maylis Posted February 3, 2012 Posted February 3, 2012 We broke up one week and three hours ago. I haven't been in contact with him for 4 days, he hasn't been in contact with me for 3 days. I feel so hurt and frustrated and ****ing sad. ughaasga;ldgahd;lh
Philosoraptor Posted February 3, 2012 Posted February 3, 2012 I'm sorry that you are hurting. But stop counting the hours and time in general. What are you doing for yourself? Find a new hobbies? Volunteer anywhere? Spending more time with friends and family where you aren't complaining about the past? You need to find your path to peace and happiness and not allow yourself to stagnate.
Author maylis Posted February 3, 2012 Author Posted February 3, 2012 I'm sorry that you are hurting. But stop counting the hours and time in general. What are you doing for yourself? Find a new hobbies? Volunteer anywhere? Spending more time with friends and family where you aren't complaining about the past? You need to find your path to peace and happiness and not allow yourself to stagnate. Today has just been particularly awful, but yes I have been making efforts. I have gone out with friends sunday day/night, tuesday day/night, yesterday afternoon. I am looking for a new apartment in a different neighborhood. My family live on the other side of the country but I have skyped with my family a bit. I am PMSing, it doesn't help!
Author maylis Posted February 5, 2012 Author Posted February 5, 2012 Good to know you are making efforts. It happens sometime, you feel like being with your ex. It's tempting, but I would rather say it's a mistake. Getting sometime off is the best thing to do now. Do you still love him? Today is a better day. Last night I went out with some girl friends and we had a good time. I have been doing some self help reading and it has been useful. Sure, I still love him. It's just been over a week now, I can't shut off my feelings like that. I know it will fade though. Today I can be rational and I can accept that with the way it was going, it would have never worked. I can accept that I can't change him and that he himself does not want to change.
Author maylis Posted February 5, 2012 Author Posted February 5, 2012 It took me a lot longer to get where you are right now...I think if we want to change our partner, then that is natures way of telling us we are with the wrong guy.. The song below (Latest Mistake) helps me when I am sad..Some people need to change if they are ever going to be happy in a relationship. Thankfully most realise this in time with new partners. Some people never learn and just blame everyone else but themselves, until they are old bitter and can't figure out why.. http://greenpsychology.net/2011/04/how-to-find-a-good-man/ I was just reading that this morning. The problem was that in the beginning he lied to me and then I found out the truth (not because he told me, by accident) after I was already in love with him. This was dealbreaker information I found out, had I known in the beginning it would have been done. I should have broke up with him as soon as I found out anyway even though I was in love. I guess because I was emotionally invested I was thinking it isn't fair to not give him a chance, but I gave it to him and he never owned up to his lie and all of January it was pure hell. Arguing every single week.
Author maylis Posted February 5, 2012 Author Posted February 5, 2012 I REALLY like this article and it is so true..What screamed off the page to me was this line... "If you say you want a partner who is mature, reliable, financially stable, and able to communicate well—you need to be that person"... This is something I have really worked hard on the past few years. I now own my own house, car and have savings. I have also learnt how to communicate within a relationship. I don't have anyone second guess me. I tell them how I am feeling and if they don't like me for me, then so be it. I like the part in the article where it says show all sides of you. That is what I have done. My ex crucified me, but that just showed that he is not the right guy. I then had the courage of my convictions and left the relationship (which apparently made me pathetic), which as you know is so hard when you still love someone. I think the problems I had in the past (and I see so many loveshack users in the same boat is that they are looking for their partner to make them happy and are distraught when things don't work out. What they lack, their partner seems to have. What some LS people need to realise is that if they want to attract people with the attributes of their ex, then they first need to acquire those attributes themselves. Too many LS users just mop around the place feeling sorry for themselves. Such behaviour does not inspire. It has the opposite effect and drives the person away.. "Relationships work best when like attracts like. If you find someone to compensate for your limitations, it’s too easy to become dependent on that person. More often than not this leads to problems" Reading articles like this makes me realise I am on the right track. Thank you Maylis It made me realise I am on the right track too. Before I had tons of self esteem problems and I was messed up after my relationship before this one (about 5 yrs we were together, it ended horridly) and I took two YEARS off from dating just to get myself back to normal again. And for this new guy I was with, for him to say that I didn't have self esteem now and that is why I reacted to him LYING TO ME (!!!), it was just ridiculous. I will never let someone have control of me again like that.
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