TaintedHeart Posted February 2, 2012 Posted February 2, 2012 I'm going to make this as simple as I can. So, had yet another argument with the guy I've been seeing this morning. Got very heated. He emailed me a few hours later basically saying that we're done and that we should start seeing other people. He registered with a dating site within minutes of emailing me. The site that he knew I used to use. A few days ago me and my friend were talking about dating sites ect, she asked if she could have a mooch on the one I was on before she decided wheather to give it a go or not. So, theres this feature where you can check when someone was last online. Mine said: '3 days ago' Yes he must have seached for me! He then text me saying 'You hurtful cow, you've been chatting to other men, never contact me again' So I was pretty pissed! He didn't even give me time to explain why I was on there, he competely jumped the gun! I emailed him an hour ago, explaining myself! I'm more angry than anything! I know he has trust issues but he doesn't even want to hear me out! He hasn't replied. I've deleted his number! But I'm still finding myself checking my phone then feeling all empty when I see the screen is blank. This all sounds so childish! I'm so so angry! Am I in the wrong?
gibson Posted February 2, 2012 Posted February 2, 2012 Many of my friends tried the whole internet dating thing and after probably 500 or so dates between them all, none of them met anyone that was worth a crap. All they met rebounders, socially awkward, couldn't be alone, liars, cheaters, players, married, already in relationships, freaks, etc. My friends all came to the conclusion that online dating is pathetic and so are the people you meet on their. How about you taking a class, joining a gym, volunteering, charities, church, sports league (kickball, softball, etc.), local events, professional organizations, community service projects, etc. You will also make new friends, make a difference in someones life, make your community better, have fun, learn something, get out of the house, become more well rounded and interesting, etc. If you do what I suggest, you will find yourself around quality men / women and their friends. You will be better able to get to know them before you get attached like you do on a website.
Chs Posted February 2, 2012 Posted February 2, 2012 I'm a guy with some anger issues that seem to be what the guy you've been seeing is dealing with too. I would love to respond properly, but i think it's pretty important to know what your argument was about first?
geegirl Posted February 2, 2012 Posted February 2, 2012 If you didn't do anything wrong, then you didn't do anything wrong. Don't feel guilty just because he's making you feel that way. He doesn't get to control you that way. He may be very hurt and angry after finding this out. It is also the perfect out if he was looking to end the relationship. If he was fully invested in this emotionally and mentally, he would hear you out and then decide if he can trust you or not. I think he will fume and fuss and when he calms down, he may reach out to you. Not the mature way to handle things but he was already showing some unpleasant behaviors. Eventhough this was a short relationship, there's still attachment. It fulfilled some of your needs and wants. There will definitely be somewhat of a void. He's familiar to you and you had a bond so it's only normal to feel this way when it's gone.
Author TaintedHeart Posted February 2, 2012 Author Posted February 2, 2012 If you didn't do anything wrong, then you didn't do anything wrong. Don't feel guilty just because he's making you feel that way. He doesn't get to control you that way. He may be very hurt and angry after finding this out. It is also the perfect out if he was looking to end the relationship. If he was fully invested in this emotionally and mentally, he would hear you out and then decide if he can trust you or not. I think he will fume and fuss and when he calms down, he may reach out to you. Not the mature way to handle things but he was already showing some unpleasant behaviors. Eventhough this was a short relationship, there's still attachment. It fulfilled some of your needs and wants. There will definitely be somewhat of a void. He's familiar to you and you had a bond so it's only normal to feel this way when it's gone. Thanks geegirl. I just don't get it, if I suspect someone is lieing or whatever I like to hear them out! Well I explained why I was on there and he hasn't replied and to be honest I don't think he will. He will think he's right and has too much pride maybe and he worrys about looking like an 'idiot' (his words) I just want to talk to him like normal people do! I need to calm down, I just dont handle being ignored very well
geegirl Posted February 3, 2012 Posted February 3, 2012 Thanks geegirl. I just don't get it, if I suspect someone is lieing or whatever I like to hear them out! Well I explained why I was on there and he hasn't replied and to be honest I don't think he will. He will think he's right and has too much pride maybe and he worrys about looking like an 'idiot' (his words) I just want to talk to him like normal people do! I need to calm down, I just dont handle being ignored very well Silence is difficult to handle, of course. Especially when you believe there really is no reason for it. You can't project the way you handle situations on others. It would be nice if he was mature to extend you the chance of explaining yourself. My guess is that he is using this as a reason to bail out. I could be wrong but I hardly think pride and being right can withstand his emotions, that is if he truly has them. Would you go back to this relationship if he came back? If you will, why?
Author TaintedHeart Posted February 3, 2012 Author Posted February 3, 2012 (edited) Silence is difficult to handle, of course. Especially when you believe there really is no reason for it. You can't project the way you handle situations on others. It would be nice if he was mature to extend you the chance of explaining yourself. My guess is that he is using this as a reason to bail out. I could be wrong but I hardly think pride and being right can withstand his emotions, that is if he truly has them. Would you go back to this relationship if he came back? If you will, why? If he replies it will bruise his ego! Meh! And he can be very stubborn! Erm, I'm not sure if I'd get back with him to be fair. I just want to talk like adults and end things on good terms. Well better than this anyway. You have a good point about me trying to project the way I handle situations on others. I know everyone handles things in different ways but I always think 'God things would be so much easier if he/she handles things the same way as I do. (Not in a big headed way) If there is any conflict in my life I like to sort it there and then! Edited February 3, 2012 by TaintedHeart
geegirl Posted February 3, 2012 Posted February 3, 2012 If he replies it will bruise his ego! Meh! And he can be very stubborn! Erm, I'm not sure if I'd get back with him to be fair. I just want to talk like adults and end things on good terms. Well better than this anyway. You have a good point about me trying to project the way I handle situations on others. I know everyone handles things in different ways but I always think 'God things would be so much easier if he/she handles things the same way as I do. (Not in a big headed way) If there is any conflict in my life I like to sort it there and then! The thing is he cannot handle conflict. You yourself said that in your relationship he lets things go unresolved. You can't really expect much from someone who has avoidance issues.
Author TaintedHeart Posted February 3, 2012 Author Posted February 3, 2012 The thing is he cannot handle conflict. You yourself said that in your relationship he lets things go unresolved. You can't really expect much from someone who has avoidance issues. This is true. Just so bloody frustrating.
Art_Critic Posted February 3, 2012 Posted February 3, 2012 He called it done... for whatever reason.. you should believe him and let it go. If a person goes off and just writes you off like that then let them go.. you are better off. By the way.. why were you on your line dating profile before the breakup ?
Author TaintedHeart Posted February 3, 2012 Author Posted February 3, 2012 He called it done... for whatever reason.. you should believe him and let it go. If a person goes off and just writes you off like that then let them go.. you are better off. By the way.. why were you on your line dating profile before the breakup ? Yes I was. Never used it when I was with him. He saw that I was last online 3 days ago and instantly assumed that I've been talking to other men. I think being called a liar is what has hurt me the most.
Sugarkane Posted February 3, 2012 Posted February 3, 2012 I find it a bit rich when a dumper does this. What did he really expect? You were going to move on sooner or later.
2sunny Posted February 3, 2012 Posted February 3, 2012 Since you were no longer dating - you had every right to do whatever you wanted to. Why would you even allow him to question your motives when not dating him anymore? You owe him no answers! Stop feeling guilty for moving forward... His response was to trigger exactly what it did - for you to feel badly... No one who cared about you would treat you that way! He's not nice!
carhill Posted February 3, 2012 Posted February 3, 2012 The exchange between myself and the OP in this recent thread might be of assistance to respondents. Perhaps expanding upon that dynamic could be helpful in moving on from this experience.
2sunny Posted February 3, 2012 Posted February 3, 2012 Ok - ill bite - how long we're you seeing him?
Author TaintedHeart Posted February 3, 2012 Author Posted February 3, 2012 I find it a bit rich when a dumper does this. What did he really expect? You were going to move on sooner or later. Sorry Sugarkane I think You've read it wrong..
Author TaintedHeart Posted February 3, 2012 Author Posted February 3, 2012 Since you were no longer dating - you had every right to do whatever you wanted to. Why would you even allow him to question your motives when not dating him anymore? You owe him no answers! Stop feeling guilty for moving forward... His response was to trigger exactly what it did - for you to feel badly... No one who cared about you would treat you that way! He's not nice! I dont think I've been very clear Basically I was on a dating site when I was with him which he knew about and I never ever used it when I was with him! We had an argument, he pretty much ended it then he decided to join the site that I was on! Within minutes of ending it! Anyway... He saw that I was last online 3 days ago. Assumed I had been talking to men! Which I hadn't, I had simply let my friend have a mooch on mine before she decided to join!
Sugarkane Posted February 4, 2012 Posted February 4, 2012 But still he didn't even let you explain? WTF? Didn't he even want to know why?!
Author TaintedHeart Posted February 4, 2012 Author Posted February 4, 2012 But still he didn't even let you explain? WTF? Didn't he even want to know why?! Nope! I've sinced explained in an email but he hasn't replied! He instantly convinced himself that I had been talking to other men.
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