barriob Posted February 6, 2012 Posted February 6, 2012 okay so after him hanging up on me, i decided i was done. so i didnt text him all day yesterday. then at 2 a.m. i get a text message frim him. it was more like a drunk text message, saying hey. so i was worried and called him but didnt answer. so now i dont know. why would he text me????
Exit Posted February 6, 2012 Posted February 6, 2012 Not trying to be a jerk but you have a 5 page long thread of people trying to help you forget about this guy, plus you posted this exact same thing in that thread, and just because nobody has replied yet doesn't mean you need to make a new one. Everyone here is having problems and we should try to share the forum space for other people to get advice instead of having multiple threads for ourselves. Who cares why he texts you? You even guessed yourself he could have been drunk or something. The guy hung up on you, turned his phone off, sent you a text, and then didn't answer when you called. Like so many of us have done before, you're trying to find the bright shining light in little slivers of his behavior instead of acknowledging the big huge signs that he doesn't care for you. It's as if you're hoping that this random one word "hey" text means he's madly deeply in love with you and is just confused, and all the ignoring you and hanging up on you doesn't mean anything. I let myself live in this type of distorted reality before and all it got me was more wounds from the same person. Stop trying to find hope in their behaviors while you meanwhile ignore all the mean stuff they are doing to you. Maybe stop by the library and check out some books like Obsessive Love, How to Break Your Addiction to a Person, etc, and spend a few days reading and don't contact him. If you met someone new and a few days later they were ignoring you and hanging up on you, wouldn't you tell that person to get lost? Don't make excuses for someone just because you have feelings for them. They are treating you like a rude stranger on the street would. The drama is only occurring because you are letting it.
Pens55 Posted February 6, 2012 Posted February 6, 2012 Unfortunately, I think you answered your own question - he was probably drunk. It was 2 a.m., your gut reaction was that it was probably a drunk text - if it walks like a duck and sounds like a duck.... I have gotten these too, its tough - my ex can get affectionate when drunk. But every time I do get a random late-night message, I think this: She doesnt have the guts to say these things sober, so they are either shallow emotions, she's got a hidden agenda, or is unable to express emotions normally when coherent. If you drill this into your head, you may be able to see it for what it is. It took me a while, but I learned through experience. Them showing some weakness and reaching out when vulnerable does not change anything, it always goes back to the same old stuff.
M2155 Posted February 6, 2012 Posted February 6, 2012 i get a text message frim him. it was more like a drunk text message, saying hey. so i was worried and called him but didnt answer. so now i dont know. why would he text me???? Maybe he wanted to show his friends you would jump on command. Maybe to make sure he has control. Bigger question, why would you answer? I hope you get the picture soon
geegirl Posted February 6, 2012 Posted February 6, 2012 (edited) You are the only one causing drama. You've acknowledged he doesn't care for you. He's consistently hung up on you and ignored you. Yet, you act bewildered and confused that he continues to do it. Stop playing the victim. The only one perpetuating pain and drama is you. I'm not even sure if you are reading responses and using it to help you sort you thoughts and find some reality to this situation. Edited February 6, 2012 by geegirl
Philosoraptor Posted February 6, 2012 Posted February 6, 2012 okay so after him hanging up on me, i decided i was done. so i didnt text him all day yesterday. then at 2 a.m. i get a text message frim him. it was more like a drunk text message, saying hey. so i was worried and called him but didnt answer. so now i dont know. why would he text me???? You worry too much about him and not enough about yourself. You gobbled up the breadcrumb and now you want more. Trying to call only verified that you are still hanging on and left you more hurt.
geegirl Posted February 6, 2012 Posted February 6, 2012 okay so after him hanging up on me, i decided i was done. so i didnt text him all day yesterday. then at 2 a.m. i get a text message frim him. it was more like a drunk text message, saying hey. so i was worried and called him but didnt answer. so now i dont know. why would he text me???? In a few days you will post, "Okay so after he texted me when he was drunk, I called him and he ignored me. I decided I was done. Today he called and we chatted and then he hung up on me. He doesn't care for me at all." This has been going on since October of last year. Same results everytime you have contact. Nothing different. Nothing has changed. Same cycle every three days.
Author barriob Posted February 6, 2012 Author Posted February 6, 2012 sorry guys i know, i bug. but i DO wanna move on, i seriously do. where do i start? what are some steps?
EgoJoe Posted February 6, 2012 Posted February 6, 2012 Don't apologize for the way you feel, you can not control it on the back end. Now, please, remember that Geegirl's approach is (in my humble opinion) designed to "slap" some sense into you. This guy is bad news, if it were me, I'd just disrespect him and then go Ninja NC.
geegirl Posted February 6, 2012 Posted February 6, 2012 (edited) sorry guys i know, i bug. but i DO wanna move on, i seriously do. where do i start? what are some steps? You are not bugging. You're just not learning or grasping anything anyone has said here or in the 5 page post. If you DO want to move on, then you have to be proactive versus reactive. You have to stop entertaining his contact. When you feel you want to break NC, tell yourself to stop. Step back and think and try to rationalize in your head. Don't give in to your urges. Literally set a rule that you will give yourself 48 hours to regroup versus reacting. Most likely the urge will pass. Read the threads and use it as tool to help you grasp the reality of what contact truly means and what it can do to hurt you, especially when you are anxious. The urge will pass if you give it time rather than jumping the moment he says jump or even when he doesn't. If you still feel weak, come here and post and ask for support. Don't reach out to him when you feel pain because he is your source of pain. He cannot comfort you. All he can do is give you more pain. Exit gave you an example of books you can read, which I have read and this may help you understand your destructive cycle and ways to find coping skills when you are gnawing at yourself. Write a list of what it means to you to have a truly caring and loving partner in your life. Write down all the bad things he has done to you. Now compare and whenever you find yourself romanticizing or idealizing him, read the list and reprogram your mind into thinking rather than feeling. Your brain has to take over your heart. Go back and read all your threads when you feel the urge to entertain him. Slap yourself back to the reality of this situation. Go to the gym and workout. If you are spiritual then find your peace again. Start reading self-help books (start with Exit's recommendations) or just books. Reading takes my mind of things and for awhile keeps it distracted. Find some activities/hobbies that you like and delve into them. Take a class that you think would be hard for you and work at it. If you like to volunteer, then use your time for a worthy cause. Invest your time in you and not in him. When you start accomplishing tasks, you will start to feel better about yourself and begin to value your potential and capabilities. Seek a counselor and have a few sessions and talk about reasons as to why you've devalued yourself. There's something that's way deeper here than just a guy. You don't love yourself. If you did, your self-respect would have kicked in long before. Sitting there and hoping something changes by going with the flow is reactive behavior. Sitting there and taking charge of your life is proactive behavior. You can choose which way you'd like to go. Edited February 6, 2012 by geegirl
Frank13 Posted February 6, 2012 Posted February 6, 2012 you're trying to find the bright shining light in little slivers of his behavior instead of acknowledging the big huge signs that he doesn't care for you This would make a great signature.
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