ditzchic Posted February 4, 2012 Posted February 4, 2012 This is really a question for all guys but I labeled it for nice guys because they seem to be the most sensitive about this kind of thing... So would you rather a girl who really isn't interested in you giving you a "shot" by giving you a date or two or would you prefer she just turn you down and say no from the beginning to spare you the possible rejection or heart break? I'm asking because I have a very specific type and I'm pretty picky. I haven't been having much luck lately though and I'm thinking of expanding my dating pool to just about everyone (short of the guys that really creep me out) in an effort to maybe find a different flavor I like and expand my horizons a bit. I'm terrified of leading someone on or hurting their feelings though... So I'm not sure if that's something I want do at the expense of others. What's the word, fellas?
Ross MwcFan Posted February 4, 2012 Posted February 4, 2012 Depends. If I got something out of it (for example, a kiss, a grope, sex, whatever), then I'd rather she give me a shot. If I wasn't going to get anything out of it, then I'd rather her just turn me down in the first place. I honestley couldn't tell you if I'm a nice guy or not, I'm definatley no alpha anyway.
somedude81 Posted February 4, 2012 Posted February 4, 2012 As long as the shot is real, meaning you'd let me at least get a kiss, then yes. But a half-ass shot where you already decided that we are going just as friends and all I'm going to get is a hug, don't waste my time.
Imajerk17 Posted February 4, 2012 Posted February 4, 2012 I'll answer this even tho I'm a jerk. If you could see yourself liking him, then give it a shot. You can hedge your bets against leading anyone on by saying during the date how you're trying to meet more people. Give it a chance too. Some people need more than one date to come alive...
PlumPrincess Posted February 5, 2012 Posted February 5, 2012 Ross & Somedude - no wonder you guys don't have dates. Better safe than being with some guy on a date who sulks because he is not getting any action.
fortyninethousand322 Posted February 5, 2012 Posted February 5, 2012 Ross & Somedude - no wonder you guys don't have dates. Better safe than being with some guy on a date who sulks because he is not getting any action. You just like to pick on everyone don't you? Why would anyone feel happy about not getting any action? I mean that just defies all logic. As far as the OP goes, as long as she wasn't intentionally leading me on I'd be fine going on a date with someone who wasn't all that into me. A date isn't supposed to be a big deal. It's like being unemployed and getting an interview, you have to be happy with getting at least that much.
somedude81 Posted February 5, 2012 Posted February 5, 2012 Hey 49k322, I thought you were, oh that avatar. Welcome back?
fortyninethousand322 Posted February 5, 2012 Posted February 5, 2012 Hey 49k322, I thought you were, oh that avatar. Welcome back? Yeah, something like that.
Jynxx Posted February 5, 2012 Posted February 5, 2012 @OP: While I'm not a nice guy, having a chance is better than not having a chance. Can't see how this is even a question. ... Lol, that sig seems like a bad idea, I've been censored and banned for less /offtopic
Oxy Moronovich Posted February 5, 2012 Posted February 5, 2012 So would you rather a girl who really isn't interested in you giving you a "shot" by giving you a date or two or would you prefer she just turn you down and say no from the beginning to spare you the possible rejection or heart break? Depends. If I got something out of it (for example, a kiss, a grope, sex, whatever), then I'd rather she give me a shot. If I wasn't going to get anything out of it, then I'd rather her just turn me down in the first place. I honestley couldn't tell you if I'm a nice guy or not, I'm definatley no alpha anyway. I'm with Ross on this one. What does ditzy mean by "give you a shot"? If giving me a shot involves sex then the answer is yes. If no sex involved then I'd rather spare me from the beginning.
Ross MwcFan Posted February 5, 2012 Posted February 5, 2012 Ross & Somedude - no wonder you guys don't have dates. Better safe than being with some guy on a date who sulks because he is not getting any action. Why would I want to go on a date if the woman isn't even interested in me and wouldn't put out in any way? Btw, I wouldn't be sulking if I didn't get any action on a date.
Author ditzchic Posted February 5, 2012 Author Posted February 5, 2012 @OP: While I'm not a nice guy, having a chance is better than not having a chance. Can't see how this is even a question. Cuz you see how some of the "nicer" guys on here are answering? They only want the shot if they are getting something out of it. I don't put out on a first date and not every first date ends with a kiss for me either... So for some guys the chance isn't worth it.
here4her Posted February 5, 2012 Posted February 5, 2012 I'd rather someone just be honest and turn me down then waste my time and energy pretending something might happen when they had no interest to begin with.
GoodOnPaper Posted February 5, 2012 Posted February 5, 2012 This is really a question for all guys but I labeled it for nice guys because they seem to be the most sensitive about this kind of thing... So would you rather a girl who really isn't interested in you giving you a "shot" by giving you a date or two or would you prefer she just turn you down and say no from the beginning to spare you the possible rejection or heart break? No brainer -- give me a "shot". Early rejections are much harder to take. An early rejection is about me being too ugly, nerdy, geeky, you-name-it. A later rejection is about us not being compatible.
somedude81 Posted February 5, 2012 Posted February 5, 2012 Cuz you see how some of the "nicer" guys on here are answering? They only want the shot if they are getting something out of it. I don't put out on a first date and not every first date ends with a kiss for me either... So for some guys the chance isn't worth it. Allow me to clarify then. I've been on several "dates" with girls who had already decided that nothing was ever going to happen between us. So while it appeared on the outside that they were giving me a shot, their mind had already been closed off to that possibility. In the end, I never did have a shot. No, I don't expect sex anytime soon or a kiss in the first few dates. All I want is the girl to keep those things open as maybes.
Author ditzchic Posted February 5, 2012 Author Posted February 5, 2012 Allow me to clarify then. I've been on several "dates" with girls who had already decided that nothing was ever going to happen between us. So while it appeared on the outside that they were giving me a shot, their mind had already been closed off to that possibility. In the end, I never did have a shot. No, I don't expect sex anytime soon or a kiss in the first few dates. All I want is the girl to keep those things open as maybes. Well that was kind of my point from my original thread. I want to open my mind to types I've been discounting as undateable. I can't guarantee it'll work out but my mind will be open. And I would never drag it out too long. I usually only give it one or two dates before I write someone off if I don't like them. Like I said, I don't like leading people on or hurting feelings.
fortyninethousand322 Posted February 5, 2012 Posted February 5, 2012 Lol, that sig seems like a bad idea, I've been censored and banned for less /offtopic I honestly don't care. One of the things that got me censored was a post from 3 months ago, so someone obviously has it out for me on these boards. After I was banned I sent a message to LS specifically asking to be permanently banned and they never got back to me. So whatever, I'll do what I want until the authorities come for me.
musemaj11 Posted February 5, 2012 Posted February 5, 2012 (edited) Cuz you see how some of the "nicer" guys on here are answering? They only want the shot if they are getting something out of it. I don't put out on a first date and not every first date ends with a kiss for me either... So for some guys the chance isn't worth it. The nice guys simply dont want to be taken advantage of without getting nothing in return. Its reasonable. The biggest gripe that guys have about being 'given a shot' is that they invest in the woman emotionally and financially in a way as if she is truly interested (they ask, they plan, they drive, they pay) only for her to disappear soon after leaving them with nothing but disappointment and loss of money. I bet you still expect to be romanced by these nice guys whom you actually have little interest in. So why is it wrong for them to in turn have an expectation from you as well? Edited February 5, 2012 by musemaj11
carhill Posted February 5, 2012 Posted February 5, 2012 So would you rather a girl who really isn't interested in you giving you a "shot" by giving you a date or two or would you prefer she just turn you down and say no from the beginning to spare you the possible rejection or heart break? I'd rather they do exactly what the few who've I've grown to respect do, that being make it quick and brutal. For Christ's sake, don't waste my time with mind games.
SJC2008 Posted February 5, 2012 Posted February 5, 2012 Well here's my opinion op. I don't want a "shot" if your're not intersted at all, I don't want a "shot" period. I'd never want to be with someone who doesn't find me interesting/attractive. Also wanting a shot would put you on a pedestal, which I would never do. That being said I wouldn't call myself a nice guy. I'd never let a woman manipulate me or run over me, nor would I do that to her. I may be a nice guy in the sense that I wont try to sack you by the 3rd date. It seems to me that many women are so hard up on chemistry that if they don't feel it on the 1st date it's over. So mabye I wasn't a dork on those dates where I got 1 date quitted, mabye she didn't "feel it". What you could try is being more open minded. Meaning as long as he can hold a good conversation and seems normal with no creeper potential and you are at least a little attracted to him, give it 3 dates to see if he's worth pursuing a relationship. Read my trying not to be shallow thread. I wasn't attracted to my date on our 1st date and decided to date her again and for some reason I was way more attracted to her on our second date and am going out with her again. I'm catching myself thinking about her more often and am actually looking forward to seeing her agaoin. I'ts still early on so I don't know where it's headed but if I blew her off the potential would of been a zero factor.
ThaWholigan Posted February 5, 2012 Posted February 5, 2012 I've been called "nice guy" before, not sure how accurate this is, I've been called rude before also (strangely). Personally, it would depend on the "shot". If I'm on a first date with a girl, believe it or not, my priority isn't getting some "action". It would be to enjoy myself and said girl's company. I would not take the date so seriously, but then, I'm not so desperate for action that I long for a half-hearted "shot" from a girl who isn't even sure she likes me lol. A good time would be on the agenda, and if that cannot be had with the girl, we will part ways amicably.
FitChick Posted February 5, 2012 Posted February 5, 2012 OP should offer to pay for herself on a first date with a man she isn't that crazy about meeting, so at least he wouldn't be bitching and moaning about paying $3 for coffee. Men should look at these dates as practice dates, especially if they have no social life or interaction with women. Only good can come of it that way.
Cracker Jack Posted February 5, 2012 Posted February 5, 2012 I'd rather her just let me know early on that she's not into me. I'd hate to waste my time thinking it can go further.
jobaba Posted February 5, 2012 Posted February 5, 2012 This is really a question for all guys but I labeled it for nice guys because they seem to be the most sensitive about this kind of thing... So would you rather a girl who really isn't interested in you giving you a "shot" by giving you a date or two or would you prefer she just turn you down and say no from the beginning to spare you the possible rejection or heart break? I'm asking because I have a very specific type and I'm pretty picky. I haven't been having much luck lately though and I'm thinking of expanding my dating pool to just about everyone (short of the guys that really creep me out) in an effort to maybe find a different flavor I like and expand my horizons a bit.I'm terrified of leading someone on or hurting their feelings though... So I'm not sure if that's something I want do at the expense of others. What's the word, fellas? Pretty much every woman I've ever gotten has been from this situation. She wasn't 'into me' in the beginning and I had to trigger something in her to hook her. I mean you're really no different from any other woman. Women are picky and go for the top tier of hot/desirable guys. Once they realize those guys are out of their reach or players or jerks, then they take chances with more average looking dudes. That's how the game works and that's what I've been trying to explain to some of the guys here. Some of us will never be the guy that any woman is 'into' from the start. You need to find a woman to give you a chance and then hook her. Anyway, kudos to you for being one that will give guys like us a chance. I really don't think it's about nice guy/bad boy either. Way overused term. My best bud is real good looking guy and also the nicest dude in the world and he got lots of women when he was single. No brainer -- give me a "shot". Early rejections are much harder to take. An early rejection is about me being too ugly, nerdy, geeky, you-name-it. A later rejection is about us not being compatible. You're nuts dude. I don't think I've ever grieved more than a day or two over a woman who rejected me after a few dates or whom I didn't know that well. On the other hand, sometimes it's taken months to get over women that I've gotten to know well. Oh ... and it's ALWAYS about looks, whether you know them for 2 dates, or 2 years...
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