HappyPanda Posted February 1, 2012 Posted February 1, 2012 Im sure this question has been posed a hundred times before... But, for those of you in committed relationships, have historical experience, or those who just feel like pitching in your 2 cents... when do you think (if ever) a couple should shack up together? How long does it have to be before it becomes a "sh*t or get off the pot" type scenario? I ask this because my boyfriend really wants us to move in together this coming august... by that time, we will have been together for 2 years and 4 months, we're both 27. I have some apprehensions. Im afraid we're rushing things, although my friends tell me otherwise... What we have now is good. We both have our own lives... Im afraid of losing my independence, and Im afraid because he's a little messy and Im a neat freak, what if we drive each other crazy? and thus, our demise? On the contrary, I love him more than Ive ever loved anyone. We make each other extremely happy, and we have so much fun together... I miss him a lot when he's not around, and the notion of starting our own little life together, makes me really happy... I kinda feel like Im being overly careful, or immature, but I cant help these feelings? Am I just being a coward?
RecordProducer Posted February 1, 2012 Posted February 1, 2012 I kinda feel like Im being overly careful, or immature, but I cant help these feelings? Am I just being a coward?The way your phrased your post, it's obvious you wanted to see thumbs up and be told to go for it.
veggirl Posted February 1, 2012 Posted February 1, 2012 I lived with an Ex for 2 yrs. Now, I'm more with the "when we are married or engaged" crowd. I most LIKELY would not move in with a guy before that, now. I don't know, everyone says you learn so much more about someone when you live with him. I don't see how this applies to an SO. You should already know all the things that could be mega dealbreakers. If how they leave the cap off the toothpaste is something that ends up being a dealbreaker, and you don't find out til you move in, then you're prob the problem, not them, lol. So I'm curious what people find out after moving in that they can't find out prior to that...IDK. I won't say "never" but I most likely won't move in with a guy again unless we are engaged.
blueskyday Posted February 1, 2012 Posted February 1, 2012 (edited) I've done it, and talked to a lot of people who have also tried it. For me, I am now in the "not until engaged" or "married" camp, too. I'll tell you why. I think you need the commitment of marriage to see each other through the daily challenge of living together. When you aren't married, at least for me, it's easy to not jump in all the way because you don't have to. I know it's best not to think of an escape hatch when you are building a life together. It's fun to think of living together as a "reward" and a beginning of a commitment to move forward through life (and living together.) Shacking up together as a "trial" for marriage is by definition not much of a commitment. I agree with the poster who said you don't really learn anything more about the other person when you live together. If you spend weekends together, and travel together, you already know what they are like. So, I think it's best to spend a good amount of time together first to figure out if your goals, beliefs, and lifestyle mesh well together. I look forward to living with someone again, as part of marriage, when I can't wait to wake up with them and go through life with them by my side. But, I'm rather old-fashioned. Edited February 1, 2012 by blueskyday
Discjockey80 Posted February 1, 2012 Posted February 1, 2012 Im sure this question has been posed a hundred times before... But, for those of you in committed relationships, have historical experience, or those who just feel like pitching in your 2 cents... when do you think (if ever) a couple should shack up together? How long does it have to be before it becomes a "sh*t or get off the pot" type scenario? I ask this because my boyfriend really wants us to move in together this coming august... by that time, we will have been together for 2 years and 4 months, we're both 27. I have some apprehensions. Im afraid we're rushing things, although my friends tell me otherwise... What we have now is good. We both have our own lives... Im afraid of losing my independence, and Im afraid because he's a little messy and Im a neat freak, what if we drive each other crazy? and thus, our demise? On the contrary, I love him more than Ive ever loved anyone. We make each other extremely happy, and we have so much fun together... I miss him a lot when he's not around, and the notion of starting our own little life together, makes me really happy... I kinda feel like Im being overly careful, or immature, but I cant help these feelings? Am I just being a coward? So, after almost 2 and a half years, you are still living apart, things are good but moving toward engagement or Marriage would maybe be 'rushing' it? (I know I'm jumping a bit there) Sounds like you don't really want anything long-term and just haven't admitted it. The relationship has reached it's plateau. Most people after a couple years have made some sort of long term plans. If you don't want to move further then don't nothing wrong with that but it sounds as though he wants more and you aren't there. He probably won't want to wait around very long. Sounds like most of your fears are a little selfish.
Saxis Posted February 1, 2012 Posted February 1, 2012 In both of my two previous serious relationships, we moved in together right around the 9 month mark. Never really thought either was too fast or slow, as it never really affected the relationships. First one we got married a year later. The second I had my daughter from my marriage, and the break-up and moving out was kind of rough on her. So with my current GF and both of us having a kid, we will definitely not rush anything... We were both considering the 2 year mark, but we'll see...
Casablanca Posted February 2, 2012 Posted February 2, 2012 Overall, if both people are mature I don't think it makes much of a difference...if a relationship was going to succeed, moving it before engagement or marriage wont really change that
Sanman Posted February 2, 2012 Posted February 2, 2012 Based on what you have written OP, I can tell you that these are simply your fears in facing reality and the future. There are legitimate reasons to move in together or not to do so. If you are worried about things like neatness and him driving you crazy, will this change if you move in together in 1 year? 2 years? You are simply attempting to postpone the inevitable. Either you guys work and have a future or you don't and you have time to move on that much earlier. You sound afraid of facing the latter possibility because you like things as they are now. That is fine for a while, but time will not fix these issues. They are either deal breakers or they are not.
Sugarkane Posted February 2, 2012 Posted February 2, 2012 I don't think 2 years is too early. Last year someone asked me to move in with him after a few months, but that was LDR.
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