Love_sick_me Posted February 1, 2012 Posted February 1, 2012 We broke up three months ago. We were together for almost two years. We hit a rough patch and we started fighting a lot. We were really good before that. I know broke all the rules. I contacted him. We remained constant contact. He stringed me along, and I let him. I slept with him a few times. I poured out my heart and soul. I gave up my dignity. Now he said he's over me, and he started seeing other people. I got angry and sent him a series of nasty texts, now we are "simmering down" and no contact. Are we over? I still want him back
geegirl Posted February 1, 2012 Posted February 1, 2012 (edited) I'm sorry Love. Letting go can be such a terrifying thought. And you tried to hold on as best you could in hopes he would change his mind. And when you have to twist yourself into a pretzel to try and make someone come your way, deep down you know it should never be that way. It doesn't have to be so hard. You've gone through the ringer with him. You state it in your post. Losing your dignity should be your last straw. It's understandable that you went off on him and I am sure he knows that it was coming from pain and hurt and that your words were not meant maliciously. He said he is over you and he wants to start seeing other people. What does that mean to you? You can turn yourself inside out and hope he reciprocates but if he is telling you what you do not want to hear, you have to listen. I don't think there is anything more you can do. If he decides to come back and work with you again to rebuild a relationship, then you can move forward. But for now, I believe you should accept his decision. My guess is that when the simmering down period ends, he will come knocking, but you will have to ask yourself for what reason. If you've gone as far as losing your pride and self-worth to get a man to love you, then you have to, at some point say STOP and start respecting and loving YOU and not inflict upon yourself anymore undue pain. I know you love him and it hurts. I wish we all could have the ones we love, but alas. Grieve and try to find solace in your friends and family. It is normal to feel this way and the only way to get past it is to go through it. Edited February 1, 2012 by geegirl
Author Love_sick_me Posted February 1, 2012 Author Posted February 1, 2012 (edited) I just felt like I was played, because he said so many things to me while we're broken up. He said he still loved me, and things like bring up our plans for the future. He was the dumper and I was the dumpee...He said those things whenever I showed any signs of moving on. I just felt so stupid. He started seeing someone, and I knew about it thanks to technology. When I confronted him, he denied and said it was one date. I know there are multiple dates coming up. I am trying to hard to move on. Apart of me still wants him back. I don't know how practical this is. I'm trying to deal with myself one day at a time. Edited February 1, 2012 by Love_sick_me
Philosoraptor Posted February 1, 2012 Posted February 1, 2012 Sounds like he was using you to move on. I doubt most dumpers know they are doing this, and I doubt most have the intention to inflict pain. But it is easier than dealing with things "cold turkey". You need to stay away from him to heal yourself. There is no guide to fixing things, but things can't work in the future unless you fix your own issues. As if you go into a second chance the way the last one ended, odds are high it ends the same way.
Author Love_sick_me Posted February 1, 2012 Author Posted February 1, 2012 (edited) yeah, that's definitely one of the things I yelled at him about. I said thanks for using me to get over me. He's just so angry at me, and some of the things really got to him. Should I just leave it or should I apologize? Edited February 1, 2012 by Love_sick_me
geegirl Posted February 1, 2012 Posted February 1, 2012 yeah, that's definitely one of the things I yelled at him about. I said thanks for using me to get over me. He's just so angry at me, and some of the things really got to him. Should I just leave it or should I apologize? I think you should leave it. An apology, while the two of you are in a fit wouldn't carry any weight. I'm sure he is mad and part of it could be the uncomfortable guilt he's carrying that is being projected as anger. I'm sure he knows your words were coming from a painful place. He has hurt you too. Remember that.
flitzanu Posted February 1, 2012 Posted February 1, 2012 We broke up three months ago. We were together for almost two years. We hit a rough patch and we started fighting a lot. We were really good before that. I know broke all the rules. I contacted him. We remained constant contact. He stringed me along, and I let him. I slept with him a few times. I poured out my heart and soul. I gave up my dignity. Now he said he's over me, and he started seeing other people. I got angry and sent him a series of nasty texts, now we are "simmering down" and no contact. Are we over? I still want him back two things: We broke up three months ago. Are we over? the answer is "yes". you broke up three months ago. you are in fact, over.
Author Love_sick_me Posted February 1, 2012 Author Posted February 1, 2012 haha, I guess we're over. I'm just wondering if we will ever get back together?
flitzanu Posted February 1, 2012 Posted February 1, 2012 haha, I guess we're over. I'm just wondering if we will ever get back together? i can ask my Magic 8-Ball, because it will give about as accurate an answer as any of us can only people that can answer that question are you and your ex. mainly your ex at this point. nothing done or said will give anyone any indication of what they are thinking. don't waste time reading into things.
Author Love_sick_me Posted February 3, 2012 Author Posted February 3, 2012 I'm trying to accept it. I just feel so stupid. He was crying and said he still loves and cares for me, and less than three weeks later he started going on dates? Arg....anyway. Thanks for the help guys
citrusdrop1688 Posted February 3, 2012 Posted February 3, 2012 The same thing happened with my boyfriend and I when we broke up. I kept on pouring out my heart and making myself super available to him. When I would have had enough and try to walk away he'd pull me back in. I let him sleep with me when he wanted to. Drop everything to go see him. He ultimately ended even that. They say even someone that loves you will use you if you allow them to. We didnt talk for three months. I dated people, so did he. Id think about how I let him treat me and it would literally make me feel sick. Allowing myself to go there, over a man of all things. When we first started emailing again he said something about how it "still wasnt time" for us to get back together. I responded with, excuse me? What made you think I want that? I would never even consider something like that until you have proven to me that you would be treating me differently. I feel like that helped to rebalance power. I did reiterate that when we started dating again, and it hasnt been an issue at all. We have both just chalked up our behavior to being very out of character for both of us and something that we would be communicating about and vigilant about.
Author Love_sick_me Posted February 5, 2012 Author Posted February 5, 2012 The same thing happened with my boyfriend and I when we broke up. I kept on pouring out my heart and making myself super available to him. When I would have had enough and try to walk away he'd pull me back in. I let him sleep with me when he wanted to. Drop everything to go see him. He ultimately ended even that. They say even someone that loves you will use you if you allow them to. We didnt talk for three months. I dated people, so did he. Id think about how I let him treat me and it would literally make me feel sick. Allowing myself to go there, over a man of all things. When we first started emailing again he said something about how it "still wasnt time" for us to get back together. I responded with, excuse me? What made you think I want that? I would never even consider something like that until you have proven to me that you would be treating me differently. I feel like that helped to rebalance power. I did reiterate that when we started dating again, and it hasnt been an issue at all. We have both just chalked up our behavior to being very out of character for both of us and something that we would be communicating about and vigilant about. So how did you guys start talking to each other?
citrusdrop1688 Posted February 6, 2012 Posted February 6, 2012 Honestly I felt like I was about ready to move on, but I felt like before I did anything that really would put the nail in the coffin I owed at least trying to talk to him one last time. So I sent him an email just asking if he wanted to meet up for coffee or something. He sent back a very hesitant reply and I took that as enough for me. That was it, I couldnt deal with any more of the wishy washy bull**** and so I sent back a reply that said thats fine, you dont have to, i cant make u care, im done trying. And I really meant it. So he shocked the hell out of me and replied that he thought it was ok and then really moved around his schedule to make it happen when I could. I was really determined that we wouldnt talk about anything too serious, about the relationship or anything. I was honestly kind of thinking we were just meeting up so I could really say goodbye. Whatever had been there to make us love each other was still there. We just kinda talked about bull**** for like an hour and a half then he told me he had gone on with one date with one chick a few weeks before to see if he was over me and I got upset, teared up and all. He said that the whole time he could only think about me and he hadnt had any communication with her since. He still knew me so well that he could see how I was feeling and said he thought we should go talk in my car. Then the conversation got a little bit more serious. We talked about our feelings, how hard it had been the last three months. How much we thought about each other. At first he said it was too soon to think about anything... but like an hour later he said he wanted to grab dinner the next week. It just naturally progressed from there. I asked him once what if I had never emailed you? He maintains to this day that he had one hed been writing in his draft box he was gonna send me that week... lol not sure if thats true or not
Author Love_sick_me Posted February 7, 2012 Author Posted February 7, 2012 Just one more question. I have a big event coming up. I know he will be there. People said it might be awkward if I show up. I really just want to be there to support my friends. I want to say screw him, and I'm gonna go and have a good time. Some of his friends are making noises. It's good if I don't back down, right?
flitzanu Posted February 7, 2012 Posted February 7, 2012 Just one more question. I have a big event coming up. I know he will be there. People said it might be awkward if I show up. I really just want to be there to support my friends. I want to say screw him, and I'm gonna go and have a good time. Some of his friends are making noises. It's good if I don't back down, right? depends on the event. this isn't about ego or pride, this is about creating unnecessary tension or drama. if this is YOUR event and he is going, then that's his problem. if it's HIS event and you're going, then you need to back off. and there's no need for excuses about it being "public" or blah blah, because you know what i mean by "yours" or "his". if you planned a night out with your friends and he caught wind of it and showed up, saying it was "public", how would you feel? so just keep that in mind when making your decision. your friends have no bearing either, so don't let them convince you it's big or small of you to go or back down.
Author Love_sick_me Posted February 7, 2012 Author Posted February 7, 2012 I guess it is a public event. It's a college graduation banquet. It's a formal event.
geegirl Posted February 7, 2012 Posted February 7, 2012 Personally, my healing was not about making statements and proving points. It was about my determination to never allow my ex to affect me anymore and the only way for me to do that was to disconnect completely. I stayed as far away as possible from what pained me and focused on nursing my wounds without the possibility of having him gauge into them again. And he lived down the street from me so it was a very difficult task. I'm sure if you explained your needs to your friends, they would be more than supportive in understanding your need to get through this. That is if, you would prefer to truly heal rather than believe that by going you could possibly get a reaction, maybe in your favor? Could you possibly have a good time when you only recently claimed you are having such a hard time moving on when you know that what's causing you hurt is in close proximity? What if he brings a date? What if he snubs you? What if he toys with you and then leaves you empty handed at the end of the night? Think about scenarios and ask yourself if you are prepared for whatever the aftermath has in store. Good luck to you.
citrusdrop1688 Posted February 8, 2012 Posted February 8, 2012 If I had a personal reason for going somewhere I would not let his being there prevent me from going. I think thats a lot different from showing up to his planned guys night out. You shouldnt let an ex's presence stop you from doing what you would normally do in the same circumstance.
flitzanu Posted February 8, 2012 Posted February 8, 2012 and: 1. what business do YOU have being there, 2. what business does HE have being there?
Chi townD Posted February 8, 2012 Posted February 8, 2012 I guess it is a public event. It's a college graduation banquet. It's a formal event. Bring a date. Problem solved!
Author Love_sick_me Posted February 9, 2012 Author Posted February 9, 2012 one of my best friends is graduating, and I have already promised her I'd be there to support her. I planned to go to this event even before our break up. It's a school funded event.
flitzanu Posted February 9, 2012 Posted February 9, 2012 one of my best friends is graduating, and I have already promised her I'd be there to support her. I planned to go to this event even before our break up. It's a school funded event. i can help you. i had a friend graduate (college) and an ex of mine had befriended this friend, and tried turning everyone against me. she even sat with my friend's family at the graduation. this being a very close friend of mine graduating, i couldn't miss it. i was harassed by the friends and family and ex of why i'm not sitting with them...as i chose to stand in the balcony very far away from everyone, and still there to witness the graduation. so, your friend graduating isn't going to even see you in the crowd, unless there's only 20 people in the room. go, document it, stay away from areas you'll see the ex, and then celebrate with your friend afterwards without possibility of drama.
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