vanek26 Posted February 5, 2012 Posted February 5, 2012 As lame and humbling as it sounds, this whole dating game has really started to consume my life. For the past 2 years since I got out of a LTR I've been reading this forum and trying to hone my skills with women. I can honestly say I have poured my heart and soul into this endless quest for companionship and satisfaction. My overall numbers aren't that bad I suppose (sex with about 10 girls with a few somewhat meaningful flings sprinkled in) but in comparison to how much I have given to this quest, it is nothing. I've spent more money than I want to think about on things to improve my game. I've paid for dating sites, gone to the tanning bed, bought bodybuilding supplements, and even splurged on those stupid pick-up-artist books. My endeavors have mostly been crushing failures. Everywhere I turn I end up getting completely ignored or treated like a creep. My phone has well over 100 contacts of girls who I will never meet in person, and put tons of effort into trying to get to know. I've even forced myself out of my shell and into the club scene. That hasn't served me much better. Through months and months of going out several times a week, the most I've gotten were some drunken sloppy make-outs. It certainly doesn't make up for the painful and humiliating rejections that occur regularly. The frustrating thing is that I'm pretty well aware of what makes someone unattractive. I know that my desperation won't get women to want me. I am very conscious about how I portray myself to girls and it's still like they see right through me, label me as a creeper or a loser, and move on. Physically, I could do to gain some weight (I'm 5'9, 145 lbs) but I'm not ugly. Also, the girls I go for are not by any stretch out of my league. Sometimes, I'll try for a girl who I am not even sure about if I'd be able to 'get it up' with her and I still get the swift rejection. That is one of the more crippling things I grapple with. Nearly every free moment I have is spent trying to pursue women in some fashion. And with the constant rejection, I've grown to be more and more miserable and cynical. How do you guys deal with this?
poodle Posted February 5, 2012 Posted February 5, 2012 (edited) It shocks me that your whole life seems to revolve around finding love. I strongly believe that someone has to be comfortable being alone before they can ever have a healthy relationship with someone else. Why is finding a woman so important to you? Is there something in your life you're unhappy with that you hope a relationship will fix? Women can sense desperation and I think that's the reason you've been unsuccessful so far. I suggest you stop spending time trying to improve your 'game' and instead focus on the things you enjoy. Nothing is more attractive than a guy who's happy with his life. Why don't you imagine a woman doing all the things you are to find a man. Would you date her? Edited February 5, 2012 by poodle
plowguy1 Posted February 5, 2012 Posted February 5, 2012 Dude, I understand completely. I'm separated 2 and a half yrs, divorced for one. 46 yrs old. that great woman youre dreaming of, she doesnt exist. stop chasing her. especially if youre younger than me. 90 % are entitled princesses looking for "the one" that gives them the gina tingles all the time. the other 10 % are snapped up real fast, and they stay that way. I hate to be so blunt also, but your size is hurting you, if you were 6,2" 220 lbs you would asking why am I getting so much female attention, especially if you were a dick. I know it sucks, but try to see there is life, a good life without women. The truth is youre a nice guy, and sooner or later youll get one, pour yourself into being a good provider and father, and someday shell say i love you but Im not in love with you anymore. Dude you do NOT want to go through this. read some of the forums on mgtow if you dont believe me. So yeah do the things the poster above me said, and have a ball, youll probably attract some women, have fun with them too, but remember most are looking for the best they can get, when you get committed (boring) its over. Its not the world of even a few decades ago, take the red pill
USMCHokie Posted February 5, 2012 Posted February 5, 2012 Gain some weight, and be less desperate and focused on all of this. Stop hunting at clubs, unless all you want is a drunken sloppy make-out. Do you actually want a relationship, or are you just looking to get laid...?
Oxy Moronovich Posted February 5, 2012 Posted February 5, 2012 Consider moving to a new area. Most lovelorn people never do this. In Michigan, the state I was born in. Women tend to get married right after high school or college. At 25, it was hard to meet a single woman who wasn't unattractive and/or desperately seeking a husband. I'm now living in TX with lots of friendly and attractive women. Women here don't mind striking up a conversation with a random dude. They aren't standoffish at all. Any average dude can get a date in TX. So, my advice: move to a place with friendly women.
Ross MwcFan Posted February 5, 2012 Posted February 5, 2012 Constant rejection? You've had sex with ten different girls, several flings, and made out with others. I know you want to find love, but to me, you've still been really successful with women. I would be so happy to be that successful, I'd give anything for it.
ditzchic Posted February 5, 2012 Posted February 5, 2012 I think you are putting way too much pressure on yourself. Echoing ross, it doesn't sound like you are failing with women. Sleeping with 10 girls and having a couple of 'almost' flings over the course of two years isn't bad. It's pretty damn ok, actually. It seems like you are too focused on the endgame that you are missing the now part. Girls are picking up on that and it's coming across as creepy. Stop focusing so much on finding a LTR and start focusing on living in the here and now. Enjoy the journey. Meet new people and just have fun. Take the pressure off yourself that you need to find "the one" and you will feel so much more relaxed and confident. That will definitely come across in your interactions with women. Chin up, buddy! Life really is a journey not a destination.
jobaba Posted February 5, 2012 Posted February 5, 2012 My overall numbers aren't that bad I suppose (sex with about 10 girls with a few somewhat meaningful flings sprinkled in) but in comparison to how much I have given to this quest, it is nothing. Nearly every free moment I have is spent trying to pursue women in some fashion. And with the constant rejection, I've grown to be more and more miserable and cynical. How do you guys deal with this? No offense man, but you're coming off like a major whiner. 10 women is a lot and if you're going to veer into the club and online scene, ALL men are going to face a good amount of rejection, even the really good looking ones. I have not slept with close to 10 women and I've put myself out there a lot. Read some of the posts of the guys who are probably 5-10 years older than you and have never really kissed a woman. Women can sense desperation and I think that's the reason you've been unsuccessful so far. I suggest you stop spending time trying to improve your 'game' and instead focus on the things you enjoy. Nothing is more attractive than a guy who's happy with his life. As much as women like to think they can sense desperation (and players, cheaters, liars, etc), they usually can't. Some of the times I've scored women has been when I've been the most desperate in my life, right after a big rejection. So I'm emboldened with a whoop de damn do attitude.
ditzchic Posted February 5, 2012 Posted February 5, 2012 As much as women like to think they can sense desperation (and players, cheaters, liars, etc), they usually can't. Some of the times I've scored women has been when I've been the most desperate in my life, right after a big rejection. So I'm emboldened with a whoop de damn do attitude. It's not necessarily that they didn't know you were desperate. Our nurturing instincts kick in when we see a man in pain. A brooding man is like catnip for us most times.
FitChick Posted February 5, 2012 Posted February 5, 2012 (edited) Sign up for activities where there are likely to be more women than men. Gourmet cooking classes and ballroom dancing spring to mind. Easy ways to get to know someone while learning a new skill that will help you get and keep someone else in the future. My ex told me about the dancing classes. He was a lonely nerd in college, not the best looking guy, but very determined. He said not enough men know how to dance so he was very much in demand. In ballroom dancing you are touching the woman and guiding her around the floor. Great for a shy guy to get used to being with women. Why do you think Dancing with the Stars is so popular with women? Edited February 5, 2012 by FitChick
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