Oplimme Posted February 1, 2012 Posted February 1, 2012 (edited) So, basically I'd been seeing this one guy for the past five months. Things were a bit strange with him: 1. He'd recently gotten out of a relationship when we first met. 2. We talked for maybe, 2-3 months. I didn't want to be his back-up, so we kept things pretty cool for a while. Things eventually escalated when he himself moved on. 3. This month he had told me that he loved me (very strange, red flag?). 4. Then he asked to be in a relationship with me. 5. Literally a week or so later, he disappeared. Like, vanished. Gone. No more anything. 6. I got him talking again, mainly because I told him (via text, sigh, 'cause he refused to pick up the phone) that he was being a coward for having done this. 7. He says that he didn't want to get too attached, which I think was extremely strange. If you don't want to get attached, why in the world did you progress things? Why tell me that you loved me and wanted to get into a relationship with me? Is this not very strange? 8. I didn't love him at all...I liked him a lot, but, now everything is damned. He's ignoring me, and I've moved on too. But what in the world makes someone do this? It seems so erratic and unusual. I'm over him. But this is the second time that it's happened this way, talking for a while, and then...nothing. I told him I'd like to be friends still, but he answered with "I guess we can be if you want to." This is obviously a hidden no, and he only apologized last Saturday. Now, silence again. What boggles my mind is that this could've been avoided ENTIRELY had they not started this love thing (and had I said something). We'd still be friends. We had this awesome friends with benefits thing going on, and now...nothing. Poof. I don't get it at all. Any commentary? I truly hope that we can reconcile one day...I did enjoy their company a lot. I don't long for it, but it didn't have to be this way at all. Totally mishandled. So it goes... Edited February 1, 2012 by Oplimme
RecordProducer Posted February 1, 2012 Posted February 1, 2012 What boggles my mind is that this could've been avoided ENTIRELY had they not started this love thing (and had I said something). Who's "they"? Ohhhhhh, the "he" that likes you the "he" that doesn't care about you - "his" evil twin. We'd still be friends. We had this awesome friends with benefits thing going on, and now...nothing. Poof. Awesome FWB??? He was using you for sex and companionship. He is probably back with his ex-Gf. Where was your benefit in it?
Author Oplimme Posted February 1, 2012 Author Posted February 1, 2012 (edited) It was mutual. We'd agreed from the beginning (OK, not the beginning beginning, but closer to the middle) to do the FWB thing. And then, all of a sudden, despite saying he didn't want a relationship and had commitment issues, he started coming on REALLY strong to me. Then, backed out. Now he won't even speak, and I literally initiated nothing. Not the love part, nor the relationship part. Was all on his terms, and I enjoyed the company/whatever else. I wanted to continue the FWB thing but he won't speak. Contacted him a couple times, and his last message was about not being in a relationship till he was much older, and laughing about it. Edit: Mind you, I am gay, and he is bi. His last ex left for college in another state and that ended quite poorly. Edited February 1, 2012 by Oplimme
Emilia Posted February 1, 2012 Posted February 1, 2012 So, basically I'd been seeing this one guy for the past five months. Things were a bit strange with him: 1. He'd recently gotten out of a relationship when we first met. 2. We talked for maybe, 2-3 months. I didn't want to be his back-up, so we kept things pretty cool for a while. Things eventually escalated when he himself moved on. What do you mean by 'moved on' in point 2?
Emilia Posted February 1, 2012 Posted February 1, 2012 It was mutual. We'd agreed from the beginning (OK, not the beginning beginning, but closer to the middle) to do the FWB thing. And then, all of a sudden, despite saying he didn't want a relationship and had commitment issues, he started coming on REALLY strong to me. Then, backed out. Now he won't even speak, and I literally initiated nothing. Not the love part, nor the relationship part. Was all on his terms, and I enjoyed the company/whatever else. I wanted to continue the FWB thing but he won't speak. Contacted him a couple times, and his last message was about not being in a relationship till he was much older, and laughing about it. Edit: Mind you, I am gay, and he is bi. His last ex left for college in another state and that ended quite poorly. He is not ready for a relationship clearly. He probably missed the companionship of a partner which is why he progressed it but didn't know how to backtrack gracefully. People change their mind all the time, he is clearly quite immature.
Author Oplimme Posted February 1, 2012 Author Posted February 1, 2012 What do you mean by 'moved on' in point 2? Moved on from his last relationship. I resisted him as I didn't want to be the rebound at all. Our situation was strictly platonic for a while.
Emilia Posted February 1, 2012 Posted February 1, 2012 So you didn't date before he told you that he loved you?
Author Oplimme Posted February 1, 2012 Author Posted February 1, 2012 So you didn't date before he told you that he loved you? I wouldn't say we "dated" so much as we did spend time together. And when horny, sex, etc. then more time spent together, non sexually.
Emilia Posted February 1, 2012 Posted February 1, 2012 So a little messy and not very clear cut. I'm still going for immature as the reason for his behaviour because he doesn't quite know what he wants. He admitted as much when he said he wasn't ready to be in a relationship until much older.
Author Oplimme Posted February 1, 2012 Author Posted February 1, 2012 So a little messy and not very clear cut. I'm still going for immature as the reason for his behaviour because he doesn't quite know what he wants. He admitted as much when he said he wasn't ready to be in a relationship until much older. You think they'll ever talk to me or be friends again? Or am I "ruined" in his mind?
Emilia Posted February 1, 2012 Posted February 1, 2012 You think they'll ever talk to me or be friends again? Or am I "ruined" in his mind? If I were in your shoes I would try to get him out of my head. It's possible that he will be in touch in the future but as he isn't really talking to you at the moment I think best bet would be to try to move on in your own interest. I'm sure he is gorgeous and all of that but your communication isn't running smoothly enough I don't think.
Author Oplimme Posted February 1, 2012 Author Posted February 1, 2012 If I were in your shoes I would try to get him out of my head. It's possible that he will be in touch in the future but as he isn't really talking to you at the moment I think best bet would be to try to move on in your own interest. I'm sure he is gorgeous and all of that but your communication isn't running smoothly enough I don't think. Mm. I guess I have to since he's ignoring me. What an odd past couple months. I guess it's just strange to me that he was the one to continuously push for things, and then back out and ignore suddenly.
Emilia Posted February 2, 2012 Posted February 2, 2012 Mm. I guess I have to since he's ignoring me. What an odd past couple months. I guess it's just strange to me that he was the one to continuously push for things, and then back out and ignore suddenly. I think he is impulsive, that's why. I'm guessing you are slightly older than him.
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