Teknoe Posted February 1, 2012 Posted February 1, 2012 (edited) This thread is specifically addressed to the men out there (women too, but I think the epidemic is more common among men) who wants desperately a girlfriend at any cost, but isn't willing to actually do anything. Being single isn't a problem. Being alone is. More specifically, being ISOLATED is. We get hurt in relationships and we get healed in relationships (i.e. friends, not just BF-GF cases). For quite a few guys here, you're wondering what's wrong... the answer is you're isolated. You have no peers, no mentors to help show you the way. And one reason is a form of pride. Some folks here could benefit from seeing a therapist. Some have, but quit because "it just wasn't working out." That's a form of pride. "No stranger can help me with MY life." Fact is, what you're doing hasn't worked. So you ought to humble yourself and listen to an expert with an open mind. The bottom line is, the posters here with the same problems over and over will NEVER get better until they are truly, sincerely ready to tackle the real issues at hand here. And you can't get better in ISOLATION. Drop your ego at the door. And embrace positive changes in your life. Bad habits lead to a bad lifestyle. A bad lifestyle leads to self-destruction (i.e. having no friends whatsoever, no accountability) Want a better life? Then start practing better habits. It's as simple as that. Don't know who this might help here on Loveshack, but felt the urge to share it while I was driving home from work on the freeway tonight. That's all. Edited February 1, 2012 by Teknoe
you_can_not_see_me Posted February 1, 2012 Posted February 1, 2012 I am thinking something similar to this is what I need, I won't go to a therapist cause there is little he/she can tell me that I don't already know. but I agree that the sense of relative isolation is what is really reducing my quality of life, not only in DSR, I also just don't have the motivation I used to years ago. I am trying to do something about this at college, you know get new friends, do new stuff, I just hope I will be able to do this stuff before I loose all of my sanity.
Curious-One Posted February 1, 2012 Posted February 1, 2012 Yah being single is no problem if you have good friends. The problem is i am 25. As you get older people get jobs/gf's/wifes which severely limits the time they can spend w friends. Also here in the USA people are starting to be anti social. Staying inside the house is alot of fun... watching tv, being on internet, playing video games etc etc so many people out there turn into interverts who would rather do that then spend time w friends. I have two friends i known from elementry school but one is married and another one has a serious gf and full time job so i barely get to see em. I been making some friends in college but can never find a good close friend w qualities that i expect in a friend.
Author Teknoe Posted February 1, 2012 Author Posted February 1, 2012 Curious One, I hear ya. The older you get, the tougher it is to make new friends. But there are still avenues out there. Activities for single people to do together (not romantically, but in group settings). They're out there. You just got to be proactive about it. Taking classes of interest on the side also helps. What are some of your interests/passions? For example, I love to act. I've taken acting classes just for fun, and some of my best friends came through that. There is something about acting that is, ironically, very real. As you collaborate with co-actors in a fantasy setting, playing characters, you actually bond with these people and find out more about who you are and what you're capable of. Check the ads in the paper. There's tons of activities. Just have to put yourself out there. @ you can't see me, I know regarding the therapist. A lot of people think that, but that's not a helpful attitude. If you come from the posture of "Man, like most people I'm jacked up. I'm going to seek help, even if I think they can't help me, I'm going to give it a legitimate chance." It helps to release your feelings and issues to a licensed professional who will see you through the healing process. Don't let pride stop you from experiencing a potential breakthrough in this arena of life.
El Brujo Posted February 1, 2012 Posted February 1, 2012 Congratulations, Teknoe... you've just discovered the big secret that the hookups/FWB crowd have been trying to keep the lid on.
TheSingleGuy Posted February 1, 2012 Posted February 1, 2012 And the Lord God said, It is not good that man should be alone; I will make him an help meet for him. Genesis 2:18
Author Teknoe Posted February 1, 2012 Author Posted February 1, 2012 And the Lord God said, It is not good that man should be alone; I will make him an help meet for him. Genesis 2:18 Amen. I've never ever met a human being who didn't want to be loved. Maybe they acted like they didn't want to be loved, but we were all created with this inner desire to love and to be loved. We were created for RELATIONSHIPS (both through committed BF-GF, husband-wife as well as platonic friends, peers and mentors). WE ARE NOT MEANT TO GO THROUGH LIFE ALONE AND ISOLATED. Show me an isolated person with no friends whatsoever, and I'll show you someone who isn't satisfied with life. Without any relationships of merit, it's way too easy to live a life you SHOULDN'T be living. After all, no accountability = free reign to do whatever with no worries of anyone checking in on ya over the phone or in person. Most times, that's very very dangerous...
Lobouspo Posted February 2, 2012 Posted February 2, 2012 Thanks Teknoe......excellent post. I am 37 and single. Had a few relationships and been in and out of the dating meatgrinder, and close family and friends (along with faith) has been my saving grace over the years. I agree with you about therapy, going really helped me understand myself and gave me insight about relationships and human behavior. Never think it is weak to reach out and ask for help and comfort. This life can be cold cruel, and at the end of the day, only our relationships with family and friends is what matters
Author Teknoe Posted February 2, 2012 Author Posted February 2, 2012 Thanks Teknoe......excellent post. I am 37 and single. Had a few relationships and been in and out of the dating meatgrinder, and close family and friends (along with faith) has been my saving grace over the years. I agree with you about therapy, going really helped me understand myself and gave me insight about relationships and human behavior. Never think it is weak to reach out and ask for help and comfort. This life can be cold cruel, and at the end of the day, only our relationships with family and friends is what matters Oh you're very welcomed, bro. I'm single at the moment too, and have learned how to be content in all situations -- in the good times as well as the bad. Like you, I have a few key family and friends to see me through all seasons, as well as faith. It's so refreshing to hear your opinion on how it's NOT weak to reach out for (professional) help. It saddens me when I see the same folks here posting the same kind of problems and never seem to actually do anything to get better. I wish those folks are as open as you are.
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