The mind of young attractive women

[mo mo]

I am curious about how the mind of a young attractive woman works.

 

In my experience, the overwhelming majority of young attractive women are flaky as hell.

 

Now I'm not talking about them acting like they're the **** and untouchable by the common man. Even though that's a ****ed up way to think, it's actually kind of understandable.

 

I'm talking about the chicks who initially show interest in you and then act like the encounter never happened, or act like you're the one that's all over them and they are trying to get away from you.

 

Here are some real examples:

 

1) You notice a girl has checked you out, you get the courage to talk to her, joke around with her for a few minutes, she's into it, then you decide to keep it moving because you are both busy. Next time you see her she avoids you.

 

2) The girl sees you and gets the courage to flirt with you for a few minutes, you're a bit flattered. You get a hold of her when she's less busy and get her number. She talks to you on the phone, agrees you two should hang out, then she never responds to calls or texts again. Sees you again and acts all strange.

 

3) Girl you used to know sees you somewhere, flirts with you, gives you her number, e-mail address, work phone number, etc. Talks to you on the phone once, says she is busy and will call back, you never hear from her again

 

Just a few examples, but you get the idea. What the hell is going on here???

 

Guys, please share any ideas and/or grief about these situations.

[iris219]

1) She finds you attractive. After talking to you, she realizes she isn't interested.

 

2) See number 1.

 

3) She's happy to see an old friend. After talking to you, she realizes she isn't interested.

[lemonlegs]

Well, I'm a 20 year old girl who guys, apparently, find attractive. I say this because since breaking up with my boyfriend 2 months ago, I've had several offers of dates from guys.

 

This may be happening for several reasons;

 

1. She doesn't want to be rude when you ask for her number, so she gives it to you with no intent of responding.

 

2. She sees you as a good option at first, but chances are, she has several other options as well (other guys, ex, etc.) and she realizes that it's pointless to pursue you because she likes someone else a little more.

 

Don't sweat it, these girls probably have other things going on or simply don't feel it! Not a big deal, you'll meet a girl who is into you and has nothing else going on with other guys either.

[thehead]

What Iris said. There are times when you're unknowingly competing against other guys in her life too. Guys who have a head start. She may wind up focusing on them instead, and knocking you down to a second tier interest. There are also women who just aren't good at saying "no thanks" and don't want to turn you down in the moment.

[zlatnapolja]

Here are some real examples:

 

1) You notice a girl has checked you out, you get the courage to talk to her, joke around with her for a few minutes, she's into it, then you decide to keep it moving because you are both busy. Next time you see her she avoids you.

 

2) The girl sees you and gets the courage to flirt with you for a few minutes, you're a bit flattered. You get a hold of her when she's less busy and get her number. She talks to you on the phone, agrees you two should hang out, then she never responds to calls or texts again. Sees you again and acts all strange.

 

3) Girl you used to know sees you somewhere, flirts with you, gives you her number, e-mail address, work phone number, etc. Talks to you on the phone once, says she is busy and will call back, you never hear from her again

 

I'm far from attractive, but I'm 21 (dont know if thats young:p)

 

all of these situations are just casual conversation... It doesnt happen very often that a girl is hooked after one conversation. If during the first 2 conversations you act desperate, possesive etc. the girl is not going to think of you as a cool, funny, spontanious guy. Instead she'll think of you as being a little too demanding. So just keep it light and breezy and eventually one girl will fall for you, guaranteed!

[mo mo]

Well, I'm a 20 year old girl who guys, apparently, find attractive. I say this because since breaking up with my boyfriend 2 months ago, I've had several offers of dates from guys.

 

This may be happening for several reasons;

 

1. She doesn't want to be rude when you ask for her number, so she gives it to you with no intent of responding.

 

2. She sees you as a good option at first, but chances are, she has several other options as well (other guys, ex, etc.) and she realizes that it's pointless to pursue you because she likes someone else a little more.

 

Don't sweat it, these girls probably have other things going on or simply don't feel it! Not a big deal, you'll meet a girl who is into you and has nothing else going on with other guys either.

 

 

 

two FYIs here: I'm not always the one doing the approaching, but even when I do, I stay casual, never showing too much interest, which is why I don't ask for the number right away. Sometimes they will give me the number, without me asking for it.

 

FYI 2: I have a girlfriend right now and that really hasn't changed how I deal with the opposite sex. I still act like a normal human being instead of trying to avoid girls I may have liked at some point.

[xpaperxcutx]

Showing interest does not equate to anything except, a slight crack in the door for you to walk into.

 

As a girl I can tell you how many times a stranger can peak my interest, but it's like striking up a normal conversation and ending up with an exchange of numbers. Even though I have their numbers, if my mind or mood isn't in it, I wouldn't really want to put into any energy into getting to know them MORE.

 

Guys do it too. And attractive people have more options, not that i'm calling myself attractive. But i get by. haha

Edited February 3, 2012 by xpaperxcutx

[mo mo]

Showing interest does not equate to anything except, a slight crack in the door for you to walk into.

 

As a girl I can tell you how many times a stranger can peak my interest, but it's like striking up a normal conversation and ending up with an exchange of numbers. Even though I have their numbers, if my mind or mood isn't in it, I wouldn't really want to put into any energy into getting to know them MORE.

 

Guys do it too. And attractive people have more options.

 

I realize that, but don't you think avoiding the person is taking it a bit far? No one has even talked about going on a date yet, why act like the guy (or girl) should be avoided?

[Leigh 87]

If a young, attractive girl gives you her number, or allows you to get their numbers, then GREAT! You are desirable enough for pretty girls to be OPEN to getting to know, or possible date:)

 

If they were repulsed at the thought of having sex with you, and were totally closed off and averse to any sexual implications, associated with you... they WOULD NOT give out their numbers:) At least u have the ego boost, that u are good enough to get hot girls:)

 

 

 

Attractive people have so many options, that even if they are open to getting to know you, they simple forget, due to exploring their other options; they might go on a date after they meet you, and end up wanting to go with that person.

 

Even attractive girls can be polite, and perhaps they do not want to bother you, if they meet you ( and are open to getting to know you), but then decide they want to go with another guy.

 

 

It depends on the person; I always let guys know I am seeing someone, if I had been flirting with them and they were interested in me.

You know, it depends on the girl; I would always reply to a guys message, or even initiate contact, because I LOVE to meet new people, and I LOVE having as many friends as I can:) the more cool people in my life, the merrier:)

 

 

Unfortunately, I am very different; a lot of attractive people, especially very beautiful girls, have a lot of friends, and a busy life ( lets face it, attractive people have it easier, more ppl warm to them, guys notice them easier and stike up conversation, they are generally confident, etc)....

 

I have not always been attractive, and am only slightly attractive, and have had social issues, therefore I still jump at the opportunity to meet new people in my life, and give everyone a chance to get to know them:)

 

On the other hand, girls who have always been attractive, just have so much going on, socially abnd otherwise, that even if they feel your good enough to get to know, they simple have enough friends and are so busy they forget about u.

 

 

I am proud that I am from the breed of attractive girls, that has not always been attractive, and I am therefore very VERY polite with men, never ignore them, would always at least text them if they texted me.....

[xpaperxcutx]

I realize that, but don't you think avoiding the person is taking it a bit far? No one has even talked about going on a date yet, why act like the guy (or girl) should be avoided?

 

I usually don't have hangups about people I just met. They didn't leave meo with a strong enough impression to really want to get to know them more.

If I have to be honest why certain people go to lengths to avoid someone its because they don't feel like they owe you the obligation to bother with pleasantries.

[mo mo]

I usually don't have hangups about people I just met. They didn't leave meo with a strong enough impression to really want to get to know them more.

If I have to be honest why certain people go to lengths to avoid someone its because they don't feel like they owe you the obligation to bother with pleasantries.

 

Yeaaa that's a pretty strange way to think. Like I said, I'm in a relationship and I don't see what's wrong with being nice to people of the opposite sex.

[xpaperxcutx]

Yeaaa that's a pretty strange way to think. Like I said, I'm in a relationship and I don't see what's wrong with being nice to people of the opposite sex.

 

Well i can Say I'm a pretty nice person in general but it does not mean im nice to everyone.

 

Just accept the fact you're not going to click with everyone.

[spiderowl]

"You notice a girl has checked you out, you get the courage to talk to her, joke around with her for a few minutes, she's into it, then you decide to keep it moving because you are both busy. Next time you see her she avoids you."

 

I'm not an attractive young girl so I can't tell you how they think. I can tell you what I've thought the past in similar situations. You mention that the girl checked you out. What did she do? If she looked at you, she could have done this for many reasons. It does not mean she checked you out. Guys have often misinterpreted this from me in the past. I got to the point where I didn't look at guys at all, because I knew that if one caught my eye, he would approach me. At that time, I was scared of guys approaching. But that's by the by. Point is, she may not have been checking you out, but just idly looking into the distance. Don't make assumptions based on what you would like her to have been doing.

 

What does "you decide to keep moving because you are both busy" mean? Does it mean you kept chatting with her or moved on?

 

"The girl sees you and gets the courage to flirt with you for a few minutes, you're a bit flattered. You get a hold of her when she's less busy and get her number. She talks to you on the phone, agrees you two should hang out, then she never responds to calls or texts again. Sees you again and acts all strange."

 

Was she flirting or just being friendly? It could be that she didn't feel comfortable about the idea of meeting for some reason. Maybe you look attractive but she doesn't feel your personalities click and so she just "thinks about it" and actually does nothing. Inaction is a common way of resolving an underlying conflict. She could have met someone else and is distracted or she could still feel something wouldn't work.

 

"Girl you used to know sees you somewhere, flirts with you, gives you her number, e-mail address, work phone number, etc. Talks to you on the phone once, says she is busy and will call back, you never hear from her again."

 

She's friendly and maybe interested, but again, underlying conflict and not sufficiently interested to take action.

 

Good-looking girls have lots of options. If you are always chasing the most attractive girls, you will have more competition. It's just a fact of life.

[ScreamingTrees]

Wow. This thread doesn't discourage me to not even bother.. great.

 

Yeah, sure, there is a girl out there for me, and she's seeing three or four other guys and she's not really sure if I'm better than option two, but then again I'm not as good as option four... Wonderful.

 

 

I guess there's really no point in bothering if OP's situation is what'll happen to me, guess I'll always be someone's third or fourth option or they're just too polite to speak their mind. I figure that'll be the best-case scenario. F*ck it.

[salparadise]

There is also the possibility that they're using attraction as a source of validation... they just want reassurance that they can get you to pursue even if they aren't all that interested in following through. Like the others said, if they're attractive then they'll have multiple options and perhaps all they want from you is the satisfaction of knowing that they could get you if they wanted to. It's a complicated little dance sometimes. I prefer women who are mature and self-confident enough that they don't need play such games.

[ScreamingTrees]

There is also the possibility that they're using attraction as a source of validation... they just want reassurance that they can get you to pursue even if they aren't all that interested in following through. Like the others said, if they're attractive then they'll have multiple options and perhaps all they want from you is the satisfaction of knowing that they could get you if they wanted to. It's a complicated little dance sometimes. I prefer women who are mature and self-confident enough that they don't need play such games.

 

But how can you REALLY tell, other than to walk 'cross the landmine and hope you're still in one piece on the other side?

[poodle]

You notice a girl has checked you out, you get the courage to talk to her, joke around with her for a few minutes, she's into it, then you decide to keep it moving because you are both busy. Next time you see her she avoids you.

1. How did you know she was checking you out?

2. How did you know she was into it?

3. Maybe she wasn't busy, she could just have used that as an excuse to leave.

 

Same goes for the other two situations. You keep mentioning they flirt with you. How would you define flirting? Maybe they were just being friendly and got turned off the moment they sensed you wanted more.

 

I don't think this has anything to do with young women being flaky, maybe you just need to learn how to read them better.

 

If you're very sure they were flirting with you and really into it, then what Salparadise said could be the case. Someone who is genuinely interested won't avoid you.

[mo mo]

1. How did you know she was checking you out?

2. How did you know she was into it?

3. Maybe she wasn't busy, she could just have used that as an excuse to leave.

 

Same goes for the other two situations. You keep mentioning they flirt with you. How would you define flirting? Maybe they were just being friendly and got turned off the moment they sensed you wanted more.

 

I don't think this has anything to do with young women being flaky, maybe you just need to learn how to read them better.

 

If you're very sure they were flirting with you and really into it, then what Salparadise said could be the case. Someone who is genuinely interested won't avoid you.

 

How about the times I got phone numbers without even asking for them? How about the times where she makes the approach and it's painfully obvious she is into me just because she's nervous about the encounter and she stutters a little?

 

The responses from females in this thread are interesting to me. I like how most pretty much are blaming me for reading into things too much.

 

I didn't mention this, but a good portion of these women work for the same company that I do. This is why I keep running into them, and also why I don't ever come on too strong on them--I know there's a good chance I will see them again.

 

If the first encounter goes well, I keep my eye out for her, then see what happens during the second or third encounter, just to see if her head is on straight, and then I will make moves. Experience has taught me that these flaky ones aren't worth pursuing, which is why I do things this way.

 

I'm in a relationship now and not looking to leave, I was just curious about what goes through the head of these young women.

[poodle]

I don't mean to blame you, but there has to be a reason they're interested in you one moment and avoid you the next. That young attractive women are flaky isn't a good enough reason for me. It's much more likely that it's something you did or didn't do that made them act this way.

[EnigmaticClarity]

In my experience, the overwhelming majority of young attractive women are flaky as hell.

 

You had a flaw in the statement above that limited its scope by far too wide a margin, so I fixed it for you. My hypothesis is that estrogen has a numbing effect on the entire right side of the brain, thereby rendering logic ineffective while processing information.

[mo mo]

I don't mean to blame you, but there has to be a reason they're interested in you one moment and avoid you the next. That young attractive women are flaky isn't a good enough reason for me. It's much more likely that it's something you did or didn't do that made them act this way.

 

I actually have a theory about this whole thing, I just wanted to hear some opinions first. Now that this has gone for two pages I'll explain my theory.

 

The girl is somewhat interested in the guy1, and once the ice is broken, she sees him as a candidate. She is attractive so she does have other options, so when she goes after one of the other guys, she will just avoid the guy1 because she does not want to confuse herself by liking too many guys at a time.

 

It's much easier for her to tell herself (and in some cases, other people) that she doesn't want anything to do with guy1 because "he's all over her" or "he's not all that".

 

Guy1 usually has other options too, so he just keeps it moving.

 

That's just a theory, but I have plenty of reasons to believe it. It's basically explaining a lack of maturity. I created this thread just to see if anyone had any other ideas about the whole thought process behind this flaky behavior.

[poodle]

The girl is somewhat interested in the guy1, and once the ice is broken, she sees him as a candidate. She is attractive so she does have other options, so when she goes after one of the other guys, she will just avoid the guy1 because she does not want to confuse herself by liking too many guys at a time.

I think a few other users have posted similar theories and this one makes the least sense to me. If she didn't want to confuse herself she would have known that before she started flirting and handing out her contact details.

 

I know I can't speak for all women, but for me there is no such thing as options. If I like someone, they're my only option. I won't just choose whoever is next in line and I won't keep someone waiting in the hope a better guy will come along. It would really shock me if it worked that way for other women.

 

I still think that if my first theory was wrong, EnigmaticClarity's Salparadise's post is the next most likely explanation. But I still hope to see an even better theory.

Edited February 3, 2012 by poodle

[mo mo]

I think a few other users have posted similar theories and this one makes the least sense to me. If she didn't want to confuse herself she would have known that before she started flirting and handing out her contact details.

 

I know I can't speak for all women, but for me there is no such thing as options. If I like someone, they're my only option. I won't just choose whoever is next in line and I won't keep someone waiting in the hope a better guy will come along. It would really shock me if it worked that way for other women.

 

I still think that if my first theory was wrong, EnigmaticClarity's Salparadise's post is the next most likely explanation. But I still hope to see an even better theory.

 

Poodle, I respect your opinion.. honestly I do. I think it comes from the way you think about guys approaching you and vice versa, and I feel that you are mature about those situations.

 

That said, the situations I am describing are with women that are different than you. Not that I am implying you aren't young or attractive.. haha..

 

I'm basically referring to the chicks who put themselves out there in one way or another and then act all flaky or weird later on. It doesn't happen with just me either. Me and my friends have been in situations where we have girls grinding us all sexually at the club and they are all hugs and kisses. Then when we see them around again they act like we do not exist.

 

One girl that I knew from work that I saw in a club took me out on to a dance floor and tried her best to get all up in my business later went around telling people at work I was all over her. Truth is, I didn't even like her like that, I was just having a good time at the club.

 

I have gotten phone numbers from girls in relationships. I wouldn't even know at the time they were in relationships, I would find out later on. One girl in particular even used to cook and bring me lunch at work. I found out a few days later she had a boyfriend.

 

Soooo yea. I have plenty of reasons to believe my theory. I didn't mention any of that at first because I just wanted to give a general idea of the situation and then hear what people had to say.

[Oxy Moronovich]

That young attractive women are flaky isn't a good enough reason for me. It's much more likely that it's something you did or didn't do that made them act this way.

Wrong! It's like salparadise said:

 

There is also the possibility that they're using attraction as a source of validation...

 

Of course, sometimes the guy did something wrong that caused her to ditch. However, many times it's the woman attention-whoring/cockteasing. Alotta cockteases blame the guy to validate their behavior; i.e. "He was creepy, he was all about sex, he looked at me as a sex object, blah, blah, blah." The guy wasn't so bad when you were rubbing your leg against his and asking him to help you with your homework.

[poodle]

I'm sorry Mo mo, had no idea you idea you were talking about girls who act like that. Didn't even know girls like that existed outside reality TV.

 

Of course, sometimes the guy did something wrong that caused her to ditch. However, many times it's the woman attention-whoring/cockteasing. Alotta cockteases blame the guy to validate their behavior; i.e. "He was creepy, he was all about sex, he looked at me as a sex object, blah, blah, blah." The guy wasn't so bad when you were rubbing your leg against his and asking him to help you with your homework.

That's terrible. I feel sorry that you guys have to deal with those women.

 

Looks like EnigmaticClarity was right.