sleepykitten Posted February 2, 2012 Posted February 2, 2012 What are peoples, guys and girls, opinions of the "nice guy" date wise/relationship wise.
Emilia Posted February 2, 2012 Posted February 2, 2012 Oh jeez thread #5978612358422 on this subject 1
Ross MwcFan Posted February 2, 2012 Posted February 2, 2012 The term 'nice guy', usually means a wussy guy who is a doormat with women, doesn't think of them that much in a sexual way, and puts them on a pedestal. He's not really going to get far with attracting women, or keeping women I don't think.
Ross MwcFan Posted February 2, 2012 Posted February 2, 2012 Oh jeez thread #5978612358422 on this subject Chill out.
Author sleepykitten Posted February 2, 2012 Author Posted February 2, 2012 Oh jeez thread #5978612358422 on this subject So sorry! I did look a bit but couldnt find one.
Author sleepykitten Posted February 2, 2012 Author Posted February 2, 2012 The term 'nice guy', usually means a wussy guy who is a doormat with women, doesn't think of them that much in a sexual way, and puts them on a pedestal. He's not really going to get far with attracting women, or keeping women I don't think. Thanks for replying, have not ever dated a nice guy before so not sure how i feel about this current one, very early days, only second date.
Ross MwcFan Posted February 2, 2012 Posted February 2, 2012 Thanks for replying, have not ever dated a nice guy before so not sure how i feel about this current one, very early days, only second date. What is it about him that makes you think he's a nice guy?
Philosoraptor Posted February 2, 2012 Posted February 2, 2012 What are peoples, guys and girls, opinions of the "nice guy" date wise/relationship wise. A good person does not play games and they are upfront with their intentions. They speak through their actions, not their words.. and require no validation. They seek to harm no one but this does not deter them from doing what is right and just. The stereotypical "nice guy" is not one who you want to be with as their words and actions rarely match up. 4
Author sleepykitten Posted February 2, 2012 Author Posted February 2, 2012 Hi Philosorapor, nice to see you here, always like your posts. Maybe I am getting it wrong with the term "nice guy" maybe its just he is a good guy, I am so used to being with/in toxic, difficult relationships I dont know what I am doing! Ross- I think he is a "nice" guy because i have known him as a friend for 3 yrs, he always seems like a really decent guy, a bit shy, he had a bad break up 3 yrs ago his g/f of 10 yrs left him for someone else and since then he hasnt had a ltr, he has dated and when he has broken up with whoever he is with they have always stayed friends and been on good terms, i dont know him really really well, but he doesnt seem like a cocky dick head. In terms of do his words match his actions i'm not sure yet. I guess i have always been attracted to very confident, strong men (although my recent ex wasnt he acted like he was!) and there is part of me that is wondering if i am only dating him because I have been in such a bad place emotionally for the past 8 mths, and its nice to have someone who I know wont treat me like crap, or do I really like him, or is it because he is a friend that i agreed to exclusivity so soon-as am not used to guys asking for that straight away. I am pretty confused. I know i dont want to hurt him and will be honest but am kind of going round in circles with this.
ditzchic Posted February 2, 2012 Posted February 2, 2012 A good person does not play games and they are upfront with their intentions. They speak through their actions, not their words.. and require no validation. They seek to harm no one but this does not deter them from doing what is right and just. The stereotypical "nice guy" is not one who you want to be with as their words and actions rarely match up. I agree with this completely. Look for a good man. Not a nice guy. A good man is true to himself and his intentions. He has integrity and is a respectable man. A nice guy is a guy who runs on the spineless side. He'll go through the motions but you can never really be sure if he means his words because he's too "nice" to do anything that may upset you or make you think he isn't Mr. Wonderful. I've found it's really hard to trust Mr. Nice Guy because you never know what he is really thinking. While Mr. Good Man you can trust even if he doesn't always do the perfect thing at the perfect time because his intentions aren't about projecting an image or manipulating you into falling for him. 1
Author sleepykitten Posted February 2, 2012 Author Posted February 2, 2012 I agree with this completely. Look for a good man. Not a nice guy. A good man is true to himself and his intentions. He has integrity and is a respectable man. A nice guy is a guy who runs on the spineless side. He'll go through the motions but you can never really be sure if he means his words because he's too "nice" to do anything that may upset you or make you think he isn't Mr. Wonderful. I've found it's really hard to trust Mr. Nice Guy because you never know what he is really thinking. While Mr. Good Man you can trust even if he doesn't always do the perfect thing at the perfect time because his intentions aren't about projecting an image or manipulating you into falling for him. Ok, I think my term "nice guy" probably meant a "good guy" as I think he is the later, my ex was defianalty "nice guy" god that turned out to be awful as his actions did not match up to his words. I do want a good guy but am worried that i am always so used to-all my life pretty much being attracted to the wrong men that I wont find it attractive. I hope that what I have learnt over the last few yrs will mean that i can appriciate the good ones. I did have one once, my ex husband and loved him to buits but i had alot of problems that really affected us and our relationship. I dont want to sabbotage this but i also dont want to "settle" just because I have been lonely and hurt in the recent past.
ditzchic Posted February 2, 2012 Posted February 2, 2012 Ok, I think my term "nice guy" probably meant a "good guy" as I think he is the later, my ex was defianalty "nice guy" god that turned out to be awful as his actions did not match up to his words. I do want a good guy but am worried that i am always so used to-all my life pretty much being attracted to the wrong men that I wont find it attractive. I hope that what I have learnt over the last few yrs will mean that i can appriciate the good ones. I did have one once, my ex husband and loved him to buits but i had alot of problems that really affected us and our relationship. I dont want to sabbotage this but i also dont want to "settle" just because I have been lonely and hurt in the recent past. Best advice is to take your time with this guy. It's not like he is putting a ring on your finger today. If he really is a good guy he will understand that you need a relaxed pace. If he doesn't understand that and he pushes your boundaries on what you are ready for then he isn't a good guy.
Dust Posted February 2, 2012 Posted February 2, 2012 Just being a polite respectful guy doesn't make you attractive. If you arn't into the guy and going on a few dates only made it worse then end things. Also guys on here who complain about being nice misunderstand this for the reason they can't get girls ignoring the fact that they often haven ot passion and are boring. Then they go and assume any guy who has a girl must be a bag guy. Nice guy logice for you. I'm not saying the guy you are dating thinks of himself as a "nice guy." But if all you can say good about him at this point is "he's nice" then maybe it's time to end things.
jobaba Posted February 2, 2012 Posted February 2, 2012 What are peoples, guys and girls, opinions of the "nice guy" date wise/relationship wise. Date whatever kind of person you happen to be. If you are nice, good moral person, then date a nice guy. If you are shallow, game-playing, troublemaking woman, then date the bad boys.
Author sleepykitten Posted February 2, 2012 Author Posted February 2, 2012 Dust-there is more to him than just being "nice" I am physically attracted to him, he's pretty tall, which I like and does kick boxing, which I also like, I guess I know he is a good guy and I have tended to make mistakes in the past in being attracted to unavailable or "nice guys" as the term here seems to mean guys who say all the right stuff but dont follow it up with the actions, I am I admit totally lost to what it is i actually do feel/want/need....I know I dont want to play the field, or to be with someone i cant trust, and would like to just have a good relationship with no games but I do likethe passion, can you still be a "good" guy and have that passion thing with someone like that, as it has been my experience that"passion" seems to stem from insecurities, need, jealousy etc, so can you have a stable decent no games relationship with a good honest guy and have "passion"?
jobaba Posted February 2, 2012 Posted February 2, 2012 Dust-there is more to him than just being "nice" I am physically attracted to him, he's pretty tall, which I like and does kick boxing, which I also like, I guess I know he is a good guy and I have tended to make mistakes in the past in being attracted to unavailable or "nice guys" as the term here seems to mean guys who say all the right stuff but dont follow it up with the actions, I am I admit totally lost to what it is i actually do feel/want/need....I know I dont want to play the field, or to be with someone i cant trust, and would like to just have a good relationship with no games but I do likethe passion, can you still be a "good" guy and have that passion thing with someone like that, as it has been my experience that"passion" seems to stem from insecurities, need, jealousy etc, so can you have a stable decent no games relationship with a good honest guy and have "passion"? You coming on here and asking all of this mumbo jumbo means you don't want a nice guy. You're not happy with, "He's a good dude who's nice to others, will treat me good, we like to watch kickboxing and he's cute. Fini..." How is that not enough? Because you NEED IT ALL! You need the passion, you need the emotional high, you need to know that it's right, analyzing everything to bits and bringing up jealousy, insecurity, and need like human relations are a game of chess. If he truly is a 'good guy', I'd stay away from him because he deserves better than you.
carhill Posted February 2, 2012 Posted February 2, 2012 Based upon LS conventional wisdom, 'nice guys' are, if anything, too available and solicitous, their boundaries are too low and they don't focus enough on themselves. So, 'unavailable' and 'nice guy' don't really match up well, in LS-speak anyway. Can a good guy provide 'passion'? Unclear. Generally, I'd opine 'yes', but each person's definition of passion is unique. What is your (OP's) definition of 'passion'?
USMCHokie Posted February 2, 2012 Posted February 2, 2012 Dust-there is more to him than just being "nice" I am physically attracted to him, he's pretty tall, which I like and does kick boxing, which I also like, I guess I know he is a good guy and I have tended to make mistakes in the past in being attracted to unavailable or "nice guys" as the term here seems to mean guys who say all the right stuff but dont follow it up with the actions, I am I admit totally lost to what it is i actually do feel/want/need....I know I dont want to play the field, or to be with someone i cant trust, and would like to just have a good relationship with no games but I do likethe passion, can you still be a "good" guy and have that passion thing with someone like that, as it has been my experience that"passion" seems to stem from insecurities, need, jealousy etc, so can you have a stable decent no games relationship with a good honest guy and have "passion"? It seems his height is important to you... People can certainly have stable relationships with plenty of passion, but I don't think that YOU can...you associate passion with drama, and that tells me that you crave the attention that drama brings to a relationship, perhaps because you never got enough of it at some point in your life...
Author sleepykitten Posted February 3, 2012 Author Posted February 3, 2012 Thanks for your replies, USMChockie-I maybe do associate drama/unhappiness/insecurity for passion, its something I want to change though and i can certainly appriciate someone who is a decent kind bloke. His height isnt that important to me, i do like tall men but its not a deal breaker. Jobaba-bit harsh as you dont really know anything about me to say he deserves better than me but as I am not on my knees with low self worth today your comment doesnt make me upset. Carhil-my definition of passion-wanting to see someone all the time wanting to spend all day in bed with them, feeling secure in the knowledge you both feel the same way, good conversation, that happy smiley feeling inside-the usual stuff, I know this honeymoon period ends and before i get too much bashing it is more than just sex too. I guess only time will tell, and for me its important to be honest and not rush into anything as I am aware i have some history of toxic relationships and dont want a repeat of that or to hurt someone that is a friend and that is a good bloke. I think to say I dont deserve someone good is a pretty nasty thing to say as I really think I do deserve someone decent. So J, thanks for your input you have made me decide I am going to give it a go and see what happens.
Dusk1983 Posted February 3, 2012 Posted February 3, 2012 it has been my experience that "passion" seems to stem from insecurities, need, jealousy etc Here's a dose of rational thought for you, courtesy of us men. Insecurity is an out-of-control, bad feeling. Need is an out-of-control, bad feeling. Jealousy is an out-of-control, bad feeling. Bad feeling + bad feeling + bad feeling = NOT something good. Honestly, what the f**k was the point in us evolving advanced, higher brain functioning and an endless capacity for rational thought, if we are still effectively directed and controlled by our most primitive, ancient emotional responses? If we are still unable to understand and live by the incredibly basic logic of the above statement, and accept that bad feelings aren't good and adaptive and helpful - honestly, tell me, what the f**k was the point? What a waste of a billion years.
Ross MwcFan Posted February 3, 2012 Posted February 3, 2012 Hi Philosorapor, nice to see you here, always like your posts. Maybe I am getting it wrong with the term "nice guy" maybe its just he is a good guy, I am so used to being with/in toxic, difficult relationships I dont know what I am doing! Ross- I think he is a "nice" guy because i have known him as a friend for 3 yrs, he always seems like a really decent guy, a bit shy, he had a bad break up 3 yrs ago his g/f of 10 yrs left him for someone else and since then he hasnt had a ltr, he has dated and when he has broken up with whoever he is with they have always stayed friends and been on good terms, i dont know him really really well, but he doesnt seem like a cocky dick head. In terms of do his words match his actions i'm not sure yet. I guess i have always been attracted to very confident, strong men (although my recent ex wasnt he acted like he was!) and there is part of me that is wondering if i am only dating him because I have been in such a bad place emotionally for the past 8 mths, and its nice to have someone who I know wont treat me like crap, or do I really like him, or is it because he is a friend that i agreed to exclusivity so soon-as am not used to guys asking for that straight away. I am pretty confused. I know i dont want to hurt him and will be honest but am kind of going round in circles with this. Yeah, there is a big difference between a good guy and a 'nice guy'. So sounds totally possible that the guy you're with is a good guy. I think you should try and stop worrying about why you're with him or whether you really like him though, otherwise you'll drive yourself crazy. Why not just go with things and see what happens?
Author sleepykitten Posted February 3, 2012 Author Posted February 3, 2012 Dusk-I know! I'm not saying those feelings of insecurity etc are a good thing just what i have been used to, and it is something i am trying to change which is why when I meet a good guy I want to do the right thing and not mess it up. Ross-thanks, youre right, I should stop worrying, i tend to do that quite alot anyway and more so with this as I am a bit confused generally re relationships/dating/ at the moment. But will take it a day at a time.
ThaWholigan Posted February 3, 2012 Posted February 3, 2012 "Nice guys" aren't always as manipulative as people make out, they just are uneducated as to how to make themselves look attractive or how to truly make the best of their character by adding traits onto the good ones they already have, and as a result, their paranoia about life makes them develop bad habits, unattractive habits. From what you have posted, I think you may have stumbled into a debate that maybe doesn't apply to the relationship you are currently having. From your words, he seems like somebody who isn't just nice but also has other attributes to him. Passion isn't a bad thing, maybe the "passionate" relationships you had were based on something else, but passion means different things to different people. I would not overthink this, just date this guy for now and see where it goes. Time is magnificent at revealing truth. Eventually lol
Author sleepykitten Posted February 4, 2012 Author Posted February 4, 2012 Thanks Thawholigan-is hard for me not to overthink it but youre right that i need to try not to. Youre right in that he isnt just "nice" and I think my Idea of "nice" wasnt what the ls version of "nice guy" is dont know weather thats a U.S thing or whether I have just totally missed that term.
oldguy Posted February 6, 2012 Posted February 6, 2012 I agree with this completely. Look for a good man. Not a nice guy. A good man is true to himself and his intentions. He has integrity and is a respectable man. A nice guy is a guy who runs on the spineless side. He'll go through the motions but you can never really be sure if he means his words because he's too "nice" to do anything that may upset you or make you think he isn't Mr. Wonderful. I've found it's really hard to trust Mr. Nice Guy because you never know what he is really thinking. While Mr. Good Man you can trust even if he doesn't always do the perfect thing at the perfect time because his intentions aren't about projecting an image or manipulating you into falling for him. I agree with the nice guy versus good man comparison but wonder what people think of what the nice girls motivation or interest is?
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