Author RecordProducer Posted February 9, 2012 Author Posted February 9, 2012 hahahahahaha....hahaha I don't send out generic "hi" emails, but I don't spend more than 2-3 minutes reading a profile, finding one or two specific things I like about it that I can bring up in the message to show I've taken the time to read it and then send an email that's no more than 5-6 sentences long mentioning what it was I liked about them and why I think we might have things in common. Does this work for you?Is 5-6 sentences too much? You know what? For soem reason when I ask men "Do you have more pictures?" they always respond well. I guess you show them that there's someinterest in them, but you need more material toassess them - and men love challenges. If I lived in rural Montana where there was a limited number of men in my age group and area, I might behave differently under the assumption that men who were contacting me probably weren't just carpetbombing 100 women and largely indifferent as to who responded and who didn't. But a guy in Montana would be more likely to marry you and make kids with you because their backyard shed is bigger than your NYC CFO's apartment. You should hear me stumble when Ive had to turn down invitations for job interviews.Poor thing, you!
goldengirl11 Posted February 9, 2012 Posted February 9, 2012 (edited) Oh, I have an idea for the circular letters: we should send them all a circular reply saying: "Hi, my name is FunGrl4U. Thank you very much for your expressed interest. I enjoyed reading your profile just as much as I enjoyed reading your profile. I agree with you that I sound like a nice, kind, smart, and genuine person (if you have stated that in your email to me) and that my photos are very pretty (even if you have not stated that in your email). If you are receiving this message, it means you are ineligible for a date with me for one or more of the following reasons: - incompatible interests - differences in education - big age difference - excessive weight - undesirable height - lack of hair (on the head) - lack of real job - you have photos in which you look like an idiot; e.g. with your tongue out or making stupid faces - you look like a child molestor - all of the above I wish you good luck in all your endeavors, happy holidays, happy birthdays and condolences for all your past and future losses (including this one). Sincerely yours, [sorry, I don't give out my name to strangers] Absolutely brilliant!!! :-D Edited February 9, 2012 by goldengirl11
SJC2008 Posted February 9, 2012 Posted February 9, 2012 @Recordproducer. I have had more responses from "hey I liked your profile, check mine out and if you'd like to chat drop me a hello and I'll message you back" than in depth emails. If you want to be swept off your feet via email then you'll bee waiting for a long time until an english major or a poet messages you. I'm not trying to be sarcastic. But if you read a mans profile and think you have something in common then you should be receptive to a simple "hello I'm x....." to break the ice. I take a dating site for what it is, to narrow down the field and get a date. I don't want or need a pen pal and am not trying to fall in love over the net, you get to know someone by dating them in person not grading their emails. That's why I use "bulk" messages, because a down to earth woman will understand that (not saying you're not) a dating site is a dating site and not a love letter competition.
SJC2008 Posted February 9, 2012 Posted February 9, 2012 When I come accross a profile where the woman says no copy and paste or bulk emails, if I'm bored I'll send a "Copy and paste hi, spam bulk bye" message and yes I am laughing when I click send. LOL
Untouchable_Fire Posted February 9, 2012 Posted February 9, 2012 Sometimes I find a way to explain; here's one example: "Thanks, "m"! You're very funny and handsome, but I don't think we'd be a great match. I'm a bit more traditional and straighforward thinking than you are. I wish you good luck!" That was an honest reply. And here's an example of a not so nice way of telling them why I don't like them: "Thanks for your interest, but... you put on a dating profile a picture with your middle finger up??? Eww! Sorry, it's a deal-breaker. :)" If you respond with a polite rejection, in my opinion that is opening the door for him to try to either explain or compensate for whatever issue you are taking with him. That is one reason I keep information on my profile to the bare essentials. Too many women will reject me because I like puppies. I don't mind rejections based on looks, or height... ect.
FitChick Posted February 9, 2012 Posted February 9, 2012 That is one reason I keep information on my profile to the bare essentials. Too many women will reject me because I like puppies. I don't mind rejections based on looks, or height... ect. Why do you still have a dating profile if you are getting married? Unless I am confusing you with someone else.
phineas Posted February 9, 2012 Posted February 9, 2012 Why do you still have a dating profile if you are getting married? Unless I am confusing you with someone else. I was thinking the same thing when I read that. LOL!
Dust Posted February 9, 2012 Posted February 9, 2012 I don't waste a second of my time responding to men I am not interested in. I just delete and move on. Do men really want to hear "thanks but no thanks?" I know I wouldn't. If it were you I'd keep msging till I got a response. Plus you not being into me would just make the sex more kinky.
phineas Posted February 9, 2012 Posted February 9, 2012 @Recordproducer. I have had more responses from "hey I liked your profile, check mine out and if you'd like to chat drop me a hello and I'll message you back" than in depth emails. If you want to be swept off your feet via email then you'll bee waiting for a long time until an english major or a poet messages you. I'm not trying to be sarcastic. But if you read a mans profile and think you have something in common then you should be receptive to a simple "hello I'm x....." to break the ice. I take a dating site for what it is, to narrow down the field and get a date. I don't want or need a pen pal and am not trying to fall in love over the net, you get to know someone by dating them in person not grading their emails. That's why I use "bulk" messages, because a down to earth woman will understand that (not saying you're not) a dating site is a dating site and not a love letter competition. This. What is the point of sending multiple thought out e-mails when 90% of the women don't even respond? I can cover more ground by mentioning something we have in common or in her profile & hit send. If she is interested she will get back to me. But it seems the only one's who I actually get to interact with are those who wink or e-mail me.
PhillyDude Posted February 10, 2012 Posted February 10, 2012 Somebody wrote you an email on a dating site and you don't care about them. What do you do? If you respond, what do you say? If they write you again, what then? If I don't like them, I think ignoring their (brief) emails is less painful than telling them we're not a match - sometimes because it's obvious why we're not a match. Sometimes their emails are too short and impersonal to merit an answer anyway (if I don't like the guy): e.g. "Hi, I enjoyed reading your profile, please check out mine and let me know if you want to chat." When I see no enthusiasm, I show no enthusiasm in response- not out of revenge, but because it seems like they're sending the same email to every woman and if they get a reply, they'll open her profile. Sometimes they write a long email about what they like and expect from a mate (which is supposed to be in their essays, not emails to members) - in that case I don't respond even if I kinda like the guy (I usually don't) because it shows a person who didn't care about anything they saw on my profile, they didn't relate to my personality or lifestyle, and most importantly, it shows a person who only cares about what HE wants and who HE is. Romance is supposed to be about us and the "perfect" email will be a combination of sweet compliments and establishing a bridge between him and me. Self-centered messages are probably the biggest dealbreaker when it comes to the content of the email. Another dealbreaker is an illiterate message. I rejected a cute doctor because his emails read like text messages of a teenage girl - showing lack of seriousness. I feel really bad ignoring nice people who write nice emails, asking personal questions related to my profile, but again, for some reason I think not responding is less painful than telling them we're not a match, because just cuz someone is not my type physically or seems too proper and boring to me, doesn't mean they should be told that someone didn't consider them a match - i.e. someone didn't find them attractive enough. I see guys that I know other women would find attractive, but not me. Someone might seem too adventurous and independent for me, and someone might seem not enough free-spirited and challenging for me. How do I tell them this without them taking it the wrong way? Sometimes I find a way to explain; here's one example: "Thanks, "m"! You're very funny and handsome, but I don't think we'd be a great match. I'm a bit more traditional and straighforward thinking than you are. I wish you good luck!" That was an honest reply. And here's an example of a not so nice way of telling them why I don't like them: "Thanks for your interest, but... you put on a dating profile a picture with your middle finger up??? Eww! Sorry, it's a deal-breaker. :)" I block people I don't like
Jane2011 Posted February 10, 2012 Posted February 10, 2012 (edited) I ignore those I'm not interested in. Like you (the OP) said, I think it's just more awkward/painful for them to get an email saying "I'm not interested" than it is to just not write them back. When they get no answer, they can assume something that's less ego-bruising, like that I met someone who I'm very involved with...or that I am just not interested but with no specific reason. Also, I agree that 90% of the time, all they've said is "Hey beautiful, wanna talk?" Hardly are they invested enough that you feel like you're hurting them by not answering. I probably would answer a guy (even if I wasn't interested) if he wrote a long email that was clearly targeted at me rather than a generic "hey, wanna talk?" or something that's clearly a template email sent out to every other female he thought was cute. I can tell when that's the case when they say something like "You have a lovely smile" (and in none of my pictures am I smiling). lol. The thing is, most of the guys who do actually write me a long or medium-length email that is clearly written to me specifically, I'm actually interested in enough to write back. I've been on OKCupid now for 4 months. In that time, I've gotten a good share of notes from men (on average 5 per week) and have only replied to two seriously. There were a handful early on that I replied back to just to mess with them. (the ones who are crazy, I'm talking about...the ones who are like "wanna have sex? I'm married but looking for extra sex. My wife works a lot, so I'm happy with her but I just don't see her often enough to have as much sex as I want." I talked to this dude for about four emails apiece, just messing with him. I was like "Nah, your wife would kill me." Edited February 10, 2012 by Jane2011
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