So far, so good! Hubby?? When did you get married???
denise_xo Posted February 6, 2012 Posted February 6, 2012 Yes, I've experienced that different times and it's an absolutely wonderful feeling. I also think that love is at its best exactly when we make ourselves vulnerable to each other. Keeping fences up diminishes the experience. So I vote just enjoy
spookie Posted February 6, 2012 Posted February 6, 2012 Meh. I feel his way about certain types of people (certain men) and am good at setting up situations in such a way that the feeling is reciprocated. It's just a skill of relating to people, a way to speed through the getting t know you process by making sure the other person is always invisible comfort zone; and I don't place much stock in this type of connection. In fact, based on my experience, i would it probably means he's too easy to read and I will unintentionally end up manipulating him, losing respect, and getting bored.
FitChick Posted February 6, 2012 Posted February 6, 2012 As a spiritual person, I define that type of relationship as a karmic relationship. You've met again in this life to finish up old business. No guarantee of how it will turn out. If you close yourself off from possible hurt, you also close yourself off from possible love. My most serious relationships have been like this.
zengirl Posted February 6, 2012 Posted February 6, 2012 Hubby?? When did you get married??? In December. A couple weeks after we got engaged, we did the paperwork and got married pretty quickly. No wedding ceremony -- just paperwork and a dinner with my parents and his Ma (they were in town for the holidays). I was officially moving in for January, so it made sense to us. We might have a ceremony (a very, very small one) next fall. ETA: I planned a whole big ceremony when I was younger, for the fiance that died a few weeks before, so I never really wanted a wedding after that. And hubby doesn't really want the fuss either. But we might do something casual and fun.
Ninjainpajamas Posted February 6, 2012 Posted February 6, 2012 I've experienced this quite a bit with women, and I just consider it a strong level of chemistry. I wouldn't bet a lot of money on it at 31 years of age and having been through the experiences I have with women, although It's a nice thing to indulge in...I just know better than to let it get me carried away too far because I'm the type to dig a deep hole in that and then when the reality or dust settles It could be different than how you first saw it. If you're inexperienced in this I think it's easy to get sucked in and even think and make big decisions on it alone, so I consider it dangerous. But like a soldier familiar with war, when a artillery shell blows up close to you...you're familiar with that and adapted to it and press on, instead of awed and taken back by it, sending you through a temporary moment of shock and irrational thinking. While I'm a huge romantic and a strong believer of true love, I know this is only one of the factors...and honestly, I probably make a lot of women feel this way even when I don't...so you can take that for what it's worth...it doesn't always mean the person feels mutually. However there is a lot of "magic" out there we don't quite understand, but try and only make the gambles worth making lest you blind yourself in an unhealthy relationship due to this initial experience. You still have to be competent.
Saxis Posted February 6, 2012 Posted February 6, 2012 Yes. My current GF is the only time this has ever happened, for both of us. The first couple dates weren't really, but by the 3rd I was hooked and we had sex on the 4th. We went a little over 2 months of non-stop texting, talking and seeing each other. Going out of our way to do so, even though there were many other issues outside of our relationship. This week she told me that she fell in love, but has backed off and wants to talk about a break. I am crushed, because I love her too. I just don't feel like myself when I'm not with her. The most comfortable relationship I've ever been in, in only 2 months. Much different and better than my marriage of 5 years...
Casablanca Posted February 6, 2012 Posted February 6, 2012 I'd say it is pretty normal. Happens a lot to me, seems normal...you just have to be sure you are aware that you don't know everything about eachother and right now it is just a high level of attraction and lusting, it isn't love
Feelin Frisky Posted February 6, 2012 Posted February 6, 2012 Yes. I felt entirely welcome and "synergistic" with her. We zigged and zagged at the same time and were a "new whole greater than the sum of its parts". Is it good? It's the best. Running around with someone who wants you as much as you want them and seeing to it that each other are happy without complications (temperament, negativity, competitiveness, contentiousness) is the way to be. Does it leave you more vulnerable to hurt? Yes. I don't think in terms of negative things like being used or betrayed which are of course possible, just that you can get out of sync very easily after if you have to part as in an LDR where both parties will be returning to things that occupy them otherwise and it can be easy for one or the the other to be sentimental at the wrong time and look "needy". If there is no distance and you can be that comfortable with each other at relative will, you're blessed if both continue to value the vibe and keep it a top priority. Mmmmm. Heavenly.
O'Malley Posted February 6, 2012 Posted February 6, 2012 (edited) I don't believe in soul mates, but I did have the feeling that we were old friends about several hours into becoming acquainted with my boyfriend; those feelings have never changed. Obviously mutual chemistry plays a strong initial role in that perception, but in our case we were developing a genuine friendship, along with a relationship. Acknowledging vulnerability and the potential for hurt is an essential part of the process of giving and receiving love; not depending on chemistry to distort uncomfortable truths balances it out. Edited February 6, 2012 by O'Malley
salparadise Posted February 6, 2012 Posted February 6, 2012 It happened to me several months ago and I feel blessed. Both of were out of 20+ year marriages to narcissistic/borderline types and we assumed the same role; that of the more passive peacemaker trying to maintain stability in our marriages. There were a great number of coincidences in terms of who we are as people, what we value, how we perceive, and our interests. There are also enough differences to make it interesting and adventurous. Anyway, it is absolutely amazing to be appreciated and have such wonderful synergy with someone you respect and are attracted to. We became attached quickly and it has been extremely smooth and fulfilling. I often think about long-term compatibility, comfort and ease of relating notwithstanding. Sometimes it's best to not look a gif-horse in the mouth as they say. Neither of us is backing away or playing head games––I think she's probably a keeper. Wonderful things do happen and when it's your time you need to remain open to possibilities and don't let fear of getting hurt sabotage it. To the degree you try and protect yourself from hurt, you limit the possibility of realizing what you most want in life and love.
g450 Posted February 8, 2012 Posted February 8, 2012 Yes, same here with my Fiancee. I think this is very common with older folks who come out of long marriages. We clicked right off the bat and were interacting with each other like we have been married for years. There really is a benefit of experience from long marriages, even ones that have ended. Only downside is when one assumes something about the other that they assumed about their last spouse. Got to be careful with that. Ask me how I know.
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