Leigh 87 Posted February 3, 2012 Posted February 3, 2012 This has never happened to me, but I know it does h appen! to the LADIES: have u ever been happily in love, and out of no where, your husband or boyfriend leaves you? With NO warning? Have any of you ever been in a loving, fantastic, serious long term relationship, with NO signs that the guy is not crazy for you............................ for EVERYthing to be totally normal between you ( happy and bliss ful and secure).. only to have him leave you? For example: I am totally secure and happy with my boyfriend; he has even seen me at my VERY worst! He has seen me at rock bottom, and still loves me. He had a great girl before me, ( speaks 5 languages, beautiful, very social and popualr, funny, and just a rare breed of awesomeness). I feel very secure in my relationship, because my boyfriend has seen me at my WORST. He has also only had one other relationship, with an AMAZING girl, so he has a super human girl to compare me to, ans he is STILL satisfied with me. I feel so secure, and yet: I am sure other people have felt just as secure as I do, only to have their boyfriend or husband come home one day, and explain that " they no longer had romantic feelings for them". OUT. OF NO WHERE!! This, to me, is the ultimate, most WORSE experience, after death and illness and extreme povety of course, that could ever happen!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!1 Your world would shatter around you, you would constantly think to when u guys were totally happy, and you will wonder how the hell u can fathom your life without the thing u had with this person, in it. I, for one, would LIKE to think, that this would NOT HAPPEN OFTEN: I would like to HOPE, that a guy would KNOW BEFORE HAND, for SOME TIME, that his feelings for his girl were lessening....... My boyfriend, for example, says he would tell me if anything was wrong? .. he says he feels the same about me, the times I ask him. Of course, I do not ask him often how he feels, but every now and again, I want to know if everything is fine and the same; I would hate him to be losing feelings towards me, and be waiting to see if it gets better, while secretly withholding it from me? PLEASE share your experiences, if any one has been totally normal and happy in their relationship one day, and then told by their husband, that they are no longer in love with them?! Lastly: were u guys very close? My boyfriend and I are super close... we fart on each other, he is totally comfortabler around me, embarrassing thigns have happenbed to him and I have not judged the very worst of them.... We hug very tightly in bed every night we spend together, and for months, we were together 24/7..... I am a very loyal and committed girlfriend; while of course I know it is mportant to focus on my life outside of him, I simply cannot IMAGINE how I would be able to even ACCEPT it, having a life without him! I would not be a stalker freak or anything.. haha, I would stop contacting him, but I would be very numb and it would be very surreal for some time. After being so close to me boyfriend, I cannot imagine him just leaving? I am just so intrigued, as to how the hell people get over that stuff!!!!!!!!1 Personally, i would throw myself into working out at the gym extra hard, and do things that make me feel great, rather than dwell on it. I would cry and cry every night, but at the same time, I would ttry to make my life better.
Sugarkane Posted February 3, 2012 Posted February 3, 2012 Yeah I totally have and I wouldn't wish that on anyone, except my ex who deserves to be screwed over by someone [coz of the way he treats people]. I really wish that someone would screw these people over, so they can see what it's like. When I asked for closure, I ironically got called crazy. I guess some people really don't have a conscience?
Sugarkane Posted February 3, 2012 Posted February 3, 2012 Especially in my case where my ex basically more or less disappeared. And then turned everyone against me.
Author Leigh 87 Posted February 3, 2012 Author Posted February 3, 2012 I saw one of your other posts, and it seams like u are very, very angry ( and in your right to be!!!!) The thing is, I know my boyfriend.. he is not mentally unstable, there is nothing about him that is " off" mentally or socially. Every friend I have met of h is, say that he is just such a great guy, so nice and fun to be around. Furthermore; he depends on my love, as much as I depend on him... I realize even if a guy really is attached to u and seams to need u, something weird could snap in their heads, which could lead to them having an epiphany, making them leave all of a sudden.. I would find it very strange, though, if a very stable guy, with no history of mental or social issues, who never gets depressed ( and when upset, contains it, and NEVER takes it out on anyone)... It would just be so strange, if such a normal guy, such as my boyfriend, were to up and leave me - he says he would always tell me if something was wrong. He said he would not even ignore me, but would always just tell me staight away if something was not quiet right. Basically, it seams unbelievable to think a guy would leave u, if they are really attached to u! Such as, if they really love u taking care of them, and really seam to crave your love? Then again, perhaps it is due to the fact I do not like myself at this stage in my life; that, from my boyfriend, there is no great spart of chemistry, where he acts like he wants to rip my clothes off? I am not that attractive ( hooked nose, but I am pretty besides my nose) and it is way easier to fall romantically in love with attractive women, who are pleasant to look at. I do not have the killer personality, or the cute nose; I have a hooked nose that ruins my face, and a cook and weird anf fun personality, but one that needs working on. Althoguh my boyfriend needs my love, I can see him figuring out one day, that although he loves me as a person, he is not romantically in love with me, due to my nose and personality. Yes, i seriously do think it is hard to see a women as attractive, if they are otherwise stunning, apart from their nose... a nose can really make or break a girls face!!!!!!!!!!1
Sugarkane Posted February 3, 2012 Posted February 3, 2012 Well my ex was very social person and had many friends still from primary school. He must have been still attracted to me coz the sex never died down. We slept together right before we spilt.
Author Leigh 87 Posted February 3, 2012 Author Posted February 3, 2012 wow really, do u mind telling me a little bit about what happened? HOw long wereu together? Were you a really comitted, loving girlfriend? Was he basically your number one priority? I totally understand if it still hurts far too much to mention any details. I am so sorry to hear about him leaving, though. With no warning... You know, I do nto believe in getting people bac, not unles they serious hurt myself or family or friends for no good reason..... .. I think though, that leaving a perfectly nromal relationship, out of no where.. is a case where the bastard DESERVES it to happen to him!!!!!!!!! With my boyfriend... Besides from me having a bad nose, I don't actually see a reason for him losing feelings... I am very much a believer of bettering onself, so I am obviously learning to become better in any way that I can. I like who I am, but need to just work on some things.. I am very interested to hear your story, but again, it is up to you. I hope the bastard gets what he deserves though man..........
Sugarkane Posted February 3, 2012 Posted February 3, 2012 He is a complete sociopath who is very popular, yet this is what he does to people. He hides it extremely well.
Author Leigh 87 Posted February 3, 2012 Author Posted February 3, 2012 Sociopaths are dangerous...... I wish they could be taken to their own Island, so they can stop ruining the lives of good people. My boyfriend is also a kind, positive, and.. just a lovely guy. Always a big smile on his face. I am fairly sure I have avoided the sociopathic aspect......... not 100%, as no one ever can be of course:) Was your boyfriend affectionate? My boyfriend likes me to hug him while he sleeps. He likes me to love and care for him a lot. Did your boyfriend really make u feel as though he NEEDED you to love and car for him? In any case, u obviously had NO idea... which is the f*cked up part!!!
Ajax Posted February 3, 2012 Posted February 3, 2012 (edited) Okay, I'm clearly not the target audience here, but I had to chime in on a couple things. First: I know you're talking about men up and leaving out of the blue from what to all appearances were happy relationships, but women do this too. Just putting that out there, because that's what happened to me a year and a half ago. Everything was going great, spending time together, doing romantic things, doing things with each other's families, making plans, etc... Then one day she's confused, can't be in a relationship, leaves, two weeks later with someone else. Blew my mind. Broke my heart. Second: This girl I was so smitten with had what would be considered a "hooked nose." Personally I thought she was gorgeous. So please don't feel that having an imperfect nose ruins your face. Some of us would have gone to the ends of the world for that imperfect nose. So why are you posting about this? Are you concerned that this might happen to you? Edited February 3, 2012 by Ajax
kkay Posted February 3, 2012 Posted February 3, 2012 Hey Leigh, 5 months ago experienced what you are talking about. Was living a life with the man of my dreams and looking to purchase property together. I had no idea he was facing such inner turmoil about our relationship. I am still trying to figure out what the hell happened and give him the space he so clearly needs. My question to you is, why are you asking such questions if you are confident in your relationship? I was confident with my ex and didn't see it coming. You will never see it coming if you have no doubts about your relationship and will not be questioning the what if's. I was also so sure that we were in the relationship for the long run that I wasn't on a public forum discussing the possibilities of him leaving. If you are so confident in your relationship leave this silly thread and enjoy what you have instead of wasting time talking about him leaving...
Dark Phoenix Posted February 3, 2012 Posted February 3, 2012 (edited) @ Leigh... Uh oh... the beginning of the end... its a shame you are having those thoughts and those insecurities... you are not a bad person but you are going to do what you are going to do... its ok Edited February 3, 2012 by Dark Phoenix
geegirl Posted February 3, 2012 Posted February 3, 2012 (edited) Your post screams insecurity within yourself. It's not about your boyfriend but your belief in yourself as to whether you are valuable enough to have a good thing in your life. And quit pickin' at your nose! If he was shallow, he would have gone looking for a different nose awhile ago. Enjoy your relationship for what it is and stop planting bad seeds in your head. Edited February 3, 2012 by geegirl
shalisha42 Posted February 3, 2012 Posted February 3, 2012 This has never happened to me, but I know it does h appen! to the LADIES: have u ever been happily in love, and out of no where, your husband or boyfriend leaves you? With NO warning? Have any of you ever been in a loving, fantastic, serious long term relationship, with NO signs that the guy is not crazy for you............................ for EVERYthing to be totally normal between you ( happy and bliss ful and secure).. only to have him leave you? For example: I am totally secure and happy with my boyfriend; he has even seen me at my VERY worst! He has seen me at rock bottom, and still loves me. He had a great girl before me, ( speaks 5 languages, beautiful, very social and popualr, funny, and just a rare breed of awesomeness). I feel very secure in my relationship, because my boyfriend has seen me at my WORST. He has also only had one other relationship, with an AMAZING girl, so he has a super human girl to compare me to, ans he is STILL satisfied with me. I feel so secure, and yet: I am sure other people have felt just as secure as I do, only to have their boyfriend or husband come home one day, and explain that " they no longer had romantic feelings for them". OUT. OF NO WHERE!! This, to me, is the ultimate, most WORSE experience, after death and illness and extreme povety of course, that could ever happen!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!1 Your world would shatter around you, you would constantly think to when u guys were totally happy, and you will wonder how the hell u can fathom your life without the thing u had with this person, in it. I, for one, would LIKE to think, that this would NOT HAPPEN OFTEN: I would like to HOPE, that a guy would KNOW BEFORE HAND, for SOME TIME, that his feelings for his girl were lessening....... My boyfriend, for example, says he would tell me if anything was wrong? .. he says he feels the same about me, the times I ask him. Of course, I do not ask him often how he feels, but every now and again, I want to know if everything is fine and the same; I would hate him to be losing feelings towards me, and be waiting to see if it gets better, while secretly withholding it from me? PLEASE share your experiences, if any one has been totally normal and happy in their relationship one day, and then told by their husband, that they are no longer in love with them?! Lastly: were u guys very close? My boyfriend and I are super close... we fart on each other, he is totally comfortabler around me, embarrassing thigns have happenbed to him and I have not judged the very worst of them.... We hug very tightly in bed every night we spend together, and for months, we were together 24/7..... I am a very loyal and committed girlfriend; while of course I know it is mportant to focus on my life outside of him, I simply cannot IMAGINE how I would be able to even ACCEPT it, having a life without him! I would not be a stalker freak or anything.. haha, I would stop contacting him, but I would be very numb and it would be very surreal for some time. After being so close to me boyfriend, I cannot imagine him just leaving? I am just so intrigued, as to how the hell people get over that stuff!!!!!!!!1 Personally, i would throw myself into working out at the gym extra hard, and do things that make me feel great, rather than dwell on it. I would cry and cry every night, but at the same time, I would ttry to make my life better. Hi. Please listen very carefully. You are on your way to being his "Ex." First, you sound very insecure with the relationship, otherwise, why even post the possibility of him breaking up with you? Second, you make reference his ex girlfriend TWICE and how AWESOME she is. I get that you have been comparing yourself to her. Another sign that you are insecure about yourself and your relationship. If you continue to agonize over what it "might" be like if he left you, you will send out those vibes and drive him away. Get to the root of your fear of him leaving you because you obviously are terrified he is going to leave you. Also, no matter how often or not often you ask a man for reassurance about his feelings for you, he picks up the signal that you are afraid and insecure of his love for you which gives him the upper hand and can let him think he can take you or leave you. If you keep this up, I promise you, he will leave you "out of nowhere" because you are creating it already in your head and in your heart with your emotions and your vivid imaginings of what life will be without him if he left you.
shalisha42 Posted February 3, 2012 Posted February 3, 2012 I saw one of your other posts, and it seams like u are very, very angry ( and in your right to be!!!!) The thing is, I know my boyfriend.. he is not mentally unstable, there is nothing about him that is " off" mentally or socially. Every friend I have met of h is, say that he is just such a great guy, so nice and fun to be around. Furthermore; he depends on my love, as much as I depend on him... I realize even if a guy really is attached to u and seams to need u, something weird could snap in their heads, which could lead to them having an epiphany, making them leave all of a sudden.. I would find it very strange, though, if a very stable guy, with no history of mental or social issues, who never gets depressed ( and when upset, contains it, and NEVER takes it out on anyone)... It would just be so strange, if such a normal guy, such as my boyfriend, were to up and leave me - he says he would always tell me if something was wrong. He said he would not even ignore me, but would always just tell me staight away if something was not quiet right. Basically, it seams unbelievable to think a guy would leave u, if they are really attached to u! Such as, if they really love u taking care of them, and really seam to crave your love? Then again, perhaps it is due to the fact I do not like myself at this stage in my life; that, from my boyfriend, there is no great spart of chemistry, where he acts like he wants to rip my clothes off? I am not that attractive ( hooked nose, but I am pretty besides my nose) and it is way easier to fall romantically in love with attractive women, who are pleasant to look at. I do not have the killer personality, or the cute nose; I have a hooked nose that ruins my face, and a cook and weird anf fun personality, but one that needs working on. Althoguh my boyfriend needs my love, I can see him figuring out one day, that although he loves me as a person, he is not romantically in love with me, due to my nose and personality. Yes, i seriously do think it is hard to see a women as attractive, if they are otherwise stunning, apart from their nose... a nose can really make or break a girls face!!!!!!!!!!1 Leigh, you're probably beautiful and you just don't see it because deep down you feel unworthy. Also, it sounds like you'd settle for your boyfriend "needing" and "craving" your love than to actually have a choice about loving you. May I make a suggestion? It sounds like you could use an alanon meeting or a CODA meeting (co-dependents anonymous). I think either of those would help.
Author Leigh 87 Posted February 3, 2012 Author Posted February 3, 2012 OF course I am insecure. I gained weight from an eating disorder, I am no longer thin , I stopped working out, and I have always HATED my nose. Without good looks to fall back on, my personal life is not that great either. AFter my illness, I have no job, friends, or etc. Yes, I am actively seeking out these things. I am about to commence a job, which is ccemented once I finish my cert 2 and 3 in various things. Friends with come, as enough ppl seam to like me, the times I have talked with ppl at the gym, etc. I am going to like myself, and I am going to fix my insecurities, by taking the steps I know Ineed to take, and also with the help of a therapist. It is a matter of re building my life, after social isolation andmental illness. I DO feel totally secure with my boyfriend... in that, he loves me, even though he has seen me at my worst state in life. He knows my predicament. He has never once expressed or hinted at leaving. The fact I am not quiet who I want to be ( a very good version of MYSELF, not some person I am not and am trying to me), is what made me consider the fact " geez, why has he stuck with me through it all!!!" I guess the answer, as to why he has seen enough good in me, is " becausse he sees enough goodness in me, and I know he loves the way I love him and look after him and make him laugh, to stick around, and wait until I am in a more ideal mental state ( with job, friends, social life outside of him, etc). When I have asked him WHY he bothered, to stay with such abroken person as myself, he said that he sees a lot of potential in me, and thinks I am a great person, even as I am now. He said that of course, if I stay messed up, and in turn, cause drama simply because of my deap seated issues ( when he never causes ANY problems..), then we WILL end, seeing as there is no point staying with a person who continues to stay in troubled, state, causing problems, when the other person is totally inocent and just wants to be happy . Fortunately, we both know I am nto the type to keep problems; if I see something wrong, I simply fix . He knows that I can see what is hindering me in life, therefore he knows I am aware of the things I need to fix. It is not so much that I THINK he will leave. It is that I do not feel good about myself, which brings me consider things. I mention his EX, because if he had such a super - human, wonderful ex, then he obviously thinks I am worthy enough to bother with, seeing as he has the way he felt about HER, to guide him ( surely, a guy like him, who would not BOTHER with a relationship unless it was worth it, would KNOW straight away, if he did not have as striong a feeling towards me, as he did his ex). He is not the type of g uy who has girlfriends. Ever. I am his first propper, seriious one. His " ex",. is actually just a travelling partner, a " fling", she never considered him a boyfriend. I just know if he did not feel a similar level of admiration and romatic feeling towards me, he would probably not bother with me, seeing as he has never bothered with a serious girlfriend before. Me and this girl I refer to, are the only girls he has thought to be " crazy enough" and " different enough" from the " usual" girls around here, to even bother with. He was not a player, just did not see any girl worth being serious with before. Basically, I mention this " ex", as a reference point, to attest to the fact that he must have felt something pretty special, to bother with me at all. The love we developed, is what made him want to stick by me through tough times. I am just going to not stress and be happy. I am greatful I found a guy, who in less than a year, has seen me at my WORST, my absolute WORST, and has decided to stick by me through it. At least I have a chance to repair mysef, mentally, with him by my side.. oppsosed to him just leaving.
Author Leigh 87 Posted February 3, 2012 Author Posted February 3, 2012 Thanks for sharing your experiences. On one hand, it would be nice if people, who u are deaply emotionally invested in, would TELL u before it is coming, that they are having worries about the relationship... ALthough, rather then tell u right away, at the first sign of problems.. perhaps they want to try to see if things get better, before alleting us to any impending doom? The question is: would we be just as shocked and devastated, to be TOLD out of no where that " they were having doubs about the relationshIP" OR, alternatively, would we be shocked if they just said " goodbye, see ya"???? Either way, we would not see it coming.......... WHich would u choose? To be warned, or for them to leave? When both would come out of no where?
Dark Phoenix Posted February 3, 2012 Posted February 3, 2012 Leigh... you are having those doubts right now arent you?
Ajax Posted February 3, 2012 Posted February 3, 2012 Leigh... you are having those doubts right now arent you? Gonna have to agree with Dark Phoenix here. I get the impression that doubt is eating you alive. OF course I am insecure. I gained weight from an eating disorder, I am no longer thin , I stopped working out, and I have always HATED my nose. Without good looks to fall back on, my personal life is not that great either. I already mentioned how my most recent ex from a year and a half ago had a "hooked nose" and how I adored her. Not to make light of your insecurity, but it really doesn't matter. And as far as having "good looks to fall back on" that doesn't just scream insecurity, it shouts shallowness. This may not be the case, but to me it sounds more like you're trying to justify being with him more than understanding why he's with you. It sounds like you think he's settling for you and that you're just lucky to have anyone who's that dedicated to you. When I read between the lines I perceive that you actually think he's pathetic for sticking with you. Am I right? If you had the "good looks to fall back on" what would you do? Would you be more secure in this relationship? Do you want someone who only desires you for how you look? I know you're trying to get a handle on yourself here, and I understand that. But it sounds like you have a man who genuinely cares about you and are trying to justify being with him despite growing fears. Doubt and insecurity kill relationships. They really do. So if you do want to be with him, then accept his love for what it is, with full knowledge of the risks. And if on the other hand you doubt that he really is the one you want to be with, and need to take some time to work on yourself then be honest about that. With him and yourself. Frankly, it sounds just as likely that you'll leave him out of the blue as much as he'll leave you that way.
M2155 Posted February 3, 2012 Posted February 3, 2012 Hi. Please listen very carefully. You are on your way to being his "Ex." First, you sound very insecure with the relationship, otherwise, why even post the possibility of him breaking up with you? Second, you make reference his ex girlfriend TWICE and how AWESOME she is. I get that you have been comparing yourself to her. Another sign that you are insecure about yourself and your relationship. If you continue to agonize over what it "might" be like if he left you, you will send out those vibes and drive him away. Get to the root of your fear of him leaving you because you obviously are terrified he is going to leave you. Also, no matter how often or not often you ask a man for reassurance about his feelings for you, he picks up the signal that you are afraid and insecure of his love for you which gives him the upper hand and can let him think he can take you or leave you. If you keep this up, I promise you, he will leave you "out of nowhere" because you are creating it already in your head and in your heart with your emotions and your vivid imaginings of what life will be without him if he left you. I like this post. I think we do give off insecurity loud and clear. I wish someone had told me this. OP some of the least attractive people in the world have hot partners. Confidence is sexy.
Sugarkane Posted February 4, 2012 Posted February 4, 2012 Well I was confident in the relationship I had and look where that got me. Dumped for no reason and told to f off by text.
Author Leigh 87 Posted February 4, 2012 Author Posted February 4, 2012 Thanks so much for the help:) I do not think he is pathetic for staying with me. I think I am an awesome girl for him - we are very evenly matched - similar intellect, simialr interest, I love him being able to go out and spend time with his guy friends and I actively encourage him to have a life outside of me, there is not anything bad about our relationship, besides my MENTAL issues. I am great for him, providing I start to like myself more. Now, it is hard to like myself, because for years and years, I had an eating disorder, and being thin was ALL I HAD IN LIFE. Now, I am recovered from the disorder, but I am left with no friensd, job or a life. Therefore, obviously I do not like myself much. I have the MAKINGS of a GREAT personality. I DO like many things about myself:) I like myself enough, to know my boyfriend is lucky to be with me, the same way I feel lucky to have him. However, the few bad things about me, and the fact my illness has left me with no friends or job, means I need to put those things into practice, before i am healthy enough, mentally speaking, so be with him.
Author Leigh 87 Posted February 4, 2012 Author Posted February 4, 2012 Yes, confidence is sexy. Except, I grew up ugly. I only became attractive in my 20's, when I worked out, got braces, and had nic elong hair, and clear skin. This means, I have had to develope a personality, as I never could use my looks to get praise. I like the fact I only became attractive in the most recent years.... I can really, honestly envision myself, being happier, around friensd, smiling, and feeling great about working out at the gym every day. I CAN, without a doubt, see myself happy and confident. I can almost FEEl how it will be, from my boyfriends POV, when he has a confident version, of the girl he fell in love with. I have been my true self with him, so added confident should not drive him away?
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