TaintedHeart Posted February 1, 2012 Posted February 1, 2012 So it's still early days, 5 weeks to be exact! I couldn't get enough of him! (You know how it is) So anyway, I've been seeing a side to him these past 2 weeks which I dont really like. He starts arguments, he plays mind games, one day he seems interested the next he couldn't care less and he has to be right about EVERYTHING! I dont get it I've got to the point where I'm like 'What ever' Argh! I dont know what to think or do.
stitch702 Posted February 1, 2012 Posted February 1, 2012 There's nothing you really can do if you are broken up. Tell him that you will give him space to figure things out while you figure things out about you. Sometimes time apart is a good thing because it either makes you realize the importance of the relationship or it makes you realize that it wasn't worth it
Author TaintedHeart Posted February 1, 2012 Author Posted February 1, 2012 There's nothing you really can do if you are broken up. Tell him that you will give him space to figure things out while you figure things out about you. Sometimes time apart is a good thing because it either makes you realize the importance of the relationship or it makes you realize that it wasn't worth it Oh we haven't broken up 'Yet' But I think it's on the cards
poodle Posted February 1, 2012 Posted February 1, 2012 I'm sorry to hear you're having problems. It's not healthy for him to act this way after dating you for only 3 weeks. Someone who truly cares about you doesn't leave you wondering whether he's really interested. The fact that he's starting arguments so soon makes me wonder whether he's really into you or just using you. I suggest you end if before you get too emotionally attached. Good luck!
stitch702 Posted February 1, 2012 Posted February 1, 2012 Oh we haven't broken up 'Yet' But I think it's on the cards Well in that case, sit him down and talk to him. Have a serious talk with him and express your feelings, but try to do so in a way so that it appears you are not attacking him. Tell him that you notice that you have seemed irriated lately, ask if there is anything going on in his life that he is stressed about or something. If this leads to another argument then I'd say it's time to pack it up, especially if you guys have just started dating and he is already acting like this...
geegirl Posted February 1, 2012 Posted February 1, 2012 People are always at their best behaviors during the early stages of dating/courtship. At some point, the true self emerges and you'll see a change in behavior, traits and habits. Some tolerable and some dealbreakers. And sometimes, the prospect of a relationship seems daunting and frustration slowly appears. This speaking from experience. I'm not sure about your man, and where he falls but the best you can do is talk to him about it and if it continues or escalates, then maybe it's time to rethink. This is supposed to be a happy time, not one where he's annoyed by you or needs to manipulate with head games.
Author TaintedHeart Posted February 1, 2012 Author Posted February 1, 2012 I'm sorry to hear you're having problems. It's not healthy for him to act this way after dating you for only 3 weeks. Someone who truly cares about you doesn't leave you wondering whether he's really interested. The fact that he's starting arguments so soon makes me wonder whether he's really into you or just using you. I suggest you end if before you get too emotionally attached. Good luck! Thanks Poodle. When I ask if he is still interested he acts offended and tells me how into me he is!?! Anthoher thing he does is when we have an argument and I bring it up to resolve it he goes crazy and asks why I'm bringing it up! He has got a lovely side but does it outweigh his not so nice side, I guess thats what I have to ask myself
Author TaintedHeart Posted February 1, 2012 Author Posted February 1, 2012 People are always at their best behaviors during the early stages of dating/courtship. At some point, the true self emerges and you'll see a change in behavior, traits and habits. Some tolerable and some dealbreakers. And sometimes, the prospect of a relationship seems daunting and frustration slowly appears. This speaking from experience. I'm not sure about your man, and where he falls but the best you can do is talk to him about it and if it continues or escalates, then maybe it's time to rethink. This is supposed to be a happy time, not one where he's annoyed by you or needs to manipulate with head games. I know, this is meant to be the 'Honeymoon period right?! Hmm seems I've seen him in his worst light
Author TaintedHeart Posted February 1, 2012 Author Posted February 1, 2012 Well in that case, sit him down and talk to him. Have a serious talk with him and express your feelings, but try to do so in a way so that it appears you are not attacking him. Tell him that you notice that you have seemed irriated lately, ask if there is anything going on in his life that he is stressed about or something. If this leads to another argument then I'd say it's time to pack it up, especially if you guys have just started dating and he is already acting like this... Like I explained to Poodle, whenever I try to resolve things or ask him any sort of question he flips out! I just end up leaving it unresolved! I just don't know why he has to be right about everything! Like does it really matter who's right or wrong
geegirl Posted February 2, 2012 Posted February 2, 2012 Well, how can a relationship build itself if all your issues always go unresolved? Red flag. When I was dating my ex, in the beginning it was great. Then he started finding fault with everything I did. My head was constantly spinning not knowing what was bothering him because of his mood swings. Down the road when it all blew up in my face, he was honest in telling me that after the honeymoon period was over, the prospect of taking it to the next step was not what he wanted but was unable to tell me. The pressure of knowing expectations had to be met was daunting and looming upon him that he grew restless and frustrated. Those feelings were projected in such ways, as finding fault, being unkind, blowing hot and cold. If he could find something wrong with me, that would validate a break up. Or if he behaved badly enough with his mood swings, I'd initiate one. The push and pull was his internal fight not knowing how to step forward. You get the picture. I don't know what is going on with your man. But his patterns are very familiar to me. Stop investing anymore time and speak up. If you speak up and he continues to shut you down, you have your answer. No relationship can survive this way. If you continue to see the same patterns, cut your losses as it's only been 5 weeks.
Author TaintedHeart Posted February 2, 2012 Author Posted February 2, 2012 Well, how can a relationship build itself if all your issues always go unresolved? Red flag. When I was dating my ex, in the beginning it was great. Then he started finding fault with everything I did. My head was constantly spinning not knowing what was bothering him because of his mood swings. Down the road when it all blew up in my face, he was honest in telling me that after the honeymoon period was over, the prospect of taking it to the next step was not what he wanted but was unable to tell me. The pressure of knowing expectations had to be met was daunting and looming upon him that he grew restless and frustrated. Those feelings were projected in such ways, as finding fault, being unkind, blowing hot and cold. If he could find something wrong with me, that would validate a break up. Or if he behaved badly enough with his mood swings, I'd initiate one. The push and pull was his internal fight not knowing how to step forward. You get the picture. I don't know what is going on with your man. But his patterns are very familiar to me. Stop investing anymore time and speak up. If you speak up and he continues to shut you down, you have your answer. No relationship can survive this way. If you continue to see the same patterns, cut your losses as it's only been 5 weeks. Yes they seem very smilar! I just want things to be like they should! Relaxed, flirty, fun, exciting ect but to be honest I feel drained! We had a row tonight, he called and acted like everything was fine! I remained calm! He asked me a question about the argument, I answered and he flipped, said something like 'Why the 'F' are you bringing it up, I keep asking you not to do this'! This really confused me! He was the one that bought it up, I mean, is he crazy or what?! So I left it for an hour and text him saying 'I'm so confused, these arguments have to stop. Why were you acting like nothing happend?' He replied with: 'Going to bed now, good night xx'. Is this strange or am I being dramatic?
geegirl Posted February 2, 2012 Posted February 2, 2012 Yes they seem very smilar! I just want things to be like they should! Relaxed, flirty, fun, exciting ect but to be honest I feel drained! We had a row tonight, he called and acted like everything was fine! I remained calm! He asked me a question about the argument, I answered and he flipped, said something like 'Why the 'F' are you bringing it up, I keep asking you not to do this'! This really confused me! He was the one that bought it up, I mean, is he crazy or what?! So I left it for an hour and text him saying 'I'm so confused, these arguments have to stop. Why were you acting like nothing happend?' He replied with: 'Going to bed now, good night xx'. Is this strange or am I being dramatic? Are you in a relationship with my ex?! That sent me back! Yes, it will drain you. A good relationship shouldn't be draining. It should nourish and nurture your soul. You are not dramatic. I went through the same thing. I always left confused and feeling at fault. It's called gaslighting. It's a way to twist things to confuse you so you start to doubt yourself and soon enough you'll believe that it's your fault. I don't know why you're putting up with this. These arguments won't stop. He is showing you who he is. If after 5 weeks, these are the behaviors that are being presented, I hardly believe he's going to give you flirty, fun and exciting again.
Author TaintedHeart Posted February 2, 2012 Author Posted February 2, 2012 Are you in a relationship with my ex?! That sent me back! Yes, it will drain you. A good relationship shouldn't be draining. It should nourish and nurture your soul. You are not dramatic. I went through the same thing. I always left confused and feeling at fault. It's called gaslighting. It's a way to twist things to confuse you so you start to doubt yourself and soon enough you'll believe that it's your fault. I don't know why you're putting up with this. These arguments won't stop. He is showing you who he is. If after 5 weeks, these are the behaviors that are being presented, I hardly believe he's going to give you flirty, fun and exciting again. *Sigh* Why play mind games?! Guess I'll never know. I'm not sure why but I always attract these kind of men. Men that play mind games or men that like to control me! Argh! Maybe it's me? I don't know... Hmm think I'm going to show him the door.
geegirl Posted February 2, 2012 Posted February 2, 2012 (edited) *Sigh* Why play mind games?! Guess I'll never know. I'm not sure why but I always attract these kind of men. Men that play mind games or men that like to control me! Argh! Maybe it's me? I don't know... Hmm think I'm going to show him the door. Why they play mind games, I don't know. Some people are structured and wired a certain way. You'll never know. What you do know is that his behavior affects you in a negative way and it's detrimental to your emotional and mental health. I'm with you about attracting these types. It's been a pattern with me - manipulative and controlling men. I'll point out a good thing in that you can identify it and you are removing yourself. Some women would continue spiraling. So, don't be so hard on yourself. Unfortunately, we all get caught up with these types and in this day and age I believe there many to go around. So your chances of meeting these types are a little higher than someone who's on the same emotional and mental level as you are. Just have to keep weeding them out. It's draining but it's all you can do. I am going to safely say that when you show him the door, he will do a 180 on you and shower you with words of change. I may be wrong but his patterns are very similar and that is what my ex used to do. He'll be a complete jerk, I will leave and he will promise change. Lather, rinse, repeat. Edited February 2, 2012 by geegirl
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