nofool4u Posted February 2, 2012 Posted February 2, 2012 (edited) I'm starting to see the blathering about bullying on an internet forum such as this. So let me see if I have this straight. Cheaters, OW/OM will betray someone, become an accomplice to betraying someone, cause emotional anguish and distress to someone in real life, hurt them, be downright sh*tty to them. ...but the truth about what they are doing on an internet forum is "bullying". uh, ok Seems rather hypocritical to me. Edited February 2, 2012 by nofool4u
Spark1111 Posted February 2, 2012 Posted February 2, 2012 Well, it is a double-standard you have to some how wrap your head around. Never having had an affair, I cannot speak to it. Maybe because it is done for love, or it is kept secret, or the erroneous belief that what the BS and kids do not can't hurt them? Not sure. But I think it is similiar to those who hold the BS to some sort of higher standard after DDAY when we do not keep the secrets of the affair couple.... like we should hang our heads in shame and just protect their privacy from children, family and friends....and how rotten we truly are when we are incapable in our utter disbelief and devastation of doing so.
standtall Posted February 2, 2012 Posted February 2, 2012 Nofoo, As much as i agree with you, I don't see how anything useful can come out of this thread in this forum..it seems merely a provocation.
confusedinkansas Posted February 2, 2012 Posted February 2, 2012 How about when answers to posters questions have been given & they continue to dig...dig...dig....Take completely out of context what's been posted. Interject their own assumptions - name call........ Looking for different answers- ones that suit whatever agenda they have? Yep - I call that a form of playground bullying.
donnamaybe Posted February 2, 2012 Posted February 2, 2012 When a poster evades, evades, evades, another poster might feel the need to dig. As for name calling... Please - point that out. Perhaps some people cry "bully" when they are getting called out for BS and can't talk their way out of it.
2sunny Posted February 2, 2012 Posted February 2, 2012 How about when answers to posters questions have been given & they continue to dig...dig...dig....Take completely out of context what's been posted. Interject their own assumptions - name call........ Looking for different answers- ones that suit whatever agenda they have? Yep - I call that a form of playground bullying. Looking for "different answers"? Nope! Nice try - was simply asking for your truth - but you moved away from giving info that could be helpful... Giving complete honesty is what helps... No one can help if honesty isn't included.
Author nofool4u Posted February 2, 2012 Author Posted February 2, 2012 Nofoo, As much as i agree with you, I don't see how anything useful can come out of this thread in this forum..it seems merely a provocation. No more than when they tell people that don't agree with them that it is "bullying". Its a discussion regarding those that hurt people, but want to complain when someone states their opinions about their behavior. Calling it bullying is ridiculous, since they know calling us "bitter" doesn't work.
Author nofool4u Posted February 2, 2012 Author Posted February 2, 2012 How about when answers to posters questions have been given & they continue to dig...dig...dig....Take completely out of context what's been posted. Interject their own assumptions - name call........ Looking for different answers- ones that suit whatever agenda they have? Yep - I call that a form of playground bullying. Then I guess you are a bully too, rubbing BS's nose in crap and dismissing one guy's pain as whining and b!tching.
g450 Posted February 3, 2012 Posted February 3, 2012 While in the subject... I find it strange that there are no laws regarding infidelity etc. As much "pain and suffering" that infidelity causes the BS you would think there would be lawsuites and laws to protect the BS and children. It just seems odd that you can get sued for hurting somebody's little feelings in the real world but you never hear of any court cases involving a cheater who destroyed the BSs life, hurt their kids and absolutely caused unimanginal pain and suffering for their spouse, their children and many others. Is it because of the liberal lawyers, courts and law makers?
FelicityShot Posted February 3, 2012 Posted February 3, 2012 I'm starting to see the blathering about bullying on an internet forum such as this. So let me see if I have this straight. Cheaters, OW/OM will betray someone, become an accomplice to betraying someone, cause emotional anguish and distress to someone in real life, hurt them, be downright sh*tty to them. ...but the truth about what they are doing on an internet forum is "bullying". uh, ok Seems rather hypocritical to me. Well, to extrapolate (once again) if you are horrid to someone once, and then do not condone being horrid to people in general, does that make you a hypocrite? It's more complex perhaps? (CF Black and White thread by Frozen). I am more an observer on LS these days - most posters have something valid to say - even the trolls in a funny way. For me it all turns in on itself. The BSs endlessly trying to prove a point re the sanctity of M and the pain of betrayal (not to downplay that), and the victory cards of either the WS was always mine, or of cheaters are scum therefore I've won because I ditched mine. The OW/OM trying to come to terms with whether they were played, or loved and seeking closure for their hearts and an end to self-doubt and guilt. And finally in the main moving on waving their own victory cards. The WSs sad at their wrong doing, and/or with a flash of renewed M vigour, now they have seen the light. Or sometimes pining and 'doing the right thing'. I can't see any reason to bully or castigate any of us here - even those who lash out are either not over it, vying for a fight, or both. I think we are all human, hypocritical or not. I just see the humanity in it all.
ladydesigner Posted February 3, 2012 Posted February 3, 2012 Well, to extrapolate (once again) if you are horrid to someone once, and then do not condone being horrid to people in general, does that make you a hypocrite? It's more complex perhaps? (CF Black and White thread by Frozen). I am more an observer on LS these days - most posters have something valid to say - even the trolls in a funny way. For me it all turns in on itself. The BSs endlessly trying to prove a point re the sanctity of M and the pain of betrayal (not to downplay that), and the victory cards of either the WS was always mine, or of cheaters are scum therefore I've won because I ditched mine. The OW/OM trying to come to terms with whether they were played, or loved and seeking closure for their hearts and an end to self-doubt and guilt. And finally in the main moving on waving their own victory cards. The WSs sad at their wrong doing, and/or with a flash of renewed M vigour, now they have seen the light. Or sometimes pining and 'doing the right thing'. I can't see any reason to bully or castigate any of us here - even those who lash out are either not over it, vying for a fight, or both. I think we are all human, hypocritical or not. I just see the humanity in it all. I totally agree with this. Nice post! I've been a BS and a WS and have 2 perspectives on the matter now. I think it is what we have learned from our experiences and how to better ourselves as humans is what counts. Not make the same mistakes again and even offer perspective to those who may not see the situations they are in. I tend to ignore those that have opinions that do not apply to me, as simple as that.
frozensprouts Posted February 5, 2012 Posted February 5, 2012 Maybe one has to look at it from the perspective of someone who has been very hurt and is placing the blame for their pain on whomever they feel is responsible. Sometimes that blame is totally misplaced, sometimes it isn't. A betrayed spouse may feel like they are ( quite literally) drowning in pain and are looking for someone to say something that will help...they may be angry at their spouse, the other man/woman, etc. and needing to vent, they may be trying to decide what their next move should be, they may have moved on in their life and want to help others learn from their experiences or provide comfort to someone else who is hurting I can't speak as to why other men/women or wayward spouses come post here ( although I suspect their reasons are similar) as for bullying or intentionally being hypocritical, well, I don't see it too much...I don't think too many other men/women are sitting around gleefully mulling over the fact that somewhere their married person's spouse is hurting or feeling foolish ( if there are people who think that way, well, that's a separate issue and goes way beyond bullying or being a hypocrite)
frozensprouts Posted February 5, 2012 Posted February 5, 2012 Well, it is a double-standard you have to some how wrap your head around. Never having had an affair, I cannot speak to it. Maybe because it is done for love, or it is kept secret, or the erroneous belief that what the BS and kids do not can't hurt them? Not sure. But I think it is similiar to those who hold the BS to some sort of higher standard after DDAY when we do not keep the secrets of the affair couple.... like we should hang our heads in shame and just protect their privacy from children, family and friends....and how rotten we truly are when we are incapable in our utter disbelief and devastation of doing so. i sure as heck didn't hold myself to any standard...I did what i needed to do to protect myself and my children I'm not saying I went out of my way to hurt my husband or the other woman, but they were not my top priority, my children were, and i wasn't going to protect either one of them if doing so hurt my children or myself. i see hypocrisy in other men/women who seem to feel that they hold no responsibility for the pain their actions have caused, even to themselves...for a few of them , it's all their horrible ex married person's fault/ someone else/everyone else's fault...when the affair was going on heir married person was wonderful and loving, but if their married person chooses their marriage instead of them, for some, their ex-married person is now evil personified
whichwayisup Posted February 5, 2012 Posted February 5, 2012 when the affair was going on heir married person was wonderful and loving, but if their married person chooses their marriage instead of them, for some, their ex-married person is now evil personified The thing is, the MM or MW has every right to end the affair anytime they wish. An affair is an affair, and to many MM/MW that's all it is, was and ever will be but to an OW or OM, it's more than 'just' an affair. The OW/OM gives it her/his all, pours love, energy and care into the MP, treats the A like a real relationship, the thing is, it isn't. Like it or not, as I said before, the MP has every right to end it, as most of the time an A isn't a forever or long term thing. Anybody who has an affair has to accept their part in it and not put all the owness on the MP. It takes two to have an affair. Affairs hurt everybody, even to those who aren't part of the affair triangle. (parents, siblings, extended family, inlaws, close friends).
Recommended Posts