Mme. Chaucer Posted February 5, 2012 Posted February 5, 2012 OP, I strongly encourage you to take however much time you need to feel comfortable with having sex with this man, even more so since you've only had one sexual partner before. If he can't stick around, or won't, I am sure your feelings will be hurt, but you won't be as hurt as you will be if you step out of your comfort zone in this area to accommodate him and end up in a situation that you don't like. Your questions regarding the age and experience difference make this even more important. You need to be really comfortable.
Author malibustacydoll Posted February 8, 2012 Author Posted February 8, 2012 OP, I strongly encourage you to take however much time you need to feel comfortable with having sex with this man, even more so since you've only had one sexual partner before. If he can't stick around, or won't, I am sure your feelings will be hurt, but you won't be as hurt as you will be if you step out of your comfort zone in this area to accommodate him and end up in a situation that you don't like. Your questions regarding the age and experience difference make this even more important. You need to be really comfortable. Thank you for your advice. I am actually really glad I didn't sleep with him yet. I got an e-mail from his "girlfriend" today. Red flag, ehhh?
setsenia Posted February 8, 2012 Posted February 8, 2012 (edited) I am like you, I also prefer a relationship before sex. I have only been with one person and even if I were in a second relationship or more, I feel the same way. I think statistics have show that if you wait and get to know each other before hitting the sack, you are more likely to be in a happy long-term relationship, because it shows you're committed and want to know and care about them as a person before having a sexual relationship with them. My husband and I didn't have sex for over a year when we got together and that's because I was 16 and a half and he was 22 at the time. We were each others first and although he was anxious to have sex after a period of time, he had a lot of stamina and patience. Maybe it also had to do with also being a virgin, I don't know. But we've been together 6 years now and happily married. There's also the concern with birth control and STD's. Both of you should be tested and be open about birth control. Too often, people aren't truthful about STD's and many guys "assume" a woman is on birth control only to end up with a surprise nine months later. Edited February 8, 2012 by setsenia
Mme. Chaucer Posted February 8, 2012 Posted February 8, 2012 Thank you for your advice. I am actually really glad I didn't sleep with him yet. I got an e-mail from his "girlfriend" today. Red flag, ehhh? Yikes! Crimson, giant banner!
Author malibustacydoll Posted February 8, 2012 Author Posted February 8, 2012 Yikes! Crimson, giant banner! He says it's a misunderstanding-- blah blah blah. Sure-- the other woman may be crazy-- but he has to have at minimum led her on to believe she is his girlfriend. Every instinct in me says to run. I feel very attached to him already though which makes it difficult. I suppose it's good I didn't sleep with him-- that would add an entirely new level of attachment.
Mme. Chaucer Posted February 8, 2012 Posted February 8, 2012 Every instinct in me says to run. I feel very attached to him already though which makes it difficult. I suppose it's good I didn't sleep with him-- that would add an entirely new level of attachment. YES. Regardless of how this all plays out, I would see this as very reinforcing to your instincts about waiting. Please don't ignore the flag … it's very big.
FrustratedStandards Posted February 8, 2012 Posted February 8, 2012 Personally, I prefer sex before relationship. To me, if the sex is bad, then there can't possibly be a relationship. If you develop feelings for this guy and want to be with him, and IF the sex is bad and you realize you're not that attracted to him anymore, you will be in a more sticky situation and it will be harder to leave him. On the flip side, you might enjoy it more if you have feelings for him, and having sex beforehand might ruin the anticipation. In my experiences though, even if there are feelings involved, bad sex is bad sex. So for me, I date him for about a month or two, and when I see that I might be interested in a relationship, I have sex with him. The sex will determine if I should proceed or not.
musemaj11 Posted February 8, 2012 Posted February 8, 2012 Why is a woman entitled because she gives sex? Sex is a shared experience-- mutual pleasure. Because women are more likely to get taken advantage of sexually the way men are more likely to get taken advantage of financially. Also, in my specific situation-- I am not expecting anything from this man. I'm a very independent woman and am used to paying my way. I fight him on this to pay half the time we're out in the first place. I'm not looking for a man to take care of me or a father figure. I'm looking for an equal and a partner. Good for you.
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