cecilia0524 Posted February 3, 2012 Posted February 3, 2012 I have been seeing this guy for 2 months now. We met each other online, had our first date, texted each other everyday ever since. Somehow early on in our conversation, we talked into about getting physical, and which is when the relationship turned into a friends with benefit agreement. He knows that I am seeing and talking to other people online, and he would ask me if I was talking to anyone new once in a while. He said he also look online, but he doesn't have any motivation to pursue anyone at the moment. The other night, he came over, we talk in bed as usual, and he mentioned that maybe he needs a girls who doesn't talk to anybody else but him. I am starting to wonder if we can get into anything like a real romantic relationship. Anyone have any similar case to tell?
veggirl Posted February 3, 2012 Posted February 3, 2012 Well, sounds like he WANTS a girlfriend. so what's the problem? What did you say when he said that he wants a girl who is not talking to other guys?
Author cecilia0524 Posted February 3, 2012 Author Posted February 3, 2012 Well, sounds like he WANTS a girlfriend. so what's the problem? What did you say when he said that he wants a girl who is not talking to other guys? Well, when he said that, he was referring to this girl from another country (Canada) his friend is talking to for half a year now, but never met. He wanted someone like her, who would only talk to one guy (his friend). So what I told him was, "But how are you supposed to know if she isn't talking to other guys?" Our conversation moved on. Shouldn't he just asks me if I want something more?
veggirl Posted February 3, 2012 Posted February 3, 2012 I guess I'm confused as to how after just one convo early on you established you would JUST be FWB? Why didn't you date then? I don't think he is going to ask you if you want more now. I think the comment he made about a girl only talking to one guy was his way of feeling you out, and your answer wasn't too great I think the ball is def in your court. You should offer to take HIM on a date! And tell him that you were thinking about what he said, and that you'd like to explore just one guy, and is he interested in exploring that with you?
Author cecilia0524 Posted February 3, 2012 Author Posted February 3, 2012 I guess I'm confused as to how after just one convo early on you established you would JUST be FWB? Why didn't you date then? I don't think he is going to ask you if you want more now. I think the comment he made about a girl only talking to one guy was his way of feeling you out, and your answer wasn't too great I think the ball is def in your court. You should offer to take HIM on a date! And tell him that you were thinking about what he said, and that you'd like to explore just one guy, and is he interested in exploring that with you? I think within 2-3 weeks after we gone out our first date, we were in bed pleasuring each other already, but haven't got into the real sex until recently. I was also just got out from a relationship, and was not fully recovered, I guess that's why we went into the FWB stage quite early. I think you are right, he was testing the water. Giving out the courage to ask if definitely not going to be easy for me, but I will try.
Oxy Moronovich Posted February 3, 2012 Posted February 3, 2012 I think within 2-3 weeks after we gone out our first date, we were in bed pleasuring each other already, but haven't got into the real sex until recently. So you two have been sitting in bed jerking each other in bed most of the time? Why? That seems so pathetic. That's not a FWB relationship. That sounds like a "two people who are afraid of sex" relationship.
hestheone66 Posted February 3, 2012 Posted February 3, 2012 Hi I have found myself in a really similar situation.. i met a guy online, it was obvious from emails that we were compatitlbe on many levels.. i have recently been too trusting with men who to me seem like they would never hurt me. I also enjoy the odd one night stand, and whilst this has never translated into relationships, most of the men have remained attached in my life, with no ongoing sexual content in our relationships. This time I thought I would like to have regular FWB with the emphasis on the B instead of the F... we met for a coffee and i gave him my regular speech about having clear boundaries on FWB relationships (eg not seeing each other too regularly cos attachments are almost biologically inevitable in cases where you are pretty sexually compatible etc) We met up the next time ostensibly to try out the Benefits after a nice meal out... and both of us were blown away.... 95% match on so many levels, including enjoying each other's aroma (which I hold a lot of store in). the next day i received a friendly and slightly romantic text which in a FWB I think is a bit too much, but I was relieved that he felt the same... Now the awkward thing... a few days later, he described wanting to see me again as he thought I was pretty amazing... and I felt the same... but I needed clarification if he was just looking for sex (and that's fine) or to flesh out the activities we do when enjoying each others' company.. I think we're taking baby steps towards a relationship... he keeps doing romantic/boyfriend types of things, and he does ask me out even if it's for a coffee during the day or lunch where no sex is implied. I realise that most of my life, i have allowed men to use me (use is too strong, as i have strong sexual urges too and it's a mutual lust) without having to get to know me... and this time.. i'm scared, but prepared to take a chance.. no butterflies in my tummy yet... but maybe respect, dependability and a really good sex life is sufficient compensation... I say that you should tell him that you're happy to dip your toes into having a romantic relationship... after all neither of you are seeing others anyway (not really for him)
Author cecilia0524 Posted February 4, 2012 Author Posted February 4, 2012 Can anyone tell me what's he thinking? I asked him "Do you think we can be more than just fwb?" He said "I think that's all we'll be or just friends if you prefer." Then later on in the morning, I asked "Why do you think fwb is all we will be?" He waited 9 hours, and finally said "I don't know exactly why I feel like that. I know it's a lame answer. Sorry."
2sunny Posted February 4, 2012 Posted February 4, 2012 It's because he's not "feeling it" for you... But he doesn't mind getting the sex when he's horny and has no one else to ask. Why would you want to beg a man to be "with you" as in date you? Learn from this - you need to build the R and intimacy (close bond mentally and emotionally) before giving into the physical aspect completely. Respect is earned - he knows you haven't earned his respect.
ascendotum Posted February 4, 2012 Posted February 4, 2012 (edited) Can anyone tell me what's he thinking? I asked him "Do you think we can be more than just fwb?" He said "I think that's all we'll be or just friends if you prefer." Then later on in the morning, I asked "Why do you think fwb is all we will be?" He waited 9 hours, and finally said "I don't know exactly why I feel like that. I know it's a lame answer. Sorry." He knows you are seeing other men that you meet online for starters. Thats kind of big deal for some guys when it comes to feeling special with the new woman in his life. You said, he said.."maybe he needs a girls who doesn't talk to anybody else but him.", well reading between the lines that girl is someone else. You are casual with him (and likely others), so you quite possibly dont inspire him for upgrading you to gf. Look, going from fwb to a committed relationship happens a fair bit, and hestheone66 indicates her fwb is keen to spend more time around her even when there is no sex, but there are still many cases where the guy sees his fb as no more than that. Its not like you were friends that got close over time but are not really ideal for each other...you specifically got togther on a dating/relationshsip site (I assume), and from what I gather no one here is all that passionate about the other. Also the guy's a bit delusional if he uses Canada girl as his ideal. If he thinks a pretty girl is happy to have a strictly sex free cyber relationship with some guy for many months, while knocking back all the guys on who hit on her during the week and at the clubs/parties on the weekends. (maybe if she is young teenager). anyway from that convo..its clear he wants a girl that only desires him, and its likely too late for you to now switch around and say, 'okay you are special to me, I'll stop meeting/chatting to/screwing other guys now'. You might not be screwing others, but how does he know that! Edited February 4, 2012 by ascendotum
Ninjainpajamas Posted February 4, 2012 Posted February 4, 2012 Can anyone tell me what's he thinking? I asked him "Do you think we can be more than just fwb?" He said "I think that's all we'll be or just friends if you prefer." Then later on in the morning, I asked "Why do you think fwb is all we will be?" He waited 9 hours, and finally said "I don't know exactly why I feel like that. I know it's a lame answer. Sorry." Look...I'm not sure why people are so confused by this scenario it's pretty plain and simple, straightforward. If a guy sets up a FWB with you that means he does not want to be romantic with you EVER...you are not his type, you are not "good" enough in some way shape or form for him to want to actually take you serious...although he doesn't mind your vagina. He's laying in bed talking to you about other women...not you....ever. Because it should be obvious that this is your relationship, in his mind, he's just usually you to vent out of his frustration, emotions, and as a sexual release. I'm sure he appreciates your company, that's all fine and dandy but he's basically saying that If just want to be friends, that'd he be ok with that too because he's not that interested in your that much for the sex either. And honestly he'd probably disappear. Sorry to break it to ya! but he set this up from the get go...and now you're just being used for his needs, yes he wants to care for you but in all reality he really doesn't...he might just do what he has to do out of obligation for sleeping with you and sharing so much with you and vise versa.
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