Leigh 87 Posted February 2, 2012 Posted February 2, 2012 Neither me or my boyfriend want to break up. We both want to be happy together. I have mental issues, and my boyfriend has seen me at my absolute worst, at rock bottom. Even through the worst, he has always said that he just wants to be happy with me. My situation is not a matter of simply " breaking up". I have mental issues, that are hindering the relationship. I need to improve myself, before resuming the relationship. HOwever - we both love each other - we still want a future together, and are not close to being ready to contemplate life without being together - we are very, very supportive and close to one another, and still need each other in the other's lives. - we hug in bed very tightly every night. - my boyfriend actually wants to still see me a few days a week, just nto every day, like before, when we were livining together. - my boyfriend wants me to get better, and thinks that if I fix the issues I have, I would be a person he wants to spend a long time with. How should I go about fixing my issues? I have a terrible home life and am in a bad way mentally. I had a mental illness, an eating disorder, and although I am TOTALLY better from it PHYSICALLY, I still have the following issues: - no friends in my real life ( besides ppl I status comment on on facebook, and mates interstate) - no job or career developments as such, due to dropping out of school due to being mentally ill. I might add: I am a cool person and am very affable at times, and people can really like me. I just lack the confidence to go out and start friendships, and do not know how to manifect frienships, due to LACK OF THEM. Another point I would like to make, is I did go back to school, and did a one year course, that is the equivalent of year 11 and 12. I got 92% and worked very hard. I am not below average intelligence - I dropped out of school due to mental problems, not because I am just stupid. I have a lot of potential to have a great life and be an awesome person. I just need to get friends, get a job, and get underway with career development. ADVICE REGARDING: How much or how little contact should I have with my boyfriend during this time? So far, I have found that, because I do not feel good about myself at asll, it causes problems. I cause arguments for NO reason. It all stems from me not feeling good about who I am, and what I have achieved personally and professionally. Of course, I have to limit my contact with my boyfriend, while I work on developing myself as a person, and building self esteem. I can SEE myself coming out of this phase of my life, as a confident and much better person for it; I can envision my boyfriend seeing the ne and improved me, and being happy with me, in a relationship. Here is MY IDEA, PLEASE read it, and then give imput on how I should improve it. - I will do the things I need to do, in order to move forward in my life, and become the person I need to be, to sucessfully be in a great relationship with Andrew. - I will let him call me when he wants to chat. I need to be independant, and learn to deal with my problems, no matter how hurt, upset, or depressed I am, on my own. - he loves attention and my loving nature, and would be offended if I stopped calling him altogether, so I will ocasionally call if he askes me too. - I will see him on weekends only, so I can work on myself all week, and have him see me progress in small steps, and see the changes in me. - ALthough, I am happy to not see him at all for a few weeks. Last time he was away for a month, we fell more in love, and we missed each other very much. - I am not sure i want to " break" with him, I have an INSTINCTIVE feeling that I will fix myself, but he will MOVE ON. - I am totally fine with MINIMAL, or no contact, for a while, so I can get on with my own life and build myself up, in a positive way, until I get to a better place. He has stressed that he wants to be with me, just a fixed version of me, without my debilitating mental issues. As it stands, we are simply too close and too invested in each other, to just go cold turky and call it quitts; we want to be together, just without the problems I cause, which are attributed to my mental health. I realize that he could lose feelings for me, whilst I leave to fix myself. At least I will be a better person for it, and for meeting him; he has been a major catalyst for me to want to recover from my illness I had. Furthermore, even if we do not work out, I will have a genuine love for him, and he will alwways have a love for me, even if it is no longer in a romantic way. Deep down, I know in my gut that time away from each other is optimal right now. As much as we want to be together, I am just not a full, comlete, and healthy person.
Mme. Chaucer Posted February 2, 2012 Posted February 2, 2012 (edited) How do you envision taking the steps you need to in order to "fix" yourself? Will you be in some intensive therapy? Are you living at home with your dad? Are you and he still fighting a lot? Do you have a job or some regular routine? I'm not really into the idea of "breaks." As I see it, people are in a committed relationship, or they aren't. It sounds like you and your guy have it sorted out though. Edited February 2, 2012 by Mme. Chaucer
Author Leigh 87 Posted February 2, 2012 Author Posted February 2, 2012 Yes, we love each other a great deal, and want to be together 100%, we both tell each other this all the time. The only barrier, is that I feel cr@p about myself - and until I feel good about myself, it will be hard for me to be loved. I will always do things that push him away, for instance, starting fights over nothing. Therefore, we both want me to go and do the things I need to do, in oder to get better self esteem, and to just LIKE myself a whole lot more. We cannot see a true end to our relationship. We can only both see an end at this stage, if I continue to cause drama for NO reason; it causes him unecessary heartach, and why should he and why would ANY guy WANT to have a girlfriend, who made them miserable for no re ason? We are happy most of the time, it isjust the problems I cause, due to not liking myself or my life, cause fights for no reason; therefore, I need to fix my own issues, so nothing will hinder our time together. There is nothing else that is bad between us.. just my issues. We have effictively cominucated and navigated through a lot of issues... For instance, he did not like going down on girls, so we talked a lot about it. We have gone through pretty much everything besides death of the family..... We have hit rock bottom together, he has seen me at my very, very worst, all in the first 9 months of being together.. and he still loves me. My theory is: if he loves me a great deal at my worst, hoepfully feelings will only grow when I get myself better.
thehead Posted February 3, 2012 Posted February 3, 2012 Giving each other space is a good idea especially if things have reached the point that you're fighting all the time. What I'd like to know Leigh is if your parents or extended family are involved. It sounds like the you're battling a lot. There's are some big things you're trying to change. So having enough support from family is crucial. Do they know what's going on?
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