Teknoe Posted February 16, 2012 Posted February 16, 2012 you mentioned being able to connect the dots between friends and getting a girlfriend, but you completely missed the part where I said I can make female friends. OK, so can you tell me a bit about the female friends you have RIGHT NOW in your life? i.e. how many do you have, how old they are, how "strong" is the friendship? Then you talk about humble nonsense which isn't even worth my time. Case in point. Frankly, my biggest issue right now is that for some reason I'm still struggling with trying to get over D and it's starting to freak me out. I shouldn't be crying over a girl I haven't seen in three months. And we weren't in a relationship so I don't know why my feelings are still so strong. You're looking for love and intimacy, like all of us. Human beings are born with an innate desire to be loved. However, there is a healthy line, and an unhealthy line. It's clear you've crossed into an unhealthy zone. I can relate as I have had similar experiences with "close female friends" as you did with D. I had my own E, T, A and so on. It's been 3 months and you haven't gotten over a girl who really didn't like you at all (concerning your report on her final set of interactions with you i.e. "It's best if we stop hanging out... we really don't have anything in common"... very harsh words on D's part which, if you read in-between the lines, symbolizes how little she cared about the friendship while it lasted). You are running and looking for intimacy, but when you come up dry, it only adds to your state of depression. Everything seems to be girlfriend or nothing at all for you. That's why many people have been telling you to slow down, find some friends, and learn how to appreciate the little blessings in life. You are trying to lift 1,000 pounds right now when it'd be wise to start off small and start with the 25 lb weights first.
Author somedude81 Posted February 17, 2012 Author Posted February 17, 2012 That's one reason you're striking-out. You rarely get out of your comfort zone. You admit you weren't in a relationship with her, but look how her "ending" it tore you to pieces. Frankly, you invested too much of your emotions into this "non-relationship." And it's something I've always done. I'm trying so hard to find love. And that leads to me getting easily attached to women. I've done it since I was a teenager. Real men give themselves options, like I posted. The reason I said you should be out pursing several women, it's for times like this. So a gal breaks your heart or expresses disinterest in pursuing a relationship with you. No biggie. You have something set up with Sally tomorrow night. Not recommending you be a "player," but in casual dating, you can't focus on one woman, unless it becomes clear she wants to pursue a deeper relationship with you and you agree to date exclusively, which I know is what you want. I've been there, SD !!! Notice, I said "pursuing," not dating. There's a difference. It's financially and physically exhausting to try to be taking several women a week out on dates. However, you can be making "small talk" and initiating relationships with women, all the while you're pursing the girl you tried hats on with at the mall. Believe me, I felt your pain in that incident, SD. Many a girl said no to my invitations... You can get much closer to that kind of fulfilling relationship -- a serious, exclusive relationship -- by trying to meet more women. In a job search, interview multiple companies, you score a better chance of landing a job offer. Same principle. I've pursued many women. And I don't care if somebody disagrees with me and says that I haven't. Then I met that one girl who is all I can think about. Even when I was on dates with other girls I was still thinking about D, OK maybe not that bad, but when I got home I didn't think aobut the girl I just spent time with. Agree. Things do seem stacked in womens' favor. They're the ones, for the most part, who control who gets to go out with them. That's nothing you can change, though, but instead, in your conversations with them, look to find ways to find common things of interest and try to work in an invitation to a coffee or dinner date.That's how I've been doing it for years. Here's another tip: There are many insecure women, unconfident about their looks, sex appeal and ability to attract male interest. You may look to those as asking one of those out may produce better results. Like your ego is stroked when you get one to agree to go on a date, and then other dates, they likely feel good when a man expresses interest in dating them. Not sayin' this to put-down women, but I think a lonely single guy in his 30s might just score some runs here if he focused on the "more attainable" women....Is that a round about way of saying that I should ask out ugly and or fat girls? OK, so can you tell me a bit about the female friends you have RIGHT NOW in your life? i.e. how many do you have, how old they are, how "strong" is the friendship? I have exactly as many as I want. Case in point.Wow, you really took the bait in that one. You're looking for love and intimacy, like all of us. Human beings are born with an innate desire to be loved. However, there is a healthy line, and an unhealthy line. It's clear you've crossed into an unhealthy zone. I can relate as I have had similar experiences with "close female friends" as you did with D.And why is my desire for love and intimacy passed the healthy line? Don't forget that it is something I have never experienced. And I've basically been craving it for my entire life. BTW, you should go read the post I made in a children of divorced parents thread. I'm not sure what section it's in. You are running and looking for intimacy, but when you come up dry, it only adds to your state of depression.Yeah and Everything seems to be girlfriend or nothing at all for you. That's why many people have been telling you to slow down, find some friends, and learn how to appreciate the little blessings in life. You are trying to lift 1,000 pounds right now when it'd be wise to start off small and start with the 25 lb weights first.I've already tried the small things. I still remember having my group of friends in High School and Jr. College, and being depressed because I wanted a girlfriend. A couple of them started to tease me about it and it's not something that I appreciated. Heck, a couple of years after I broke contact with them, one called me when he was drunk or high, and left me a voice mail which was something like, "Hey (my name) I got your number from whomever, do you have a girlfriend yet, ha ha of course not, you're still a loser."
MrNate 2.0 Posted February 17, 2012 Posted February 17, 2012 The day you start DOING something instead of complaining is the day everything falls into place. Everyone is insecure to some degree. The question is: When are you going to finally start making things happen?
Teknoe Posted February 17, 2012 Posted February 17, 2012 I've already tried the small things. I still remember having my group of friends in High School and Jr. College, and being depressed because I wanted a girlfriend. You tried the small things from 14-22. You should try the small things at age 30. People 14-22 will be stupid. People 14-22 will be insensitive. People around your age tend to be more mature (in most cases). I know you were hurt by your previous experiences, but it's foolish to disregard the value of friendship TODAY based on what happened so many, MANY years ago. Again, so many things are black and white with you. Not everything in life is ALL or NOTHING. I understand "friends" have hurt you in the past, but that's not a legitimate excuse for why you have no friends today. You should try making some new friends around your age. The biggest reason why you haven't is because you're afraid of putting yourself out there, rejection and, let's face it, it takes effort. It's so much easier being lazy, and being "unseen." No one is there to help push you, help grow you. You're just alone... isolated... and constant isolation is the quickest way to slowly wither away. I still believe it's unrealistic for you to ever go from no friends to having a girlfriend. It just doesn't work like that. The only rare exception is if the girl herself is a loner. But if that is so, I can guarantee you the relationship will be miserable and won't last long at all in 95% cases. If for nothing else, you should look at making friends as a stepping stone into developing into a more well-rounded person who CAN attract the right kind of female.
Author somedude81 Posted February 17, 2012 Author Posted February 17, 2012 I don't know what you are talking about; I know tons of insecure men and all of them get girls. Both ugly and really attractive guys can be insecure. My ex was super insecure; he actually didn't like it when I accidentally made eye contact with other males so I ended up having to walk in public not knowing where to look at. He would also come home and accuse me of sleeping with the neighbor. I actually had no idea who my neighbors were since I'm unfriendly and don't care to get to know them (I actually didn't know what they look like or if they were male or female). On top of that he would always bother me about his penis and asked me if it was too small or not hard enough (he had ED, it NEVER went up). So guys can be insecure plenty; I think most are. Really? How long were you with him? He sounds way more insecure than I am, and I can't get a girl if my life depended on it.
Teknoe Posted February 17, 2012 Posted February 17, 2012 SD, why don't you just try asking a girl out to coffee? What are your plans this Saturday night? Get out there, mingle and get some experience. Don't just stay in your room posting on LS please.
Teknoe Posted February 17, 2012 Posted February 17, 2012 At this point I'd enjoy if he posted about having a fun time on a date instead of the continual posts about nothing... or the same girl D... I saved a picture of him and D on my computer... lol at your last comment. you are priceless, dust, absolutely priceless Seriously, yeah, same here. I just want him to.... MOVE! Nothing's worse than standing still. Gotta take some small steps. He'd be surprised at how little can become much in such a short time frame. Every great person started out SOMEWHERE. The key to their greatness is they took action. SD, are you just going to sit there, letting life pass you by, or are you going to take some course of action? Don't be so afraid of missing. Just "shoot the gun" if for nothing else to hear it go off. You are your own worst enemy: paralyzed by fear and over-analysis. JUST.DO.SOMETHING.SOMEDUDE! It really ain't that complicated...
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