lesoiseaux Posted February 3, 2012 Posted February 3, 2012 Quick background: my boyfriend and I are 22/23, been together 1-1.5 years and have been long distance for six months. I last saw him about a month ago and he'll be visiting me for a few days in 2 weeks. We keep in touch daily via instant messenger and Skype/talk on the phone 3-4 times a week. Lately, my boyfriend and I have been getting into more disagreements, usually instigated by me. History has shown that he's much better at dealing with the distance...but it simply has been taking its toll on me. It feels like things are starting to get stale, like we keep in touch for the sake of keeping it touch. Skyping doesn't feel as special anymore, sometimes his tiredness comes across in his tone of voice and it upsets me, etc. While I have brought it up and we've both resolved to make some changes, things still don't feel right. So my question is, what do you do when the distance starts getting extremely difficult? At this point it's starting to feel like it is ruining our relationship, when I know that we are great together. I do have confidence we can get through this, but this is the first time I've felt so shaky about everything. I love him dearly and I know we are committed to this, especially because the distance will be significantly decreased in a few months (I'll be moving back to our home state, but not necessarily to the same city, depending on my current job search). Our relationship is just starting to feel so strained, and I don't know what to do!
wildgeese Posted February 4, 2012 Posted February 4, 2012 I completely understand what you're going through and it's a good thing that you're aware of what's happening and that you want to fix it. The past few weeks have been very difficult for my boyfriend and I (job changes and health issues on top of the distance) and I started to feel disconnected a couple of days ago. He works a demanding 12 hour a day job that doesn't leave much time for us to talk and our only conversations take place during hurried lunch hours. I was feeling lonely and the fact that we didn't have those little touches and moments to stay connected was getting to me. Something that helped me was to write a letter directed towards him, talking about our relationship, but not one that I would actually send. I just had to get started writing about our relationship and memories, and soon I was smiling over all the things that I love and cherish about us. Sometimes you just have to be reminded, even if you're the one doing the reminding. Maybe you could even write a letter to send to him, to help ignite those feelings for both of you. I think it's also important to remember that relationships go through highs and lows. If you're still having fun when you're together and you do genuinely still love him, consider this a low and have confidence that it'll get better. Just be proactive and talk it through. When you feel yourself being negative towards him and starting to bicker, make an effort to turn the situation around. And hang on to those good feelings, especially since your distance will decrease!
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