EmotionalWreckk Posted February 4, 2012 Posted February 4, 2012 Original thread: http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t270938/ I wasn't sure if this day would actually come, but it finally has, and I have no idea how to deal with it. Basically she sent me an email saying that she's sorry for the way she broke things off (going NC) and that it's "so clear" to her now how great of a bf I really was and yada yada. So much has happened over this past year. I've dated since the break up for one thing, not currently however. One of my friends told me how a small group of my friends never really liked her for some odd reasons (she comes off kind of bitchy when first meeting people so that could be it.) I've told everyone I would never go back to her for the sake of not knowing if she will pull something like this again and take off a couple months down the road. But I'm stuck right now. I've never stopped loving this girl. I mean it's gotten a heck of a lot easier over the past year and I can definitely see myself with other girls now, but this girl was my first "love" so it's kind of a big deal. I'm thinking about emailing back in a few days or something just to be nice and for the sake of giving her some closure as well. I have NO CLUE what I should say though. In fact, i don't even know what I want the outcome to be. On one side, I would love to get her back, but on the other, I don't want my heart broken again. How the heck does one reply to something like this? Thought? Opinions? Cheers, EmotionalWreckk
RonChalant Posted February 5, 2012 Posted February 5, 2012 Go ahead and see what she has to say...it's been a year and people change...or maybe she just got played by a couple guys and realizes what she left. In either case you need to make her work to show you she actually wants you...thatvand ask what made her realize these things. Make. Your decision after hearing her out but make sure you take time to think it over.
Million.to.1 Posted February 5, 2012 Posted February 5, 2012 Hmmm. Nice to receive an email like that, but don't let it make you slide backwards in your healing. It doesn't necessarily say anything about her wanting to get back with you, so don't jump too far ahead of yourself. It has opened the door for a dialogue though, and how you proceed is up to you. Be cautious. You did the right thing by waiting to reply...and having a think about what to say back. I would thank her for her email and say it was a nice to surprise to hear from her after all this time. You appreciate her apology and hope she doesn't feel bad about it, that these things are always going to be difficult and people do what they need to do in order to heal and there is no point in feeling bad about how we choose to do that. Maybe ask her how she is doing and say you often wonder and hope she is doing well... maybe tell her a bit about what you have been up ... keep it light, and polite. Then the ball is in her court again. This is just an email, and isn't a big deal. She broke your heart once, and wont be able to do it again unless you let her, so just hold back and don't let it let you get carried away just yet. It will be a good thing none the less to move on from this past heart-ache and establish friendly communication once again. keep us posted.
GaelicSoul Posted February 5, 2012 Posted February 5, 2012 GIGS Reconciliation... It could very well be. OP can you tell us more on what she said in the email, Thanks GS
Author EmotionalWreckk Posted February 5, 2012 Author Posted February 5, 2012 When she broke it off I was pretty sure it was a GIGS type of situation. Anyhow, the email basically just says she's sorry and then "I know it doesn't change much but..." and goes on about how rare it is to find a guy like me and that it just recently became clear to her what she gave up. She says she doesn't expect a response but I think that's a way of saying she actually wants to hear from me in a way. Thanks for responses guys. I'll probably email back in a few days or so to not seem desparate (which I'm not anymore anyway), to build up suspense, to gather my cards and to say everything how it should be said.
Dark Phoenix Posted February 5, 2012 Posted February 5, 2012 Post the entire email "I know it doesn't change much but..." is huge...
Sugarkane Posted February 5, 2012 Posted February 5, 2012 I just want to day be careful she could just be testing you. I've had an ex beg me back and asked for a recon. Well in the end he stood me up. Then called me crazy and verbally abused me by text. Actions speak louder than words.
Dark Phoenix Posted February 5, 2012 Posted February 5, 2012 When people use my quote of action speak louder then words, make sure they have an understanding of "the situation" of it as well. I really want to read the email, the email itself is an action.
Author EmotionalWreckk Posted February 5, 2012 Author Posted February 5, 2012 I don't want to post the entire email for the sake of it being searchable. Call me paranoid but I'd just rather not post it up. Working with the search engines does some crazy things to your head. I've basically summed it up pretty well, but anyway, she says I'm the guy that every girl deserves and named off some characteristics of myself.
Dark Phoenix Posted February 5, 2012 Posted February 5, 2012 that can go either way, its either the phase 3 move on with your life or the phase 4 i want you back. you posting one quote doesnt help
Frank13 Posted February 6, 2012 Posted February 6, 2012 that can go either way, its either the phase 3 move on with your life or the phase 4 i want you back. I have seen you mention these phases in another post. Is there a link describing these phases, such as what to expect and how to know which one you are headed for, or are these just something you have come up with based on experience? I'd be interested on more info about the different phases.
confused kitty Posted February 6, 2012 Posted February 6, 2012 Id also be interested in these phases DarkPhoenix (Wilsonx) not that Im looking for a "title" for my break up but havent read some of your posts onGIGS Im recently starting to think it might losely apply to my situation, I certainly see some simularities...
smokey bear Posted February 6, 2012 Posted February 6, 2012 Shes stage 4, best advice send her back a response that lets her know you have no bad feelings for her, eg, your on good terms and its ok to contact. If she wants a recon she should reply fishing to see if you are single or not.
Sugarkane Posted February 6, 2012 Posted February 6, 2012 When people use my quote of action speak louder then words, make sure they have an understanding of "the situation" of it as well. I really want to read the email, the email itself is an action. Sorry I didn't know that you owned this quote. I don't see it on here when you posted.
Million.to.1 Posted February 6, 2012 Posted February 6, 2012 send her back a response that lets her know you have no bad feelings for her, eg, your on good terms and its ok to contact. If she wants a recon she should reply fishing to see if you are single or not. that's pretty much what i said. but please... don't go reading all about GIGS and then have expectations in your head of "what stage" she is at and how she will act/ respond and what she'll be feeling. Just take it one step at a time and let evolve naturally. It may just be her reaching out to you in the hope of remaining friends. or maybe she is interested in a recon.. who knows? maybe she doesnt even know at this stage. Don't assume anything, and then you can't be disappointed when the outcome is different. either is good... so why complicate things unnecessarily by analyzing to much too early on?
EgoJoe Posted February 6, 2012 Posted February 6, 2012 OP: I know how you feel about the email being searchable, but, please paraphrase it as accurately as you can. It will help other posters help you.
Author EmotionalWreckk Posted February 6, 2012 Author Posted February 6, 2012 I won't be posting the email. Sorry guys. Anyway, I sent out my own email last night basically just reiterating what Million to 1 said. No hard feelings, wondering what made her come to such realization, feel free to chit-chat a little bit, wish her and her family well. Oh and about seeing if she would fish to see if I'm single, in the original email she said one day I'll make a girl happy or maybe I already am, so maybe that was her way of fishing already. Cheers
Million.to.1 Posted February 6, 2012 Posted February 6, 2012 Cool. See what she comes back with. Emotional, I'm just playing the devils advocate here, but IF she was only interested in being on good terms and you guys being friends, would you feel OK with this or do you think it could cause you pain or upset? ... I mean, say she started seeing someone else in a couple of months after you guys reestablished communication?... or she was testing to see if you had, in fact, moved on to ease some of the guilt she may still be harboring from the break-up? I just think that you should only proceed with this if you can honestly say that "getting back together" isn't the only out-come that you want to happen.
Author EmotionalWreckk Posted February 7, 2012 Author Posted February 7, 2012 I'd like to think I'd be able to live with her seeing other guys. I've been pretty well off so I don't think it would make me feel much differently. On the other hand though, I've never had to experience actually knowing if she's seeing someone else, so I can't really say at this point how exactly I would feel. In fact, I don't even know if I will ever re-enter into a relationship with her if the oppourtunity arises. It's kind of one of those things where you have to get to know someone all over again since both of us have probably changed quite a bit (especially me). In any case though, we'll just have to wait and see where life takes me.
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