musemaj11 Posted February 7, 2012 Posted February 7, 2012 This is why I have little interest in sexually inexperienced girls. As if the fact that they suck in bed isnt terrible enough, they also tend to have an overly idealistic view of sex.
ScienceGal Posted February 7, 2012 Posted February 7, 2012 I must add that I did not think oral sex was happening. Cuddling, kissing and maybe even some groping.. but that's it. Oral sex is a step over the intimacy line... things are escalated now. You've had sex with him, it just hasn't been genital to genital intercourse yet. Oral sex is still sex. I still stick by the statement that you should always do what feels right for you, but in the future I would refrain from minimizing the emotional and physical connections associated with oral sex.
Author surferchic Posted February 7, 2012 Author Posted February 7, 2012 I must add that I did not think oral sex was happening. Cuddling, kissing and maybe even some groping.. but that's it. Oral sex is a step over the intimacy line... things are escalated now. You've had sex with him, it just hasn't been genital to genital intercourse yet. Oral sex is still sex. I still stick by the statement that you should always do what feels right for you, but in the future I would refrain from minimizing the emotional and physical connections associated with oral sex. I pretty much agree that oral is a form of sexual acts, but its till not the same magnitude as genital to genital intercourse. since I did it only once to him a few days ago and he did it to me a few months ago, I didn't make those details a large part of this discussion. He did it to me early on in the relationship and I waited a few months, I.e. the other day, to do it on him.
TaurusTerp Posted February 7, 2012 Posted February 7, 2012 Well, that's a neat little timeline you've got there. Unfortunately, you've left out one major thing: the OP's feelings. Some people like to spend more time bonding emotionally before they progress. If that's how she feels, then it's not time to progress. It's only time to progress when she feels like it, not when she's achieved everything on your checklist. Except it sounds like she wants to have sex and is only holding off because she's afraid it will end up like her past relationships, ie changing her behaviors now due to mistakes of the past. Which is what the guys meant by "punishing" him for past mistakes.
thatone Posted February 7, 2012 Posted February 7, 2012 Well, that's a neat little timeline you've got there. Unfortunately, you've left out one major thing: the OP's feelings. Some people like to spend more time bonding emotionally before they progress. If that's how she feels, then it's not time to progress. It's only time to progress when she feels like it, not when she's achieved everything on your checklist. yeah well that's her problem. and it is a problem. as we've established, they're already having sex. i know it's hard to grasp but the other person in your relationships doesn't change because of how you feel. they are the same person no matter what you think. and when women like the two of you have this fear/phobia about sex all that tells me, as a man, is that you have little to offer but sex because you're scared of what a man might think of the rest of your personality and actions. i know a lot of women have convinced themselves that being paranoia driven and completely lacking in confidence in themselves is 'ok' but that doesn't change the fact that those women tend to wind up persistently single.
Emilia Posted February 7, 2012 Posted February 7, 2012 Is his name Bill Clinton? If genitals are involved, that pretty much defines sex, with all due respect to our former POTUS. IMO, intercourse will change little. If it's good, meaning the relationship, it'll be good. If it's not good, not. You're exclusive, monogamous, having sexual contact and apparently bonding emotionally. Time to progress, IMO. This. It amazes me that women allow men to stick their tongue or fingers in their vagina but not their penis because they think it's different for some reason. Or go down on the guy from time to time but not have mutually satisfying sex. I never understood how there are women who have given head to more men than they had full sex with. The most bizarre thing I have ever heard.
oldguy Posted February 7, 2012 Posted February 7, 2012 Guys don't particularly respect girls who give it up right away. So it's good to make a man wait. Build a mutual respect and liking for each other before you have sex. That is the best way to go. You want your relationship to be based on more then the physical. And a man who is willing to wait for sex and not give you hard time about it is a good dude. He sounds like a keeper:) When you are ready, you'll know. Don't stress too much about it. It sounds like your guy is cool with waiting. At some point in a LTR the question will cross someones mind; "if they did it with me they did it with them". Whether that means anything significant, I don't know. Is his name Bill Clinton? If genitals are involved, that pretty much defines sex, with all due respect to our former POTUS. Here is the best rule of thumb; if someone who has reached the age of consent participates in an act with someone who has not & can be arrested for it, it's most often sex". Anal, oral, vaginal & even manual, (with another person), IS sex. There was a book written in the past couple years called, "Oral sex is the new goodnight kiss", that detailed a social phenomena where young girls where performing oral because they didn't think it was sex, Thank you Bill Clinton. There was another in an area where some girls where having anal because they believed that wasn't sex. If there are any questions what it is the person probably shouldn't be doing it. Again refer to the rule of thumb.
oldguy Posted February 7, 2012 Posted February 7, 2012 If I give a young woman $5 in a booth for a kiss it's a charitable event, if I give the same woman $5 for a BJ it's a misdemeanor. Don't believe the crap you've been trying to convince dates of for years. carhill is correct.
make me believe Posted February 7, 2012 Posted February 7, 2012 Except it sounds like she wants to have sex and is only holding off because she's afraid it will end up like her past relationships, ie changing her behaviors now due to mistakes of the past. Which is what the guys meant by "punishing" him for past mistakes. Exactly! And for the record, since Cypress quoted me and responded to me above about the OP punishing him, I'm a girl and I still think that the OP is punishing her new guy and being slightly ridiculous. It makes absolutely no sense to me when people are doing everything but actual intercourse and then fret about "having sex" like it's this huuuuge step they're about to take. Look, you've been naked together, his d*ck has been in your mouth, his mouth has been on your vag, and you've been giving each other orgasms (I assume). YOU'RE HAVING SEX. oldguy, I've also experienced the phenomenon of girls doing 'everything but' (sometimes even including butt! lol) because they think it's not real sex, and some think they can go down on all the guys they want, even have anal sex, and still call themselves virgins. This is also how some girls keep their # of sex partners artificially low.... blowing a bunch of guys "doesn't count".
xxoo Posted February 7, 2012 Posted February 7, 2012 This. It amazes me that women allow men to stick their tongue or fingers in their vagina but not their penis because they think it's different for some reason. Or go down on the guy from time to time but not have mutually satisfying sex. I never understood how there are women who have given head to more men than they had full sex with. The most bizarre thing I have ever heard. I understand it. Sex acts ARE different, and carry different risks. You can't get pregnant from oral or manual, and it would be very difficult to get an STI from manual, for example. I don't think the OP should be criticized for feeling different about intercourse than oral sex, whatever her reasons. I do think, however, that from the man's pov, they are already sexually involved....and introducing intercourse is not going to have a negative effect on his feelings. So I believe her reasons to delay intercourse at this point, as she's expressed them, are unwarranted.
oldguy Posted February 7, 2012 Posted February 7, 2012 I understand it. Sex acts ARE different, and carry different risks. You can't get pregnant from oral or manual, and it would be very difficult to get an STI from manual, for example. I don't think the OP should be criticized for feeling different about intercourse than oral sex, whatever her reasons. I do think, however, that from the man's pov, they are already sexually involved....and introducing intercourse is not going to have a negative effect on his feelings. So I believe her reasons to delay intercourse at this point, as she's expressed them, are unwarranted. Just for the record I want to make clear; I wasn't implying all sex acts are the same or carried the same risks, I just wanted to make clear what is sex because it shouldn't be the gray area it seems to be for some people, especially the very young or naive, which a realize the OP is not.
Author surferchic Posted February 8, 2012 Author Posted February 8, 2012 (edited) ...just laughing at some of the responses. Of course oral sex is sex...hence oral SEX.my reason for the thread though is not to be convinced one way or another. Just interested in perspectives. Even the men who've responsed... I appreciate your responses as well...the constructive ones anyway.(were there any?) But seriously,due to the fact that I had just given him oral sex for the first time I clearly know that temptation to go further is very strong . That's basically it. No matter what the men say in here...they do have less respect for a woman who has intercourse or gives him oral sex VERY SOON... second date, third, etc. You know im right))) Edited February 8, 2012 by surferchic
thatone Posted February 8, 2012 Posted February 8, 2012 you don't know nearly as much about men as you think you do. you are trying to rationalize your feelings by projection. it's a common female mistake, i get it. but that doesn't make it true. my current gf and i had sex the first weekend we spent together (after about 2 weeks on the phone). we're still seeing each other regularly and no one else, we talk on the phone daily. she knows full well that sex wasn't going to 'catch' me, she even said it in the discussion we had about sex after that first time. it's confidence, personality, common interests, and intellectual attraction that keeps me around. the problem with putting sex on a pedestal is many of those men you think you know so well (but don't) won't get a better picture of the rest of you until you're having sex on a regular basis. i'm pretty one track minded. i don't multitask my thoughts. there's one thing going on at a time. and if the one thing is trying to figure out how to get sex from an unwilling partner, the rest is out the window until the sex is out of the way.
FrustratedStandards Posted February 8, 2012 Posted February 8, 2012 Well in my experiences, I always lose interest after having sex.
Author surferchic Posted February 9, 2012 Author Posted February 9, 2012 You're right I don't know for sure what he's thinking but I wanna make something clear. He is not trying to constantly get in my pants and fill me up each minute we're together. We're courting...he'd taking me out, we make each other laugh,we're revaling layers of ourselves gradually and im loving it. I want to have sex when I know him better and once I feel truly compelled. The fact that he isn't constantly trying trying to get sex is allowing g me to not focus on sex either. I have not had many sex partners but the previous few counting on one hand moved faster than this relationship...sexually...nobody's perfect... Please continue to give me feedback as I search for honest perspectives that also relate to my initial post... Thanks!
oldguy Posted February 9, 2012 Posted February 9, 2012 ...just laughing at some of the responses. Of course oral sex is sex...hence oral SEX.my reason for the thread though is not to be convinced one way or another. Just interested in perspectives. Even the men who've responsed... I appreciate your responses as well...the constructive ones anyway.(were there any?) But seriously,due to the fact that I had just given him oral sex for the first time I clearly know that temptation to go further is very strong . That's basically it. No matter what the men say in here...they do have less respect for a woman who has intercourse or gives him oral sex VERY SOON... second date, third, etc. You know im right))) "of course I'll still love you in the morning":p:laugh: Whether it's true or not it sounds like such a line doesn't it? For what this is worth the ugly truism is; at some point, whether it's fight, a moment of insecurity or even after a split it will cross his mind; "If what, (& when), she did with me she would do with anyone". I've heard the question from the time I was a teen throughout my practice.
Saxis Posted February 9, 2012 Posted February 9, 2012 "of course I'll still love you in the morning":p:laugh: Funny... my girl and I had sex on the 4th date, and right before I was going to put it in, she closed her legs and asked "Are you still going to talk to me after this?". I said "Of course!" and we continued... Things did change... we went from dating and just hanging out, to humping like rabbits every time we saw each other.
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